The Way I Am
by merder6
Summary: AU Sequel to All I Need. Takes place three years after All I Need left off. Lots of MerDer fluff and a little drama as Meredith begins Med School and they start planning a life together.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy**

**_A/N: Here's my new story "The Way I Am," the sequel to "All I Need." You don't necessarily have to read "All I Need" to get what's going on, but it might help. It takes place a little less than three years after the epilogue, Meredith is ending her senior year at NYU and Derek is a fourth year resident. Based on the outline I have so far, it'll probably be longer than All I Need, so I hope you all will stick around! Unfortuantely, this week is crazy busy for me, so I'm posting today, and I might post the second chapter tomorrow, but after that, don't expect any updates until at least Friday. I hope you guys enjoy the story, please review and let me know what you think!_**

The Way I Am

Chapter 1

"Derek Christopher Shepherd, I know you're here!" Meredith yelled as she opened the front door, barging into the hallway.

"Meredith dear, how are you?" Carolyn Shepherd emerged from the kitchen, moving to greet her. "Derek didn't tell me you were coming to dinner; he said you had finals coming up."

"Hi Carolyn," Meredith said as the older woman hugged her. "I'm doing alright. My finals start on Wednesday, and I was studying with my friends. But, Derek said something before he left, something big, and I needed to come talk to him about it. I hope I'm not interrupting family time or anything."

"Meredith please," Carolyn shook her head. "You know that you aren't interrupting family time. You come to almost every family dinner; you're practically a part of the family already. Now, what idiotic thing did my son do this time?"

"Apparently we're moving in together after I graduate in three weeks," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Not that I don't want to, but it's a big deal, and he kind of just said it. He didn't even ask, it was more of an _'I can't wait until you move in'_ then he left, kind of thing. And we need to talk about it, like now, because I won't be able to study until we do."

"I understand," Carolyn laughed, quite used to Meredith's ramblings. "I believe Derek is in the backyard playing with his nephews."

"Thank you," Meredith smiled at Carolyn before heading to the back door. In the over three and a half years she had been dating Derek, his family had basically become her family, and she was just as comfortable in his mother's house as Derek and his sisters were.

Reaching the yard, she was just in time to watch Derek get tackled by five of his nieces and nephews. Nancy and Kathleen kept popping out kids right and left it seemed, making family dinners a lot more entertaining. Meredith smiled as she watched Derek with the kids; he would make an excellent father someday, if they ever got to that point. She had never really wanted kids before, but watching Derek help his sisters with their kids, and the way the kids seemed to really like her, Meredith was slowly adjusting to the idea that she could be a mother someday. But only with Derek, she wouldn't want kids with anyone else. Or really anything with anyone else. She was perfectly happy with Derek and his family, and would never give that up.

After rolling around for a few minutes, Meredith watched Derek stand up, dusting off his jeans. They made eye contact as he looked around the yard, and he smiled brightly at her. The smiled flickered a little when he realized she wasn't smiling back, but it didn't completely leave his face. He walked over to her, placing his hands on her hips, pulling him towards her slightly.

"Hey, this is a surprise," he said has he kissed her. Meredith didn't understand it, but after almost four years, she sometimes forgot her thoughts when Derek kissed her. She responded eagerly to his kiss for a minute before finally remembering why she was here, and broke away from him gently.

"Hey," she said, a little breathless. "We need to talk."

Derek nodded. "Alright, do you want to go for a walk?"

"Can we just sit out front?" Meredith asked, pulling him away from the stares of his sisters and brother-in-laws, who were staring at the two of them curiously.

"Yeah, sure." They made their way to the front of the house, and Derek sat down on the porch swing. Meredith sat down facing him, propping her feet on his lap. She took a deep breath before speaking.

"So, I'm moving in with you when I graduate?" she asked. The question caught Derek off guard, apparently not what he had been expecting.

"Why wouldn't you?" Derek asked, confused.

"Why would you think I would? We never talked about it?" Meredith countered. She didn't want to fight with him, and she wasn't going to let this be a fight, but it was still something they needed to really discuss.

Realization dawned on Derek's face as he took in her words. "Oh, I'm sorry Mer. I just kind of assumed. I was just trying to make you feel better."

"And how exactly is springing this on me supposed to make me feel better?" Meredith laughed, trying to show Derek she wasn't really mad at him.

Derek smiled sheepishly at her. "I don't know. You freaking out about finals, and graduation, and about how you weren't sure how you were going to get all that stuff out of your dorm, so I thought it would calm you down to know that at least you wouldn't have to move it very far."

"See, now those sound like pretty good reasons not to say something like that, especially since you know that I'm prone to freak out every once in a while. I'm nervous about passing my finals, and about graduating. Then, my two best friends are moving across the country, and I have to start med school all alone. Do you see how I might already be freaking out a little, and how the 'move in with me' comment was not really helpful?"

"I'm sorry Mer, I wasn't thinking. I thought you had assumed you were moving in. I mean, you're still going to be a student, so I didn't know whether you would be able to get an apartment or something on your own. Plus, I didn't even think that you might want to go home for the summer, because you have that job at the hospital. You obviously don't have to move in with me if you don't want to, I can help you find a place to live." Derek looked a little sad as he said that, and she knew he had been really excited for them to live together. He was twenty-nine, and was ready to take a step in their relationship, especially having been so patient with her while she was at NYU.

"Derek, why don't you ask me if I'll move in with you, rather than just tell me or assuming," Meredith said encouragingly, hoping Derek would get the hint.

Meeting her hopeful eyes, Derek cleared his throat before smiling. "Meredith, would you like to live with me?"

Meredith pulled herself closer to him so that she was pressed against his side. "I would love to," she whispered as she kissed him.

XXXXXX

Carolyn had insisted that Meredith stay for dinner, and honestly, she couldn't resist the desire for a real home cooked meal. Derek promised that they would only stay for a little while, because Meredith still needed to study, and dinner was now winding down. Derek had just mentioned the fact that Meredith had exams on Wednesday, signaling that they needed to leave.

"Meredith, I forgot to ask," Nancy said as Meredith and Derek stood up. "What day is your graduation? We want to make sure that we take the day off."

"Oh," Meredith said, surprised that one of Derek's sisters planned on coming to watch her graduate. "It's May 20th, but don't worry about it. You guys don't have to come; I don't expect you to be there."

"Don't be ridiculous," Kathleen rolled her eyes. "Of course we're coming. We can't wait!"

"Plus," Liz added. "You come to all of our family things. You came to my Med School graduation two years ago, and Amelia's college graduation last May, so we're obviously going to want to see you."

Meredith smiled at the group around the table. "Thank you, it means a lot to me." After hugging Carolyn and the rest of Derek's sisters goodbye, she and Derek left. They had obviously taken separate cars, and Derek walked her to her old blue jeep, opening the door for her as she stepped inside.

"Now, do you really want to study? Or do you want a distraction?" Derek joked as he leaned into her.

"As much as I would love a distraction, I really need to study," Meredith sighed as she kissed him.

"Fine," Derek huffed, feigning disappointment. "I'll see you tomorrow okay? Will you call me to let me know you got back safe?"

"Yes, you'll see me tomorrow, and yes I'll call you when I get back," Meredith rolled her eyes at the last comment.

"Good," Derek replied, kissing her again. "I love you."

"Love you too. Bye Derek," Meredith said as she shut the door.

"Bye," Derek waved as he got into his own car.


	2. Chapter 2

**_A/N: Thank you all so much for the wonderful reviews, you are all amazing! I got more work done then I expected to this weekend, so I may update again on Tuesday or Wednesday. I hope you guys enjoy this update, please read and review!_**

Chapter 2

"So you and Meredith are going to be living together?" Mark asked as he and Derek sat down to eat in the hospital.

"Yeah, as soon as she graduates and moves out of her apartment on campus," Derek responded smiling. He couldn't wait to live with Meredith in a real sense; he wanted to take the next step in their relationship.

"That's great. But how do you think she's going to afford it? She's still got another four years of med school, and we know how expensive that is."

"We'll figure it out. Ellis had a trust fund set up for Meredith that she could access when she turned twenty-one, plus she said her mother was willing to pay for med school if she got in, so I think we'll be just fine," Derek said, figuring that his best friend was just wondering how Meredith planned on paying rent once she moved in with the two of them.

"Hey guys, mind if I joined you?" a tall red head came up behind Mark, smiling. Addison transferred to the surgical program at NYU Medical a year and a half ago, and she soon became friends with Mark and Derek again. Derek liked having her around, she helped clue him in on what was going on with Meredith sometimes when he couldn't understand his girlfriend's mood.

"No, not at all," Derek smiled up at her as she plopped down beside Mark and opened her salad.

"So, what were you talking about?" Addison asked, looking from Derek to Mark.

"Derek asked Grey to live with him after she graduates," Mark supplied.

"Oh, that's exciting! She said yes right? There wasn't a huge freak out?" Addison looked at Derek expectantly.

"No Addie. Well, I mean, she did a little, but that's because I was an idiot and just assumed it would happen, I didn't actually ask her. But when I did ask, she said yes right away, no big freak out," Derek answered.

"God Derek, you can be really dumb sometimes," Addison rolled her eyes, but Derek knew she was happy for him. "But I'm glad she said yes, not that I ever thought she wouldn't. She loves you too much to say no."

"So, on a different but related note, I noticed about a month ago that your mom wasn't wearing her engagement ring, but I thought she was getting it cleaned. But when we had dinner a couple days ago, she wasn't wearing it either," Mark said, looking pointedly at Derek.

"So?" Derek asked, trying to keep a smile off of his face.

"So, how long have you had the ring, and when are you planning on proposing to Meredith?" Mark asked forcefully, hoping his friend would just tell him what he wanted to know.

"Can you keep this secret, or is this going to be a repeat of Kathleen's thirtieth birthday party?" Derek asked.

"Shut up! That was an accident man," Mark shot back.

"So, can Mark not keep a secret?" Addison asked innocently.

"No, a few years ago, my family was planning this huge party for Kathleen when she turned thirty. My mother made the mistake of including Mark in the planning aspect. Within three days of deciding that we were doing it, and explicitly saying multiple times that it was a surprise, Mark had managed to tell Kathleen not only that she was getting a party, but also the date, location, and theme." Derek said, trying to bite back his laughter.

"Like I said, it was an accident!" Mark repeated. "You know how hard it is to keep things from your sisters, especially Kathleen. She has ways."

"It's because she's a shrink," Derek agreed.

"Anyway," Addison spoke up, trying to refocus the conversation. "How long have you been planning it? And do you have any idea when you want to propose?"

"I've had the ring for three months," Derek admitted, his voice dropping. "Mom was asking what Meredith and I were planning on doing after graduation, and I told her that I was hoping to propose to Mer. She insisted that I take the ring because Dad would want me to give it to Meredith."

"And how has she not seen it yet? Meredith's over like once a week, and you know how nosy she is?" Mark asked, surprised that Derek was able to keep the ring hidden for so long.

"It was in my mini safe in the back of my closet, and Meredith doesn't know the code to it, despite how much she teases me about it," Derek replied, smiling at the memories of the many ways Meredith has tried to get the combination out of him over the years.

"Well, at least she'll be surprised. Do you have any idea as to when you want to pop the question?" Mark asked.

"I'm thinking the night after her graduation. I'll take her out to dinner or something, and then propose."

"Oh Derek," Addison groaned, causing Derek to look at her in surprise. "Please don't propose to her _in _the restaurant. You know that Meredith hates those big public things, she will hate you if you propose to her like that."

"Believe it or not Addison, I know my girlfriend pretty well," Derek responded, rolling his eyes. "I wasn't going to do it at dinner, I would do it after. Maybe outside the bar where we met or the coffee shop where we had our first date. That way it's not too over the top for her, but at least it's a little romantic."

"Aww, that's cute," Addison sighed.

"Thank you," Derek said.

"So Addie," Mark said, nudging Addison in the ribs gently. "Wanna be my date to the wedding?"

Derek rolled his eyes. He knew that Mark liked Addison for a while, but he had never acted on it before. Apparently, Mark thought that Derek's future wedding was the perfect excuse. _If and when there is a wedding, _Derek thought.

"Well, I hope that I will be receiving my own invitation," Addison responded, raising her eyebrows at Derek.

"Well, I have a feeling that Meredith's going to want a really small wedding, but I could try to sneak you in. Can't make any promises though," Derek joked with her.

"Hey!" Addison slapped him, looking annoyed. "I am a friend of both the groom _and _the bride, so I better be invited."

"I'm kidding Addie, of course you're invited," Derek laughed. At that moment, Derek's pager went off, signaling he had to go. "Now remember," he said, looking at both of his friends, but at Mark in particular. "Not a word of this to Meredith."

"Your secret's safe with me," Addison replied, waving goodbye.

"I won't say anything, you can kill me if I do," Mark said solemnly.


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N: I appreciate all of your feedback, so please continue to review! I hope you enjoy this chapter!**_

Chapter 3

"Derek's being weird," Meredith stated as she dropped onto the couch in the apartment she, Izzie, and Cristina shared on campus. Izzie was in the kitchen cooking dinner, and Cristina was studying for her last exam in the sitting area.

"What do you mean Derek's being weird?" Izzie called from the kitchen.

"I don't know," Meredith sighed as Izzie stepped into the living room. "He's just been funny the past two weeks. He's been all avoidy and stuff. Well, not really avoiding, I mean, I told him I needed space to study for finals, and he still calls every day and stuff, and I see him every couple days. But still, he's being weird."

"Did you tell him that you finished your finals a few days ago?" Izzie asked. "Maybe he still thinks you need to study."

"Of course he knows I'm done, I called him the minute I finished," Meredith said. "Plus, I graduate next week. He's been to college; he knows they don't give finals up until the day you graduate."

"Maybe he's cheating on you," Cristina said, not even looking up from her notes.

"Cristina!" Izzie exclaimed, hitting her with a pillow. Turning back to Meredith, Izzie said "I'm sure he's not cheating on you."

"Derek is not cheating on me," Meredith said firmly. "He asked me to move in with him two weeks ago, remember?"

"Maybe it was a cover," Cristina shrugged, earning another slap from Izzie.

"Seriously Cristina, are you trying to make me mad?" Meredith snapped.

"No," Cristina said, finally looking up at Meredith. "I was kidding! You know Derek loves you, he would never do that to you. He knows better. I would kill him."

Meredith laughed a little. "I know, but I still want to know what's wrong with him. He just shrugs it off or changes the subject whenever I ask."

"Maybe he's just nervous about you moving in with him and Mark. You know, you'll be changing their whole dynamic," Izzie offered.

"Maybe, but he shouldn't be nervous, I mean, he practically had me moved in before he even really asked me, so he shouldn't be nervous," Meredith responded.

"Isn't he turning thirty soon? Maybe that combined with the fact that you're just graduating from college has him having a semi midlife crisis or something," Cristina mused.

"He's not turning thirty until July, that's not for another two months. And he never worries about the eight year age difference, that's only me. He doesn't care; Derek likes to go on these rants about how age doesn't matter in love and all that romantic crap."

"You never know, some people change when they reach the big three oh," Cristina joked.

"Not funny," Meredith shot back. "Seriously, you are zero help."

"Maybe you could ask Addison what's wrong. Or Mark. They see Derek almost as much as you do, so they might know something. Though Addison would be more forthcoming than Mark I think," Izzie mused.

"Yeah, I could ask Addison…" Meredith's voice trailed off. "God, what am I going to do without you guys when you leave?"

"Go insane," Cristina replied. "Or talk to Addison."

"We're not dying," Izzie said. "You can still come to us."

"Excuse me, Cristina's going to be at Stanford, and you are going to be at the University of Washington. I'll only be able to call you, and even then, I can't always call you when I need you because of the freaking three hour time difference!"

"Meredith, calm down. Stop freaking out," Izzie began.

"I am not freaking out!" Meredith snapped.

"Yes you are," Cristina countered. "You can call us any time, day or night. I don't know why that's such a big deal to you now, you haven't cared at all the past four years. How many times did you storm into the room at three in the morning ranting about Derek because he did something stupid? You never cared what time it was then, so you shouldn't care when we're three thousand miles away."

"Hmm," Meredith agreed. "Anyway, as Cristina so kindly mentioned earlier, Derek's birthday is coming up. I have to plan something right? Because it isn't just a regular birthday, this is a big deal because he's turning thirty, right?"

"Right," Izzie agreed.

"Okay, so what do I do? Are you guys even going to be able to come if I have it in July?"

"I'm going to be at home for the summer until I move out to California," Cristina said. "And Izzie was going to stay with me for a little while to save me from my mother. We should both be able to come down for a weekend or something if you want more people at McDreamy's party."

"Oh thank God," Meredith sighed. "But it's not about having more people at Derek's party; his family will be more than enough. You guys are Derek's friends too you know."

"Aww, that's sweet," Izzie said while Cristina gagged.

"We are not friends," Cristina clarified. "You are my person, and he is your boyfriend or love of your life or whatever, so I have to tolerate and like him for your sake, but Derek and I are not friends."

"Seriously Cristina? After almost four years, you still don't like him?" Meredith asked, very surprised.

"I didn't say that. I like him, we just aren't friends. There is a difference," Cristina stated.

"Whatever," Meredith said, rolling her eyes. "But seriously, how do I plan a party?"

"Oh, let me help!" Izzie practically shouted. "I love parties."

"We know," Meredith and Cristina said in unison.

"Well, we should start with the basics. What kind of party is it?"

"A birthday party," Meredith said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Shut up Mer. I mean, is it just going to be his friends, or is his family coming too?" Izzie asked.

"His family will definitely be coming," Meredith replied.

"Okay, well then you should probably rent out a function room at his favorite restaurant. It would be nice. And maybe they'll let us decorate, and we should talk about what type of cake he wants, and-"

"Izzie," Cristina said suddenly. "I hate to interrupt this planning thing, but I have two things to say. First, the party isn't for two months, you have plenty of time to plan. Second of all, I think whatever you're cooking for dinner is burning."

"Oh crap!" Izzie shouted as she got up and ran for the kitchen, Meredith and Cristina laughing after her.

"Alright, I'm off to take my last final," Cristina said, standing up. Looking at Meredith, her face became serious. "I'm sure there isn't anything wrong with Derek; he's probably just stressed. And I don't think he would ever really cheat on you."

"Thanks Cristina," Meredith smiled slightly. "Good luck on your exam."

"I don't need luck, I'm brilliant and I've got it in the bag," Cristina smirked as she walked out the door, Meredith shaking her head at her retreating back.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Derek stepped out of the taxi, asking him to wait a few minutes while he went to get Meredith. Since she got the apartment she wanted for this year, she moved farther away from his building, requiring them to take a taxi or the subway if they wanted to see each other. He couldn't help but feel the butterflies in his stomach as he climbed up the stairs to her room, as if this was their first date all over again.

Derek knew he was being weird, to quote Meredith. However, he couldn't help it. As the days to Meredith's graduation passed by, Derek got more excited. He couldn't wait to propose to Meredith, to tell her he wanted to be with her forever, to see her reaction, and slip his mother's ring on her finger. He felt like a kid counting down the days until Christmas; he just couldn't wait. Which led him to be a big jumble of emotions around her, and he had to work to refrain himself from blurting out a proposal every time her saw her.

He was, however, a little nervous about what Meredith's reaction would be. She had gotten infinitely more comfortable with their relationship over the years; she didn't avoid or bottle up her feelings anymore, actually, she seemed to enjoy yelling at him about all of her emotions. However, she liked them to take things slow, and seeing how she freaked out a little about moving in with him, even though she wanted to, he couldn't imagine what she was going to do when he proposed. He could think of a million reasons why she might say no, the prominent reason being this: she was too young. _And it's true, _he thought to himself. Meredith was only twenty-two years old, and when he thought of himself at that age, he was nowhere near ready to get married. But then again, he hadn't been in a serious relationship for almost four years with someone he loved as much as Meredith. But the age thing would be all that Meredith would see; Derek knew that. He could easily picture her stuttering out a no, telling him she loved him (which he knew and believed), but that she was only twenty-two and he was twenty-nine, almost thirty, and she just couldn't be ready. And maybe it was because Derek was twenty-nine, but he desperately wanted to marry Meredith, or at least be engaged to her, so he needed to find the right words to say in order for her to say yes, to agree to be with him forever. They didn't even have to get married right away; Derek just wanted it to be official that Meredith would be his forever, so he had to ask soon.

Derek knocked on the door of Meredith's apartment, and the door flew open, revealing Izzie holding a mixing bowl.

"Oh, hey Derek!" she said, turning around and walking into the apartment. "Mer should be out in a second, she got off late from work, so she's running a little behind."

"Thanks Izzie," Derek said, moving into the living room to sit down. Looking up, he saw that Izzie was still staring at him, giving him a funny look. Derek smiled at her again before looking down at the coffee table and picking up a magazine. After a few minutes, Meredith appeared, wearing black jeans, a blue tank top with white sweater over it. Her hair was down and wavy, and she had just a touch of makeup on. Derek smiled widely at her; she took his breath away, and all he wanted to do was ask her to marry him.

"Hey," she said, pulling him from his thoughts. "Is this acceptable? You said we weren't going anywhere fancy."

"You look perfect, the outfit is great," Derek said. _Marry me, _he thought.

"Okay, good," Meredith nodded. Derek stood up, took her hand and pulled her into him, kissing her softly.

"Let's go," he whispered, leading her towards the door.

"Bye Cristina, Bye Iz," Meredith called as the two left the apartment. They kept their hands laced together as they walked down the stairs and into the cab. They sat in silence for a few moments, and Meredith gave him a funny look. He knew he was usually chatty, but he was afraid that if he started a conversation, he would blurt out the wrong thing, the question he desperately wanted to ask, but decided to wait for.

"So," Meredith said loudly, trying to cut the awkwardness that set in. "Where are we going?"

"To that sports restaurant on 73rd street," Derek answered. "The Yankees are on, and I figured you would want to watch," he teased; Meredith hated the Yankees.

She rolled her eyes. "You know, since I turned twenty-one, we have had more and more dates at restaurants with bars, or just bars. Apparently now that I'm legal, you think you don't have to impress me anymore."

Derek looked at her, feeling guilty. _Maybe she wants more fancy dinners,_ he thought. _I've been slipping._ "I'm sorry Mer," he apologized. "I thought you liked this restaurant. If you want, I can call the Italian place you like and make a reservation for tonight, and we can go back and change…"

"Derek," Meredith cut him off, rolling her eyes. "I was kidding. Seriously, stop being so weird."

"I'm not being weird!" Derek insisted as the cab slowed down and came to a stop. Meredith didn't answer; she simply stepped out of the cab and headed towards the restaurant. Derek followed after her, resolving to act like a normal human being for Meredith's sake.

They managed to have a relatively normal dinner; Derek went back to his usual self, which caused Meredith to become increasingly happy and cheerful. But then again, that might have been the alcohol. Derek couldn't, however, keep out the stray thought of putting the ring in the bottom of each new glass the waiter brought to Meredith, or hiding it in her dessert. Derek worked through those thoughts throughout dinner, somewhat happy when he had paid the bill and was able to leave with Meredith.

"So, are you staying with me tonight?" Derek asked as he led Meredith out of the restaurant a few hours later.

"Why, you wanna get lucky tonight?" Meredith raised her eyebrow.

"Well," Derek leaned down to kiss her. "It will be the last time I'm going to have sex with a college student."

"Not necessarily," Meredith said, Derek's lips still against hers. "I'm sure there are plenty of girls that would still find you hot."

"Yeah, but you see, I think I'm more into med students now," Derek said into her mouth before he kissed her urgently, forcing his tongue into her mouth.

XXXXXX

Half an hour later, Meredith and Derek stumbled into Derek's apartment, lips fused together. Kicking off her shoes, Meredith hooked a leg around Derek's waist, and he lifted her up, carrying her to his room. Mark was in the living room, watching a late night talk show as the couple entered. He looked up at the sound of the door unlocking, his expression a mixture of disgust and jealousy as he watched the scene play out. As Meredith shrieked when Derek picked her up, Mark called after them. "Try to keep it down in there! Some of us need to sleep tonight."

Derek dropped Meredith at the foot of the bed, and they shed their clothes quickly. Falling backwards, Derek positioned himself on top of her. He pushed into her hard, causing her to gasp in pleasure. He thrust into her quickly, silencing her moans with hard, passionate kisses. They both came quickly, the clenching from her orgasm pulling him with her until he collapsed on top of her, both of them breathless.

Eventually, Derek rolled off of her, and Meredith rested her head on his chest. He loved this: the moment after sex. He loved holding her, feeling her breathing and her heart rate returning to normal, running his fingers through her hair and up and down her back. He loved when she played with the hair on his chest, lightly caressing him. There was no need for words immediately after they had sex; those could come in a little while. They simply basked in the completeness they felt in being together, and Derek never wanted that feeling to go away.

"That was perfect," Meredith sighed softly a few minutes later.

"Mhmm," was all Derek could manage. _Marry me, _was all he could think. Those words on a loop, chanting in his head.

"I'm glad you've moved on to med students," Meredith joked, though Derek could see her eyes were drooping. "I would hate to have to give this up."

"Yeah, me too," Derek said, pulling his arm tighter around her. "But you won't have to give this up. I love you Meredith."

"Love you too," she mumbled. "G'night."

"Night," he said, kissing her lips softly one more time before he closed his eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N: Please read and review, they make my day :)**_

Chapter 5

"Izzie, can you do my hair please? It just doesn't look right," Meredith said, pulling at her hair with a brush. She wanted to look as close to perfect as possible; Derek's entire family was going to be there, and Carolyn called her last night, informing her that they would be taking plenty of pictures, so Meredith had to look good.

"Give me a sec, Mer," Izzie called from her bedroom. Cristina's mother had swept her away early this morning, leaving Meredith and Izzie to get ready alone. She hadn't put on her robes yet; she wanted to wait until she got closer to the arena where she was graduating to put them on. She was wearing a white sundress that fell at her knees, and she was in the process of pulling parts of her straightened hair back. She went to her closet to grab her shoes, and when she turned back to the mirror, she saw Derek in the reflection, leaning against the doorframe.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, looking at him through the mirror while continuing to fix her hair. He pushed himself off of the doorframe, walking over to her and wrapping his arms around her waist before kissing her neck.

"Just wanted to see you," he said, resting his head on her shoulder.

"And you couldn't wait two hours because?" Meredith asked.

"Because in about forty-five minutes, you will be getting into alphabetical order, preparing to process to your seats. And then, you will start freaking out, and Cristina, Izzie, and Alex are on opposite ends of the alphabet from you, so you will have no one to calm you down. Therefore, I'm here to prevent a nervous breakdown." Derek spun her around to face him, kissing her firmly on the lips. "Congratulations. You are amazing, and I am so proud of you. You will be perfect during the ceremony. You will not trip, you will not grab your diploma or shake hands with the wrong hand, and you definitely will not make a fool of yourself. You're lucky, your school is so big you don't even have to walk across the stage to get a diploma; you get to just stand up with everyone else. I love you, and you are going to rock this graduation."

Meredith smiled up at him, brushing her lips against his. "Thank you," she said before leaning into him. "You know just what to say. But you're still being weird."

"I know, that's why I'm here," he chuckled. "And I promise that I'll stop being weird very soon."

"You better. So, are we going out to dinner with your family after? As like a graduation party thing?" Meredith asked.

"Nope, tonight you're all mine. I'm planning your party for a later date," Derek said simply.

"Why are we going to be alone? And I don't need a party, I'm already planning a party for your birthday, so you shouldn't have to plan one for me too," Meredith insisted.

"I want to celebrate alone with you first, so we can do the family thing later. And you don't need to have a party for me, it's fine."

"Well, I don't want a party either," Meredith frowned, before she smiled slowly. "Or we could have a combined party. That way we don't have to do the family thing twice, and Cristina and Izzie wouldn't have to come down for two separate weekends."

"We could combine them, if you really want to," Derek said. Seeing Meredith's eager expression, he laughed. "Well, I guess we're combining them then."

"Good," Meredith said, kissing him. She turned when she pulled away from him, looking at the time. "Crap! You have to go. Because you need to get your seat. And Izzie said she'd do my hair, and I can't finish getting ready with you distracting me."

"Okay, I'm leaving," Derek said, kissing her one more time before stepping away from her. "I'll see you in a couple hours. Good luck, I love you."

"Thanks," Meredith responded. "I'll see you soon."

XXXXXX

An hour later, Meredith was processing into Yankee Stadium, where her graduation was being held. She looked out into the crowds, but couldn't see the Shepherd family. Not that she was surprised, there were thousands of people filling the seats, and she could barely make out any faces. She wondered if her mother was in the crowd somewhere. She had reminded her mother of the date and location of her graduation when she was home for Easter, but Ellis had shrugged it off, so Meredith took it that she probably would not be attending.

She sat through the President's speech, then through one of her classmate's speech, followed by the honorary degrees given out to invited individuals. Then came the part Meredith was most excited about. Since NYU was so big, they didn't have everyone graduate at once. However, the deans pick select students that represent each school at the University and have them receive a diploma to symbolize all of their classmates. And Meredith had been chosen. She didn't tell Derek or any of the Shepherds, she wanted them to be surprised, but it did make Meredith a lot more nervous. Everyone was going to be watching her; she could easily trip and fall or do something stupid; that was how her life worked. She and Cristina would be representing the School of Arts and Sciences, but she would be announced before Cristina, and since their school was first, she would be the first one to walk across that stage.

"And now," the dean of the college began. "We would like to invite a couple of exceptional students to the stage to receive their diplomas, symbolizing the graduation for the whole class, beginning with the colleges of the Arts and Sciences. First, I would like to introduce Meredith Elizabeth Grey, who is graduating summa cum laude with a degree in Biology. Meredith was an active member in the Biology Club and worked as a tutor for underclassmen. She volunteered and worked at NYU Medical Center on the weekends and during the summer. She will be attending Columbia Medical School in the fall."

With that, Meredith rose to her feet and walked slowly towards the stage. She was very careful at each step, smiling to herself when she didn't trip. She shook hands with the Deans and the President, each who smiled at her and said "Congratulations Meredith." Meredith could only smile in response before focusing all of her attention on making it back to her seat without embarrassing herself. She thought she could hear Derek cheering for her, so she looked up at the crowd briefly, smiling at the many people, hoping Derek knew she was smiling at him.

The rest of the ceremony flew by. At the end, once the graduates threw their caps in the air, family members rushed the field to try to find their loved ones. Meredith quickly found Izzie, Alex, and Cristina, and Izzie insisted that they take picture, for it would be one of the last times they would all be together for a while. After ten minutes, Meredith began searching the crowd for Derek, knowing he would be around here somewhere.

"Come on Meredith, you can look for Derek later, can we just take the freaking picture!" Alex said, and Meredith smiled towards the camera, wrapping an arm around Alex. Just as Izzie was about to take the picture, Meredith felt arms around her waist. She was suddenly lifted off the ground and spun around in circles, and Meredith couldn't help but shriek with laughter.

When her feet finally touched the ground again, she faced Derek, who had a wide grin on his face. She didn't even notice the rest of his family standing around as he kissed her, only pulling apart from him when she saw the bright flash of the camera. Meredith glared in the direction of the flash, and saw that both Izzie and Amelia had taken a picture at the same time, smirking at her and Derek.

"Hey!" Meredith said, turning red.

"Sorry, couldn't resist," Amelia shrugged.

"Congratulations," Derek whispered in her ear, holding out the flowers he got for her. "Why didn't you tell me that you would actually be walking across stage?"

"Thank you," Meredith said as she took the flowers, putting them up to her face and inhaling. "I wanted it to be a surprise."

"Meredith dear, congratulations!" Carolyn said as she pulled Meredith into a hug. After chatting with Derek's family and taking what felt like a hundred pictures, the Shepherds, as well as Meredith's friends, departed. Carolyn winked at Derek, saying "good luck," as she walked away, which Meredith found odd. However, she put that out of her mind as Derek's lips brushed against her cheek.

"So," Meredith sighed. "Where's my present?"

"You'll get your present later," Derek smiled. "Now we're going to go eat."

"Can you tell me what it is?" Meredith asked.

"Nope, it has to be a surprise."

"Please? Just a hint?" Meredith looked up at him, pouting a little.

"My lips are sealed."

"Fine," Meredith huffed. "But it better be worth it."

"Trust me, it is," Derek smiled down at her. He pulled her close to him, kissing her hard. Meredith completely lost herself in the kiss until she heard someone clear their throat behind them. Pulling apart slowly, Meredith looked around. When she saw who was standing near them, she pushed Derek away from her.

"Hello Meredith," the person said, disparagement dripping from her voice.

"Hello Mom," Meredith responded meekly.


	6. Chapter 6

_**A/N: I hope you enjoy this update. For those who are worried I'm going to drag out the proposal, I promise it will happen soon; I won't be dragging it out that much longer!**_

Chapter 6

In this moment, Derek hated Ellis Grey, he really did. Well, he was never really fond of the world renowned surgeon to begin with; he respected her immensely, but disliked the way she treated Meredith. He had spent time with Ellis several times when he had gone to visit Meredith at home over the years. Each time, Ellis was civil to him, and was decent to Meredith most of the time, but she always managed to throw condescending comments in Meredith's direction. And Derek had a feeling that Ellis was going to ruin the night he planned for Meredith. This was supposed to be the night he asked her to marry him, and now their perfect evening was slipping away from him.

Meredith had, as she always did when Ellis was around, stayed far away from Derek. Meredith hated PDA, she always had, but whenever they were around his family, they acted like a couple; she acted like his girlfriend. But with Ellis, it was if he and Meredith were barely acquaintances. That probably had something to do with the way that Ellis was looking at Meredith right now; as if she was a disappointment, not as though her daughter just graduated with honors and would be attending one of the best medical schools in the country.

"Hello Dr. Grey, how are you?" Derek greeted one of the best surgeons in the country.

"I'm well Derek, how are you?" Ellis responded coldly, her gaze flickering between him and her daughter.

"I'm fine thanks," Derek replied, turning to look at Meredith. She looked shocked; neither one of them had expected Ellis to come, or at least Meredith told him that she would not be joining them.

"What are you doing here Mom?" Meredith finally seemed to have found her voice.

"Really, Meredith? Did you really think that I wouldn't attend my daughter's graduation?" Ellis said, looking at her with disdain.

"Well, you didn't seem all that interested when I told you about it," Meredith shot back.

Ellis ignored that comment. "So, where are we going for dinner?"

"What?" Meredith asked.

"We?" Derek said at the same time.

"I came down here for my daughter's college graduation. I believe that I have to take you out to dinner. I assume that Derek already made a reservation somewhere, so we can just go there." Ellis said matter-of-factly.

"Meredith and I were going to go to Mer's favorite restaurant," Derek began, trying to find a way to tell Ellis she couldn't come, that she would be ruining his proposal, but he couldn't come up with a good enough excuse. "Would you like me to call and change our reservation to three people?"

"Well, I could just have dinner with Meredith by myself, but I feel as though she wouldn't like that very much," Ellis said, rolling her eyes in a very Meredith like fashion.

Derek looked at Meredith, leaning in to whisper in her ear. "You want her to come with us, right?"

Meredith nodded, her eyes apologetic as if Derek was going to be mad at her. Derek couldn't be mad at her for this; Ellis was another story.

Ellis had driven into the city, so she drove the three of them to the restaurant while Derek called the restaurant. The ride was virtually silent; Meredith was sitting in the front with her mother, and she watched her become more and more tense with each passing minute. He still couldn't believe how his plans had gone so wrong, and now had to figure out another way to propose.

"So Derek," Ellis said after the waiter had taken their orders. "How is your residency going? What year are you again."

"It's going well Dr. Grey," Derek replied. He found it a little strange that he still referred to Meredith's mother as Dr. Grey. He supposed part of the reason was that she was a living legend; he couldn't imagine himself calling one of the most famous female surgeons by her first name. It probably also had to do with Ellis' attitude. She was always polite to Derek, but was never kind to him, never asked him to call her Ellis like his mother had to Meredith. "I'm approaching the end of my fourth year of residency."

"Derek's in the race for Chief Resident Mom," Meredith piped in, and Derek squeezed her hand under the table. He knew that, no matter how many times she said she didn't care about her mother, there was still a part of Meredith that sought her mother's approval, a part of her that wanted to be able to talk to her, relate to her, and to know her. So, whenever they talked about work, Meredith always tried to find something to say about the hospital she worked at or a surgery she heard about as a way to connect with the mother that kept her an arm's length away at all times.

"Chief Resident?" Ellis asked, the tone of surprise making Derek annoyed. "Really? When will you find out?"

"They post the position in the beginning of July, two weeks before the new interns start," Derek replied. "I think I have a good shot at getting it."

"But will you be able to handle it?" Ellis asked. "It's a lot of scheduling and paperwork. Do you think you can do all that, plus be a good surgeon, and be there for Meredith?"

Derek couldn't believe what he was hearing. Was Ellis Grey actually concerned about her daughter? She was worried that he might neglect her? Derek turned to look at Meredith, who seemed just as surprised as he. "I believe I can. I'm very good at managing my time, and I will be sure to be there for Meredith."

"How do you plan on doing that when she's four hours away?" Ellis asked crisply. "Regardless of how good you are at managing your time, it will take you at least July and August to adjust. How do you expect to maintain a relationship while she is in Boston and you are here, controlling all of the residents? Perhaps it would be best if you rethink your relationship with my daughter."

"Mom!" Meredith said quietly but pointedly, clearly upset but not wanting to make a scene in the restaurant.

"Meredith," Ellis looked at her. "Do you love Derek? Because from what both you and he have told me, he has a very promising future ahead of him. Do you want to stand in the way of that? Do you want to be a distraction for him? Because if he fails, if he devotes all of his time to you and not to his job, it will be your fault. Do you think you can live with that Meredith?"

"Dr. Grey," Derek interrupted, unable to handle the ridiculous words, or watch Meredith become more and more depressed and guilt ridden. "I am not breaking up with Meredith. I'm…" _proposing _he thought, but he couldn't say that. "We're…" _going to get married_, he tried again. Taking a deep breath, Derek formed his words carefully. "Dr. Grey, I appreciate your concern about my career. But I love your daughter, and I am staying with her. If I fail, if I cannot be both the Chief Resident and a good-" _fiancé, husband, _he thought, pausing before continuing. "If I can't be a good boyfriend, if I can't do both, then so be it. I will step down from Chief Resident before hurting Meredith. But honestly, I don't think that this will be an issue. We were able to make this work with our schedules when we lived apart, I'm sure we can make it work when we are living together."

"Excuse me?" Dr. Grey said. "You two plan on living together?"

Derek turned to Meredith, confused. "You didn't tell her?"

Meredith shook her head, looking very guilty. "Uh, no. It never really came up, but I meant to."

"Well, when is this move supposedly taking place?" Ellis asked, her voice only slightly disapproving.

"Next week," Meredith said softly. "The school is giving the seniors who live in apartments an extra week to clean out their stuff, so I guess then."

"No, that's not happening," Ellis said firmly.

"But Mom," Meredith started. "I'm going to be going to Med School down here, so I'll need a place to live anyway, and it'll be cheaper to live with Derek. Plus, I'm keeping that job Derek got me at the hospital last summer, so I need to stay down here to work."

"Meredith, will you stop rambling?" Ellis demanded coolly. "I did not mean that you couldn't move in with him. But, I have an event at the Mass Gen in two weeks, and you must be present for it. They're giving me an award and they want a picture of you and me. So, you have to be home next week."

"But-" Meredith began to protest.

"That's fine," Derek answered Ellis, interrupting Meredith. Turning to his girlfriend, he began to speak. "It'll be fine. You'll move in in two weeks. If you spend a week at home, it'll give you time to pack up your ridiculous amount of stuff. I'll even come up to move you out." He offered her his best smile, and watched as the tension left her face.

"Okay," she agreed, before turning back to her mother. "But you're going to let me move in with Derek on June first, right? That's after your dinner or whatever?"

"Yes Meredith. You are an adult, it doesn't matter what you do. I'm paying for your schooling, who you choose to live with is not my concern," Ellis said dismissively before changing the subject back to surgery.

Ellis requesting that Meredith go home for a week gave Derek an idea. He could propose once she got back. And he knew the perfect way to do it.

XXXXXX

Ellis drove them back to Meredith's apartment, giving her daughter a formal goodbye and telling her that she would see her next week. Derek couldn't wait to be alone with Meredith; he had things to tell her, and planning to do and it just couldn't wait.

"Hey," Meredith said softly as her mother pulled away. "Are you alright?"

Derek smiled down at her. "I'm perfect Mer."

"Okay," Meredith nodded. "I'm sorry she ruined your plans. And that I have to go home for a week."

"She didn't ruin anything. Okay, maybe she did, but it's fine, don't worry about it. And you needed to go home and pack up all your stuff anyway," Derek said as they made their way to her apartment. "I'll come up for the last couple of days to help you pack up. God knows you have too much stuff just to fit in your jeep."

"Hey!" she said, slapping his chest lightly. "Not funny."

"I'm kidding," he said, smiling down at her. "But I have an idea. Since you're coming back on June first, maybe that's when we can have your graduation party and my birthday party. We can hold it at our favorite restaurant, and there's enough time so everyone should be able to come."

"Derek, I'm supposed to be doing this for you," Meredith sighed.

"Mer, it's a combined party. It'll be at your favorite restaurant, and you'll be there, and that's all that matters to me. How about you send out the invitations and I'll book the function hall? We'll be splitting responsibilities."

"That sounds great," Meredith said, leaning up to kiss him. "Now you have to go. I told Cristina and Izzie I would celebrate with them. And you have to get up really early. So I'll see you tomorrow night."

"I'll see you tomorrow night," Derek repeated, kissing her again. "Congratulations again. I love you, see you soon."

"Bye Derek," Meredith responded as she stepped into her apartment. When she was gone, Derek couldn't help but smile. He had a plan.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

"Meredith, don't you look nice." Meredith turned around towards the voice. An older man, maybe in his fifties, was standing in front of her. She recognized him immediately, giving him a warm smile.

"Thank you Dr. Cooper," she replied. "How are you? I guess you're still at Mass Gen."

"I'm very well Meredith. Yes I'm still at the hospital. I love working with your mother, it's quite the experience."

_Sure it is, _Meredith sneered in her head. "I bet it is," she said aloud.

"How have you been Meredith? I can still remember you roaming the halls as a child."

Meredith laughed slightly and smiled at the memories. Dr. Cooper had always been nice to her when she was stuck at the hospital with her mother; he would bring her candy or old charts to color on, and would let her sit in the OR Gallery with him to watch her mother work.

"I remember," she replied. "I just graduated from NYU, and I'll be attending Columbia in the fall for med school."

"Wow," Dr. Cooper said, smiling at her and seemingly proud. "That's great. Following in your mother's footsteps I guess."

Meredith smiled, looking to her left at her mother. Her mother dragged her to the event to watch her win another Harper Avery, and, despite the way her mother raised her, she couldn't help but be proud of Ellis. She had worked incredibly hard, and even though she sucked as a parent, she was an amazing surgeon. "Maybe," Meredith answered Dr. Cooper.

"Are any of your friends staying in New York for med school with you?"

Meredith shook her head. "No, but my boyfriend lives there, so I won't be lonely."

"That's good," Dr. Cooper responded. "I'm sure your mother is very proud of you.'

_Yeah right, _Meredith thought. "I hope so," she answered honestly. Just then, she felt her clutch vibrate as her phone rang, and Meredith had an idea of who it was. "If you'll excuse me Dr. Cooper, I have to take this," she said, signaling to her phone.

"Of course Meredith. It was nice talking with you."

Meredith left the ballroom, answering her phone as she entered the hallway. "Hey," she said softly.

"How's it going?" Derek's voice filled her ear, and she couldn't help but smile.

"Ugh," Meredith groaned. "I am the youngest person here. Everyone else came with their spouses, so I'm the only child here. I think their giving my mom the Harper Avery in like fifteen minutes, and then we have to take pictures and stuff, and then I think I can go home."

"Sounds like fun," Derek laughed. "Are you excited about tomorrow?"

"Hmmm," Meredith hummed. "I can't wait to see you."

"Me neither. What time do you want me to come up?"

"Um, do you want to come up around twelve or one? I haven't really packed yet."

"I figured you wouldn't," Derek said. "Which is why I volunteered to come up for two days."

"Oh, and here I thought it was because you wanted to see me," Meredith joked.

"You should know better by now," Derek shot back.

"Mean," Meredith replied.

"You love me."

"Well," Meredith began before her mother left the ballroom.

"Meredith!" Ellis called to her. "They're presenting the award now. Get off the phone and come in here now." Ellis stalked back inside.

"In a minute," Meredith said to her mother before turning her attention back to Derek.

"I gotta go Derek. I'll see you tomorrow."

"I'll be there at noon. Love you Mer," Derek replied.

"Love you too," Meredith said. "Bye Derek."

"Bye," she heard Derek said before she hung up. Standing slowly, Meredith took a deep breath; heading towards the ballroom, hoping tomorrow would come faster.

XXXXXX

"Derek, did you bring my box of shoes downstairs yet?" Meredith called from her bedroom. Derek had gotten to Boston yesterday, and they had been making progress with packing up here room, albeit slowly.

"They're in my hands right now" Derek called up to her.

"Can you check to see if my black boots are in there? The suede ones, not the leather ones."

"Ugh," she heard Derek groan, followed by incoherent grumbling.

"What was that?" Meredith snapped.

"I love you," Derek yelled back.

"That better be what you said," Meredith joked before moving to stand in the doorway. Facing her room, she couldn't believe how different it looked. The light green walls were now void of posters and pictures. Her closet door was open, revealing the fact that the contents had been emptied. There were about ten cardboard boxes scattered across the floor, eight of them filled and taped up. Her bed was still there, still made because, as Derek said, she wouldn't need them at his place. Her dresser and night table were still along the wall, serving as the only reminder that the room was once occupied. It felt weird to be leaving for good, not sad necessarily, but definitely weird. She didn't know the next time she would be home. _Probably never, _Meredith thought. Her mother would be too busy with work, and she would have school, and work, and Derek. Derek, she would be living with Derek. The thought made her feel all warm and tingly inside; they would be together all the time. They would wake up together and go to sleep together, and everything in between, and though that thought may have scared her at first, she couldn't think of anything more perfect.

She felt his arms around her waist, and Meredith instinctually leaned into him. "Your boots were in the box," he said, his lips pressed against her neck.

"Hmm, good," Meredith breathed as she stepped away from him. "Come on; let's get the rest of them into your car."

Derek nodded, wordlessly following Meredith's direction. They brought six boxes to his car, and Meredith couldn't help but notice that Derek was being weird again. He seemed nervous around her, and didn't laugh at her attempts to joke around with him; he just tensed up. And he kept checking his phone every five minutes, and wouldn't tell her why. Now, Meredith prided herself in not being a jealous person, well, at least not in a while, but she was getting suspicious. She thought back to what Cristina said when she first brought up Derek's weirdness: _maybe he's cheating on you. _Meredith had thought it was ridiculous, but now she wasn't so sure.

They entered her room to grab the last box, and once again, Derek was checking his phone.

"Derek?" Meredith asked. "Is everything okay?"

"What?" Derek looked up, distracted. "Yes Mer, everything's fine."

"Are you sure? Because you seem a little off. If you didn't want to come up, then you didn't have to…"

"I'm fine Meredith," Derek said, somewhat harshly. "Of course I wanted to come up? Why wouldn't I?"

"I don't know," Meredith mumbled. "You just seemed distracted. And tense. And I wanted to make sure you weren't mad at me, because I don't want you to be mad before we move in together, because I don't think that would go well, and-" Derek silence her with a deep kiss, leaving her breathless when they finally pulled apart.

"I'm sorry Mer," Derek apologized. "I'm just… I guess I'm worried about the party tomorrow night. I want your night to be perfect."

"It's not just my night," Meredith said, wrapping her arms around his waist. "It's our party, and our night."

Derek smiled down at her. "Yeah, it is," he said as he kissed the top of her head. "I'm sorry, I'm just tense."

Meredith leaned up and kissed him. When she pulled away, she was smirking. "I think I know something we can do to make you less tense," she said as she began to pull off his t-shirt.

"Meredith," he groaned as she kissed her way down his neck. "We probably shouldn't."

"Why not?" Meredith asked, finally succeeding in getting him shirtless.

"Because we don't have the best track record of having sex in your house when your mother isn't supposed to be home."

"What do you mean?" She asked innocently as she moved to undo his belt.

"Umm, well there was the time she came home early on Christmas. Or that week in the summer two years ago. And that time I came up for Easter last year and she was supposed to be on call," Derek choked out, and Meredith knew she would win.

Meredith stepped away from his nearly naked body, smiling seductively up at him. "But I know she's in surgery until four, so we have at least an hour." She pulled her top off, and watched as Derek's expression shifted from tortured to one of lust and desire. "Please?" she whispered, stepping towards him again.

Derek kissed her hard, forcing his tongue into her mouth as he pulled her against him. Lifting her up, he walked the three steps to the bed. "We aren't having sex for a week if we get caught again," he said into her mouth.

"Hmm," Meredith chuckled. "You couldn't hold out that long."

"True," Derek murmured as he lowered them both onto the bed.

XXXXXX

Two hours later, Meredith and Derek exited her room, carrying the last two boxes down with them. After making sure that everything was packed up, they headed back inside, deciding to wait for Ellis to get home so Meredith could say goodbye.

Derek sat on the couch, flipping on the television. Meredith placed her head in his lap, and spread out along the length of the couch. She reached for one of his hands, lacing their fingers together while Derek ran his free hand through her hair. Meredith sighed contently, closing her eyes.

"Mer?" Derek said softly a few minutes later.

"Hmm?" she answered softly, her eyes still closed.

"Are you going to miss being here? Or being in Boston?"

Meredith opened her eyes, and she stared at Derek, thinking hard. "I don't think so," she answered slowly. "I mean, I love Boston and everything around here, but I don't think so. Cristina won't be here anymore, and my mother is always too busy anyway, so it's not like I have anyone up here holding me back. But I think it's where I'm moving _to _that's more important. I would be a lot more upset if I were moving to California like Cristina because I would be farther away from you. But I'm moving to you, so I think I'm okay with this." She offered him a small smile as he bent down to press his lips against her forehead.

"Good, I don't want you to feel homesick or anything," Derek replied.

"Nope, I won't feel homesick," she insisted.

They remained like that for a few more minutes, before they heard a car in the driveway. Getting up from his lap, Meredith couldn't help but feel butterflies. She was really leaving, she was leaving Ellis. Granted, she and her mother had never been really close, but Meredith still couldn't help but feel sad; she was no longer a kid, she was an adult.

Ellis came through the door quickly, turning in the living room to see Meredith and Derek stand up.

"Are you leaving?" Ellis asked softly, and Meredith could hear the hint of sadness.

"Yeah Mom," Meredith answered. "We want to avoid as much traffic as possible."

Ellis nodded, stepping forward to shake Derek's hand. "It was nice seeing you Derek. Good luck with the rest of your fourth year."

"You too Doctor Grey," Derek answered. "And thank you." he stepped passed Ellis, and Meredith assumed he was giving her time to say goodbye to her mother. The two women just stared at each other, neither knowing what to say

"Well," Ellis said, shifting uncomfortably. "Have a good summer. Try to come visit at some point."

"Okay Mom," Meredith said, stepping towards the door and past her mother. Meredith was surprised when, rather than let her pass; Ellis grabbed Meredith into a hug.

"Good luck with Med School Meredith," Ellis said. "Be extraordinary."

"Thanks Mom," Meredith said. She squeezed her mother tightly for a moment as the tears welled up in her eyes. Pulling away, she looked at Derek briefly, and saw him smiling sympathetically at her. "I'll see you later."

"Goodbye Meredith," Ellis said before nodding and heading further into the house. Derek walked over to Meredith, and she reached for his hand as they walked out of Meredith's home.

Once they were on the porch, Meredith let out a small gasp, and wiped her eyes furiously. Derek immediately put her arms around her, holding her and soothing her. After a minute, Meredith broke away, offering him a small smile. "I'm okay," she said softly.

"You're okay," Derek repeated, smiling back at her.

"It's just weird that this is never going to be _home _again. And I kind of feel bad for my mom; I think she's going to be really lonely."

Derek simply nodded, and Meredith leaned up to kiss him.

"Come on," she smiled. "Let's head home."

"Home" Derek repeated, grinning once again.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Enjoy :)**_

**Chapter 8**

"Why am I wearing this again?" Meredith asked as she grabbed the dress from Derek, stepping into the slinky, black material.

"Because you look hot in it and I'm asking nicely," Derek smiled at her as he buttoned up his red shirt. _His good looking shirt,_ he amended in his head.

"Derek, I haven't worn this dress in years, I don't even know why I still have it. Besides, it has to be out of style by now; I bought it four years ago!" She snapped at him. He was being very demanding, and she didn't know why. "And why am I even getting ready so early? The party isn't even for another four hours!"

"Meredith, black dresses don't go out of style, especially dresses like that. And we have some stuff to do before we get to the party. It'll probably take us an hour to maneuver around all of your boxes to even get out of here!" Derek and Meredith had brought all of her boxes in the night before when they got home from Boston, and though Derek couldn't wait for Meredith to unpack, he had no idea where all this stuff would go; she owned too much.

In response to the dress, Derek chose not to tell her that she still didn't have it, but that _he _had saved it. It was the dress from their first dinner date, and he wanted to keep it. He also decided not to tell her that they were leaving the apartment four hours early because he wanted to have enough time to propose. That would ruin the surprise.

"I'll wait for you in the kitchen," Derek said as he finished buttoning his shirt. Stepping towards her, he kissed the back of her neck. "And don't forget to where your hair down, and wavy."

"You're very demanding tonight," Meredith said.

"I know what I like," Derek joked. "And I want you to look hot."

"So I don't usually look hot?" Meredith turned around to face him, raising an eyebrow.

"You always look beautiful," Derek amended, kissing her. "I'll be in the kitchen."

"Fine," she whispered as he shut the door behind him.

Meredith pulled the straps over her shoulders and zipped up the dress. She didn't get why Derek was so insistent that she wear it. She was pretty sure the last time she wore it had been at a Christmas party a few years ago at least; she was surprised it even still fit her. Other than that, the only time she could remember wearing it was on a date with Derek. She smiled at the memory; it had been early in their relationship, only their second real date. He had taken her out for a perfect dinner and ice cream, followed by the best sex Meredith had ever had up until that point. She had begun falling in love with him that night, and counted herself pretty lucky to have found him. Snapping out of it, Meredith grabbed her brush to start fixing her hair, then reached for her shoes. Fifteen minutes later, she left his room. _Their _room, she corrected internally.

She went to the kitchen, clearing her throat as she stood in the entrance. Derek looked up, a slow smile spreading across his face. She grinned back at him, turning slowly to give him her full appearance. "How do I look?" she asked as she faced him again.

Derek didn't answer; rather, he crossed the room and pulled her into his arms, kissing her hard. Meredith moaned as Derek's tongue invaded her mouth. When they finally broke apart, they were both panting. "You look amazing," Derek managed to say. Wordlessly, he pulled her towards the door. As they stepped out of the apartment, Derek reached for his pocket, suddenly jerking away from Meredith.

"What's wrong Derek?" she asked.

"Um, nothing, nothing at all. I just left something in the room, let me go find it," Derek stuttered.

"I can help you find it," Meredith offered, starting to follow him.

"No!" Derek exclaimed, and Meredith stopped dead in her tracks. "I know exactly where it is. Just stay here." He headed back into the apartment, leaving Meredith confused in the hallway. He came back about a minute later, looking a little relieved.

"Are you okay Derek?" Meredith asked cautiously, not wanting to be snapped at.

"Yeah, I'm good," he smiled at her. "Let's go, there are a few places we need to go."

Fifteen minutes later, they reached a familiar bar, and Meredith was utterly confused. "You wanted to go to a bar before our party? The party that in fact has an open bar?"

"Just come on Mer, humor me," Derek said as he dragged her inside. He led her to a table, forced her to sit down, and stuck out his hand. Looking at the bartender, he ordered for them. "Hey, can I have a single malt scotch and a shot of tequila please?" Derek paid for the drinks, handing one to Meredith. After she finished her shot, he put his drink down and stuck out his hand, smiling.

"Hi," he began. "I'm Derek Shepherd."

"Huh," Meredith half laughed, looking at him like he was insane. "What are you doing?"

"We met at this bar, you remember? We met and, well you said, uh 'I'm just a girl', and I said 'I'm just a guy.' And we started this thing; we started this thing and you didn't know anything about me. The good, the bad, the age difference. You didn't even know my name," he smile grew wider as Meredith stood next to him, smiling but confused. "You didn't know me. And I'm glad you got to know me. You gave me a chance when you didn't want to, when you had been hurt before, and I love and appreciate that so much, and I want to recreate the first time we met." He stuck his hand out again. "So hi, I'm Derek Shepherd."

Meredith had no idea what was going on. She was wearing this nice dress because Derek insisted on it, and then he took her to a bar. Why? Just to be romantic? She didn't get it; she didn't understand why he was doing the romantic thing. It wasn't their anniversary, her birthday was months ago, and they were going to a party to celebrate her graduation and his birthday, so what the hell was he doing?

"This is ridiculous," Meredith finally said, and Derek's face fell a little. "Why are we here? Did you screw up or something? Because now would not be the time to tell me, not right before we face your family and my friends."

"Meredith," Derek said, almost pleading with her with his eyes. "Please?"

She looked at him for a long moment, and decided to let it go. For now. She didn't want to, but he was giving her the McDreamy face, and it melted her resolve.

"Hi," She said, sticking her hand out. "I'm Meredith Grey."

"It's very nice to meet you, Meredith," Derek shook her hand, pulling her slightly closer to him.

"It's nice to meet you," Meredith responded as she kissed him.

When he pulled away, Derek was smiling. "Come on," he said. "Let's go."

"What do you mean? We just got here," Meredith responded.

"Yeah, but we need to make a couple more stops," Derek said as they headed towards the door.

XXXXXX

An hour later, Meredith and Derek were still walking around, and Meredith had about enough. He had taken her to random spots in the city, and she hadn't really seen the point. And now he was saying they had one more stop to go before they could go to the party.

"Derek seriously, you need to tell me where you're taking me right now," Meredith snapped as he led her towards the NYU campus.

"Why?" Derek asked, his tone amused.

"Because I have to know!" Meredith exclaimed.

"Or you could just roll with it, be flexible," Derek said as they stopped at a crosswalk, waiting for the light to turn green.

"I'm not flexible," Meredith snapped.

"Haha, there I disagree," Derek said, smiling suggestively. Before Meredith could respond, the walk signal switched, so Derek grabbed her hand once again and pulled her across the street, finally stopping at Washington Square Park. "Now I'll explain," Derek said, taking both her hands in his. Meredith looked up, both confused and scared about what Derek was about to say.

"So, the places I took you today all remind me of you. The bar is the place we first met. This is where I first asked you out, and it took me almost ten minutes for you to say yes. Your dorm freshman year was where I kissed you for the first time. We celebrated our one year anniversary in Central Park. Each one of those places is where I fell in love with you a little more. Penn Station is where I decided to make plans with you because I loved you that much. We went to New York Harbor because that's where you found me when I lost a patient during one of my first solo surgeries. You told me that I would still be a great surgeon, that every doctor loses patients. You made me believe in myself again. That's when I knew I needed you," Derek squeezed her hands smiling at her.

Meredith smiled back at him. He was doing a big romantic gesture, and she knew she should hate it, but he was doing it in a way that she didn't mind at all. Or maybe she wasn't angry because she wasn't one hundred percent sure where was even going. Well, she there was a small idea in the back of her mind, but she couldn't think that yet; she might freak out over nothing. Before she could continue that thought, Derek began speaking again, and she focused back on him.

"You have been with me through everything; from when I've been too happy for words to the times I was so depressed I tried to push you away. But you never left, and you got me to move forward. You've let me in more and more over the past couple of years, and I revel in that, because it means you trust me to be there for you too. I know you say you're all dark and twisty; it's not a flaw, it's a strength, it makes you who you are," Derek's hand shifted to his side, and Meredith saw what she had been missing all night: a small square box bulging from his pocket.

Now Meredith had a definite idea of where this conversation was going, and she was trying to prepare herself for a freak out, and was trying to figure out ways to calm herself down. Surprisingly, the nervousness wasn't coming. And then Derek interrupted her thoughts again.

"I'm not going to get down on one knee. I'm not going to ask a question. I love you Meredith Grey, and I want to spend the rest of my life, with you."

He was silent for a moment, and Meredith processed what he had just said. He proposed. He proposed; he freaking proposed! This was really big, and she should be trying to run or stuttering some excuse to say no, but she couldn't, because she didn't want to. In the moment after he finished speaking, Meredith knew that, without a doubt, she wanted to spend the rest of her life with Derek Shepherd; she wanted to marry Derek. She smiled at this realization.

"And I want to spend the rest of my life with you," she answered softly, not trusting herself to say more or to say it louder. She wasn't worried though, she knew Derek would get it.

And he did. He smiled widely at her, shaking his head once, almost in disbelief as he pressed himself against her, kissing her passionately. She kissed him back just as fervently, tangling her fingers in his hair. Meredith became acutely aware of people whistling at them, and finally tore herself away from Derek. Her fiancé.

"We're engaged," she whispered as he pressed his forehead against hers.

"We are," Derek agreed. "Do you want to see your ring?"

Meredith nodded, watching Derek's face light up as he pulled it out of his pocket to show her. She knew he wouldn't put it on her finger unless she said it was alright, so she made it easy for him, sticking her left hand out, despite how much it was shaking. Derek took her hand, kissing it softly before slipping the ring, which she recognized as Carolyn's ring, on her finger, where it fit perfectly.

"I love you Mer," he whispered into her ear.

Meredith brushed her lips against his cheek before answering. "I love you too Derek."

"Come on," he said lightly. "We have a party to get to."

"Yeah, I guess we do," Meredith laughed, swinging their arms as they walked down the street.

_**A/N: I hope that you all liked the proposal, and it wasn't too ridiculous or anything. I'm a big fan of the elevator proposal, and I tried to think of a way that would encompass all of Derek's favorite moments with Meredith since she isn't a surgeon yet. Anyway, they're finally engaged! Please let me know what you think, I would really appreciate the feedback.**_


	9. Chapter 9

_**A/N: Thank you all so much for your amazing reviews, I'm glad you guys liked the proposal. Just a warning, the middle of this chapter gets a little porny, but this is the only one that will be like this for at least the next ten chapters, based on what I have written and outlined, so I'm going to keep the rating "T" for now. Anyway, enjoy the aftermath of the proposal, and let me know what you think!**_

**Chapter 9**

"So, who knew you were doing this?" Meredith looked up at Derek when they were about a block away from the restaurant. Derek smiled at her, but decided to answer honestly.

"Well, since you have my mom's ring, which is now yours, she knew. Cristina knew because I wanted to make sure you would like the ring and if you would even say yes. And then there's Mark and Addison, but that's it."

"Wait, you didn't think I'd say yes?" Meredith asked, and he could tell she was a little hurt.

"I hoped you would, and I thought you would," Derek answered Meredith honestly. "But I didn't want to push you into something you weren't ready for. I may be ready, but I'm also almost thirty. You're only twenty-two, and I couldn't imagine myself being married when I was your age. Then again, I didn't know you, or know anyone who I loved half as much as you, but still. I just wanted to wait until you were ready."

"I am ready Derek," Meredith said, but he could still see a trace of fear in her eyes. "But we don't have to get married right away, right? We can wait a little while?"

"We can wait as long as you want," Derek replied simply. "I just wanted to make sure I had you forever."

"Of course you have me forever," Meredith answered softly as they reached the restaurant. They made their way towards the back, where the conference room was. The doors were open, and about thirty people were milling around, mostly Derek's family with a few of Meredith's friends. Mark spotted the couple first, and made his way towards them.

"So," Mark began loudly. "Are any congratulations in order?" This grabbed the attention of the entire room, all conversation ceasing as the guests studied Meredith and Derek.

"Shut up Mark," Derek said as he rolled his eyes. Meredith on the other hand, smiled, nodding slightly as she shifted her hand that was holding Derek's, letting her ring become visible. Mark looked down, and then grinned up at Derek.

"She said yes man? Congratulations!" Mark pulled Derek into a hug as the rest of their family and friends crowded around them.

After Meredith had been hugged by just about everyone in the room, she headed over to the bar to grab a drink. Cristina and Izzie came up to her, Cristina's face expressionless while Izzie looked like she was going to faint from the excitement.

"So you said yes," Cristina stated. "I hope it wasn't a really cheesy proposal."

Meredith shook her head. "Not really. I mean, he took me to all of these spots around New York that mean something to us, which was really corny but also kind of cute. But he didn't get down on one knee, so that's good."

Cristina nodded her approval as Izzie sighed. "Aww Mer, that's so cute! Have you decided on anything yet? Have you had time? When exactly did he propose?"

"Iz," Meredith laughed. "He proposed about an hour ago, so we really haven't had time to plan anything yet."

"Oh, right," Izzie answered as she took a sip of her drink. The barman came over, and Cristina ordered three shots of tequila. She handed one to Meredith and one to Izzie.

"A celebratory drink. If anyone deserves to be drunk here, it's the future Mrs. Shepherd," Cristina said.

Meredith scrunched her nose when she heard the married name. "I think I'm going to keep my maiden name," she laughed as she knocked back the shot.

XXXXXX

An hour and a half later, Meredith and Cristina were still at the bar, both visibly drunk. They were chatting with Derek's sister Amelia, who was clearly enjoying the antics of drunk Meredith and Cristina.

"I can't believe you're marrying my brother," Amelia laughed. "I mean, you've basically been my sister for years, but I still can't believe it's actually happening. You could do so much better."

Meredith giggled at her, her eyes sparkling due to the combination of tequila and happiness. "Of course I'd marry him," she said, her voice slightly higher than usual because of the alcohol. She rolled her eyes at Amelia, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I love him, duh. And he's been my boyfriend for three years. Plus he's practically perfect, I mean, have you seen him. He's got the hair and the eyes and the perfect words. Oh, and the sex is just fantastic! When he does the thing in the shower with the bending, he just-"

"Meredith!" Amelia shouted, interrupting Meredith. "I really don't need to hear about my brother like that. Or think about that. Ever. So please, for my sanity, keep it to yourself."

"Fine Amy," she sighed dramatically before letting out a small giggle. "But I don't think it's fair that you can tell me all about your sex life and I can't say anything about mine."

"If you had siblings, you would understand," Amelia patted Meredith on the back. "Now, I'm going to talk to Liz and her husband, I'll see you later."

"Bye Amy!" Meredith said to her retreating back before focusing on Cristina. "Do you want to hear about my amazing sex life?"

"Mer, you've already told me about McDreamy's many tricks, many times," Cristina answered, her speech a little slurred. "What I want to know is why you're still here. If I were you, I would be halfway home to have hot, dirty engagement sex. You've been here about a half hour too long."

Meredith looked thoughtful for a moment before answering. "You know what Cristina? You have a point. I'll see you tomorrow at lunch; I'm going to find Derek."

Finding Derek took a little longer than expected; she had to say goodbye to everyone she passed. By the time she stumbled to Derek, it had been a half hour. She could tell Derek was only a little less drunk than she was which meant that he would be willing to leave the party early.

"Mer!" he greeted her, sounding excited. She didn't respond, rather, she pulled his head down to hers and kissed him hard, her tongue quickly darting into his mouth before she pulled away, hearing Mark cough uncomfortably. "Take me for a ride Derek," she whispered seductively.

"Absolutely," Derek responded, pulling her to his mother so they could say goodbye quickly before exiting the restaurant and hailing a cab.

Twenty minutes later, Derek and Meredith stumbled into the apartment, their lips crashing together. She giggled as he pulled down the zipper of her dress while she kicked her shoes off, leaving them in the hall. Derek's shirt was thrown on the living room couch as they moved further into the apartment, finally reaching their room.

Derek expertly unhooked her bra, and his mouth immediately moved to her breast as his hand rubbed against her panties. She moaned pressing herself closer to him. She undid his belt and zipped up his pants, letting them pool at his feet. "Derek, please," she gasped.

"Soon," he promised as he walked them backwards and eased her onto the bed. He pulled her panties down as he moved his mouth back up to hers, kissing her hard. She gasped as he slipped his fingers inside of her, relishing in the fact that he knew just what to do to turn her on. She bucked against his fingers as the pressure built, and clenched around his fingers as pleasure flooded through her.

She felt Derek slowly kiss his way up and down her stomach, licking and sucking on her neck before finally reaching her face. He settled between her legs, and Meredith lifted her hips, signaling that she was ready for him. He pushed inside her slowly, taking his time to love her. His thrusts were slow and deep, creating an intense climax as they came together.

When they finished, Derek collapsed on top of her, burying his face in Meredith's neck as he caught his breath. Meredith was completely satisfied; she didn't think she could move, let alone speak. Derek shifted off of her a few moments later, but Meredith remained on her back, too sated and too tired to move. Derek moved to press his stomach against her side, draping his arm around her and pulling her as close to himself as she can. Meredith, having regained use of her hands, if nothing else, wraps them around his arm, her breathing slowly returning to normal as her eyes drift shut.

"Mer?" Derek whispers, his lips pressed against her hair.

"Hmm?" is the only response she can manage.

"I love you."

"Mhmmm," Meredith manages, knowing Derek gets it as he squeezes her tighter. She feels him kiss the top of her head just as she falls into a deep sleep.

XXXXXX

Meredith awoke first, shifting in Derek's arms in order to see the time. 10:30 _Crap, _Meredith thought. She had to meet Izzie and Cristina at noon before the two went back to Boston. She sat up, slowly moving out of bed to go shower when she felt Derek groan and move behind her.

Opening his eyes slowly, she watched Derek blink a few times before focusing on her. He gave her his best McDreamy smile before snaking one of his hands out from under the blanket, holding a lacy black bra.

"This is…" Derek began, holding it out for her and smirking

"Mine thank you," Meredith stated, grabbing it from him. "I need to go."

"Why don't you come back down here and finished where we left off?" Derek asked, cocking his head.

"Seriously I have to go," Meredith replied. "I'm going to be late, which isn't something I want to be because it's the last time I'm going to see Izzie and Cristina for at least six months."

Before Meredith knew what was going on, Derek grabbed her by the waist and pulled her down to him. She giggled loudly as Derek tickled her before he turned her around, lying on the bed facing each other. She laced their hands together as they stared at each other, lost in the other's gaze. After a moment, Derek leaned over and kissed her softly.

"We're engaged," he stated.

"We're engaged," Meredith repeated, kissing him again. "I love you."

"I love you too," Derek murmured into her mouth as he kissed her deeply. As his tongue parted her lips, Meredith moaned softly.

"Seriously Derek," she said against his lips. "I have to go."

"Seriously," Derek repeated, shifting so he was on top of her and kissing her harder. Thought had all but left Meredith's brain until she heard Mark speaking somewhere in the house.

"Mark…" she started before Derek silenced her.

"Ignore him," Derek growled, and Meredith whimpered her consent. However Mark just got louder, and she thought she had heard another voice too, but she was focused on Derek and what he was doing to her.

"So, the bathroom is right her, and to the left is the bedroom. It's a pretty decent size room-" Meredith heard Mark's booming voice as the door swung open.

Meredith shrieked in surprise, pushing Derek off of her and pulling the blanket up to her chin.

"What the hell Mark?" Derek shouted at his best friend. Meredith noticed that Mark wasn't alone; a shorter brown haired man was standing next to him, looking very uncomfortable.

"Sorry man, I didn't realize you were here. I thought you'd be apartment hunting or something," Mark said, being extra careful not to look at Meredith. Meredith knew that if he even glanced at her while she was naked, Derek would kill him.

"Why would I be apartment hunting?" Derek snapped.

"Um, I'm gonna go," the other man said awkwardly.

"Alright Weiss, I'll call you in a couple of days if you're still interested in the room," Mark answered, shaking Weiss' hand before exiting the apartment.

"Why am I apartment hunting Mark?" Derek repeated, still angry.

"Well, I thought you would be. I mean, you asked Grey to move in with you, and then you told me you planned on proposing, so I figured you were getting your own place. I probably shouldn't have assumed that you were moving out, but you never explicitly said that Meredith was going to be living with the both of us. Do you want me to call the guy and tell him you two are staying?"

Derek looked at Meredith questioningly. Meredith shrugged; she didn't really have an opinion. She had assumed she would be living with Derek and Mark when Derek asked her to move in with him, but there was something about the idea of living alone with him that made her excited, especially since they were getting married at some point.

"No," Derek sighed, looking away from Meredith. "It's fine. But you have to tell him he has to wait three weeks."

Mark smiled sheepishly. "Alright man." Mark turned to leave.

"Close the door," Derek called after him. "And learn to knock."

"Hey," Mark laughed back. "Maybe you should learn to lock it." As soon as Mark shut the door, Derek pulled Meredith into his arms, breathing her in.

"Sorry about that," he whispered into her ear. "I guess we're being evicted."

"Apparently," Meredith laughed. "Do you maybe want to start looking this afternoon? After I say goodbye to Cristina and Izzie that is."

"Sounds like a good idea," Derek replied, looking deep into her eyes. "Is this okay Mer? I mean, I figured we would live here for a little while at least, and I don't want to rush you."

"Derek, this is perfect," she said as she kissed him.


	10. Chapter 10

_**Please review guys, they make day. Enjoy!**_

**Chapter 10**

"So Mark walked in with his new roommate while you were having sex with Derek? That's hilarious," Cristina laughed as she, Izzie and Meredith made their way to the train station so they could head back to Boston.

"It would be more embarrassing if that was the first time it had happened," Meredith rolled her eyes. "And we were not having sex! I was getting up to get ready to meet the two of you!"

"And you were still fifteen minutes late," Izzie joked. "God, if you had been having sex with Derek you never would have shown up."

"Shut up!" Meredith exclaimed, hitting Izzie lightly on the arm.

"So, what are you going to do now that you're being kicked out of the apartment?"

"Derek said he would look in the paper and online for apartments, and then I'm supposed to meet him at Central Park after I drop you off and we'll go apartment hunting.

"Do you know where you want to live?" Izzie asked.

"Well, here's the thing: Columbia and NYU Medical are on opposite ends of Manhattan, so we need to find somewhere in the middle to live so it's convenient for both of us. We'll just have to wait and see I guess."

"Be serious Mer, it's going to come down to which one you like better; Derek will live anywhere that you love, no matter where it is," Cristina stated.

"Whatever," Meredith said dismissively as they reached Penn Station. There was still a half an hour until Cristina and Izzie's train left, so Meredith decided to sit with them. They talked about what classes they were each taking in med school for a little before Izzie pulled out the newest issue of Cosmo.

"Twenty-five kinky sex positions," Cristina read off the cover. "Turn to that page, I want some tips."

Izzie laughed as she turned to the page, and the girls discussed the pros and cons of each position.

"Look at number sixteen!" Izzie said, pointing to the image. Izzie , Cristina and Meredith all tilted their heads as they read what was being described.

"That does not look comfortable," Cristina commented while Izzie shook her head in agreement.

"Trust me, it's not," Meredith said, still staring at the page. When she looked up, both Izzie and Cristina were staring at her, their expressions a mix of shock and amazement.

"What?" Meredith asked.

"You've done that?" Izzie asked incredulously. "With Derek or with one of the random guys you slept with in high school?"

"Of course with Derek," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Sex in high school was very basic. But seriously, it was alright, but it wasn't a mind-blowing experience that Cosmo is proclaiming it to be. Now, number twenty-one," Meredith said, shifting her finger down the page. "That's a good one."

"Wait," Cristina said, studying the picture. "How does that even work? I didn't even know my body could even bend that way."

"Derek says I'm very flexible," Meredith shrugged simply. "It takes a little practice, but it's amazing when you get it right." Izzie and Cristina both raised their eyebrows at her, but Meredith just laughed it off before changing the subject.

After a few more minutes of chatting, Izzie and Cristina's train was called. After long goodbyes and promises to call soon, Meredith left the train station, heading towards Central Park, where she promised to meet Derek.

About ten minutes later, she spotted Derek on a park bench near the carousel in Central Park. As if he could sense her, he lifted his head from the notebook he was studying, getting up to meet her. Pulling her closely, he kissed Meredith quickly on the lips.

"How are Cristina and Izzie?" Derek asked, his hands still on her waist.

"They're good. It's weird that I'm not going to be seeing them for a while though," Meredith answered. "How are you? Did you have any luck with the apartment searching?"

"I found a couple," Derek replied, holding the notebook in front of her. "There are two that would be really good, one's on East 79th street and the other is on the corner of Park Ave and East 86th. Then there are a few more in the area, but those two seem ideal."

"Alright," Meredith nodded. "Let's check out the one on 79th street first."

They walked hand in hand down the New York streets, chatting lightly until they reached their destination. The apartment was a good size; it had only one bedroom, a very spacious kitchen and a living room with a fireplace. Though they both liked it, and Derek was close to putting down a deposit on it, Meredith suggested that they check out the one on 86th street.

"But why Mer?" Derek half whined as she dragged him out of the building.

"Because Derek," Meredith snapped. "You narrowed it down to two, which means there is something about the place we haven't seen yet that must have caught your eye. And honestly, I don't feel completely comfortable with putting a deposit down on the first apartment I see, it just doesn't feel responsible."

"Fine," Derek sighed, reaching for her hand as they began walking. They were silent for a few minutes, which got Meredith thinking about their upcoming wedding, so she squeezed Derek's hand.

"Yes," he smiled, looking down at her expectantly.

"When do you want to get married?" she asked.

"It doesn't matter to me Meredith," Derek answered.

"Don't say that," Meredith argued. "Of course it matters to you. You have to have some idea as to when you want this to happen, or at least some vision of me in a wedding dress walking down the aisle or whatever, or you wouldn't have asked me to marry you. So, honestly, in this fantasy of yours, what season is it?"

"Hmmm," Derek sighed, thinking for a moment before answering her, a smile playing on his lips. "Summer," he finally answered. "You look beautiful all the time, but there is something about the way you look in the summer that I just can't get over. Your hair gets lighter, and you don't get too tan, just enough, and your freckles show just a little more, and…I don't know. But, do you remember that week you came to visit our first summer we were together, when you were stuck in Boston and I was here? Well, when I came to pick you up from the train, the first thing I thought was that you looked like a model, and that's how I picture you when we get married." He looked down at her, gauging her reaction.

Meredith studied his face before nodding slowly. "Summer," she repeated, turning away from him and facing the sidewalk in front of her. "So, we'll get married next summer."

"Meredith, we don't have to get married next summer. You just asked my opinion, and I gave it to you, I wasn't trying to tell you when we should get married, just the time of year."

"Derek, shut up," Meredith responded. "I know you didn't say next summer, _I'm _saying that we're getting married next summer. I want to, if you want to."

"Oh Mer, I would marry you today if you would let me," Derek said, unable to keep a smile off his lips.

"Yeah, because that would go over real well with your mother. And your sisters," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, you're right," Derek laughed.

"Can we have a small wedding?" Meredith asked. "I mean, I'll get married in a church or whatever because it means a lot to your mom, but can we only have a few people there, and at the reception too? Because I really don't want a big wedding. That's my only demand."

"Of course Meredith," Derek stopped them, looking down at her. "We can have whatever type of wedding you want. You're the bride; it's supposed to be your perfect day."

"Okay," Meredith stood on her tiptoes to kiss him. Looking at the address of the building in front of them, Meredith pulled Derek's arm. "Come on, we're here."

XXXXXX

"God Derek, look at this bathroom!" Meredith exclaimed as she eyed the clawfoot tub in the large bathroom. "It's huge!"

"It is," Derek agreed. "Perfect for all those baths you take."

"Hey," Meredith slapped his chest, sensing the sarcasm. "You know I like baths, I take them at home all the time. And at your place. I just can't take them at school because that's so unsanitary."

"I was kidding Mer," he said, wrapping his arms around her shoulders as he kissed her cheek, her back pressed against his chest. Turning them around, they stared out at the rooms around them. It was an open floor plan, with hardwood floors and a large fireplace spanning the living room and kitchens. Off of that was a hallway, containing a small room, probably for a washer and dryer, a large bedroom right next to the bathroom, and at the end of the hall, another bedroom. _For kids, _Meredith thought when she looked towards that room. _Well, maybe kids,_ she amended to herself. They couldn't have kids right now, they weren't married yet, and she went on the pill two years ago. But still, if it happened, they would have room for a baby, and it was better to be prepared.

"What do you think Mer?" Derek whispered into her ear.

"I like this one. A lot."

"Hmm," Derek mumbled into her neck. "Me too."

"The bathroom is big, and so are the closets," Meredith pointed out.

"They are," he agreed.

"And we can use that room, if you can call it that, for storage or a washer and dryer. And the other room could be used for our…for an office or study."

"That's a good idea."

"This one is bigger than the last one," Meredith stated, turning in Derek's arms to face him. "How much more expensive is it?"

"It's not, the rent is the same," Derek replied simply. "So Meredith, which one do you like better?"

"Ummm," Meredith paused, thinking hard. "This one. If you like this one too, then I want us to live here."

"I love this one. I'm glad you made me come see it."

"Well, I'm always right you know," Meredith smirked up at him.

"I know, which is why I agree with you so much," he said, leaning down to kiss her.

"This is going to be our home," she said when he pulled away from her.

"Our home," Derek repeated, kissing her deeply again.


	11. Chapter 11

**_A/N: So this is a pretty fluffy chapter, but there will be another plot coming up soon. Read, review, and enjoy!_**

**C****hapter 11**

"Your apartment is amazing!" Addison gushed to Meredith a month later. Meredith and Derek had signed the lease and moved in two weeks ago, and Meredith wanted to throw a party, the date coinciding with Derek's thirtieth birthday.

"I know, I absolutely love it," Meredith replied. "And it's not that far from you, so you'll have to come visit when you aren't working."

"Of course, now that Cristina's in Boston you need to find some sort of temporary replacement," Addison laughed.

"That's true, I need to train you," Meredith joked.

"What did you end up getting Derek for his birthday?" Addison asked.

"Umm," Meredith began, blushing a little. "Well, he told me he didn't want anything because we just signed the lease on the apartment, and I paid the first month's rent. But I bought him a few CDs, which he liked, and a more, uh, adult present, which he hasn't seen yet."

"Uh huh," Addison said, raising her eyebrows at her. "You two have way too much sex. I'm starting to think that Mark made a mistake in kicking the two of you out."

"What mistake did I make?" Mark asked, sauntering over to Meredith and Addison.

"Kicking Derek out of the apartment. I bet all they do now is have sex all over the place," Addison responded.

"Hey!" Meredith exclaimed, turning red and not denying Addison's accusations.

"I did not kick Derek out," Mark insisted. "He and Grey voluntarily left."

"Right," Addison scoffed. "After you walk in on them with your new roommate the morning after they got engaged. Did you really think that they were planning on leaving that room at all that day?"

"Hey!" Meredith repeated. "We were not going to be having sex all day; I had to meet Cristina and Izzie for lunch, so I was getting up. And anyways, that was a month ago; it doesn't matter now."

"Mhmm," Addison smirked. The three chatted for a few more minutes while more guests arrived, mostly Derek's sisters with their husbands and kids. She spotted Derek across the room, and her stomach did a somersault. He was wearing a light blue shirt that brought out his eyes, and his hair, as usual, was perfect.

He was talking with his mother and Nancy, both of whom were handing him presents. She watched him talk animatedly with his family, pointing out different features of their new home. He eventually moved away from his mother to put her gift on the coffee table, and their eyes met. Meredith raised her eyebrows and smiled suggestively, watching him tense. Within five seconds he had crossed the room, took her arm, and pulled her into the hall.

Leading her down the hallway, he opened the first door on the right, the laundry room, and practically pushed her inside. After flipping on the light and shutting the door, he pulled her face towards him and kissed her hard. Meredith instantly responded, her hands automatically going to his hair.

He gripped her waist as he lifted her up and sat her on the washing machine, his lips never leaving hers as he moved to stand beneath her legs. He continued to kiss her passionately; Meredith opened her mouth so his tongue could mingle with hers. She moaned softly as Derek bit down lightly on her lower lip, getting lost in the way Derek made her feel.

It wasn't until his mouth left hers, kissing and sucking his way down her neck, that Meredith began to think again. And as Derek began unbuttoning her jeans, still assaulting her neck, she heard a thud coming from another room. This noise snapped her back to reality; there were people outside the laundry room, a lot of people.

"Derek," Meredith gasped, her hands moving from his neck to his chest in an effort to push him away.

"Yes," he moaned, kissing her deeply again.

"We have to stop," she said forcefully.

"No we don't," Derek argued, leaning towards her again as Meredith successfully pushed him away.

"Yes we do. There are thirty people out there right now. And these people are celebrating your birthday and admiring our apartment. And we aren't out there. They are eventually going to wonder where we are, and our place isn't all that big, so they'll find us pretty easily. And I am not having your mother listen to us having sex."

"But it's my birthday," Derek whined, looking at her with pleading eyes. "And I want sex. And we never deny each other sex on our birthdays."

"You already got sex six times today," Meredith argued as she rebuttoned her jeans.

"Yeah, but two of those times don't count," Derek said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"And why not?" Meredith scoffed disbelievingly. "As I recall, you were very happy, and very, very satisfied, each time today."

"I'm always satisfied with you," Derek smirked. "But, we had yet to christen two of the rooms, so the study sex and the laundry room sex technically still fall under move in sex. So I should get sex now."

"Derek, no," Meredith said firmly as she hopped off the washer, fixing her hair quickly before stepping closer to him and kissing him. "But, I promise that there will be a lot of dirty sex for you tonight."

"Fine," Derek sighed as he led them out of the laundry room, but he couldn't keep the smile off of his face. They left the laundry room as inconspicuously as possible, moving back into the main room.

"Meredith," she heard a familiar voice call behind her. Turning around, she smiled at Carolyn Shepherd as she walked towards the two of them, pulling Meredith into a hug. "Your home is lovely! Now, I tried to ask Derek about any wedding plans, and he told me to talk to you. So, do you have any news?"

Meredith shot Derek a look. "You didn't want to tell your mom about your own wedding?"

Derek chuckled and kissed the top of her head. "I don't think I would have done an adequate job. She would want a girl's perspective."

Meredith rolled her eyes as she turned back to Carolyn. "We were thinking next summer," she responded to Carolyn's questioning stare. "And we kind of wanted to have a small wedding and reception. You know, immediate friends and family, buffalo wings at the reception sort of thing."

Carolyn smiled at her. "That sounds like a lovely idea. Perfect for the two of you."

Meredith looked up at Derek, who pressed a quick kiss to the top of her head. "Yeah, we thought so too."

XXXXXX

Meredith woke up the next morning to Derek shifting his arm on her waist. She turned around in his arms, pressing herself against his naked chest. Opening her eyes slowly, he was smiling down at her, smirking. "Good morning," he whispered as he kissed her on the lips.

"Morning. How long have you been up?" Meredith asked.

"Just woke up."

"Good. Did you have at the party?"

"The party was alright," Derek said, still smirking. "But I had a great time before the party. And an even better, mind-blowing time after."

"You make everything dirty," Meredith rolled her eyes at him, but grabbed his hand and laced their fingers together.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you something yesterday," Derek said, suddenly very excited.

Meredith propped her head up on Derek's chest, looking intrigued. "What?"

"I got it," Derek said, squeezing her in his arms. "Chief Resident, I got picked."

"Ah, no way Derek!" Meredith screeched, leaning up to kiss him. "I'm so proud of you!"

"Thank you," Derek said, pulling her closer. "I was really surprised they picked me."

"Of course they picked you, you're a rock star in the OR. Why didn't you tell me when you found out?"

"Well, it was posted yesterday morning just as my night shift was ending," Derek explained. "And I meant to tell you, but you were still asleep when I got home and I was just so tired, I wanted to sleep and meant to tell you when I woke up. But then it was my birthday so you had stuff planned, and then there was the party, and then we had our own, _private _celebration last night. So, now is the time I'm telling you."

Meredith nodded at him still smiling with pride over him. "I love you."

"I love you too," he said kissing her firmly and pulling her on top of him. "You want to know what goes great with getting picked for something?"

"What?" Meredith giggled against his lips.

"Celebration sex," he said seductively.

Meredith laughed, moving to straddle him. "Addison was right."

"Right about what?" Derek asked as he trailed kisses along her neck.

"All we do now is have sex," Meredith half moaned, giving in to Derek's exploration of her body.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

"Meredith, will you just eat something?" Derek said as he put a plate of eggs in front of her.

"No, I'm not hungry," Meredith snapped, pushing her chair out and standing up.

"Meredith, sit!" Derek moved to stand next to her and pushed her back down. Keeping his hands on her shoulders, he crouched down so that he was eye level with her. "Please eat, you'll feel better. I promise that med school is not that bad. It's hard, but you're brilliant, so you'll breeze through it. Plus, you have me to help you study." He offered her a reassuring smile and squeezed her shoulders. They had been living together for two months, and though Derek had been overwhelmed with the Chief Resident work for the first few weeks, he had managed to find a balance. Over the past week, however, Meredith became convinced that she was going to fail out of Columbia, making her more and more of a nervous wreck as the first day of classes approached quickly.

"How do you know?" Meredith said softly, not looking him in the eye. "You haven't been in Med School for five years; they might have changed a lot."

"Mer, please stop freaking out. Columbia will not have changed all that much. Plus, you only have two classes today, so you won't be completely overwhelmed. And since it is the first day of class, they won't bombard you with work. Trust me, okay?"

Meredith looked him in the eye, smiling softly. "Okay," she answered before leaning in to kiss him. Moving to sit down next to her, Derek watched as Meredith began to eat her breakfast. He focused on the food on his plate before looking back up at her, studying her intently. Something was off.

"Mer?"

"Yes?" She asked, looking up at him.

"Where's your ring?"

"What? Oh," Meredith said, looking down at her left hand. "I'm working at the hospital after I get out of class today, and you know they don't like it when I wear jewelry, so I'm leaving it at home like I always do."

"Yeah, but I want you to wear it to school," Derek responded, trying to be casual.

"Don't be such a caveman," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Listen, I get out of class at twelve thirty, and I'm working at the hospital from one thirty until six. Now, Columbia and the hospital are pretty far away from each other, so I can either wear the ring to class, go home, go to the hospital and immediately start working, or I could not wear my ring, get out of class, go right to the hospital and eat lunch with you before work. Which do you prefer?"

"Is this a trick question?" Derek joked.

"Derek!"

"Fine," he sighed. "Don't wear the ring. But I don't want anyone hitting on you."

"Don't worry," she said, getting up to put her plate in the sink before sitting in his lap. "I'm not into med students. But I definitely have a thing for Chief Residents."

"Hmm, good," Derek said as he captured her lips.

XXXXXX

Two and a half hours later, Meredith was wandering the hallway, frantically looking from her schedule to the classroom numbers, hoping that she finds her anatomy lab soon. She got to school a half hour early, just to be on the safe side, and was able to find her first class easily. But that class let out early, so she figured she would just go straight to her lab in order so she could be early again. It was a good idea that she did; she spent ten minutes lost before she finally found the building she was looking for.

Meredith didn't know anyone here, and she was scared. This was the first time that she had to go to school without knowing anyone; she and Cristina had gone to school together for as long as she could remember. And now she was all alone, without her best friend or her boyfriend telling her she would be fine.

"Are you lost?" Meredith whipped around, and found herself staring at a tall blonde girl, maybe a year older than her.

"Um, yes," Meredith stuttered. "I'm looking for Dr. Barker's Anatomy Lab. Do you know where it is?"

"Yeah, I do," the blonde answered. "I'm in that lab too, I can walk with you."

"Great," Meredith said, relieved.

The two walked in silence for a few seconds before the girl decided to speak. "I'm Sadie. Second year med student," the girl said, sticking out her hand.

"Meredith," Meredith replied, shaking Sadie's hand. "Today's my first day of med school."

"Really?" Sadie said, clearly surprised. "Then how are you in this class? Almost everyone in Anatomy is going to be a second or third year student."

"Yeah," Meredith said uncomfortably. "I took a couple of classes at NYU Med School last summer; one of my Professors said it would be a good idea. So, I placed out of the first year anatomy class and get to take this one."

"Impressive," Sadie said. "Do you live close by?"

"Kind of, my fiancé and I live on East 86th. He works at NYU Medical Center, so we needed to find a place halfway between the two."

"Wait, you're engaged? You look like you're eighteen!"

"I'm twenty-two," Meredith rolled her eyes haughtily. "And Derek and I will have been together four years next week, and we're ready."

"I'm not judging," Sadie said quickly. "I was just curious. I'm not even close to being ready to get married. "

"It's alright. It's just that, he's…Derek's older than I am. Like a lot older. And I'm always worried that people are going to judge me, or him, or both of us together."

"How much older? He's not like fifty is her?"

"No," Meredith laughed. "He just turned thirty, and I've been with him since I was eighteen and he was twenty-six."

"I see," Sadie thought. "I like you Meredith. I think I'm going to call you Death, as long as you don't mind."

"Only if I can call you 'Die'" Meredith replied.

"Deal," Sadie answered. "Alright, here we are. First class of the day. Good luck."

"Thanks," Meredith replied meekly." I think I'm going to need it."


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Meredith walked into the Anatomy lab behind Sadie, and took a deep breath. Apparently, she wasn't the only one who thought it was a good idea to come to class early. Almost all of the tables were occupied, so she wouldn't be able to be lab partners with Sadie. She scanned the room, seeing only two empty seats, one in the second row and one in the last row. Now, Meredith figured that med school, especially at a school like Columbia, would be very different than classes in high school and college, but she still didn't want to sit in the back, because based on previous experience, the kids that didn't care sat in the back. So she moved to the table in the second row, smiling quickly at her partner, a boy with light brown hair and brown eyes.

"Hey," the guy next to her said, causing Meredith to look up at him. "Were you in biochemistry with Dr. James earlier today?"

"Hi, yeah I was," Meredith answered.

"Good, it means I'm not the only first year in here."

"Nope, we can be tortured together," Meredith laughed as she pulled her textbook and notebook out of her backpack.

"I'm Steve," the boy said, sticking out his hand.

"Meredith," she answered, shaking his hand. He held on to her a hand a little too long before giving her hand a squeeze. Meredith immediately let go of him, confused.

At that moment, Doctor Barker walked into the classroom. Since it was their first day, they didn't actually have to do a lab, but the professor went over the syllabus, what they would be doing in class for the semester, the lab protocols, appropriate clothing, and various other things. They were out of lab an hour earlier than Meredith expected, which made her very excited because she could spend more time with Derek. She texted Derek quickly to let him know that she would be at the hospital in a half hour.

"Hey, Meredith!" She heard a voice call from behind her. She turned around to see Steve heading towards her as she exited the building.

"Hey Steve," Meredith said, waiting for him to catch up with her.

"Do you have any more classes today?" Steve asked when he finally caught up with her.

"Nope, I'm all done for the day," Meredith replied as she continued walking.

"Me too. Do you maybe want to go get something to eat?" Steve asked eagerly.

"I can't, I have to work at one thirty," Meredith said absentmindedly; Derek had just texted her back.

"Really, where do you work?"

"NYU Medical Center. I got my LNA license when I was a sophomore in college. It kind of sucks being a nurse, but it pays well and I'm making great connections when I apply to different hospitals," Meredith laughed a little at the end. She had finished reading Derek's text, and it was very dirty.

"That's a great idea," Steve continued, clearly trying to get Meredith's attention. "But that's too bad you can't go to lunch. Maybe I can take you out for a drink sometime."

Meredith stopped dead in her tracks; _this was not happening _she thought. "As friends, or like as a date?" Meredith asked slowly, not really sure she wanted to know the answer.

"Well, I was hoping it would be a date," Steve looked at her.

Meredith shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah, that can't happen. I'm engaged, so it wouldn't be a good idea."

"Oh," Steve took a step back, clearly surprised. "I didn't know. You aren't wearing a ring."

"Yeah, because I'm going straight to the hospital, and I can't wear jewelry."

"Oh right, sorry," Steve said, though he looked like he didn't believe her. "Your fiancé is a lucky guy."

Meredith smiled when she thought of Derek. "Actually, I think I'm the lucky one. Look, I don't want this to be awkward; do you think we can be friends or something, or at least civil lab partners?"

"Yeah," Steve agreed. "We can be friends. And I'll still buy you a drink."

"Okay," Meredith smiled. "See you later Steve."

"Bye Meredith," Steve called, staring at her as she walked away, jealous of her so called fiancé.

XXXXXX

A half an hour later, Meredith entered the hospital, still wondering what to do about Steve and Derek. She couldn't figure out whether or not she should tell Derek that Steve asked her out. There were several reasons why she shouldn't tell him, one being that he would get ridiculously jealous. Whenever the two of them went to a party together, whether at her school or at his friends' apartments, he clung to her, wanting everyone to know that she was his. If she were to tell him, his first reaction would be to go to Columbia, find Steve, and beat the crap out of him. Either that or she would be subjected to one of Derek's lectures as to why she should wear her engagement ring all of the time. However, when she thought about it, she had to tell Derek. If it were the other way around, if someone had asked Derek out, she would want to know. Not because she didn't trust him, but because they were supposed to tell each other everything. That's what couples do, they don't keep secrets. So, she had to tell him.

"Hey," Derek said, appearing from behind her. "What's going on? You seem out of it."

"Hi," Meredith said, kissing Derek on the cheek. "I'm fine; I'll tell you about it at lunch. Let me go change and I'll meet you in the cafeteria."

"Okay, I'll buy you lunch," Derek said as Meredith turned around, waving absentmindedly to him. She changed in a bathroom quickly and made her way to the cafeteria. Derek was sitting at a corner table with two salads and water bottles, waving to her as she headed towards him.

"So," Derek started. "How was your day? How were classes?"

"Um, they were pretty good," Meredith answered. She debated whether she should bring up the Steve thing casually, or whether she should build it up by telling him not to freak out before mentioning it to him.

She decided on the former. "My lab partner hit on me today," she said in a teasing voice and smiling lightly. Derek's face, which had been concentrating on his salad, shot up, his brow furrowed.

"What did you just say?" Derek said, a hint of anger in his voice.

"Derek, relax," Meredith said, rubbing her thumb over his hand. "It wasn't a big deal."

"Of course it is!" Derek snapped. "You don't just bring it up like its small talk. Some guy was flirting with you, and you bring it up like we're talking about the weather!"

"Derek, calm down," Meredith pleaded, grabbing both of his hands and looking him straight in the eye. "He wasn't flirting that much during class. Or maybe he was and I didn't realize it. But after class, he asked if I wanted to go get lunch, and I thought he was just being friendly. But then he asked me to get a drink with him sometime, and I made sure to tell him that I'm engaged. I promise I told him that I was engaged, and I didn't even realize it if he was hitting on me, because he isn't you, and therefore I don't care. Please don't be mad at me."

Derek looked at her for a moment, and then squeezed her hands. "I'm not mad at you," he said, offering her a small smile. "I just don't like the idea of someone else flirting with you."

"If he was, he wasn't doing a very good job," Meredith joked. "I honestly didn't even realize he was asking me out when he wanted to go to lunch. I had to explicitly ask if he meant as a date. That should make you feel better."

"It does, a little," Derek chuckled. "I trust you Mer."

"Good," Meredith nodded, releasing his hands and taking a bite of her salad.

"But," Derek said, looking at her seriously. "I expect you to wear your ring at all times in class, no exceptions."

"No exceptions," Meredith promised. "I'll keep it in your locker when I'm at work, in case I have to come straight here from class."

Derek simply nodded, leaning forward to kiss her cheek as they continued to eat their lunch.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Derek grabbed his phone from his locker, seeing a new text from Meredith, asking him again what time he got off of work. Derek quickly responded:

_I just finished actually, do you want to go to dinner?_

_Perfect timing lol. We got our project done, so we went over to the bar by the apartment. Meet me here?_

_Absolutely. I'll be there in about twenty minutes._

_Ok, see you soon_

_Love you, _Derek responded before shutting his phone. He left the hospital with a smile on his face, glad to be out of the hospital at a decent hour. He had been pulling a few late shifts recently, and with Meredith busy with classes and labs, they had barely spent any time together over the past three weeks. He was ecstatic that it was Thursday; he had the day off tomorrow, and Meredith got out of class at ten thirty and didn't have to work at the hospital, so they would be able to spend the afternoon together. He figured they could spend some time wedding planning; all they had so far was a general season, and if they wanted to get married next year, they would have to start planning things like the location, number of guests, an actual date, and Derek's personal favorite: the honeymoon.

He got to his favorite bar about a half hour later, arriving a little late because it was such a nice night that Derek had decided to walk rather than take the subway. He opened the door, heading to the bar while simultaneously looking for Meredith. He didn't see her anywhere, so he decided to order a drink.

"Single malt scotch," he said to the bartender. Right then he heard a very familiar laugh and looked towards the back of the bar. There she was, playing darts with three people. She was laughing with a blonde girl, and Derek decided to just sit back and watch her for a little while.

And then he saw something that made his stomach churn.

The other two people with Meredith were boys; one had red hair while the other had light brown hair. The four of them appeared a little tipsy, but it was no excuse for the way that they were behaving. The boy with the brown hair had finished throwing his last dart, and Meredith stood up, signaling it was her turn. The guy handed the darts to Meredith, and slapped her ass as she took her position. She hit three bull's-eyes right in a row, which was an accomplishment considering she was tipsy. She high fived her other two friends, but the brown haired boy pulled her into a hug, his hands roaming down her back. Derek saw red; she didn't even try to move his hands away or anything. When she pulled away, she handed the blonde the darts, but remained standing. The annoying guy stood uncomfortably close to Meredith, and Derek could tell he was going to make a move. When the jerk began to place his hand on the small of Meredith's back, he decided he had seen enough.

He marched towards the back, clearing his throat. Meredith and the guy both turned around, the guy curious of who he was, Meredith delighted to see him.

"Derek!" she shouted, launching herself into his arms, clearly more tipsy than Derek realized. He held on to her tight to keep her from falling, but ignored her attempt to kiss him, instead keeping his eyes locked on the guy who had been flirting with Meredith, now looking as if he was sizing Derek up.

"Guys, this is Derek, my fiancé. Der, these are my friends," Meredith said after she kissed him on the cheek. "That's Sadie, and that's her lab partner Jack, and this," Meredith pointed to the brown haired boy, "is Steve. He's my lab partner. And he was really helpful with the project, so hopefully we'll do well."

"That's nice," Derek said curtly, still glaring at Steve, who was, much to Derek's annoyance, glaring back at him, as if it were Derek who was stealing his fiancé. "Come on Meredith, we're going home." He held her firmly by the waist and turned her around.

"Why?" Meredith asked, confused. "I thought we were going out to dinner."

"Yeah, well now we aren't," Derek snapped, pulling her away from the table.

"Fine," Meredith sighed, turning to her friends quickly. "Bye guys, I'll see you tomorrow!"

Her friends said their goodbyes as Derek stalked out of the bar. Their walk home was short, but silent. Derek was fuming, both at Steve and at Meredith. That was her lab partner, the one that hit on her a few weeks ago. Meredith promised she told him she was engaged, plus she was wearing a ring, and he was still hitting on her; he was such a scumbag. And Meredith, he couldn't even wrap his mind around the fact that she let Steve touch her like that, drunk or otherwise. He snuck a glance at Meredith, who was looking up at him, her face a mixture of confusion and hurt. When their eyes met, she offered him a smile, which Derek ignored, facing forward again.

When they finally closed the door to their apartment, Derek collapsed on the couch, his head in his hands, unsure as to what to do or say to Meredith. Meredith stood in front of him, arms crossed over her chest as she looked down at him, trying to figure out what was going on.

"Derek, what's wrong with you?" Meredith started. "We haven't spent any time together in days, and I got excited to go out to dinner with you and actually see you and talk to you, and you just come storming into the bar, barely acknowledge me, and act like I've done something wrong. What the hell is your problem?"

"Seriously?" Derek practically shouted. "What's my problem? Are you kidding me Meredith? Your damn lab partner, Steve or whatever, he was all over you! He kept touching you and flirting with you, I was standing at the bar watching you. And you did absolutely nothing about it, you let him touch you and treat you as if you were his girlfriend."

"What are you talking about Derek?" Meredith yelled back. "Steve is like that with everyone! He's always touchy. If Sadie had hit three bull's-eyes in a row, he would have hugged her."

"Yeah, well I didn't see him smack her ass right before it was her turn," Derek snapped.

"That didn't mean anything," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"That's sexual harassment!" Derek exclaimed. "You would hate it if I did that to anyone but you. Please, you even hate it when I do that to you. Do you like him Meredith, because if you're unhappy or you're cheating on me, just tell me, because this is just ridiculous."

"Are you freaking kidding me? Did you actually just accuse me of cheating on you? I would never do that and you know it! I spend every free moment we have with you, not out with my friends. And if I was cheating on you, I wouldn't have bothered to tell you when Steve was hitting on me. He and I are friends Derek; he knows that I'm happily engaged and that I love you. But I'm not going to put up with you being ridiculously jealous because there are other guys on the planet besides you!" With that, Meredith stomped into their bedroom, slamming the door behind her.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

Derek sat there for a few minutes, running his hand through his hair. He was still pissed, but he probably shouldn't have accused her of cheating on him. He didn't know what to do; he had to apologize to her, but he didn't feel as though he was entirely wrong in the entire situation. He had seen the way Steve was looking at Meredith, looking at him, and Derek knew he wasn't being paranoid.

He wanted to go check on Meredith. He pushed himself off of the couch and headed towards their bedroom. He was about to open the door when he heard Meredith talking. She was sniffling, and sounded sad; she must be on the phone with Cristina or something. Derek decided to leave her alone for another ten or twenty minutes.

As soon as he reentered the living room, his phone rang. Looking at the caller ID, he saw that it was his mother.

"Hey Mom," Derek sighed, looking back towards his room, hoping Meredith would emerge.

"Derek Christopher Shepherd, what have you done?" His mother's voice rang through the phone. Clearly, she was not calling for a friendly chat.

"What do you mean?" he asked, rubbing his eyes.

"Meredith called the house crying about ten minutes ago. I spoke to her briefly before she asked to speak to Amelia. I can only assume that you've done something, especially since you sound so guilty. So I'll ask again, what did you do to Meredith?"

"Mom, I didn't do anything!" Derek began. "Well, maybe I did, but I was kind of justified. I was supposed to meet her at a bar after I got out of work and she finished up with her project. I got to the bar, and this one guy, her lab partner who already asked her out once, was all over her. I couldn't help myself Mom, I got angry. And then when I got to Mer, he looked at me like _I _was interrupting something. I mean, she just let him touch her and slap her butt and everything, and I got so mad. I mean, I feel terrible because I accused her of cheating on me, which I know she never would, but he was flirting with her and she just doesn't get it."

"Derek, I think you have a right to be angry at her lab partner," Carolyn said after a moment of silence. "Especially if he knew she was engaged. But, you should not take your anger out on Meredith. I've seen the way she's looked at you over the last few years; you mean everything to her, and if she said that she didn't notice that the other young man was flirting with her, then you need to believe her. I have never seen anyone look at someone with so much love than the way the two of you do, and she wouldn't just give that up. You need to apologize to her profusely Derek. Yes, you can raise your concerns as well, but apologize first."

"Okay Mom," Derek said. "Thank you."

"Anytime dear," Carolyn responded. "Now, Amelia just walked into the kitchen, so I believe it would be a good idea if you went and spoke with Meredith."

After hanging up with his mother, Derek sat there for a moment, gathering his thoughts. He truly felt sorry, so apologizing would not be an issue. He wasn't sure how to broach the subject of Steve without causing another fight, so he decided that it may be best to drop it for now.

He stood, and walked down the short hallway to his room. He only heard silence as he pressed his ear against the door, so he decided to just open it. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, Meredith clearly hadn't bothered to turn on a light; he was able to make out her small form, curled up on the bed, facing away from him.

"Mer?" he said softly, tentatively. She shifted slightly, but didn't answer. He walked around the bed, crouching down so that they were eye level with each other.

Her eyes were open, but she wasn't looking at him. She was making a point to look at something somewhere to the left of him. Her eyes were red-rimmed and her cheeks were a little blotchy, her hair falling in waves around her face. Hesitantly, he reached his hand out and placed it on her arm. She flinched a little, but didn't pull away, and Derek took that as a good sign. He ran his hand up and down her arm soothingly, sitting there in silence for a minute before he began to speak.

"Meredith," he started, but she still refused to look at him. "I am so, so sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you, or even get angry at you at all. I trust you with my life Mer, and I know you would never cheat on me. I'm such an ass, and I'm sorry that I hurt you. It wasn't fair of me to take my anger out on you; you didn't deserve it." Meredith was still lying there, motionless, so he decided to finish up, let her soak what he was saying in. "You can stay mad at me; you don't have to say anything and you definitely do not have to forgive me. I just wanted to apologize to you, and let you know that I mean it. I love you Meredith, and I hate that I just did that to you. I'm really sorry."

He stayed crouched beside her for a few seconds before leaning in and lightly kissing the top of her forehead. He stood up and had taken two steps towards the door when her voice stopped him.

"I would never cheat on you," she whispered. Derek turned around quickly. Meredith was sitting up now, her back still away from him.

"I know Meredith," he said fiercely as he started walking towards her again.

"Then why would you say it?" Meredith asked, her voice giving way to a small sob at the end.

"Because I'm an ass, a jealous ass," Derek said, sitting next to her. He reached out, his hand turning her chin to look at him. "Don't listen to anything I said; I didn't mean it. You can hang out with whoever you want, whenever you want. As long as he doesn't make you uncomfortable, Steve can grab your ass as often as he likes, even though I might want to kill him."

"I'm sorry Derek," Meredith gasped suddenly, taking Derek completely by surprise.

"Why Mer?" Derek asked, putting an arm around her shoulders.

"Because I'm such an idiot!" she exclaimed. "I promise I didn't realize he was flirting with me or hitting on me. I swear Derek; I would never hurt you like that. I just thought he was being nice and friendly since I already told him all about you. But I was just ranting to Amelia about what an idiot you are and going over everything, and the more I heard myself, the more I realized how stupid I was and what Steve was actually doing. I promise that I won't talk to him outside of lab, I'm sorry I made you mad."

Derek pulled Meredith closer, squeezing her tightly. "Meredith, I'm not mad at you. I know that you love me, so I didn't mean to accuse you of anything. I'm angry at Stu, or Steve, or whatever that bastard's name is, but not you."

Derek pulled Meredith closer again, so that she was now sitting on his lap. "I love you," Meredith whispered, burying her face into his chest.

"I love you too Mer, more than anything," Derek stated.

They sat like that for a long while, Derek simply holding Meredith and soothing her. Eventually, she pulled away from him, and offered him a small smile.

"I won't hang out with him anymore outside of labs and projects or whatever," she said.

"Meredith, you don't need to do that," Derek began, feeling guilty all over again. "I didn't-"

"Derek, it's fine," Meredith interrupted. "As of right now, I am uncomfortable with the way he treats me. It's weird, so I don't want to spend any more time with him than I have to unless he changes his actions."

Derek pressed his lips against the top of her head, and then breathed her in. "As long as it's what you want," he said slowly, cautiously.

"It is definitely what I want," Meredith nodded firmly. It was at that point that Meredith's stomach grumbled, snapping them back into the fact that neither one of them had eaten in quite a while.

"Do you want me to cook dinner, or do you just want a pizza?" Derek asked, not bothering ask if she was actually hungry.

"Mmm, pizza," Meredith decided, climbing out of his lap and reaching for his hand. "Come on, I'll find you the number for the place down the street."

Derek smiled as he took her hand, letting her lead him into the kitchen. This may not have been how he expected their night to go, but it was almost perfect nonetheless.


	16. Chapter 16

_**A/N: Merry Christmas everyone! Thank you so much for the reviews, I'm glad you're liking the story so far. This chapter is kind of a short one, and a filler of sorts, but I hope you enjoy it anyway.**_

**Chapter 16**

"Have you seen Steve yet? What did you say to him?" Cristina asked as Meredith shifted the phone to her other hand. She was propped up in bed, Derek showering in the bathroom before he went off to work. It was Sunday, and Meredith had gotten up early to work the morning shift, and since Derek would be working overnight, she had decided to catch up with Cristina and Izzie for a while before studying and doing homework.

"I haven't yet," Meredith answered. "I skipped Biochem on Friday to spend the day with Derek, and it's my only class that day."

"You skipped to spend the day with Derek?" Cristina said disbelievingly. "You live with him; you spend enough time with him."

"Well, and Steve's in that class, so maybe I partly skipped to avoid him," Meredith admitted.

"Uh huh," Cristina said knowingly. "And what exactly do you plan on saying to Steve?"

"I don't know!" Meredith said exasperatedly. "I mean, I don't have to say anything right? I don't have to tell him that I can't hang out with him anymore. At least not until he asks me to, or he does something creepy and hug me or whatever."

"Are you sure Derek isn't overreacting a little?" Cristina asked cautiously.

"No, he isn't," Meredith said firmly. "Steve asked me out. And then he was really nice, which seemed fine, but then he started doing the touchy thing. And I thought it was just what friends do, and it was Derek and Amelia that made me realize that it's not a friend thing, it's a flirty thing. And I can't stay friends with him if he's going to keep doing that. I can't do that to Derek, and I would hate it if Derek did something like that to me."

"Right," Cristina agreed just as Derek stepped out of the shower and padded back to their room.

"Listen Cristina, Derek's heading out for work soon; can I call you in about an hour? Maybe we could three-way Izzie?"

"Yeah fine, whatever. Tell McDreamy I say hi,"

"I will, bye Cristina," Meredith laughed. "Cristina says hi," she responded to Derek's questioning gaze.

"How's she doing?" Derek asked as she threw on a clean shirt. "Does she like Stanford?"

"Yeah she's loving it," Meredith said. "I think she has a thing for one of her professors."

"What do you mean a thing?" Derek looked puzzled.

"Well, I think it's just a little crush, she goes on and on about one of her cardiothoracic professors. She's hoping to help him with some of his research next semester so she can suck up."

"Who is it?"

"Ugh, you don't even want to know. It's Collin Marlow, isn't that gross? He has to be at least fifty-five right?" Meredith said, wrinkling her nose in disgust.

"The Marlow transplant Marlow?" Derek asked, grimacing when Meredith nodded. "Yeah, that is gross."

"You know, I have a thing for older guys," Meredith teased.

"Mhmm," Derek smirked. "But I hope the age cap is something around ten years older than your own age."

"You never know," Meredith said seriously. "With all my daddy issues, combined with my stone hearted mother, I might want a father figure in my life."

"You better not," Derek said, walking towards their bed. He cupped her face and kissed her firmly.

"I was just kidding," she giggled.

"I know," he smiled before kissing her again. "I gotta go to work now, I'll see you tomorrow afternoon okay?"

Meredith nodded. "I love you!" She called as he walked out of the bedroom.

"Love you too!" Derek yelled before the front door shut.

XXXXXX

Meredith dreaded going into her lab today. It was Monday, which meant that she had to see Steve twice today, once in biochemistry and once during her anatomy lab. She had successfully managed to avoid him in biochemistry by showing up late, but now he was unavoidable. She peeked into the room; he was already sitting there, pulling his notebook out of his backpack.

_You can do this Meredith, _she told herself. _You don't have to say anything unless he brings up hanging out again. It may not even come up. _With that, she took a deep breath and walked into the lab room. She sat down quietly in her seat, and immediately pulled out her lab manual.

"Hey Meredith," Steve said, smiling at her when she looked up.

"Hi," she said turning back to her book.

"I didn't see you this weekend. I thought we were all going to go out for drinks on Saturday night. I tried calling you, but you didn't pick up," he continued.

"Yeah, I spent the weekend with Derek. He had a few days off," she studied his face, and she didn't miss the way his eyes darkened when she mentioned Derek. _Had that always been there, or was this new, _she tried to recall.

"Oh, well did you two have fun?" he asked, seemingly polite. Actually, he was perfectly polite, there was no bite in his words at all, but the look in his eyes remained. "Because he seemed pretty angry when he dragged you out of the bar."

"We did have fun," Meredith said, snapping a little. "And he did not _drag _me out of the bar, I left freely and of my own accord. We had plans for Thursday night, and they bled into the rest of the weekend."

"Good," Steve nodded, seeming a little confused with Meredith's tone. "I was just worried. You looked like you didn't want to leave, and I wanted to make sure he wasn't hurting your arm or something."

"You shouldn't be worried. You do not have to come to rescue me from my _fiancé_, the guy I love and plan on marrying. You don't need to worry about me; it's not your job." Meredith stared at Steve pointedly, hoping that he had gotten the memo.

Steve looked back at her, not appearing the least bit embarrassed or ashamed, but there was a jealous glint in his eye. "Of course I should worry Meredith. I am your friend, and _Derek"-_he sneered slightly when he said his name-"looked pissed. Like he wanted to hit something, and I didn't want that something to be you."

Meredith sighed. "Derek had a very good reason to be angry that night, but he would never take it out on me. As I said, it's none of your business. We're classmates, and lab partners, and maybe friends, but we aren't good friends. And this relationship with Derek isn't new; it's been four years, so I know what he would and wouldn't do. So, while I appreciate the fact that you care, do not treat my relationship like it is a new one and like you have to worry about my boyfriend. Derek has been in my life for a long time, and he's a permanent fixture, so just accept him, or I don't know how we can be friends."

Fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, Steve did not have a chance to respond because Dr. Barker had come in and immediately instructed them on what to do, leaving little time for Steve to talk to Meredith about what she had just said.

When lab was over, Meredith jumped out of her seat, trying to get out of class as quickly as possible. However, she wasn't fast enough; she heard Steve calling after her, and his voice kept getting closer. She felt someone grab at her arm, and she yanked out of their grasp as she spun around.

"What?" Meredith snapped at Steve.

"Listen Meredith, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you, and you're right whatever is going on between you and Derek is none of my business," Steve said, sounding sincere.

Meredith didn't say anything, she simply nodded.

"Maybe we can get drinks later tonight? You know, just me, you, Sadie and Jack," Steve continued.

"Listen Steve, I want to be your friend, but I have some stuff going on right now, so maybe it would be best if we were just classmates for a little while. We can still talk and stuff, but I just don't think we should hang out outside of school, at least for a while." With that, Meredith turned and continued down the hallway, leaving Steve alone.


	17. Chapter 17

_**A/N: Thank you guys so much for your reviews, they have been really amazing! The last chapter was meant to set everything up for this one, and I hope you (somewhat) enjoy this updates. I'm sorry I leave it at a sort of cliffhanger, I'll update again soon!**_

**Chapter 17**

"You aren't seriously wearing that?" Derek said as he watched Meredith strut around the room.

"Of course I am. It's a Halloween party, and I need a costume," Meredith said, rolling her eyes.

"But seriously, a slutty nurse? Couldn't you wear something different, you know, something that might involve more clothes?" Derek said, taking in Meredith's short white dress with a plunging neckline that showed off her cleavage.

"Derek, I wore this outfit two years ago, and you weren't complaining then."

"Yeah, because I was going to be with you the whole time! No one would have come close enough to hit on you."

"No one is going to hit on me now," Meredith insisted.

"Meredith, you're going to a third year's party with Sadie, and the only people you'll know for the first two hours will be Sadie and Jack, and I'm worried about you," Derek said, giving her a concerned look.

"Der," Meredith sighed, walking over to the bed and sitting down next to him. Cupping his face with her hands, she continued to speak. "I'll be fine. Sadie said that she would stay by my side until you get there, so no one will be hitting on me, or doing anything else that will make you jealous."

"I don't get jealous," Derek said softly, leaning in to kiss her. "Please don't drink too much until I get there, okay."

"I promise I won't," Meredith smiled. "So, what's your costume? I'll have to be able to pick you out once you get off of work."

"I'm going to be a doctor," Derek said matter-of-factly.

"Derek, you're a doctor in real life, so that's not a costume. Plus, you're going to a med school party; don't you think half the people there are going to be dressed up like doctors?"

"Well, I'll be the only one in real scrubs. Besides Mer, I'm thirty, I don't really do the whole dress up thing anymore, and it's starting to get creepy for someone my age."

"I don't think you're creepy," Meredith murmured as she kissed him. "I think you're really hot."

"Good," Derek whispered against her lips.

XXXXXX

Meredith stood by the drinks table later that evening, watching the very crowded party around her. As she suspected, almost everyone had dressed up as doctors, though there were quite a few nurses too. She had kept her promise to Derek; she was tipsy, but definitely not drunk. Sadie had been good company; she hadn't left Meredith's side in the hour and a half since they had arrived at the party.

"Here you go Death," Sadie said, handing Meredith a shot of tequila. "Cheers."

Meredith clinked her shot glass against Sadie's before knocking it back and swallowing quickly.

"Listen, I know we said that we would hang out all night, but Jack told me to dance with him. Do you mind if I leave you for a little while?" Sadie asked, pointing to the middle of the room where people were dancing.

"No, go ahead," Meredith smiled widely as the alcohol hit her.

"Are you sure? I don't really want to leave you by yourself."

"I'll be fine," Meredith insisted, looking towards the clock. "It's ten o'clock now; Derek will be here in less than a half an hour."

"Thanks Death, I'll come back in about five or ten minutes," Sadie promised before heading towards Jack, who was waiting for Sadie.

Meredith looked around the room again. There were a lot of people there, more than Meredith had thought there would be. She hoped that Derek would be able to find her with the throngs of people everywhere. She was thinking about moving towards the door so she could find Derek quickly when she felt someone tap her on the shoulder.

"Hey Meredith," a voice said, causing Meredith to turn around.

"Oh, hey Steve," Meredith smiled, but took a step back. "How are you?"

"I'm doing pretty good. Can I get you a drink?" Steve answered.

"Um, sure, just nothing strong okay?" Meredith responded.

"Alright, nothing strong," Steve repeated as he walked the few feet to the drinks table. He came back a few moments later, a cup in his hand. "I just got you some of the mixed drink in the punch. I don't know how strong it is, so I didn't get you a lot."

"Thanks," Meredith smiled, taking a sip. The two stood there in awkward silence for a minute, and Meredith wasn't sure what to say. She had liked Steve; he had been really nice to her and had been a great study partner during the first month and a half of school. But, she had kind of been mean to him after she and Derek had gotten in that fight, and now the barely talked unless it was about whatever they had to work on together in Anatomy.

"So," Steve said, or more half-yelled, over the noise of the party, "how's everything going?"

"Um, it's going well," Meredith answered before taking a large gulp of her drink. "You know, I'm really busy with classes and work, so I don't really do much. How about you?"

Steve eagerly answered her, launching into his job as a research assistant with one of his professors. As Meredith listened to him, she began to feel a little lightheaded. _Guess I may have had more to drink than I realized_, she thought, reaching her hand to her face to rub her head.

"Hey, are you alright?" Steve asked, concern in his voice.

"Fine," Meredith answered, though the room was starting to seem a little fuzzy.

"Why don't we go somewhere more quiet? You can sit down and we can just talk for a while."

"That sounds good," Meredith agreed. "I've missed you," she admitted without meaning to. _Crap, why did I say that? _She asked herself.

"I missed you too," Steve laughed as he placed a hand on her back, leading her out of the main room. She wanted to tell him not to touch her, that Derek would be mad when he found out, but she wasn't entirely convinced that she'd be able to walk straight if he wasn't steadying her.

Steve led her into a bedroom and shut the door. Meredith stumbled over to the bed, plopping down on to the edge. She faced Steve, cocking her head when she saw him watching her, studying her.

"What are-" she slurred, but before she could finish her sentence, he had bound across the room, in front of her before she realized what was happening. He pressed his lips against hers, and Meredith was caught so off guard that, combined with the fuzziness, it took her a minute for her to process what was happening and push him away.

"What the hell?" Meredith cried weakly, her thoughts becoming cloudier by the minute. "You can't do that!"

"Why not?" Steve said, smirking at her as he tried to kiss her, Meredith pushing away from him weakly.

"Derek-" Meredith began to say, trying to stand up, but getting too dizzy. Suddenly, she felt something hard hit her face, and she stumbled backwards, stopping when she reached a wall.

"Derek's not here," Steve said as he grabbed Meredith's arm, pushing her against the wall. Pinning her hands over her head with one hand, his other slipped under her shirt, moving upwards to cup her breast. Meredith tried to fight him off, but she was feeling really tired, and everything was cloudy.

"No, please don't," Meredith pleaded softly, her voice faint and far away.

"Don't worry," Steve whispered, his mouth close to her ear. "Just relax; you won't be able to fight in another minute or two."

Meredith whimpered in response, trying to kick him or shove him or…something, anything. But she was having a hard time coordinating her limbs and putting strength into her actions. She felt her arms slowly go limp, and her eyes began to droop.

Steve was pressing kisses along her neck, and had just brushed his lips against hers again when a familiar voice broke through her fog.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" The voice shouted. He was angry, very angry.

"Derek?" Meredith choked out, her vision blurred as she tried to make him out through all the moving shapes. Suddenly, Steve was no longer pressed against her, and the lack of support caused her to stumble. Finally, she was able to make out the moving shapes. Sadie was standing in the doorway with Jack, looking at the scene with a mixture of horror and guilt on her face. Derek had Steve by the collar, fist raised as he punched him.

"You asshole!" Derek shouted at him. "She told you to back off, so don't you dare touch her ever again. You leave her alone."

Meredith could barely make out the words Derek was saying, everything was spinning. She needed Derek, that was the only thought that was going through her mind. She was so tired, and she couldn't stand up anymore, so she needed to lean on him or something. She tried to take a step forward, but wobbled too much for her to attempt another.

"Derek," she tried to get his attention, but he was too busy screaming at Steve to notice her. Everything was going black, but she needed him, she needed to make him hear her. "Derek," she tried again, using all the strength she could muster to make her voice loud enough.

She vaguely saw Derek turn to her as she closed her eyes, unable to keep them open. She couldn't stand anymore either; she tried to brace herself as she fell, but strong arms enveloped her before she hit the ground.

"Mer?" she heard Derek call for her as he eased her down. "Mer, what's wrong?" his voice was panicked, and she wanted to soothe him, to tell him she was just tired and dizzy, but couldn't. She felt like she couldn't do anything.

"Sadie, call 911!" she heard Derek shout, but it sounded so far away. "What the hell did you do to her you bastard?" Derek shouted, but Meredith wasn't sure to whom. "If you did something to her I will kill you!"

Everything was fading quickly and there was nothing Meredith could do to stop it. "You'll be okay Meredith," she heard Derek say softly and tenderly, and she felt him kiss her forehead. "I love you, and everything will be okay." He was still talking to her, but Meredith could not hear any more as she slipped out of consciousness.


	18. Chapter 18

_**A/N: First of all, you guys are absolutely amazing. Thank you so much to everyone who read and reviewed my last update; I appreciate it so much. I'm glad you all like the story and aren't too upset with me about what I did to Meredith. I was going to post this update on Sunday, because I try to leave three or four days between updates to preserve my banked chapters, but your reviews made me so happy that I decided to updat early :) Here is the aftermath of Halloween, I hope you all enjoy it and it is what you were hoping for. I wish you all a healthy and happy new year!**_

**Chapter 18**

"How's she doing?" Mark asked as he entered Meredith's hospital room. Derek turned around to face his best friend, too shaken up by what had happen to even try and wipe the tears from his eyes. It was six in the morning, and Meredith had been unconscious for over seven hours. He couldn't believe that she had been drugged, that her asshole of a lab partner was going to drug her and sleep with her, rape her, and worst of all, he couldn't believe that he wasn't there to prevent it. Yes, he swooped in at the last moment to stop him from actually having sex with his fiancée, with his Meredith, but he should have been there from the beginning to make sure he had never had a chance to slip something to her.

"What does it look like? She's still the same," Derek snapped. He was worried, no, terrified for Meredith. The rational part of his mind knew that sedatives and date rape drugs wore off eventually, but it wasn't helping now. She looked pale, her hair was a mess from the party and the assault and the paramedics moving her. And then there was the bruise. A huge black and blue bruise had formed on Meredith's right cheekbone and under her eye, and the sight almost made him sick. It was bad enough that Steve had drugged her, had kissed her and touched her, but he had hurt her. He had hit or punched Meredith, and she was hurt.

"Sorry man, I was just asking," Mark said, plopping down in the seat next to Derek.

"He hit her," Derek said softly, reaching for Meredith's hand and stoking the top of it with his thumb. "He drugged her, and she's so tiny. She wouldn't have been able to fight him off well or for a long time. He didn't need to hit her. He didn't need to hurt her like that." Derek's heart was breaking for Meredith. He had never felt more guilty or terrible about anything in his life. He should have protected her. She had needed him, and he had come too late.

"You better not be feeling guilty or responsible about this," Mark said suddenly, and Derek whipped around to glare at him.

"Why the hell wouldn't I?" Derek practically shouted. "She's my fiancée; I'm supposed to be there to protect her. I should have insisted that she wait for me to get out of work before we went to the party. I should have gotten out of work on time; I was fifteen minutes late because I wanted to talk to the family myself, and I should have made an intern do it. This wouldn't have happened if I had been more careful, if I had confronted Steve about the way he was treating her rather than just drag her out of the bar when I first met him! It is all my fault."

"Derek," Mark began gently but firmly. "You don't get to blame yourself for this. You've let Meredith go to plenty of parties on her own, and she's always been just fine. And even if you tried to insist that she wait for you to get out of work, do you really think she would have listened? Meredith does what she wants, and if she wanted to go to that party early, she would have convinced you that it was okay anyway. I know this doesn't help, and I want to beat the shit out of that kid for touching Meredith too, but you need to pull it together soon. She's going to wake up soon, and she's going to need you here to tell her that everything's okay. As much as she may not want to admit it, Meredith is going to need you to be her knight in shining armor, and you're going to have to deliver. So stop crying and put a smile on that ugly face of yours."

Derek let out a short laughed, his mouth twitching into a small smile. "I'll try," he said, turning his attention back to Meredith.

They sat there in silence for another hour, Derek holding Meredith's hand tightly and silently praying that she would wake up soon.

Suddenly, he felt her hand twitch in his. Derek's head shot up and he studied Meredith, trying to determine whether or not she was actually waking up. His eyes widened as he watched her shift on the bed, moving slowly.

"Mark," Derek said, yanking Mark from his dozing. Mark looked at Meredith, noticing the way her head moved and eyes fluttered, and stood up. "I'm gonna leave you two alone for a little while. I'll call Mom and the girls."

Derek nodded his acknowledgment, not taking his eyes off of his fiancée. He scooted closer to her in the chair, pressing a kiss on her forehead. "Mer, can you hear me? Wake up when you're ready, but I hope you'll be ready soon. I really need you to open your eyes. I love you."

XXXXXX

Everything around her was dark. She couldn't see or hear anything, all she could feel was her head pounding. Meredith was disoriented as she slowly regained consciousness, first realizing that she was awake, and then that she was in pain. Next she heard a voice. _Derek, _she thought. He was talking to someone, a man, Mark maybe. He should have protected something. Something was his fault; that was all she could get from the conversation, just snippets. She wanted to find out what was wrong, and why he felt guilty, but she was just so tired.

After an unknown amount of time, she felt less tired. She wanted to move. Putting in her best effort, she tried to squeeze the hand wrapped around hers. When she didn't get a response, she tried moving any part of her body, though it took more energy to attempt. It must have work, because Derek's voice cut through the darkness. "Mark," was all she heard, followed by mumbles. Meredith felt lips press against her forehead, and she knew they were Derek's. She listened to his voice as he pleaded with her to wake up. As her eyelids fluttered open, she slowly focused on Derek, moaning softly in recognition.

To be honest, he looked terrible. His hair was sticking up all over the place, and he looked like he hadn't slept in days. His eyes were full of tears as he looked down at her, filled with hope and fear as he stared at her.

"Mer?" he said, almost asked, as if he wasn't sure she was really there, really awake.

Meredith cleared her throat in an attempt to speak. "Der," she whispered, squeezing his hand again, this time with more strength.

"Oh thank God!" Derek choked out, relief flooding his face as tears trailed down his cheeks. He leaned in to her, kissing her ever so softly on the lips before resting his forehead against hers. "You don't have to talk yet," he said. "I'm just glad you're awake. I love you."

She lay in bed for a while, simply staring at him before attempting to talk again. She hadn't really realized where she was right away, but as she slowly came to determine that she was in a hospital, she wanted to know how she got here. She couldn't remember it fully, just bits and pieces that felt like a nightmare, so she had to ask.

"Steve?" She whispered, unsure of what Derek would say. She watched his reaction; whatever color he had gained in his face since she woke up drained, and emotions flashed through his eyes; first anger, then guilt, sadness before they shifted back to emotionless. He squeezed her hand so hard it hurt, but then relaxed his grip when he realized what he was doing.

"Sorry," he mumbled, letting go of her hand. "What do you remember?"

Derek was avoiding, and Meredith knew it, but decided to play along, at least for a little while.

"Um, I was at the party with Sadie," Meredith began, concentrating on the memories floating around in her brain. "She was with me the whole night, but then Jack asked her to dance with him, so I told her to go ahead, that I would be fine. I knew you were coming soon anyways. So, I was standing by myself, and then Steve came up to me. He offered to get me something to drink, and we talked for a few minutes, but everything started getting all fuzzy and dizzy. I must not have looked well, so he took me to a bedroom off to the side. Then he kissed me." _Crap, he kissed me, _Meredith thought, looking at Derek with panicked eyes, knowing he was going to be livid. "I'm so sorry Derek, I swear I didn't kiss him, he kissed me. I promise that I would never do anything like that. I'm really sorry, and I feel terrible."

"Don't feel bad," Derek said, but his eyes and voice were emotionless. He did, however, take her hand, and gave it a gentle squeeze. "What happened next?"

"I think I tried to get away. I told him no, and started to leave, but then," Meredith reached up and touched her cheekbone, wincing in pain. "I think he hit me, or punched me, because this hurts. And he grabbed me, and pushed me up against the wall and-" she had to stop, tears were filling her eyes and she had to take a moment to breathe. "He touched me," she choked out. "He was feeling me up, and he had my hands pinned above my head so I couldn't move. And then he was gone, he wasn't holding me down anymore. And then…then… ugh I don't know, everything just goes black after that. Do you know what happened?"

Derek stared at her, his face still void of all emotion. She began to get worried. Maybe he hadn't thought that Steve had kissed her unwillingly, that she had wanted it. He may be done with her, and might want to break up with her or something, and she couldn't help but freak out.

"Derek?" she whispered, her voice shaking as a machine behind her began to beep, indicating her rising heart rate. This seemed to wake Derek from his trance, and he immediately jumped into action.

"Mer," he said, moving to stand over her. He squeezed her hand tightly while running his free hand through her hair, making shushing and soothing sounds. He pressed his lips against her cheek, speaking into her cheek. "I'm here Meredith, and it's okay. I love you."

When she eventually calmed down, Derek stepped back slightly, staring at her as if his heart was breaking. He was silent for a moment before he inhaled deeply and began to speak.

"He drugged you," he began flatly. "He roofied you and was going to rape you. I got to the party and couldn't find you, so I tried calling you, but you didn't answer. I found Sadie, and we started searching. I looked everywhere, but I missed that damn bedroom the first time around, so it was the last room I checked. I came in as he was unbuttoning your pants. At first I thought that I had come just in time, and I was relieved. Angry as hell, but relieved. I thought you were okay, so I went to go beat the crap out of Steve, and I wasn't even thinking of you. It wasn't until you almost collapsed that I realized he drugged you." At this point, Derek was holding back tears, his words coming out choked as he tried to remain calm. "I thought he had just hit you to make you stop struggling, I didn't know he drugged you. God Mer, I'm so sorry, I should have paid attention to you first. I should have checked on you right away, and I shouldn't have let you go to that apartment without me."

Meredith studied Derek closely, and her heart broke a little bit for him. He was staring at her in desperation, guilt written clearly across his face. It was almost as if expected her to shout at him, to tell him to get out, to break up with him. She squeezed the hand that was still entangled in hers, and pulled his arm towards her weakly.

"What Mer?" Derek asked, worried.

"Get into bed with me," she said softly, giving him what she hoped was her best smile.

"I don't know Mer, you need to get better," he began, trying to pull his arm back. "You just woke up, and you're probably really tired and weak because of the drugs, so-"

"Derek, get into bed with me know," Meredith demanded, pulling his arm back towards her. "If you want me to feel better you will climb into this hospital bed and hold me because I can promise you that that is the only thing that will make any of this better."

"Mer-" Derek tried again, only to be cut off.

"Derek, I just woke up after being unconscious for I don't know how long. My face hurts because some creep punched me, and then tried to rape me, and now, I don't even know where that creep is, which scares me. I'm terrified Derek; I'm really, really scared, and the only thing that will make me feel any less scared and help me to relax is you." She looked up at him again, determined, but Derek didn't miss the hint of fear in her eyes. He knew she was really scared, and he had to make her feel safe. "Please Der," she begged softly. "I need this."

Derek wordlessly kicked off his shoes and climbed into the hospital bed, careful not to pull at any wires and tubes. Once he was lying flat on his back, Meredith shifted so that she was laying on her side, her head and torso lying on his chest as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Derek responded by wrapping one arm around her waist, holding her tightly to him. His other hand trailed up and down her back, tracing circles and patterns through the opening of her hospital gown.

"Thank you," Meredith whispered after a few minutes.

Derek bent down to kiss her forehead. "For what?" he asked.

"For saving me," she responded simply. "For finding me just in time, and protecting me, and catching me when I collapsed. But mostly, thank you for being here, and thank you for being you. You're my knight in shining…" her voice trailed off as she tried to think or the proper word.

"Armor?" Derek supplied an answer.

"Yeah, whatever. You're my knight in shining whatever and I love you."

"I love you too Mer, so much," he whispered, kissing her lips softly. "And for the record, I am your knight and shining whatever, and I always will be. You can count on me Meredith Grey."

Meredith smiled against his chest, cuddling closer into him. Though she was terrified of what she had gone through the night before, and was more scared that it might happen again, she couldn't help but feel perfectly safe in the arms of Derek Shepherd.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

"Meredith, you look so much better!" Derek heard his mother from the hall.

"Thank you, I'm feeling a lot better," Meredith responded, and Derek rolled his eyes. Meredith had been released from the hospital a little over two weeks ago, but there was no way she was better. Steve had been arrested for assault and attempted rape, and had been expelled from Columbia, so Meredith kept saying she was fine. She had changed her lab time just to make herself feel better, and her professors had been very understanding of her circumstances and had given her what she felt were an unnecessary extensions on classwork. On the surface, she seemed to be doing wonderfully.

But Derek knew her too well.

She had flat out refused to see a therapist, saying that psych was crap. And, had Meredith been behaving like her old self, Derek would have agreed with her. But she was different; not in big ways that anyone else would notice, but in a way that someone who spent all their time with her, like Derek or even Cristina had she been here, would have picked up on.

She wouldn't talk about what happened. Whenever Derek tried to bring the assault up, Meredith either told him to stop talking and drop it or pretends she didn't hear him. She knocked the wind out of him last week when he wrapped his arms around her waist. She hadn't seen or heard him, and tensed up before elbowing him in the stomach trying to escape. She had profusely apologized, saying she didn't know what happened, but when Derek had tried to press it, she shut down. She had nightmares every night, but the next day would pretend that nothing happened.

Derek sighed as he made his way from their bedroom to the kitchen where he could hear Meredith talking to his mom. He didn't expect Meredith to just get over something like that, but he wanted to help her. He wanted to talk with her about it, and if she wasn't willing to talk to him, to go see a therapist or something. He wished that he could stop Meredith from shutting down every time something bad happened, but he wasn't sure how. He didn't care that they hadn't had sex since before she was attacked; he knew that it would take a while before she began feeling comfortable enough to do it again. But, if she continued to shut down rather than talk about her problems, Derek wasn't sure how much of herself she would lose along the way, and for how long.

"Hey Mom," he said as he entered the room. Meredith's back was towards him, so he shuffled loudly to wordlessly let her know he was coming towards her before he placed a kiss on the top of her head. He felt her tense underneath him, but that was it, and she relaxed in a second. It was too quick or subtle for Carolyn to notice, but was significant enough for Derek to feel.

"Hello Derek," Carolyn responded. "How are you doing?"

"I'm doing pretty good," Derek answered, dropping into a chair next to Meredith and wrapping his arm around her shoulders. She glanced at him, smiling quickly before turning her attention back to his mother.

"That's good to hear," Carolyn nodded. "I was just telling Meredith how good she looked and how well she has been handling everything."

"Mhmm," Derek cleared his throat. Once again, he felt Meredith tense beside him, and she turned to look at him. She shot him a look, half pleading and half threatening, making it clear that she did not want him to contradict his mother.

He forced a smile on his face, but gave Meredith a knowing look. Turning away from his fiancée, he looked at his mother. "Yeah," he said, beginning the lie he had told all of his sisters, as well as Mark and Addison. "She's doing great."

XXXXXX

Derek felt himself drifting into consciousness, wondering why he was awake. He rolled over to check the time, muttering a curse under his breath when he realized that it was only one thirty in the morning. He had come home from work five hours beforehand and immediately fell into bed, exhausted after an eight hour surgery. And then it hit him; it was quiet. Derek became hopeful that everything was starting to get better, and everything would be okay. He turned over again, placing his arm lightly around Meredith's waist so as not to disturb her.

Just as he was once again drifting off to sleep, it began to happen. He felt it coming before it began; he could feel Meredith tense up beside him. Then she began shifting around the bed, a signal that she was having a nightmare. Meredith didn't thrash around like the actors did in movies; she just continually moved, as if she was trying to settle herself but could not.

"Mmmm," Meredith began to moan, and Derek knew it wouldn't be long before she really got into the thick of her dream. He pulled her close to him, wrapping his arms protectively around her, as if hoping it was enough to fend off the nightmares that had been plaguing her for the past two weeks.

After moaning for a minute or two, the screaming began. "Mmmm, no," Meredith said, her voice rising as she moved a little more forcefully. "No, no, NO!" by the last no she was shouting, and Derek began trying to wake her up.

"Mer, Meredith!" he hovered over her, trying to speak louder than her screams. He had quickly learned what to do to calm her down and wake her up. He stroked her hair lightly, leaning down so his mouth was close to her ear.

"Mer," he began, trying to soothe her. "Mer, please calm down. Everything's fine, I'm here, and you're safe. I'm right here Meredith, and you're okay. It's just a bad dream."

Meredith jolted awake, a sob escaping her lips as she did so. Derek hated when she woke up almost as much as he hated her nightmares. Her eyes flew open, and she frantically searched the room as tears rolled down her cheeks.

"Der-" she gasped, trying to control her breathing.

"I'm right here Mer," he said, pulling her into his arms, sitting up so that he was cradling her in his lap. He rocked her slowly as she clung to him. "You're safe Meredith; I promise you that you're safe."

He held her for a few more minutes before she finally pulled away, wiping the tears from her eyes. "Thank you," she said as Derek ran his fingers through her hair. "I'm okay."

Derek didn't agree and didn't believe her. He leaned in and kissed her softly rather than answer. "Do you want to try and go back to sleep?" he asked.

Meredith nodded, crawling out of his lap. Derek lay down on his back, opening his arms so Meredith could curl into his body. Once she was comfortable, he wrapped his arms tightly around her, as he did every night after her nightmare.

"I love you," she said, kissing his bare chest lightly as she said it.

Derek pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "I love you too," he murmured into her hair. Not until her even breaths informed him that she was asleep did he allow himself to relax and fall asleep after her.

XXXXXX

The sunlight streaming through the window woke Derek up, and he instinctively reached for Meredith. He frowned as his hands only grabbed at bed sheets, and opened his eyes in confusion. The sheets next to him were cold, indicating that Meredith had been up for a while. Getting up, Derek grabbed a t-shirt, throwing it over his head as he walked towards the kitchen, where he smelled what seemed like food.

"Meredith?" he asked cautiously from the doorway of the kitchen. "What are you doing?"

"I'm making you breakfast," she said proudly. "I hope you like scrambled eggs, because that's about all I've mastered right now. But don't worry, I'm working on it." She set a plate down on the table, and Derek moved into the kitchen slowly. The eggs looked perfectly normal, and the toast hadn't been burned. He looked up at her hopeful expression, and couldn't help but smile.

"It looks great," he said sincerely as he sat down.

Meredith beamed back at him, a real smile that Derek hadn't seen in so long but desperately missed. "Good, I'm glad I'm at least becoming somewhat domestic." She turned around and headed back to the stove, presumably to get more eggs.

"Listen Mer," Derek started, unable to postpone this conversation any further. They needed to talk. "Last night-"

"So, I was thinking we could have the wedding in June," Meredith interrupted, as if Derek hadn't been speaking at all. "I mean, we said we wanted to get married next summer, and it's already November and we haven't even begun planning. I know that we're having a really small ceremony, but it still takes time to plan, and we don't even have a date, so I was thinking that we could-"

"Meredith!" Derek shouted, and the metal spoon Meredith had been holding crashed to the floor. She looked at him, her eyes wide with fear. He hadn't meant to shout, and definitely hadn't meant to scare her.

"Do you not remember last night?" Derek asked bitterly. "Or any other night for the past two weeks? You haven't gotten a full night sleep since Halloween, and I don't understand how you're functioning, never mind getting up every day and pretending that everything is all perfect."

Meredith rolled her eyes at him, causing him to become even more angry. "Derek, it wasn't a big deal. Just let it go."

"No!" Derek exclaimed, slamming his fist on the table. "It is a big deal. I've woken up with you every night for the past two weeks because you think that that creep is out there somewhere. Whether you want to admit it or not, I know that you're scared. I can't touch you like I used to; I can't come up from behind you and wrap my arms around your waist because your first thought now is that someone is coming to rape you. I love you so much Meredith, and I want you to be okay. It's not just sex and the physical stuff. I would gladly go without it if it meant that you would be fine, that you could work past this. But ignoring it is not going to make it go away; you have to deal with it."

Meredith looked at him for a moment before softly answering. "I am working on it."

"No you aren't," Derek said gently, getting up and moving to stand next to her. "You're suppressing it, and it's not healthy for either of us."

"What do you want me to do?" Meredith said as a tear slid down her cheek. "I'll do anything you want, just please don't leave me alone."

"Meredith, I have never left you alone, and I never plan on it," Derek promised, looking into her eyes, silently pleading with her. "I just want you to feel comfortable and safe. And I really think you would feel better if you talked to a shrink or a therapist. I did for a couple of months after my dad was killed, and it made me feel so much better."

"You think talking to a shrink will help?"

"I think talking to anyone would help Mer. I wish you would talk to me, but I get why you wouldn't; if the situation was reversed I would want to protect you from all the details too. I think a therapist would help you Mer. even if you just go for one appointment, and no more, I think it would help."

Meredith looked down at her feet, thinking hard. "Just once?" she finally asked, looking up at him.

"Just once," Derek promised. "And then you never have to go again if you don't like it. I just want you to work through it."

Meredith nodded slowly. "I'll go once."

"Really?" Derek said, his eyes lighting up, as he pulled Meredith towards him.

"Yeah, for you," Meredith said, nodding into his chest.

"Mer," he began after pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Please don't do it for me. Do it for you."

"Fine," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I'll do it for me."

"Thank you," Derek said as he pressed his lips against hers.


	20. Chapter 20

_**A/N: One of my goals with this story is to make my updates/chapters a little longer, because I'll even admit it, they're kind of on the short side. With that being said, this is not one of the longer ones, because it has been written for a while. However, I am really going to try, so hopefully you see some improved length by the end of the next couple of chapters (I'm currently writing chapter 25, and I'm trying hard to stretch it out). Let me know what you guys think, and thanks for reading!**_

**Chapter 20**

Derek tried to stifle a yawn as he paced up and down the third floor hallway. It was almost ten in the morning on a Saturday, and he was exhausted. He had been on call the night before, and had hardly gotten any sleep. His shift ended two hours ago, but he was still in the hospital.

He had promised to wait for Meredith.

It had been two weeks since he had begged her to go to therapy. She had called that afternoon, but apparently everyone in New York City needed to talk to a psychologist, so Meredith couldn't make an appointment until today. She continued to have nightmares, and they seemed to be finally taking a toll on her. She skipped her classes on Thursday because the dreams had been worse than usual, and she had had three that night, therefore not getting any real rest. She walked around like a zombie, and Derek hoped it would get better soon.

He hadn't had a chance to talk to Meredith about last night yet. He had gotten off of his shift at eight and waited on the psych floor until Meredith arrived. He promised that he would be there when she got to the hospital, and would go in with her. However, the therapist assigned to her thought it would be better if she talked to Meredith alone, so Derek had taken to pacing.

Last night had been his first night on call since her attack, and he was scared as to how she had been. When she first woke up from her nightmares, Meredith was always panicking and confused, and it usually took Derek a few minutes to make her realize that she was safe. Without him there, Derek had no idea how she had handled the night alone.

He had reached the end of the hallway, turning away from the room Meredith had disappeared into when a door opened. Whipping around, he saw Meredith emerge, speaking to a doctor. He walked quickly towards her; she looked up as he approached, and a look of relief filled her eyes. He couldn't believe how tired she looked. She was pale and her eyes were red and puffy, apparently the shrink had gotten her to cry.

"Hey," he said as he reached her side, his arm sliding around her waist. "Are you all set?"

Meredith nodded, turning back to the doctor. "Thank you so much Dr. Cooper, I really appreciate it."

"You're very welcome," Dr. Cooper answered, smiling at both of them. "I'll see you soon Meredith."

Meredith nodded as she turned around, heading toward the elevators.

Derek was silent for a few minutes, but once they got into the elevator, his curiosity got the best of him. "So, are you going to go back?"

Meredith looked up at him, slowly nodding. "Yes. I have an appointment for Wednesday after I get out of class and before work. Which means I can't eat lunch with you that day, sorry."

"It's fine Mer," he responded, reaching for her hand and giving it a tight squeeze. "You need to do what you have to in order to feel better, and I'm not going to get in the way of that."

"Thank you," she smiled.

"So," Derek said as the elevator doors opened. "What did you do in therapy?"

"Derek, can we not talk about this now?" she said, almost snapping at him.

"Oh, I'm sorry. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." He felt guilty, and didn't want to push her into talking if she wasn't ready.

"No, Derek, do not feel bad!" Meredith pleaded, pulling on his arm so that he would look at her. "I want to tell you all about it, and I'm sure you have questions. But I don't want to talk about it here, because we work here, or on the way home because the subway is a very public place. I'm exhausted, and this thing that I just did took a lot out of me too. Plus, you were on call last night, and you look dead on your feet. So please, all I want to do right now is go home and curl up with you and take a nap. I promise I'll tell you anything you want to know after, but right now, I don't have the energy to relive it, okay?"

Derek smiled softly as he leaned in to kiss her lips. "Okay," he nodded. "We can sleep first."

XXXXXX

Hours later, Derek woke up to Meredith shifting beside him. She must have gotten out of bed, because he felt the mattress dip ever so slightly as she returned and resettled. She curled into him, her leg draping over his waist as an arm snaked up his chest to hug his shoulder. She lay her head lightly on his shoulder; he listened to her breathe for a few minutes, hearing the irregularities signaling that she wasn't falling back to sleep. He began to slide his arm up and down her back, causing her to shift slightly in response. She buried her face into his shoulder, but he could feel her smiling, squeezing her as she pressed a kiss to his shoulder, and finally opened his eyes.

Looking down at her, his breath caught in his chest. Even just five or six hours of solid sleeping had done wonders for her. Meredith's hair hung in waves around her face, the golden waves splayed across his chest. Her eyes, blue with flecks of green, sparkled as she looked up at him, and it was then that he realized how much he missed the glimmer in her eyes over the past couple of weeks. Though she still had bags under her eyes from exhaustion, her smile distracted him from that. She was smiling fully at him, really glad to see him. He smiled widely back at her before pulling her face towards his and kissing her deeply.

"Hi," she breathed when they pulled apart.

"Hi," he responded kissing her again. She laughed at him, and he reveled in her giggle; it was so lighthearted, melodic, and so uniquely Meredith.

"Do you want to talk?" Meredith asked, her face becoming serious.

"Only if you want to," Derek replied, stroking her cheek before moving to run a hand through her hair.

Meredith nodded. "Ask me anything." She smiled again, but it was meek, not like the one she had been wearing moments ago.

"How was therapy? Do you think it helped?"

"It was fine," Meredith shrugged. "I don't know if it helped, that's why I'm going to go again."

"I see," Derek answered, studying her a little. "She made you cry." It wasn't a question, but a statement. He had seen how upset Meredith looked this morning, she had cried during her therapy session.

"Dr. Cooper did not make me cry," she said as she rolled her eyes at him. "_I_ made me cry. She told me that we didn't have to talk about things if they made me too upset right now, but I did anyway. I needed to talk about some things, and tears became involved."

"So you like therapy?"

"No, I don't like it, but I think it will help. I need to work past this, and I'm willing to give this a shot."

Derek smiled at her, reaching for her hand and lacing her fingers in his. "So," he began. "How were you last night? Did you sleep okay?"

He felt her tense, and she tore her eyes away from his. "It was alright," she answered quietly.

"Meredith," he said, not believing her. "How was it really? What did you do after I went to work?"

"Um, well, I ordered pizza and watched a movie. Then I called Cristina and we talked for a while. Then Liz called me to see how I was holding up, and I think she told Kathleen she talked to me, because Kathleen called like five minutes later. I think she was trying to go all shrink on me or dissect my brain or whatever, because she kept asking all these weird questions. By the time I got off the phone, it was like eleven o'clock, so I decided to just go to bed."

"Did you sleep well?" Derek asked.

Meredith shook her head. "I woke up screaming around twelve thirty, and it took me about ten minutes to figure out where I was. I tried to fall back to sleep, but then I had another dream and woke up again at three. I didn't bother to try and sleep after that."

"Oh Mer, I'm sorry," Derek said. "I didn't want to work last night, but I haven't done an overnight shift since before Halloween. I should have called in sick."

"Derek, please don't feel guilty," Meredith insisted, running a hand through his hair. "Thank you," she whispered softly.

"For what?" he asked, confused.

"For staying," Meredith answered quietly. "For not leaving. I'm sure this hasn't been easy for you. I don't know why you love me. I have a hard time believing it sometimes, especially during things like this."

"Meredith," Derek said reverently, reaching to touch her cheek. "I do love you. Don't you see? Don't you understand? You're the love of my life, I can't leave you."

Meredith smiled at the honesty of his words. "Thank you," she repeated.

"You have nothing to thank me for," Derek said, pressing his lips to hers.

The kissed for a while, simply enjoying the feel of each other. Finally, Meredith pulled back, her eyes questioning.

"What is it?" Derek said softly.

"Please don't get mad at me," Meredith began, looking at him nervously. "Thanksgiving is on Thursday, and I know you like to sleep at your mom's house on Thanksgiving, but I was wondering if we could just go for the day and then come back here. Because I don't want your family to know that anything's wrong, because they think I'm fine, and I'm pretty sure the nightmares and the screaming would lead them to believe that I'm really not fine."

Derek nodded. "I'll tell them that I have to work really early on Friday morning."

"Thank you," Meredith said, lying down next to him.

"Anytime," Derek smiled, before closing his eyes and falling back to sleep.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

Meredith saw Derek hanging out by the nurses' station as she finished up with a patient. She was just finishing her shift, but he wouldn't be done for another hour, so he was probably just checking in with her.

The past three weeks had flown by. She had been busy finishing up classes and taking finals, and now she was on winter break. She felt as though she was doing a lot better; she still had a nightmare every three or four days, but she felt as though a lot of improvement had been made. It left Meredith time to think about other things, such as her upcoming wedding.

"Hey," she said as she reached Derek, jabbing him lightly with her elbow. "What are you up to?"

"Hi," Derek said, smiling brightly at her as he brushed his lips against her cheek. "I just wanted to say hi. Are you done for the day?"

"I am," Meredith responded. "But I have an appointment with Dr. Cooper in like five minutes; will you wait for me when you get done with your shift?"

"Of course," Derek replied.

"Good, because we have important things to discuss tonight, and I feel as though it may take a while," Meredith said, backing away from him and heading towards the elevators.

"What do we have to talk about?" Derek called after her confused.

"Think about it; it's something very important," Meredith said, turning away from him and racing down the hallway before he could call after her. _He's so easy to tease sometimes, _she thought.

Leaving her appointment with Dr. Cooper an hour later, Meredith found Derek sitting on a plastic chair, waiting for her.

"So, now can you tell me what's so important," Derek asked anxiously after greeting her.

"Nope," Meredith teased, shaking her head. "Not until we get home."

"Come on Mer, just one hint?"

"No, and if you can't figure out a major event that is happening in your future, I'm not so sure it should happen," she laughed when she saw his face become down right shocked.

"Well maybe if you helped me to figure it out, we wouldn't have this problem," Derek grumbled.

"Fine," Meredith sighed, stopping to face him. "One hint."

Derek looked at her expectantly as she dug through her bag, pulling out a small jewelry pouch. She smirked at him, making a show of opening the small drawstring pouch and pulling her engagement ring out.

"Mer, what is the hint, I don't want to just stand here and watch you put on your-" realization dawned on his face as he watched Meredith slip the ring on her left hand. "You want to do wedding planning tonight?"

"Yes," Meredith nodded firmly. "I know we're just having a small thing, but I felt like such a slacker on Thanksgiving when your mom and sisters were asking about the wedding and we didn't even have a date yet. Which is pretty bad considering we plan on getting married in about six or seven months."

"Right," Derek said, and she could tell he was trying to come up with a plan. "So, let's start by picking a date."

"Not now Derek," Meredith said, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the exit. "When we get home. We'll pick up a pizza, open a bottle of wine, and plan this thing."

"Okay," Derek said, smiling as they moved out of the hospital.

XXXXXX

As they entered their apartment, Meredith went to the kitchen to grab a bottle of wine, glasses and plates while Derek headed into the living room with the pizza. When Meredith got to the living room, Derek was studying a calendar for next year. She settled herself next to him on the couch, and ate in silence for a few minutes before Derek spoke.

"So," he began. "When do you want to get married?"

"I already told you, this summer if it's still feasible," Meredith responded.

"Oh, it's possible," Derek nodded confidently. "But what part of the summer?"

"Derek, I'm a student," Meredith scoffed. "I don't have classes in the summer, and I work a part time job as a nurse's assistant. Pretty much anytime from the middle of May until the end of August works for me. You should figure this part out, and what works best with your crazy schedule."

"Hmmm," Derek murmured, flipping through the calendar for a minute before resting on a month. "How about the beginning of June? I'll be ending my residency, but it won't be too close to the end. Plus I won't have to worry about potentially settling into a new job while going over last minute details."

"Derek, do you honestly not think you'll get the fellowship position at NYU Med? You are the perfect resident, you're a freaking genius, and all the Attendings love you. You won't have to settle into a new job, you have this one in the bag when you apply."

"Thanks, but it's better for me to put out a lot of applications so I'm not jobless and I don't make my new wife live on the street," he joke, kissing her forehead. "But let's not talk about that now. Let's focus on the date."

"Right, the date," Meredith repeated, turning back to the calendar. "Would June second be too soon?"

Derek grinned at her. "June second sounds like a perfect anniversary to me."

"Good. Next up is location. Any preferences on where we get married? Or we have the reception?" Meredith asked.

"Actually, I do," Derek said, looking at her hopefully. "My parents and all my sisters were married at Saint Catherine's a couple blocks from here, you know, where we went for Liz's wedding? I'd really like to keep up the tradition. And since it's close to the Plaza, maybe we could have the reception there? But only if you want to Mer."

"That sounds really nice Derek," Meredith smiled at him. "But I don't think we'll be able to get a room at the Plaza. June is a popular month for weddings, and we're only giving them six months. Most people book a year or two in advance!"

"Well, I'll call them right now and see," Derek said, grabbing the phone.

"Wait! We didn't even pick out a time!"

"Do you want to get married in the morning?" Derek asked.

"No," Meredith scoffed. "I am not a morning person; I want to get married in the afternoon. How about two o'clock?"

"I can live with that," Derek answered. "So, I'll call the Plaza and see if they have a reception hall available at four?"

"You're going to call right now?"

"Yes. As you said, people book years in advance," he teased as he looked up the number.

"Someone may not answer," Meredith said, thinking realistically.

"It's barely five," Derek countered. "Someone should be there. And if not, I'll call first thing in the morning."

"What if Saint Catherine's already has a wedding going on on the second, and at that time?"

"Then we'll get married somewhere else," Derek answered simply. "There are plenty of churches in Manhattan. Worse comes to worse, we'll get married at city hall the Friday before and celebrate the next day."

"Okay," Meredith nodded as Derek put the phone to his ear.

"Hi, I'm Derek Shepherd," Derek spoke into the phone. "I know this is kind of short notice, but I just figured out a date for my wedding, and I was wondering if you had any halls available on June second…Yes of this upcoming year," Derek rolled his eyes, causing Meredith to giggle. "Hmmm, okay, I see… That's it?... Well, I'll have to talk to my fiancée… Actually, just put the reservation down for Shepherd and I'll call you tomorrow morning with a definitive answer… Thank you so much, goodbye," Derek hung up the phone, and Meredith looked at him expectantly.

"So?" Meredith said.

"So," Derek sighed. "You were right about it being a popular time…"

"Oh well, you tried," Meredith said. "We'll just have to-"

"Mer, let me finish," Derek laughed. "They don't have any of the really fancy reception halls left, but they do have one small function room left. The event planner said it was more for corporate meetings and parties, but they would be willing to make it a wedding reception. But, she did say it would only hold thirty-five people, forty tops. I reserved it just in case, but if you don't want to take it because it's too small, I'll call her back."

"No, we're taking it," Meredith said firmly. "You want this, so we're doing it. We said we were going to have a small wedding, so thirty-five to forty it perfect. Think about it. Your mother, your sisters, and their husbands are eight, plus a date for Amelia if she takes one, plus eight nieces and nephews, Mark and Addison, Cristina, Izzie and Alex, maybe Sadie and Jack. And my mother too, if she bothers to show up. That's what, twenty five people? Those are the essential people that we need to invite, plus some of your work and college friends are like thirty five, so the room is perfect Derek. We didn't want a big thing, so now we cannot have one even if your mother insists."

"Okay, we'll take it," Derek agreed as she finished rambling. "Let me call the church." After getting off the phone with the Pastor, Meredith rested her head on Derek's shoulder, cuddling into his chest.

"Bridesmaids?" Derek asked after a few minutes.

"Cristina," Meredith began. "Izzie, Amelia, maybe Liz if you have enough friends for four groomsmen."

"You are so mean to me," Derek chuckled. "Mark will be my best man. I've known Nancy's husband James for years, so him, my buddy Dave from college; you know, the one that came to visit for a week last year? And maybe Alex, if you insist on four people in your wedding party."

"Alex? Seriously?"

"Hey, we're friends!" Derek insisted. "Most of the time it was the two of us surrounded by girls, we bonded."

"Fine, whatever," Meredith giggled.

"What color do you want the dresses to be?"

"Umm, maybe light blue, or pale green," Meredith said after thinking about it. "I don't want anything too girly."

"Green would be nice," Derek mumbled.

"We'll look at invitations in a couple of days. We don't have to do anymore planning right now," Meredith said into Derek's chest.

"Okay," Derek murmured. They sat silently and contently for a while until Derek kissed the top of Meredith's head.

"This is nice," he said. "We haven't done this in a while, just spent time together."

"Yeah," Meredith agreed, looking up at him. "You know what else we haven't done in a while?" Meredith whispered seductively.

"What?" Derek asked.

Meredith moved to straddle his hips, kissing him deeply so that her tongue slipped into his mouth. When she pulled away, he looked confused.

"What?" Derek repeated, perplexed.

She smirked at him as she kissed him again, grinding her hips against his. There was no mistaking her intents as she pulled away once more, and he looked concerned.

"Mer," he said softly. "We don't have to. I'm not pressuring you to-"

She kissed him again to silence him. "I know you aren't pressuring me Derek. I want this. It's been six weeks, and I miss you. I'm doing better, and I want you."

Derek leaned towards her and kissed her tenderly. "Who am I to deny you anything you want?" he joked before taking a serious tone. "But really Mer, if this gets to be too much, or you aren't comfortable, just tell me and we'll stop. We'll go slow."

Meredith nodded as she climbed off him, reaching for his hand and pulling him towards their room. When they reached the bedroom, Derek pulled Meredith close to him, kissing her passionately as they slowly undressed each other. When they were both naked, Derek's lips trailed down Meredith's neck as he eased her back on to the bed. He kissed her chest before taking her breast into his mouth, sucking on it gently as his hand wandered to her core. Meredith moaned in satisfaction, loving the way Derek's body was pressed against hers.

He hovered over her, and kissed her before he pulled away. "Are you sure?" he asked huskily.

"Please Derek," she whined, spreading her legs so he could settle between them. With a gentle thrust he entered her, and Meredith gasped.

"Are you okay?" Derek asked, stilling inside of her.

"Perfect," Meredith nodded before knotting her fingers in his hair and pulling his face down to kiss her. Derek resumed his slow thrusts, and Meredith felt pleasure surge through her body.

They rocked together slowly, giving themselves time for to get used to the feel of each other again. Their pleasure built, and with one strong thrust, the climaxed together, softly crying out in ecstasy.

When they came down from their highs, Derek rolled off of Meredith and pulled her towards him so that they faced each other, and his hand rested on her hip.

"Was that alright?" Derek asked as he kissed her.

"That was more than alright," Meredith said against his lips. "I know that I'm not a hundred percent, but I'm a lot better Derek, and I wanted that. I needed that."

"I love you Meredith," he whispered as he pulled her even closer, her head fitting under his chin. "I can't wait to marry you."

"You too," Meredith mumbled as she fell asleep in Derek's arms.


	22. Chapter 22

_**A/N: We're inching closer to the wedding! But first, I wrote a little Christmas fluff for you, though it's about a month late. I hope you enjoy it anyway. Please enjoy and review!**_

**Chapter 22**

"Are we going to hear about any new developments in your wedding this time around?" Carolyn asked immediately as Meredith and Derek entered Derek's childhood home on Christmas Eve.

"Yes you will Mom," Derek laughed as he hugged his mother. "Once everyone gets here we'll give you all the details."

"Good, I'm glad," Carolyn nodded. "However, I am upset that the two of you won't be staying for Christmas morning."

"That's my fault Carolyn," Meredith piped in. "My friend Cristina, who goes to Stanford for med school, came home for her winter break. I invited her over to our place for Christmas day and a couple of days after because she's Jewish, but I spaced on the fact that we always stay over for Christmas."

"It's fine," Carolyn answered. "I'll just give you your presents tonight after dinner. You'll just have to tell your nieces and nephews that Santa is bringing your presents to your new house."

"I can do that," Meredith smiled. "You don't have to open our gifts to you tonight though; I can just put them under the tree and you all can open them tomorrow morning."

"Feel free to leave them wherever you find space," Carolyn said as she ushered them into the living room. "We will probably open them tonight when you open yours; it'll get the kids excited about tomorrow."

"Like they need to be more excited," Derek said sarcastically as they entered the room to a chorus of "Uncle Derek! Aunt Meredith!" from the eight children playing on the living room floor. The seven adults in the room looked up from their conversation, smiling at the new arrivals

"Hey stranger," Nancy said first, walking over to hug Derek and then Meredith.

"Hey Nance," Derek replied. "Sorry we've been busy. Fellowship applications and med school can be pretty time consuming."

"It doesn't matter, we're just happy to see you," Kathleen said as the couple made their way closer to Derek's sisters and brothers-in-law, receiving a round of hugs and handshakes.

They chatted over drinks for a little while before Carolyn called them for dinner. The adults sat in the dining room while the kids sat at a table in the kitchen, which was visited every five minutes by one of the parents to make sure the all behaved.

"So, tell us about this wedding that you're planning," Kathleen asked, rolling her eyes. "It's about time you two started planning, we didn't think that you would remember to plan anything until the middle of July."

"Thanks Kathleen, that's really encouraging," Derek laughed, shoving his sister playfully.

"But seriously, we started taking bets on when you guys would actually get it together, or whether you would just decide to postpone it for another year," Amelia piped in, looking up from her plate and smirking.

"Seriously?" Meredith laughed, feeling a little embarrassed about how unprepared they were. "Well, who won the bet?"

"I did," Liz smiled. "I said you would have something done by Christmas, even if it isn't much."

"Thanks, that's really encouraging," Meredith said sarcastically.

"Hey, I was the nice one!" Liz exclaimed. "Kathleen bet that something would be done by Valentine's Day, Nancy said you would be scrambling in June to throw a wedding together by August, and Amelia thought that the entire summer would go by and you wouldn't remember that you were supposed to get married until next Thanksgiving."

"It was a joke!" Amelia insisted, her eyes sparkling.

"So, what do you two have done," Carolyn said, speaking over her children to get their attention.

"Right," Derek nodded, turning to Meredith. "You want to tell them the date?"

"Um, sure," Meredith said, facing the Shepherds. "We decided to get married June second. We'll have it at Saint Catherine's by our apartment at two o'clock, because no one else was getting married then."

"Oh, that's nice, just like all of us!" Kathleen smiled. "What about a reception?"

"Well," Derek began. "Despite our proper lack of preparation, we were able to get a function hall at the Plaza."

"Really?" Nancy said, obviously surprised. "That's wonderful!"

"Yes, the rooms in the Plaza are large, so you can invite your aunts and uncles, and your cousins" Carolyn began to ramble. Meredith flashed Derek a panicked gaze, causing Derek to intervene.

"Unfortunately Mom, I'm not a miracle worker. I got us a reception hall, but it was the last one available, and due to the short notice, it will only hold about forty people. We wanted a small wedding anyway, so we decided to take it."

Carolyn nodded before speaking again. "So Meredith, have you decided how big of a wedding party you want?"

"Yeah, Cristina will be my Maid of Honor, and Izzie will be a bridesmaid. I also wanted to ask Liz and Amelia if they would be bridesmaids too," Meredith said, glancing at the two women. "You all have been so great to me, and I would want you all in my wedding, but I think it would be easier if just the two of you were in the wedding because you guys don't have kids." She looked at Kathleen and Nancy, who nodded their approval, not appearing angry with her decision.

Derek jumped in next. "Mark will be my best man, and I was thinking that my groomsmen could be Dave from Bowdoin, Meredith's friend Alex, and James, if you're willing."

"Sure man," James nodded.

"Meredith, that sounds really great, but I think I'm going to have to bow out," Liz said, turning red.

"Oh, okay," Meredith said quietly, failing to hide the disappointment in her voice.

"It's not that I don't want to, because I would love to be in your wedding," Liz said quickly before taking a deep breath. "It's just that…" she paused again, looking at her husband David quickly before continuing. "I don't want to be eight months pregnant and waddling down the aisle."

"Wait, you're pregnant!" Nancy cried, getting up and running to hug her sister. Kathleen and Carolyn followed, hugging Liz before she could explain.

"About seven weeks," Liz nodded, her eyes filling with tears. She grabbed David's hand, who was grinning just as widely. "We were going to wait another month or so to tell people, but I didn't want you to think I was being a total bitch by refusing to be in your wedding Meredith."

"It's okay," Meredith smiled, turning to Derek.

"Congratulations Lizzy," Derek said softly. Meredith saw a flash of jealousy and wanting in his gaze as he spoke, and Meredith felt her insides clench. She knew Derek wanted kids; he was great with his nieces and nephews, and he would be the most amazing dad. But she never realized that he would want kids so soon. She wanted them too, with Derek, but she didn't think she would be ready until she at least finished med school. It made sense that Derek would want kids soon. He was old enough to be ready, and she was sure he wouldn't want to be an old dad. But she wasn't sure if she would be able to give him what he wanted just yet.

XXXXXX

The alarm went off at nine the next morning, and Derek rolled over to turn it off before rolling back into Meredith.

"Morning," he said as he kissed her neck, his voice still filled with sleep. "Merry Christmas."

"Mhmm," Meredith murmured as she rolled into Derek, placing her cheek against his chest. "Merry Christmas."

"What time is Cristina coming?"

"Her train gets in at twelve thirty," Meredith mumbled, slowly waking up.

"We should get up now," Derek said softly. "Do presents and stuff before she gets here."

"Fine," Meredith sighed, sitting up and pushing her hair out of her eyes. Pulling a pair of Derek's boxers and a sweatshirt over her frame, she stumbled clumsily after Derek into the living room. They had a small fake tree, about three feet tall, placed on a coffee table with a couple of presents placed around it. Derek plopped onto the couch closest to the tree, and pulled Meredith onto his lap. She giggled as she collapsed on top of him, and he pulled her close to him and kissed her.

When she pulled away, her face was scrunched in the most adorable way. "You really need to do something about that morning breath," she chuckled as Derek's smile faltered for a second.

"Fine," Derek responded, a smirk once again framing his features. "I won't kiss you until I brush my teeth."

"Thank you," Meredith nodded, swiping at him playfully. "Open your presents."

"You want me to go first?" Derek said as he reached for the four wrapped gifts on the table, two for each of them.

"Yes. I went first last Christmas, now it's your turn."

"Last Christmas we were at my mother's house, it was different."

"Just shut up and open your presents Derek," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Bossy," Derek muttered as he unwrapped the larger box first. It contained two sweaters, the ones Derek had mentioned liking when they went shopping together a few weeks ago. He leaned in to kiss her in thanks, but remembered his promise, and simply smirked as reached for a gift bag. Taking out the tissue paper, he saw a square of different shades of blue. Pulling it out, he held a piece of blue fabric, realizing as he unfolded it that it was a scrub cap. Not just any scrub cap, but a ferryboat scrub cap.

"I know the hospital provides them," Meredith began what Derek could only assume was a long winded explanation. "And that you really don't need it. But my mom has a special scrub cap, and I know that lots of surgeons do, so I figured you could have one when you start your fellowship. It can be your lucky one or something."

Derek just smiled at her, shaking his head. "Meredith Grey, I would kiss you if you would let me."

Meredith laughed. "You cannot kiss me on the lips until you brush your teeth. However, I wouldn't be opposed to you kissing me on the cheek."

Derek did just that, breathing her in as he did so. "Thank you so much, I really appreciate it Mer."

"You're welcome," she said simply. "My turn."

"Your turn," Derek repeated, handing her a box. In it was a new phone, causing Meredith to shriek with joy.

"Thank you, my phone is a piece of crap, and I really needed a new one!" she exclaimed.

"I know, I really don't appreciate your battery going from one hundred percent to dead in the middle of a conversation with you," he teased.

"How do you know I just don't hang up on you?" she shot back.

"Mean," Derek responded, reaching for the other present. Meredith unwrapped the long, thin rectangle, revealing a folder. Opening it, she saw two tickets and a packet, and after scanning them for a few moments, she looked up at Derek in shock.

"You're taking me to Paris?" Meredith managed to choke out.

"Actually, we'll only be in Paris for three days. The majority of the time will be spent in Marseille, it's a city in the south of France, right on the Mediterranean," Derek clarified. "We're really only flying in and out of Paris, but I thought it would be a nice stop."

"But… why?" Meredith asked, trying to force the tickets back at Derek. "You need to take them back, it's too much."

"Meredith," Derek said, holding her shoulders and forcing her to look at him. "This present is as much for me as it is for you. This is going to be our honeymoon. Three days in Paris, a week in Marseille, and four days to go to anywhere in Europe you want. Please, let me do this for you so we have an amazing honeymoon."

"Honeymoon?" Meredith repeated, not sure if she believed him.

"Yes."

With that, Meredith cupped Derek's face, and pulled him towards her, kissing him hard. He smirked when they finally pulled away. "You broke your own rule," he teased.

"Shut up," she said softly. "Thank you so much Derek, this is amazing and I love it. I love you."

"Love you too," he said, lifting her up so he could place her on the couch. He stood up and turned to her, meeting her confused gaze. "I'm going to go brush my teeth now so I can kiss you again."

"Good," Meredith nodded. "Because I really need to thank you for my Christmas presents."

"Yeah you do," Derek flirted as he moved into the bathroom.

XXXXXX

"So, you two finally settle on a date?" Cristina asked later that afternoon as she took a sip of wine. Derek had left the apartment to give Meredith and Cristina time to catch up, deciding to head to a bar with Mark.

"Yup, we're getting married June second," Meredith responded. "The ceremony will be at a church down the street and the reception will be at the Plaza."

"June second? Seriously Mer? When were you going to tell me, the week before?"

"No, I'm telling you now," Meredith rolled her eyes. "And you'll be my maid of honor."

"You want me to wear a big poufy dress and stand in a church? No way!"

"Come on Cristina, do it for me! You are my person, please? The church thing is important because it's where Derek's parents and sisters got married, and I can promise you that the dress will not be poufy."

"Fine," Cristina sighed. "Not big and poufy?"

"Nope," Meredith shook her head. "Knee length and close to your body."

"No pink?"

"No pink. Green actually."

"Good," Cristina nodded before changing the subject. "So, I slept with Collin Marlow before I went on break. Want to hear about that?"

"Ewww, why?" Meredith screamed. "He's like sixty!"

"Fifty-five," Cristina corrected. "I needed a good grade in his class. Plus, now he's letting me help him with research and assist him on a journal article he's working on."

"Still, it's gross," Meredith shuddered. "Does he use Viagra? I bet he does."

Cristina didn't answer, so Meredith looked at her expectantly. "Are you seriously not going to tell me? You brought up the fact that you had sex with someone old enough to be your grandfather, and you said we could talk about it, and you won't answer my question? That's just mean."

Finally, Cristina sighed. "You know, if you want to keep screwing Derek like you do now for the rest of your life, you will one day be very thankful for that little blue pill," she snapped.

"I knew it!" Meredith exclaimed, laughing. "But I seriously don't understand how you can do that. I've seen pictures, he _looks _old. He's not one of those fifty year old men that can look thirty-seven or something, he looks fifty five. No grade is worth that."

Cristina simply shrugged. "Well, he's not that bad once he gets going. If I close my eyes, and don't think about the fact that it's an old man, but just Collin Marlow, 'Cardio-God,' it's actually an enjoyable experience. He's really not that bad in bed."

Meredith wrinkled her nose in disgust, but laughed. "Can we please talk about something else now?"

Cristina laughed, but started talking about her other classes and the weekend she went up to visit Izzie in Washington. Meredith sat back, enjoying the idea of catching up with her best friend for a few days.


	23. Chapter 23

**_A/N: Last chapter before the wedding. The whole wedding plotline made me get into a very girly mindset and start looking at wedding dresses and bridesmaid dresses. It was very fun, but I wanted to pick a dress that I think that the Meredith on the show (and in my fic) would wear, which may explain why it took so long for me to actually write this update when I reached this chapter a few weeks ago. Anyway, I wanted to give you guys visualization of what I had in mind, so here are the links to the dresses: (Sorry, I had to put the spaces in so that the web adresses could be shown. So, just copy and paste, but then delete all the spaces. Sorry that it's such a pain!)_**

**_Wedding Dress:_**

h t t p : / / p h o t o s . w e d d i n g b y c o l o r . c o m / p / 0 0 0 / 0 0 4 /7 7 8 / m / 3 0 8 0 8 / p / p h o t o / 9 1 6 6 2 . j p g

**_Bridesmaid Dress:_**

**h t t p : / / b r i d e s m a i d . v p o n s a l e . c o . u k / i m a g e s / b r i d e s m a i d d r e s s e s / M F S 1 9 . j p g**

**_One more thing in regards to the dresses, I know that the image I provided is an actual white dress, but I feel as though Meredith would prefer off-white or an ivory color instead. Oh, and imagine an off-white sash around the bridesmaids dresses, I think it makes the wedding more uniform. Anyway, enough about fictitious weddings, enjoy the chapter!_**

**Chapter 23**

Meredith spun around slowly, a small smile creeping onto her face. The off white colored dress was simple, with only a small bow and square of jewels right below her breasts. The dress was strapless, with an emphasized sweetheart neckline, the material cut in a way to show some of her cleavage. The dress clung to her waist and hips, showing off her curves, before fanning out slightly and coming to rest at the floor. There was no long train, and she would be wearing a very small, simple veil, a birthday gift from Carolyn. Meredith decided against a traditional white dress, going for a slightly off white color, for several reasons. When she tried on white dresses, she felt that she was too pale and washed out looking, and wanted to pick something that better suited her skin tone. Carolyn thankfully agreed with her, and didn't seem too angry that Meredith's dress would not be bright white. Also, Meredith didn't feel she fit the whole virginal bride ideal, and felt like a hypocrite if she wore white.

"Oh Mer, you look gorgeous! Derek is going to freak when he sees you in it!" Izzie sighed from the corner of Derek's bedroom. Five months had passed very quickly; Meredith's wedding was only two weeks away, so Izzie had decided to come to the city for a few weeks to hang out with the friend she hadn't seen in so long and help out with last minute wedding details. The two of them, plus Cristina, had gone to Carolyn's house for one last fitting, since that was where the dresses were being held.

"Thank you," Meredith said, blushing. "And you like your dresses right?"

"They are surprisingly not poufy," Cristina said, staring at herself in the mirror.

"And they look amazing," Izzie agreed.

"Yeah, I like them," Amelia chimed in, also changing into her dress. The bridesmaid's dresses were also relatively simple; they were strapless, forest green, A-line dresses, falling at the knee. They were satin, with pleated folds both at the chest and under the waist as the dress fanned out. Though they would have been fine plain, Meredith had decided to tie an off white ribbon around the waist of each dress in order to better tie it into the wedding. The dress looked perfect on all the girls, and Meredith was actually kind of jealous that she wasn't able to where one.

All four girls turned as they heard a knock at the door. "May I come in?" Carolyn's voice rang from the hallway.

"Only if Derek isn't behind you," Meredith laughed in response as the door pushed open. Meredith had told Derek she was trying on her dress, but didn't disclose the location, which angered Derek. He had arrived at his childhood home an hour ago, hoping to catch Meredith and her friends. However, Meredith was on to Derek plans, and the girls had arrived at Carolyn's in Izzie's rental car, which they had parked down the street. When Derek burst through the front door, they had been very quiet while Carolyn shooed Derek away, falsely hinting that the dresses were at Kathleen's house, and he should check there.

"No, he isn't with me," Carolyn answered. "I called Kathleen after he left, and she'll be sending his to Liz's. She can keep him occupied with baby talk for a while."

"Thanks," Meredith smiled. She twirled around a couple of more times before turning back to Carolyn. "It still fits."

"It does," Carolyn affirmed with a smile. "Now, let's get you out of that dress in case Derek decides to come back."

"Good idea," Meredith responded. "Plus, I have a meeting with the dean of Columbia Med in an hour, and I can't be late."

"Why do you have to go to Columbia? You just got out of class for the summer," Izzie asked.

"I don't know, but it's making me nervous," Meredith said as she stepped out of her wedding dress. "I hope I didn't fail all my finals or they accuse me of plagiarizing a paper or something."

"Come on Mer, you already found out your grades, you know you didn't fail your finals, so stop being dramatic," Cristina shot back.

"You're right, I'm just being paranoid," Meredith said, breathing deeply. "I think I'll just hop on the train down the street to get back to the city, I'll see you guys later." She hung the dress up, and with a quick round of goodbyes, headed towards the train station a quarter mile away.

By the time she got to Columbia, Meredith was twenty minutes early for her meeting. Starting to freak out about all the potentially bad things they could say to her, Meredith decided to call the one person she could guarantee to calm her down.

"Where the hell are you?" Derek's concerned voice filled her ears, skipping any sort of greeting.

"At Columbia, I have that meeting soon, why?"

"Because I've been driving everywhere looking for you!" Derek said exasperatedly, and Meredith couldn't help but smirk. "First I went to mom's house, but she let slip that you were at Kathleen's, so I drove all the way to Connecticut to see if you were there. Then Kathleen told me you were at Liz's brownstone, so I drove all the way back into the city just to be trapped here listening to Liz go on and on about all of the things she was doing for our new niece."

"You know Derek," Meredith giggled. "None of this would have happened if you behaved like a normal person and didn't try to catch me in my dress. I told you I wanted to be surprised, so you should respect that."

Derek grumbled about how it wasn't fair for a few seconds before seeming to remember the point of Meredith's call. "Are you freaking out your meeting?"

"Just a little," Meredith admitted. "I keep going over the year in my head, and I can't think of anything I've done wrong. I hope they don't want me to answer questions about the Steve thing."

She heard Derek emit some sort of growl when she mentioned Steve's name. "They won't do that, the police got your statement in October while you were in the hospital. Besides, they can't _make _you answer questions, so you can leave the minute they ask about what happened."

"Okay," Meredith nodded; despite the fact she knew Derek couldn't see her. "Thank you."

"No problem Mer," Derek said brightly. "I'll be at home when you're done. You just gave me the perfect excuse to leave Liz."

"Oh, good," Meredith replied sarcastically.

"It won't be anything bad," Derek offered his support again. "Love you."

"Love you too," Meredith said as she hung up and headed towards the Dean's office.

XXXXXX

Meredith walked into her apartment an hour and a half later, still going over her appointment in her mind. She was unsure what to tell Derek, how to phrase it, and what his reaction would be. She wasn't even sure what her reaction was yet.

"Hey!" Derek called from the kitchen as Meredith entered the room. "I was just starting dinner. How was your meeting?"

"Umm, it was uh, fine," Meredith struggled to answer, trying to sound calm but obviously failing.

Derek turned away from the stove to look at her, examining her closely. "Fine?" he asked.

"Yeah, fine," Meredith nodded, turning away and heading towards the living room.

"What's wrong Meredith?" Derek asked, following her out into the living room. He followed her to the couch, sitting down beside her. "You aren't in trouble or anything right? The Dean didn't upset you?"

"No," Meredith shook her head. "I'm just feeling a lot of different things right now. It might be because this is kind of big, and combined with the wedding, which is also big, it's…this is just a lot."

"Okay," Derek nodded, wrapping his arms around her small frame. "Let's start with school. What was your meeting about?"

Meredith sighed before turning to face him. "Remember those classes I took over the summer at NYU because my professor thought it would be a good idea?" Derek nodded at the memory. "Well, those classes, combined with the classes I took for my LNA license, mean that I am ahead of my class. So far ahead, that the Dean wants me to try and graduate a year early." She looked up at Derek cautiously, not sure how he would respond.

A wide grin slowly spread across Derek's face as he kissed her. "Congratulations Mer! See, I knew you wouldn't have anything to worry about; he just wanted to tell you how smart you are."

"I don't know if I should do it," she admitted.

"Why not?" Derek asked, confused.

"Because, it's going to be a lot of work for the next two years. I'll have to take a class this summer, basically right when we get back from our honeymoon. And then I'll be taking all of my classes, plus clinical rotations and working all next year, and the year after that. And I really want to graduate early; I want to be a surgeon really badly, and it might make my mother proud if I tell her. But it'll be a lot of work, and you're important to me, and I don't want to be absent or for us to grow apart so you eventually hate me or resent me and then cheat on me or something."

"Meredith, this is an amazing opportunity, and I think you should take it," Derek said seriously.

"But what about you? What about us? It'll be hard to adjust to being married if we're both really busy," she argued.

"Mer, we don't need to really adjust to being married, we basically are married already. You live with me, and we've been together for almost five years. Plus, we were able to figure out how to be a couple when I was an intern, and we had just started dating. If we could handle my crazy schedule in the very beginning of our relationship, we can certainly work around your busy one once we're married."

"Are you sure?" Meredith asked quietly.

"Absolutely," Derek answered firmly. "I love you, and I want what's best for you and what will make you happy. And the fact that you are so smart that you have the chance to graduate early, be a surgeon a year before you're supposed to, will make you happy. So go for it; I'll be cheering you on the entire way."

A small smile graced Meredith's lips. "Thank you."

"No need to thank me," Derek said as he placed a kiss on Meredith's lips. "Just being the dutiful fiancé and impending husband."

Meredith snuggled closer to Derek, her head resting on his shoulder. "We're getting married in two and a half weeks."

"We are," Derek nodded. "How are you feeling?"

"Excited. You?"

"Unbelievably happy, but also a little bit curious. I really want to know what your dress looks like."

"Well, you'll just have to wait another eighteen days," Meredith laughed.

"Come on, just one hint?" Derek whined.

"Nope."

"I'll get it out of you," Derek smirked as he kissed her cheek.

"Oh, yeah," Meredith breathed as Derek's mouth moved towards her ear, biting it lightly. "How?"

"I have ways," Derek said huskily as he moved his mouth lower, to her neck.

"Really?" Meredith half-moaned, loving the feel of Derek's lips on her body.

"Oh yes," Derek responded. "Let me give you a demonstration." With that, he picked Meredith up off the couch and carried her to their room, determined to make her show him the dress.


	24. Chapter 24

_**A/N: So here it is, the wedding! I combined the wedding with a scene from the honeymoon to make it a little longer, so I hope you all don't mind. Also, I hope you're all still enjoying this story. **_

**C****hapter 24**

Derek awoke with a smile as the alarm blared, turning it off and rolling back towards Meredith. Today was the day, he was getting married.

He felt Meredith stir next to him, and her breathing became irregular, signaling that she was awake. He kissed the top of her head, and she sighed contently. "We're getting married today," he murmured into her hair.

"We're getting married today," she smiled, even though her eyes were still closed. She rolled over, burying her face into his chest before she spoke again. "Are you nervous?"

"No," Derek responded confidently. "I've been waiting four years to marry you."

"Four years?" she said incredulously, looking up at him. "Seriously?"

"Yes, seriously. Since the end of your freshman year I've wanted to marry you, because I realized how difficult it was to try to live without you over the summer."

"You are so corny," Meredith teased, but her eyes sparkled.

"Shut up," Derek said, leaning down to kiss her.

Meredith laughed. "You need to leave," she said pushing Derek out of bed.

"What, why?" Derek said, though he knew exactly why.

"Don't play dumb. You're lucky your mom even let you sleep here last night. Your sisters and my friends are coming at ten, and they want you gone before they arrive. I need to get ready."

"Fine," Derek sighed, pulling on a pair of pants and a t-shirt before heading into the kitchen to make breakfast. Twenty minutes later, they were sitting together over omelets when Meredith's head suddenly shot up.

"You're okay with everything in the wedding, right?" she asked, seeming nervous.

"What? Of course I am; this is the wedding we want, why wouldn't I be happy?" Derek asked incredulously.

"I don't know. I just wanted to make sure," Meredith said, seeming embarrassed.

"Meredith, today is perfect. I promise you that everything will be perfect," Derek said as he stood. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head as he washed the dishes in the sink before coming back to her. "Alright, I'm going to head out before my sisters attack me for staying too long," he smiled as she laughed at him. Derek pulled Meredith close to him and kissed her deeply. He heard her moan before he pulled away. "I love you so much Meredith," he whispered. "I'll see you at the altar."

"I love you too," she responded, pulling him back in for another kiss before he stood up and grabbed his tux out of the closet.

"See you soon Meredith," Derek called as he opened the door.

"Bye!" She shouted back as the door slammed.

XXXXXX

Three hours later, Derek was standing in the vestibule, a small room by the altar, fidgeting nervously. The wedding was due to start in about fifteen minutes, and he couldn't help but pace. He wanted this to be over; all he wanted was to be married to Meredith. He looked out into the church, which was only about a third of the way full. Though they couldn't invite many people to the reception, Derek's mother insisted that he at least invite his entire family to the wedding. Almost every member of his extended family had decided to attend; meaning his side of the church was much more full than Meredith's. Though he knew that Meredith could probably care less, his heart had still broken when he first saw her sparsely populated pews, and insisted that his sisters and their families sit on the left side of the church to even things out.

He watched as Mark led his mother down the aisle, and he knew he would have to go out their soon and wait for Meredith to come to him. He was lost in his thoughts when he suddenly heard his ringtone. His phone was in a duffle bag in a closet, and he considered ignoring it, but decided better of it. Reaching it just in time, his brow furrowed as he read the name on the display.

"Amelia? What's going on?"

"It's Meredith," Amelia said, her voice concerned. "She's freaking out, and the only person who can calm her down when she's freaking out is you, so I told her she could talk to you quickly."

"Put her on," Derek barked. He hoped Meredith wouldn't back out of their wedding. He knew she loved him, but he didn't think he would be able to bear it if she said she couldn't go through with this. He wanted to be married to her; he _needed _to be married to her.

"Der?" Meredith gasped, panic evident in her voice.

"Meredith? What's wrong?"

"I-I-I don't know," she said softly. "I'm worried that this won't be enough for you. You had all these great ideas for the wedding and I shot down half of them because I wasn't comfortable with them and you just agreed. And the big one was the vows. You really wanted us to write our own, but we didn't end up doing that. I said that I didn't want us to write our own vows, but you're really romantic and you probably had them all planned out, and you invited your whole family so you may want them to hear them but I can't come up with sappy romantic vows on the spot. But I don't want you to resent me and I don't know what to do and-"

"Meredith, Mer!" Derek silenced her; he could only hear her sniffling. "Do you want us to write our own vows?"

"There isn't time, I'm not creative!" Meredith snapped at them.

"We can make them up right now, it can be our own private thing," Derek said, trying to calm her down.

"Yeah, we could," Meredith said slowly. "But we wouldn't be able to remember them, and I want to remember them."

"I'm sure I can find something to write on," Derek's voice trailed off, frantically searching the vestibule. Finally, he found a stack of blue post-it notes and a pen. _What a weird thing to find in a church, _he thought to himself as he grabbed them. "Okay Meredith, I have post-its."

"Will that work?"

"Of course it will. What do we want to promise each other?" Derek asked, his pen poised on the post-it.

"Umm," Meredith thought for a second before he could hear a smile in Meredith's voice. "That you'll love me, _even_ when you hate me."

"To love each other, even when we hate each other," Derek repeated, scribbling quickly. "No running, ever. Nobody walks out, no matter what happens."

"No running," Meredith affirmed.

"What else?"

"That we'll take care of each other when we're old and smelly and senile," Meredith said cautiously.

"To take care of each other when old, senile, and smelly. This is forever."

"This is our wedding, a post-it?" Meredith asked, laughing a little.

"Well no, we're still getting married in about three minutes," Derek laughed. "But these are our vows, our commitment, a contract. And they will be if you sign after the ceremony."

"I'll sign," Meredith promised. "I love you."

"I love you too. I'll see you in a few," Derek answered, hanging up his phone as Mark entered the room.

"Come on Derek, they're about to start the processional; we need to get out there," Mark said, pushing Derek towards the door and the altar.

"Alright Mark, I'm going!" Derek laughed, taking his place at the right side of the altar. The organ began to play, and he watched in anticipation as Amelia, then Izzie, and then Cristina, made their way down the aisle. Finally, as the music swelled, the doors opened, and Meredith entered the church.

Derek had never seen anything so beautiful. Meredith looked stunning in her dress; it was as if it was made just for her body. She looked nervous at first, and Derek knew it was because of how much she hated being the center of attention. However, as soon as their eyes met, all fear and anxiety drained from Meredith's face. She smiled at him as she moved closer to him, and he found himself walking those last few steps towards her to meet her, giving them a somewhat private moment, though everyone was staring.

He laced both of their hands together, and pressed his forehead against hers. "Hey," he whispered.

"Hi," Meredith replied. "How do I look, is the dress as good as you imagined?"

"No," Derek admitted. "The reality is so much better."

"Good," she said.

"Okay, you ready?" Derek asked.

"I am."

"Okay then, let's get married," Derek said, releasing one of her hands and stepping back slightly. Meredith simply nodded as they made their way toward the priest.

The wedding passed in a blur. Derek felt as though he hadn't even been paying attention, too captivated by Meredith to focus on the priest's words. After what seemed like a lifetime, he heard the priest conclude the wedding.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss the bride." Derek didn't need to be told twice as he pulled Meredith into a searing kiss.

"I love you," he said against her lips.

"I love you too," she breathed. "Married."

"Married," he said nodding, as if confirming that the ceremony had taken place.

Though they didn't rent a limo, Derek insisted on hiring a town car and a driver for the wedding. As soon as the driver closed the door behind them, Derek pulled Meredith into his lap, kissing her deeply.

"God I love you," he moaned into her mouth. "Mrs. Shepherd."

"Grey," Meredith corrected. "You know I'm not changing my name."

"You may be a Grey to the rest of the world, but you'll always be Mrs. Shepherd to me."

"Fine," Meredith sighed. "But only if it's Doctor Shepherd."

"Oh, you can absolutely be Dr. Shepherd," Derek said, running his fingers through Meredith's hair.

XXXXXX

The reception was perfect. The event planners at the Plaza had managed to transform the room to a corporate meeting room into a beautiful reception hall, and Meredith and Derek couldn't have been happier. Everyone important to Meredith and Derek came; even Ellis, though she only stayed for the ceremony and congratulate Meredith before skipping out on the reception. Despite the small size of the wedding, Izzie had insisted that Meredith and Derek have a first dance, so as the opening chords of the acoustic version of _The Light_ (by Sara Bareillis)_, _Derek pulled Meredith to the center of the room, pressing her closely to him.

"Having fun Mrs. Shepherd?" he whispered as the forty guests watched them spin around the room.

"Surprisingly, yes," Meredith replied." I thought I would hate the reception, but it's been kind of fun. Plus, watching Mark try to pick up Addison is pure entertainment."

"It is," Derek laughed. "Though I'm not sure whether Addison is completely shutting Mark down, or if she's just oblivious."

_You were the air in my breath filling up my love soaked lungs  
>Such a beautiful mess intertwined and overrun<br>Nothing better than this, ooh, and then the storm can come  
>You feels just like the sun<br>Just like the sun_

The turned slowly for a minute before Derek began whispering the lyrics into her ears. _"Never mind what I knew, nothing seems to matter now. Who I was without you, I can do without," _he whispered to her, squeezing Meredith's waist.

"Derek?"

"Yeah?"

"When can we go home?" Meredith asked, an almost wicked look in her eyes. "I want to be alone with my husband."

"Well, we can leave anytime we want," Derek said. "But we aren't going home."

"What do you mean? We aren't leaving for France until tomorrow."

"I know, but we're having the wedding reception in this hotel, don't you think we should stay the night?" Derek grinned at her.

"Wait, we're staying here tonight?" Meredith was in shock. "But how? I don't have other clothes, and I can't leave in a wedding dress tomorrow morning. And our suitcases are at the apartment."

"Meredith, don't worry, I took care of everything. Kathleen brought your suitcases here on the way to the church. You have everything you need."

"Derek, you are amazing, thank you!" Meredith exclaimed, pulling Derek close to her so that they were no longer dancing, just hugging. Derek lifted her up and spun her around just as the song ended, and the couple was met by applause from their family. Breaking apart, they headed over to Carolyn, who was beaming at them.

"Mom, Meredith and I are going to head upstairs," Derek said, hugging his mother.

"Congratulations sweetheart," Carolyn said, pulling them both into a hug. "You too Meredith, the two of you are very lucky to have each other. Have a wonderful time in France."

"Thank you so much for everything," Meredith responded. "We'll call you the moment we land."

After similar goodbyes, Meredith and Derek headed for the elevators, travelling up to the eighth floor. Upon reaching the room, Derek swept Meredith into his arms, carrying her across the threshold.

Placing her down gently, Derek kissed her deeply, his hands moving to her back. He unzipped the dress easily, and Meredith let it fall away, carefully stepping out of it. As they slowly undressed each other, Derek walked Meredith backwards towards the King sized bed, his lips never leaving hers. As he feathered kisses along her neck and shoulder, he snaked a hand down her body to stroke her, eliciting a moan from his wife.

"Derek," she whined, beginning to writhe beneath him.

"I love you so so much Meredith," Derek said, his lips against her clavicle as he kissed and nipped at the bone gently.

"Please," Meredith begged, lifting her hips off of the bed to signal that she was ready. "Please."

Derek eased into her gently, savoring every small, slow thrust until he entered her completely. They stayed perfectly still for a moment, kissing passionately to show their love for one another. Finally, Meredith shifted beneath him, and Derek pulled out before moving back in, allowing them to find the perfect rhythm.

They rocked together slowly, their fingers intertwined above Meredith's head. Their moans and gasps became louder and more desperate as they reached their peak, powerfully climaxing together after some time. They caught their breaths as Derek rolled off of Meredith, silent for a minute. Meredith shifted to lay on top of Derek, kissing him and sliding her tongue into his mouth.

"I love you," she said softly. "This entire day has been amazing."

"I love you too," Derek whispered. "We're finally married. Forever."

"Forever," Meredith repeated, kissing him again.

**XXXXXX**

"Meredith, that cannot be a breakfast food," Derek said, looking at Meredith's plate in disgust. They were sitting in a Parisian café on the second to last day of their honeymoon, supposedly eating breakfast. Not that Derek could call what Meredith was eating breakfast.

"What?" Meredith said, looking up from her food. "It's a crepe; it's just like a pancake, and everyone eats them for breakfast. Look, the people two tables over from us are eating them!" Meredith said indignantly, not understanding the problem with her breakfast.

"That type of crepe is not a breakfast crepe," Derek laughed.

"Since when do they have designated meal crepes? And there are bananas in here, just like banana pancakes."

"Yeah, but you also had our waiter load it with nutella and brown sugar, and top it with chocolate sauce and whipped cream."

"Because it's so good!" Meredith insisted. "You should seriously have a bite, it tastes delicious."

"I will not have a bite," Derek shook his head. "Maybe if you had gotten that in the afternoon, but not at nine in the morning. That is not breakfast, that is dessert."

"Whatever," Meredith rolled her eyes. "It's our last full day on our honeymoon; I'll eat what I want."

"Mer, I never said you couldn't eat what you want," Derek said, hoping that Meredith hadn't taken offence to his comment.

"Well, I would like to enjoy my last meals in France without judgment," she snapped, but smiled a little.

"Fine," Derek smiled, relieved that she thought this was all in good fun. "No judgment."

"Thank you," Meredith said, taking a large bite of her crepe. Once they finished eating, Meredith and Derek decided to take a walk around Paris in order to fully experience their last day in France before they went home.

After they asked someone to take their picture on the Eiffel Tower, Meredith and Derek walked around the lawn adjacent to the park. As they strolled, hand in hand, they saw a couple playing with their children. The couple in front of them, presumably the children's parents, were laughing and playing right along with the kids. They appeared to be in their early forties, and completely in love with each other. The three kids were all blond, and looked like the happiest kids in the world. Derek couldn't help but imagine that those kids belonged to the two of them; they looked a little like Meredith, and could not wait to have children with her.

They wrangled their children together just as Meredith and Derek passed the family, and asked if they would be willing to take a picture for them. Derek smiled as the family posed, and he hoped that this would be Meredith and himself in ten years. They had never really breached the topic of babies, it had always been a sensitive subject due to Meredith's past and their pregnancy scare when she was in college, but he wanted kids, he desperately wanted them. He didn't need to have them now, Meredith was still and school and still very young, meaning that they had plenty of time to have a family. But he did want them, in the future, and he started to think that maybe he and Meredith should fully discuss it. Soon.

He stared at Meredith with a stupid grin on his face while she took several shots of the family. After a minute, she handed the camera back to the couple, who said their thanks, and Meredith and Derek continued their walk, hand in hand. Unsure as to how to broach the conversation, but wanting to test the waters, Derek searched for something to say.

"Nice couple," Derek observed. "And they have cute kids."

"Yeah, but not as cute as ours will be, but cute," Meredith agreed, surprised when she was pulled back.

Derek had stopped walking suddenly, unable to believe what he had just heard. _She said a thing about babies, _he thought. _Like babies were a totally ordinary idea. She's not afraid._ Meredith hadn't seemed to notice Derek's abrupt stop, for she continued walking, her hand clasped in his, until his arm couldn't stretch anymore and she was pulled back. Turning around to face him, she stared quizzically for a moment before smiling hesitantly.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing," Derek shook his head smiling faintly.

Meredith looked at him like she didn't believe him before they continued walking in silence. Derek kept stealing glances at Meredith, but his face must have given something away, because she kept giving him more and more confused looks before finally confronting him.

"What is going on with you? Because you have been acting like a basket case for the past two hours!" Meredith exclaimed. "And don't tell me it's nothing, because it is clearly something."

"I um… I mean, uh," Derek stuttered. "I'm sorry Mer, but can we not talk about it now? We're on our way to lunch, so can we talk about it then? Once we both sit down and can really talk, not in public." He looked at her, silently pleading with her.

"Fine," she muttered, but she disentangled their hands, walking towards the restaurant they were going to for lunch. Derek had to practically run to keep up with her, and once he reached her, she kept shooting him death glares. Derek began to get nervous, Meredith must think that he was about to admit to something horrible, or she wouldn't be so upset.

When they reached the restaurant, Derek requested a secluded table in the back, and after ten minutes of completely awkward silence, they were seated. After the waitress brought them their drinks and took their orders, Meredith looked up at Derek expectantly. "Well?" she said, her voice clipped, annoyed. "What's bothering you so much?"

Derek tried to find the right words for this conversation, but failed. "Kids," was all he could choke out.

He watched as Meredith instinctively gripped her wine glass tighter, her eyes growing wide as her thoughts moved a mile a minute. "What about kids?" she finally managed to ask.

"We've never talked about it. Not once, since the scare your freshman year at NYU. And we should probably talk about it, since we're married now and all," Derek smiled, trying to lighten the mood.

"Oh, yeah. That makes sense," Meredith nodded resolutely, seeming a little less panic stricken.

"So, do you want kids?" Derek asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Yes," Meredith said hesitantly. "No. I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"Well, can I have more details?" Meredith said exasperatedly. "Because you obviously want kids; you're like the world's most perfect uncle, so you would also be a perfect dad. But I don't think I can give you that now, or anytime soon. Because I'm still in med school, and I have another two years of that before residency. And I definitely don't want a baby when I'm an intern, but maybe during residency I could have one, if that's okay with you-"

"Meredith," Derek cut her off. "Forget the timeline and school and everything and just think about us. In ten years from now, how do you picture us? Is it just the two of us, or is there a baby or two thrown in?"

"But what do you want?" Meredith started.

"I would love to be a dad," Derek admitted. "But it's not a deal breaker. You are important to me. When I look ten years into the future, I definitely see the two of us, and sometimes there are kids and sometimes there aren't. This is a decision we need to make together, whether or not we want to be parents. So, what does our future look like to you?"

"Ten years from now," Meredith said quietly, and Derek nodded. Meredith thought hard for a second before speaking. "I see a child, maybe two. But not a lot of kids, and they aren't that old," she paused as she looked at him. "I don't think I could have a baby right now Derek, or anytime soon. Would you be willing to wait a little while? I know you don't want to be an old dad, but do you think you can wait maybe five years? I'd be in my third year of residency, if I graduate a year early, so I should have a more flexible schedule."

"We can wait Meredith," Derek said gently.

"But what if we have another incident like before?" Meredith said suddenly. "Only, it isn't just a scare but an actual pregnancy. What do we do then?"

"Let's not jump to different potential situations," Derek said, reaching for her hand. "Why don't we just say that whatever happens, happens, and we'll cross that bridge if we come to it, and we'll do it together."

"Together?" Meredith said tentatively.

"Together," Derek repeated firmly, leaning across the table to kiss her lightly just as their waiter brought their meals.


	25. Chapter 25

_**A/N: So, the next two chapters are very fluffy. The purpose is really to show time passing and set the scene for the next major plot. Think of it as the calm before the storm. I'm also trying something different with the next two chapters. I usually tell the story from Meredith or Derek's point of view, but at the end of this chapter and the next one, they will be told from other character's points of view. For example, at the end of this chapter, we'll see Meredith and Derek through the eyes of Cristina. I thought it would be interesting, and I hope you don't find it too weird. And I know these chapters don't have a whole lot plot or conflict, but I would still appreciate reviews and feedback, it let's me know that you're enjoying the story and people are still interested. Finally, thank you to those who do review, it's good to know that people actually enjoy my work. Alright, enough of my rambling, enjoy the chapter!**_

**Chapter 25**

_July_

Meredith Grey was exhausted. She hadn't thought that taking classes over the summer would be that much different than taking classes during the school year, but apparently she had been wrong. Then again, during school, she only worked at the hospital about fifteen hours a week so she could concentrate on all of her work, but this summer was different. She had given the hospital her availability before she had spoken to the Dean at Columbia in order to take off enough time for her wedding and honeymoon, and had been completely blindsided by the Dean's offer to graduate early. Though the Human Resource Department at the hospital had been supportive of her, they really needed the help, so they could not cut her hours down by all that much. So, Meredith spent about ten hours a week at Columbia taking classes, and close to thirty working at the hospital. Then, there was all of the homework and studying Meredith had to do that was weighing down on her. She wasn't a hundred percent sure how she was going to be able to survive another seven weeks of this.

Meredith just had to finish monitoring her patients, and then she could go home. She began to plan out what she would do; it was Saturday, thank God. She finished at three, and it would take a maximum of a half an hour to get home, so she figured she could take a nap until four thirty. Then, she could do a couple hours of homework before Derek got home at seven, if he wasn't on-call that is. She didn't even know his schedule. She had been so caught up in everything going on with her that she usually forgot to ask when he would be home or when his shift started; she was always surprised when she saw him at the apartment, pleasantly surprised. However, Meredith was starting to feel like a bad wife, and was trying to figure out how to be more attentive as she passed the nurses' station on the geriatrics floor.

"Ms. Grey?" Someone called, and Meredith whipped around, not expecting to be pulled from her thoughts. It was Jeanne, one of the senior nurses. She was in her mid-fifties, with short brown hair streaked with grey. She was always very friendly to Meredith, and never treated her like a second rate employee like some of the other nurses just because she was an LNA instead a real certified nurse.

"Hi Jeanne," Meredith said, veering back towards the nurses station. "What's up?"

"You've been paged to the lobby," Jeanne said, smiling back at Meredith.

"Oh," Meredith said, surprised. "Really?" Meredith had been working at NYU Medical Center for almost two years and she had never once been paged anywhere. Granted, she wasn't important enough to deserve a page, so she was very confused as to why she would be paged, especially to the lobby of all places.

"Yes, whoever wants to speak with you will meet you in the lobby."

"Is it a 911 or emergency?" Meredith asked. "Because it's almost two thirty, and Mr. Morton needs to be checked at exactly two thirty and receive his meds or he'll complain. Can I go check on him really quick, answer the page, and then come back to finish with the patients?"

"Yes, I'm sure that will be fine," Jeanne responded. "The page wasn't emergent."

"Thanks," Meredith smiled before heading to room 2212, where Mr. Morton was expecting her. Truth be told, he was one of her favorite patients. He was seventy-six years old, which sometimes caused him to be in and out of the hospital a lot. Right before Meredith and Derek's wedding, he had fallen down the stairs, breaking both his hip and his arm, and his doctor recommended a minimum eight week stay for recovery since he had already broken his hip a couple of years beforehand. She was his nurse for the week before her wedding, but unfortunately hadn't been able to round on him since. She knocked as she entered his private room, and he smiled when he caught sight of her.

"Well Ms. Grey," he said happily. "Don't you look wonderful."

"Thank you Mr. Morton," Meredith responded. "And call me Meredith. You're looking much better yourself."

"The doctor says I'm still going to be stuck here for a few more weeks. I don't know what I'm going to with myself; I'm bored stiff."

"Well, I may try and come visit you more if you think it'll help you from being bored," Meredith joked as she checked his vitals before handing him two white pills and a glass of water.

"I would love it if you came to visit, but only if you have time," Mr. Morton. "Look at you, you have a lovely tan. Did you go on vacation recently?"

"Yes, I went to the south of France for two weeks, right on the Mediterranean," Meredith told him. "I went for my honeymoon. We got back about three weeks ago, and I'm glad my tan hasn't faded yet; I don't see enough sunlight anymore."

"Oh you got married! That's lovely Meredith, congratulations!"

"Thank you," Meredith smiled, recalling the wedding and the honeymoon. "It was perfect, that and our trip to Europe were the best two weeks of my life."

"You look very happy," Mr. Morton noted. "Now, what does your husband do?"

"He works here actually. He's a doctor, well, a surgical fellow now."

"Did you two meet here at work?"

"Um, no," Meredith said, blushing slightly. "We actually met in a bar."

"Hey, at least it worked out for you," Mr. Morton laughed. "So, how do I look?"

"Everything look's great Mr. Morton," Meredith answered. "They say on your chart that they're going to have you start going to PT by the end of this week, so at least you'll be up and moving soon."

"Good, I'm glad. I'm sick of being stuck in this darn hospital bed."

"I'm sure you are," Meredith laughed, heading for the door. "If you'll excuse me Mr. Morton, I have to go answer a page. I'll come visit soon."

"You better!" Mr. Morton called after her retreating back.

Meredith walked quickly down the hallway and took the elevator to the lobby. She went to the front desk, and began speaking when the secretary looked up at her.

"Hi, I'm Meredith Grey. I was paged to the lobby, but I'm not sure who paged me or why."

"Hold on one second Ms. Grey," the secretary said, flipping through various notes. Finally, she seemed to find what she was looking for. "Alright, it seems that Doctor Shepherd paged you." both Meredith and the secretary turned towards the waiting room, and Meredith caught sight of Derek almost immediately.

"Oh, he's right over there in the blue shirt," the secretary said, though Meredith had already started moving away.

"Thank you," Meredith said, turning her head to look at the woman before heading towards Derek. When he caught sight of her, he stood up, grinning like an idiot.

"Hey, you paged?" Meredith said as she approached.

"Yeah, I like to say hello to my wife every forty-eight hours," Derek responded as he bent down to kiss her. "Sorry I didn't come home last night."

"You didn't?" Meredith said. "Sorry, I honestly didn't notice. I was exhausted, so I went to bed at like eight and figured you had a late shift, and I knew you said something about having an early morning today, so I wasn't surprised when you weren't at home when I woke up."

"Don't worry about it. I was supposed to get off at seven but there was a three car accident and I was in surgery with a guy for almost six hours. By the time I was done, it was one am and I needed to be back here for a craniotomy at seven, so I crashed in an on call room."

"Oh, I see," Meredith said. She felt guilty that she hadn't been spending a lot of time with Derek, and she really missed her husband. "Well, uh, are you going to come home early tonight, because we could order in and spend quality time together?"

"Yeah, I'll be there," Derek answered. "What's the rest of your day like?"

"I just have to finish checking up on patients, then I'm going to go home and take a nap and do homework until you get home. God, this is exhausting. I feel like I'm always running around."

He looked at her sympathetically, and for a moment, they allowed themselves to get lost in each other's gaze, despite the crowded lobby. However, the moment ended quickly once Meredith remembered that she still needed to check on three patients before she could go home.

"I have to go, I need to monitor three more patients," she said, smiling quickly.

"I hate that we're so busy," Derek said, walking to the elevator with her. "I'm doing paperwork for the rest of the afternoon because the chief asked me to do post op notes on a VIP patient. That's all I have to look forward to, the work of an intern.

"Derek," Meredith began, smiling seductively. "There's going to be a lot of dirty sex for you tonight, look forward to that." With that, she walked away from him. When she was about five feet away, she heard Derek moan appreciatively, and she couldn't wait for tonight.

_August_

Derek sighed heavily as he entered his building; it had been a long couple of months. Settling into his fellowship had been more tricky than he had originally anticipated, and with Meredith trying to catch up or get ahead with medical school and working so many hours at the hospital, he was starting to feel strained. He missed spending quality time with Meredith; they had been running around ever since they got back from France, and he just wanted some time to relax with her. That's why, earlier at work, an idea had popped into his head, one he hadn't been able to shake since. And now he was going to see if his plan would work.

He was rounding the corner towards the elevators when he saw a wave of blonde hair up ahead. Meredith. He could tell by the way she walked, not necessarily a strut, but her hips swayed in the most sensual way that never failed to turn him on. She must have just come downstairs to grab the mail or something, watching her as she sifted through several envelopes in front of closed elevator doors. She was about ten feet away from him, and heading into an elevator that had just opened. Derek quickened his pace, hoping to make it before the doors slid shut.

She smiled at him as he stuck his hand out to prevent the door from closing, her face a mixture of surprise and amusement.

"Do you want to go away with me this weekend?" Derek said as he moved to stand next to her, not bothering with a greeting.

"Why would I want to go away with you?" Meredith asked, half joking.

"Because of this," Derek answered, leaning towards her to draw her mouth into a kiss. He kissed her twice before pulling away.

"We just got married, and came back from our honeymoon two months ago. Recently honeymooned people have no reason to go away together," Meredith countered, making a small gesture with her hand as she looked him up and down.

"Meredith, you're not paying attention," Derek said, trying to make her understand. "I'm talking about forty-eight uninterrupted hours of this." He kissed her again, dragging her lips with his as she gave into him, and he couldn't help but hope he had her convinced.

"Where would we go?" Meredith asked when they broke apart briefly.

"Wine country," he answered, kissing her again.

"Wine country sounds like a honeymoon place. Plus it's on the other side of the country," Meredith said, studying him again with a slight smirk.

"Well, there's wine and there's country but we wouldn't _have _to see any of it," he kissed her again. "We _could _be in bed all weekend." Another kiss, Derek moaned a little, becoming frustrated that his plan may not be working.

"Oh, a weekend of sex," Meredith responded, realization crossing her features.

"Ah! Now you're paying attention," he joked, touching her cheek lightly. Meredith grinned at him, and Derek's face lost its joking manner. "But seriously Meredith, it wouldn't just be a weekend of sex. It would be a week of us doing couple things, spending quality time together. When was the last time we did that? Plus, next weekend is Labor Day, so it's a long weekend; we can fly out Friday morning, and come back Monday night."

"Well, I would have to get someone to cover for me on Saturday," Meredith said, thinking quickly. "Oh, and can we visit Cristina since she's out in there at Stanford? Not for the whole weekend because you want alone time, but maybe just one day?"

"Sure," Derek answered as they reached their floor and the elevator door slid open. "So you're in?"

Meredith stepped out of the elevator, but Derek had seemed to have forgotten that this was his destination two. Meredith turned around, smiling at him. "Forty-eight uninterrupted hours of this?" she asked, and Derek's smile grew wider. "I'm in."

With that, she continued down the hallway, leaving Derek in the elevator grinning like an idiot until he realized that he was supposed to follow after Meredith, and took off after her at a run while she laughed at him.

**XXXXXX**

_September_

"Did you talk to Cristina about Monday?" Derek asked as Meredith entered the winery and walked towards him, putting her phone back in her purse.

"Yeah," Meredith answered as Derek handed her the ticket for the vineyard tour. "We're to be at her apartment at ten on Monday morning, and she'll show us around and stuff, and then we can grab a late lunch or early dinner before heading to the airport. She said she can't spend all day with us because she has an exam coming up, and she doesn't want coupleness to make her so ill that she can't study." Meredith laughed as she finished speaking, and Derek just kissed her cheek.

"I like our 'coupleness'" Derek said, placing air quotes around Meredith's made up word.

"Oh shut up!" Meredith laughed, hitting him before turning her attention to the tour guide.

The tour lasted about an hour, and at the end, the vineyard offered various wine samples for the visitors to try. Derek slowly savored one while Meredith drank her first glass of red wine very quickly, soon reaching for a second.

"Meredith," Derek half-groaned. "You shouldn't have drunk that so quickly."

"Why not?" Meredith snapped, now halfway done with her second glass of wine. "It's _free,_ I'm just trying to get my money's worth."

"I understand that," Derek responded, trying to stifle a laugh at Meredith's logic. "But we still have three more vineyards to see on today's tour, and you can't drink this much wine at each one. I don't think the other people on out tour or the family that owns the vineyard will appreciate it if I have to carry you out of it."

"Derek I'll be fine," Meredith rolled her eyes and reached for a third glass, this one rosé. "Oh, this one is delicious; we should buy a bottle of this!"

Derek shook his head as he grabbed one of the bottle behind the sample plate and made his way towards the register, not seeing Meredith grab a fourth glass of wine.

XXXXXX

"I had a grrreeat time today!" Meredith exclaimed as she stumbled into their hotel, Derek holding on to her waist to support her.

"I'm sure you did," Derek said, trying to steer her to the elevator, which was proving surprisingly difficult considering how tiny she was.

"I made it through all of the tours and I'm not even drunk," Meredith said, swinging her arms in a gesture that was supposed to emphasize her point, but actually made her look more drunk.

"Actually," Derek began gently. "We didn't make it to the last tour. We were supposed to go to one at four, and we missed it." It was actually four-thirty in the afternoon, and Derek was a little annoyed that they missed this tour; it was one that he had really wanted to go on. They allowed you to take the trail on horseback if you paid an extra fee, and he had been really looking forward to surprising Meredith with it. However, she seemed to have had more wine than he realized, which consequently led to Meredith and Derek taking a taxi back to the hotel rather than joining the rest of their tour bus to the next stop. Derek was at least grateful that he had purchases a special package, so they could go to that particular winery on their own tomorrow, if Meredith wasn't too hung over.

"I'm sorry, are you mad at me or something?" Meredith asked, looking up at Derek and pouting. Derek could never stay mad at Meredith when she pouted, and any bitterness that he felt bled away as the elevator opened onto their floor and they walked towards their room.

"No Mer, I'm not mad," Derek assured her. "We'll go tomorrow if you feel up to it okay?"

"Why wouldn't I feel up to it?" Meredith asked as he slid his key car and opened the door, looking very confused. "I told you, I'm feeling great, are you expecting me to get sick?"

"No Meredith," Derek stuttered, trying to figure out the right thing to say. "It's just… it's just that you've had a lot to drink."

"What! I have not!" Meredith insisted, slapping his chest. "I am perfectly fine. And sober. Fine and sober." She continued muttering to herself as she wandered into the bathroom, and Derek couldn't help but laugh at her. He tried to think of what to do tonight; he had planned on taking Meredith out to dinner, but Meredith's new found gluttony for wine now made her too much of a risk to take out in public for the remainder of the evening. He supposed that they could get room service, maybe open up one of the bottles of wine he and Meredith had bought on their tours, though she really didn't need anymore.

The bathroom door opened, and Derek looked up, his eyes widening as he took Meredith in. Apparently, she had decided that clothes were overrated, and was now standing in front of him in nothing more than her bra and underwear. She wore a seductive smile, and slowly moved towards him. He stood to catch her in case she fell, and she pressed her body against his, grabbing his face and pulling it down to meet her lips. They kissed deeply for a few minutes, Meredith's tongue darting in and out of his mouth, causing a low moan from deep within him. Her hands left his face, and he thought nothing of it until Derek felt his shirt fall over his shoulders and become trapped on his arms, which were extended to grip Meredith's waist. She must have unbuttoned his shirt, and was now working on his pants, Derek realized as they broke apart for air.

"You know," Meredith whispered, panting a little, her lips millimeters away from his. "Alcohol has a tendency to make me kind of horny."

Derek smiled at that. "I do have some very fond memories of drunk Meredith," Derek mused as she kissed him again, biting his lower lip.

"Take me for a ride Derek," she said in a soft voice, her hands once again straying to his belt to take his pants off.

"Gladly," Derek responded, kicking his pants off and pulling her onto the bed with him.

**XXXXXX**

_Cristina's Point of View_

They were going to make her sick. She should be used to this by now; all of the cuddling, and touching and kissing and "I love yous," but apparently she wasn't. Or maybe, because she wasn't around them all of the time anymore, her tolerance had been lowered, and now she didn't have enough strength to deal with it in small amounts. But, when she really thought about it, deep down, Cristina was glad that they came. She really missed Meredith, missed her person, and had wanted to see her. Even if that did mean that McDreamy had to come to, then she would deal.

Despite what everyone may say, Cristina didn't hate Derek. He just wasn't her type. He was very romantic and corny and cheesy, and Cristina was the exact opposite. He seemed much more like Izzie's type of guy, which may explain why Izzie and Derek got along so well while Derek and Cristina seemed to still be only sort of friends, despite the fact that they had known each other for five years, and were both very close to Meredith. Meredith had always been similar to Cristina when it came to being romantic, but for some reason, she claimed that Derek wasn't as cheesy as he may seem, and Meredith had fallen very much in love with him. Derek made Meredith very happy, and Cristina could see that, so she often overlooked all of the romantic and corny things Derek did in order to support Meredith and found that, if you got through all of that, she liked Derek Shepherd as a person.

Except right now the two of them were making her sick.

She was sitting across from them in a booth at a local restaurant for lunch, and everything had gone fine all morning, but halfway through lunch, Derek had placed his arm around Meredith's shoulder, which caused Meredith to scoot closer to him, and eventually lean up against him, basically sitting in his lap. Derek's head rested against Meredith's forehead, and his fingers absentmindedly pulled through her hair. Now they kept giving each other secret "I love you" looks, and Derek kept kissing Meredith's head, making Cristina want to throw a fork or a knife at the two of them.

"So, what time is your flight again?" Cristina asked, trying to pull Meredith and Derek into a conversation that actually involved words.

"Um, seven," Meredith answered, turning to look back at Derek, a dopey grin spreading across her lips. Derek smiled back just as dopey, and made Cristina want to scream.

"Yeah, well it's three thirty, we should think about leaving soon so you can get to the airport in enough time," she said pointedly, and Meredith and Derek turned to face her again.

"Good idea," Derek said, pushing his chair back and standing up. "I'm going to use the bathroom, I'll be right back."

Meredith smiled at him and nodded as he turned towards the back of the restaurant. Cristina waited until Derek was far enough away before turning back to Meredith.

"I hate married happy you," Cristina snapped, and Meredith's eyes widened in shock.

"What do you mean?" Meredith asked, not understanding.

"Oh please, I've been watching the eye sex between you two for the past hour, and it makes me want to mcvomit. Can't you tone it down a little when I'm around?"

"Sorry Cristina," Meredith said, sounding genuine. "Derek and I just haven't spent a lot of time together this summer with our schedules, and we're still on a forty-eight uninterrupted hours high. We didn't mean to gross you out or make you feel awkward."

"Whatever," Cristina answered.

"So, how's Doctor Marlow?"

"He's fine," Cristina answered, admittedly a little embarrassed that she was sleeping with her professor, her much older professor. "The research is going well, and I'm helping him write a journal article on piggy back transplant surgeries."

"That's still so weird that you're sleeping with him," Meredith grimaced as she spoke. "He's your _teacher._"

"Well, what do you think it's going to be like in two years when you start your internship?" Cristina shot back. "Derek is not only going to be your teacher, he'll also be one of your bosses. How do you think your other interns will handle that?"

"I'm not going to worry about that," Meredith shook her head smiling. "Who cares what my future fellow interns think? Derek and I will have been married for two years, and together for seven, so they really can't say anything. That's what I'm telling myself anyway, the power of positive thinking and all that."

Cristina gave her person a small smile, but shook her head. "Like I said, I hate married, happy you."


	26. Chapter 26

**_A/N: So, here's the last of the fluffy chapters for a while. I hope you're all still with me, and that you continue to read and review, but after this chapter, MerDer are going to hit a major roadblock, so enjoy the happiness while it lasts_**

**Chapter 26**

_November: Carolyn's Point of View_

Carolyn wandered into the living room holding Caitlyn, Liz's first child and Carolyn's ninth grandchild. She looked absentmindedly out the window, looking for Derek and his wife, who had long ago become like another daughter to Carolyn. For some reason, the two of them were always the last to arrive at any family dinner or holiday, and this Thanksgiving would apparently be no different. She shook her head and smiled as she thought of Derek and Meredith. They were a wonderful couple, and Meredith had been a great addition to the family when Derek brought her home. She made Derek unbelievably happy, and for that, Carolyn would always be grateful.

The sight of headlights pulling into the driveway caused Carolyn to pause by the window, watching the scene unfold. Derek opened his car door quickly and ran around to the other side to open Meredith's door for her. Taking her hand, the two walked slowly up the walkway, laughing and smiling. Carolyn did not miss the look that passed between the two; they stared at each other as if they were the only two in the world, and she had never seen a couple look at each other in such a way before. Snapping out of her spying, Carolyn moved to the front door, Caitlyn still in her arms.

She swung the door open just as Derek was about to knock. "Well, it's about time you two showed up," Carolyn said, pulling Derek into a one armed hug and kissing his cheek before doing the same with Meredith.

"Sorry Mom," Derek said, looking at her sheepishly. "There was traffic."

"Yeah, uh, lots and lots of traffic," Meredith piped in, stammering slightly.

Carolyn appraised the two of them, and she felt herself slowly begin to smile. Derek's hair was not as kempt or tamed as he usually kept it. It seemed a little more frazzled, like it looked when he just got out of bed or when he was younger and didn't know how to style his hair yet. Meredith's skin was slightly flushed, and the bottom of her dress appeared to be wrinkled; she seemed almost disheveled. She knew that it wasn't traffic that had held Derek or Meredith up, but she decided not to say anything. Any mention of their sex life would certainly turn Meredith's face a shade similar to that of a tomato before she fled the house in embarrassment.

"Well, it's no bother," Carolyn opted to say instead. "Dinner is almost ready; I just have to put some finishing touches on some things."

"Derek, look at Caitlyn," Meredith said, reaching for the tiny four month old infant in Carolyn's arms. "Look how big she's gotten!"

As they moved into the house, Derek put his arm around Meredith's shoulder, leaning in to look at his niece. The baby was a Shepherd; Carolyn had no doubts about that. A layer of thin, black hair covered the infant's head, and she had blue eyes, the signature trademark of the family. Meredith smiled down at the baby, her voice becoming high pitched as she babbled to Caitlyn about how pretty she was. Derek was simply smiling down at her, his left hand running gently over her head and down her arm to her hand, Caitlyn's tiny fingers gripping Derek's much larger index fingers as she stared at Meredith and Derek with rapt attention.

The three of them looked like an image out of a commercial or a holiday card. They looked like such a perfect little family, if Carolyn hadn't been in the hospital while Liz was giving birth, she might have thought that Caitlyn was Derek and Meredith's child. All of Carolyn's children looked alike, and with Caitlyn following that trend, she could easily be passed as Derek's child. Meredith shifted Caitlyn into Derek's arms slowly and gently so that Derek could have a turn to hold her. Derek held her with one hand, his other arm shifting to Meredith's waist to pull her closer to him. Meredith wrapped one arm around Derek's shoulders and placed her other hand against his chest, both still smiling and talking to Caitlyn. They would be perfect parents, Carolyn firmly believed that.

As Carolyn watched the three for another minute, she studied Derek's face. He didn't look just happy or enamored by the baby as Meredith had, but his face was filled with desire, and wanting. Derek wanted a baby, Carolyn was sure of it. She would have to find a way to ask him about it later.

"Alright you two," Carolyn said, breaking the moment as Meredith and Derek looked up simultaneously. "Why don't you come into the family room with me and share Caitlyn with her parents?"

"I guess that would be only fair," Meredith giggled, stepping in front of Derek, who was still holding the baby.

"Yeah, we should see everyone else," Derek sighed, though it was apparent that he wouldn't mind just spending time with only Meredith and Caitlyn.

As they entered the family room, Liz looked up from her conversation with Nancy. "Oh there she is!" Liz exclaimed, reaching for Caitlyn and taking her out of Derek's arms. "I was worried she had been kidnapped or something.

"No, she was just enjoying spending quality time with Uncle Derek and Aunt Meredith, weren't you Caitlyn?" Derek said, looking down at Caitlyn and smiling again. "She looks great Liz."

"I know, she's getting so big, soon she'll be walking and it'll terrify me," Liz said and Caitlyn began to fuss in her arms.

"Derek dear, can you come help me with something in the kitchen?" Carolyn called from the other end of the room. She watched Derek look to Meredith, as if to make sure she was alright. He always did that when he left a room or was leaving Meredith alone for a while to talk to someone. It must be some sort of instinct to make sure she was comfortable and happy. _He is just so protective of her, _Carolyn thought happily as Derek nodded to her and headed for the kitchen.

"Caitlyn is just precious isn't she?" Carolyn said as she handed Derek the squash to dish into a large bowl.

"Yeah, she is" Derek responded, a wistful expression flitting across his face.

"You would make a great father," Carolyn said, trying to sound casual.

"Yeah?" Derek asked, looking up hopefully. "You think so?"

"I know so," Carolyn replied firmly. "Have you and Meredith talked about having kids at all?"

"A little," Derek nodded. "She says she wants them, but she wants to wait a while, because right now wouldn't be the most convenient time. And I don't blame her, she shouldn't have to jeopardize her career or put it on whole because I want a baby now."

"So you want one soon?" Carolyn pressed.

"Well yeah," Derek said after a minute. "I'm old enough, and I'm almost where I want to be in my career, and I feel ready, but Meredith isn't. She's still in school, and she at least wants to be done with her internship before we try again. At least she's skipping a year of Med School, so hopefully we'll be able to talk about it again in another two or three years."

"I don't mean to sound rude, or to offend you," Carolyn continued. "Because I think that your plans are reasonable and well thought out, but what if this plan isn't perfect? Life is messy, and accidents happen; what will you do then?"

Carolyn watched Derek's facial expression change as he thought about this. First Carolyn saw a flash of hope which was quickly replaced by a look of pain before becoming impassive.

"Uhmm, I don't know," Derek stuttered. "We would have to talk about it, but it will be something that Meredith and I would handle if we came to this."

XXXXXX

_Christmas- Meredith's Point of View_

"It's going to be fine."

"No Derek, it is not going to be fine!" Meredith snapped as she ran a cloth over the coffee table in the living room. "My mother is coming!"

"But isn't that a good thing? I mean she wants to spend Christmas with you. That's a positive improvement right?"

"Yes, in theory, it was nice that she finally cared enough to invite herself over. But in reality, this is terrifying. She's never been here before, so I bet she'll have a ton of great things to say about our tiny apartment. God, why did I say yes?"

"First of all, our apartment is not tiny," Derek called from the kitchen, where he was cooking a ham. "Second of all, you said yes because she's your mother."

"Not a good enough reason," Meredith mumbled as she finished straightening up the living room. At that moment, their doorbell buzzed, causing Meredith to jump up. "Crap! She's here!"

"Well then go let her in," Derek laughed as he moved from the kitchen into the hallway.

"Do not laugh!" Meredith hissed. "This is not funny, this was a mistake."

Meredith crossed the hall in three steps, and slowly opened the door. Ellis Grey stood stiffly in the doorway, wearing a black wool coat and a pair of gray slacks, and looking slightly uncomfortable.

"Hello Meredith," Ellis said as she stepped into the entryway. "Derek."

"Hi Mom," Meredith said cautiously, obviously trying to gauge her mother's mood.

"Doctor Grey," Derek said, stepping forward. "Let me take your coat. How was the trip down?"

"It was fine," Ellis said. Meredith took Ellis on a brief tour of their apartment, which Ellis was surprisingly positive about. She made no negative comments of the size, or wall color, or furniture, which really through Meredith for a loop. Ellis did, however, drill Meredith on med school; her experiences, classes and professors.

"Well, you are only in your second year of medical school, I'm sure it will get more difficult as you continue," Ellis' response to Meredith's statement that her classes were not as difficult as she expected.

"Actually Mom," Meredith said, her gaze falling on Derek quickly. He smiled reassuringly at her, and she continued. "Since I took some classes at NYU over the summer when I was an undergrad, and because I became an LNA to work at the hospital, the Dean of Columbia said that I had enough credits to graduate a year early. So I'm technically a third year med student, and I just finished my clinical rotation in pediatrics, and I'll be doing a surgical rotation next semester."

Ellis stared at her daughter for a minute, appearing to study her, and Meredith couldn't help but swallow nervously. She felt her face becoming hot, and she was expecting her mother to begin criticizing her for something, anything. She was beginning to think that Ellis would not see this as a sign of Meredith's intelligence, but rather her laziness and would believe that Meredith was cutting corners and not getting a full medical education.

Much to Meredith's surprise, a slow smile spread across Ellis' face, and it was the first time Meredith could recall her mother really smiling like that.

"Well, that is just wonderful!" Ellis exclaimed looking brightly at Meredith. "Very extraordinary. You must have a gift for medicine."

Meredith had never heard her mother praise her before, she had always condemned Meredith if she didn't do well or was apathetic if Meredith did well in anything. Warmth seeped through Meredith at her mother's words; she never realized how badly she sought her mother's approval until she actually had it, and it felt wonderful. She felt tears well in her eyes, overcome with emotion and joy in the fact that her mother finally recognized all of Meredith's hard work and achievement. She turned to Derek, beaming, and he grinned back at her, unable to hide his pride in her.

"I'm sure you'll go on to do wonderful things, not like Meredith," Ellis continued, staring straight ahead.

Meredith's stomach plummeted at those words; her mother wasn't proud of her. She didn't think that Meredith was extraordinary or would go on to do great things. Though all of the happiness bled out Meredith quicker than it rushed in, rather than be replaced by sadness, Meredith was just confused. Her mother was speaking to her as if she wasn't in the room, as if she was talking to someone else.

"Mom?" Meredith said cautiously, reaching out her hand and gently placing it on Ellis' wrist. "What are you talking about? I'm Meredith."

Ellis blinked sharply a few times, her gaze shifting back to Meredith, as if she hadn't realized she was there. "What?" Ellis said, her voice clipped. "Oh right, Meredith. Good job, you seem to be doing wonderfully with Medical School. I'm glad you are putting the effort in."

"Thanks Mom," Meredith said quietly as Derek stood up.

"Well, I believe that dinner is ready if everyone is hungry," Derek said, urging everyone into the kitchen to sit at the table.

The dinner passed quickly and smoothly. It was quiet; there wasn't much conversation, which Meredith didn't mind, grateful for the fact that Ellis wasn't being overly critical. In fact, Ellis was downright pleasant, though she did seem a little spacey. Ellis sometimes appeared to be off in her own world until Derek or Meredith prompted her.

About two hours later, the dinner had ended, and Ellis was getting ready to leave.

"Mom, are you sure you don't want to stay overnight?" Meredith asked as Ellis pulled on her coat. "We have a pull out couch in Derek's office, you can stay here and sleep there if you want."

"No, no," Ellis said, buttoning up her coat quickly. "I have an early surgery tomorrow morning, so I must get back to Boston tonight."

"I thought you said you had a surgery in the afternoon, not the morning?" Derek interjected.

"Oh, did I?" Ellis responded, thinking hard. "I must have been mistaken. I will have to check my schedule when I get home, and I really must be going." With that, Ellis pulled Meredith into an unexpected hug.

"Merry Christmas Mom," Meredith said as she pulled away.

"Merry Christmas Meredith. Goodbye Derek," she nodded to the couple.

"Goodbye Doctor Grey," Derek said, and Ellis soon departed.

Derek lopped his arms around Meredith's waist and pulled her backwards to his chest. "See, that wasn't so bad, now was it?" he said softly into her hair.

"No," Meredith admitted. "But she was acting strange. It's like she didn't know me for a minute. It was weird."

"Yeah," Derek agreed. "But she said that she was proud of you, that must have been nice to hear." He kissed the top of her head, and Meredith spun around in his arms so that she was facing him.

"Yeah, it was," she stood on her tiptoes and kissed him quickly on the lips. "I'm kind of in the mood for bubble bath, wanna join me?"

"Do you even have to ask?" Derek laughed as he pulled her towards the bathroom.

XXXXXX

_March- Izzie's Point of View_

Izzie looked over at her clock. "Crap!" she said out loud, immediately reaching for her phone. Today was Meredith's twenty fourth birthday, and she had been meaning to call her all day. But Izzie had been having problems with Alex recently, and it had taken over her thoughts. It was now seven o'clock in Washington, which meant that it was ten at night in New York. _That's not too late, _Izzie thought. _Meredith will still be awake. Maybe she can help me figure out what to do about Alex. _

She dialed Meredith's number quickly and waited while it rang. It rang three times, and still no answer. _Maybe she's asleep, after all, it is a Thursday. _

The phone was answered on the fifth ring. However, no one greeted her right away; but she could distinctly hear the voices of Derek and Meredith.

_Meredith, do not answer that phone!_

_But it's Izzie! She's probably calling to wish me happy birthday!_

_Meredith, you seriously cannot answer the phone right now. We're-_

_I know what we're doing, and if you want to continue, I suggest you shut up._

_I should never have let you drink that much._

"Shut up! Hi Iz!" Meredith's voice came through the phone, out of breath and a little high pitched. This was Meredith's drunk voice, and Izzie knew it would be an interesting phone call.

"Hey Mer!" Izzie said. "Happy Birthday! I'm sorry, I meant to call earlier, but Alex and I got into a fight so it kind of distracted me."

"Don't worry about it," Meredith said, still panting. "Derek," she heard Meredith hiss, her voice quiet, as though she had pulled away from the phone. "Stop moving!"

_I can't! _Izzie heard Derek say, or rather whine, or moan. _You try not moving when you're in this position._

_Well, figure out how to stop._

_You never should have answered the phone._

_She is my friend! I haven't seen her in months, and we haven't talked in like two weeks!_

_And you thought _now _was the opportune time._

"Mer!" Izzie shouted, trying to get her friends attention.

"Oh yeah!" Izzie heard more shuffling as Meredith placed the phone back against her ear. "What's up Izzie?"

"Er, I was just wondering how your day was?"

"It was great! I had class, and then Sadie and Addison took me out for some drinks, and then-Oh Derek!" Meredith suddenly stopped speaking, her words ending in a moan as she said Derek's name.

"Mer? Are you alright?" Izzie asked.

"Perfect," Meredith gasped. "Then Derek took me out to dinner. -Oh!- And he got me this really nice bracelet-God! And then he..mmmm… took me to the bar where we met, and I drank some more and played darts, and here we are." Meredith seemed to be growing more and more out of breath, and Izzie was getting more confused as their conversation continued. "So, what's new with you Iz?" Meredith asked, and Izzie could here Derek groan in the background. However, Izzie really wanted Meredith's advice, drunk or sober, so she launched into a tirade about what an ass Alex was being about the whole long distance relationship situation. Meredith continued to moan, whine, and make weird comments until Izzie couldn't take it anymore. She understood that Meredith might have been drinking, but this doesn't explain this weird behavior.

"Uh, Mer?" Izzie asked.

"Yes," Meredith half asked, half moaned.

"What are you doing?"

"Uh, talking to you?"

"No, you aren't just talking to me, I can hear Derek in the background, what are you two doing?" Izzie demanded.

"We are not doing anything," Meredith insisted. "Right now."

_Great, _Izzie thought. "Well, what were you doing?"

"Um, we may have been having sex," Meredith admitted sheepishly.

_Maybe have been having sex? _Derek's voice filled the phone, and he was obviously positioned very close to Meredith. Suddenly, everything fell into place, and Izzie felt her cheeks redden from embarrassment despite the fact that she was three thousand miles away. _We were not finished having sex, we were right in the middle, we still are right in the middle-_

"Meredith!" Izzie exclaimed, cutting off Derek's rant. "Are you having sex with Derek while on the phone with me?"  
>"Not intentionally. We were having sex, but I told him to stop moving so I could talk to you. Though apparently, he is not so good at following the stop moving directions." Meredith sounded perfectly rational, which was a testament to how drunk she really was if she thought that made sense.<p>

"But Mer, why would you answer the phone?"

"Because you're my friend, and I miss you," Meredith said simply, and Izzie was touched by her kind words.

_Alright, this is ending now,_ Izzie heard Derek say, and she heard shuffling on the other end of the phone.

"Izzie?" Derek's voice filled her ear.

"Uh, yeah?"

"Listen, we appreciate you calling to wish Meredith a happy birthday, but we were in the middle of some pretty decent, mind blowing sex here, and I would really like to get back to it. I'll make sure Meredith calls you tomorrow, okay?"

"Yeah, sure," Izzie said, and with that, she heard a click as Derek hung up on her.

Izzie shuddered, but couldn't help but shake her head in disbelief. She could not believe that Meredith had actually answered the phone during sex. No one and nothing ever interrupted Meredith and Derek while they were having sex, Izzie knew; she had been Meredith's roommate for two years. She had never thought that she would ever have to hear Meredith and Derek having sex again; apparently she was wrong.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

The alarm clock blared bright and early that morning, and Derek jerked awake. He felt as though he had just fallen asleep; he could barely open his eyes, and his head was pounding. He instinctively tightened his grip around Meredith, whose back was pressed up against his chest. He wanted to fall back to sleep, but he knew he shouldn't, he could not be late today.

Meredith twisted around next to him, and he could feel her eyes on him. He slowly opened his eyes, taking in the sight of her head propped up on her elbow, staring down at him quizzically.

"Morning," he slurred, his voice still scratchy and filled with sleep.

Meredith smiled at him. "Good morning," she bent down and kissed him lightly before moving away from him, much to Derek's dismay.

"Come on Derek," she said, grabbing his hand as she went to move out of bed. "You need to get up."

"Why?" he whined, knowing that he sounded like a five year old. He made a move to pull her back towards the bed, but she was too quick for him.

"Because you definitely cannot be late today. It's your first day, you need to make a good impression." she said firmly, throwing a pair of shorts on over her, or rather Derek's, oversized tee shirts.

"Come on, you go shower and get dressed, and I'll make you breakfast," she said, walking over to the bed and kissing him again.

"Mer, you don't have to get up and make me breakfast."

"I know I don't, I want to," Meredith smiled, heading towards the door again. "Seriously Derek, go take a shower."

"Are you trying to tell me that I smell bad?" Derek teased.

Meredith turned around, a small smirk on her face. "Maybe," she said, winking at him and fleeing into the kitchen before he could try to catch her.

Derek sighed deeply before swinging his legs over the side of his bed and lumbering to the bathroom. Turning on the water all the way, Derek stepped into the steaming shower, hoping to relax and ease the tension and nervousness he could feel building in his stomach. Today was his first day as an attending neurosurgeon at Mt. Sinai Hospital, and Derek was terrified.

Three months ago, when the Chief of Surgery at Mt. Sinai Medical Center had approached Derek asking him to join the staff because one of his neurosurgeons was retiring, Derek was ecstatic. Mt. Sinai was a prestigious hospital with a better reputation than NYU Medical Center, and Meredith had been so proud of him, convincing him that he was perfect for it, that he almost immediately accepted the offer. Plus, the heavily increased salary was an added bonus.

But, now that the day had actually arrived, Derek wanted to crawl back in to bed. Not only was he an Attending now, officially a surgeon who did not have to be supervised during every procedure, but he was also starting a new job. He barely knew anyone at Mt. Sinai, and he had never met anyone in the Neurosurgery Department. All he had going for him was whatever the Chief of Surgery, Doctor Chalke, had said about him. At least at NYU, the other surgeons had known him for six years, and had watched him grow and had seen his talent from the beginning. He didn't have anything to prove anymore at his old hospital, but starting today he had everything to prove.

When the water finally ran cold, Derek got out of the shower and went to go change. He slowly slid on a pair of dress pants, buttoned his new white collar shirt, and decided to throw on a tie for good measure. _I should dress nicely, _he thought. _I want to make a good impression. _Opening the closet again, he looked at his tie collection, trying to determine which one would look best.

_The blue one, _he heard Meredith's voice say in his head, a memory from long ago. _When in doubt, always go with the blue. It brings out your eyes._

Derek smiled at the memory. It was about a year and a half ago, and he had applied to half a dozen hospitals for his fellowship, convinced that no one would accept him. He had stood in their bedroom for half an hour, almost late for his interview at New York Presbyterian Hospital because he could not decide whether to wear a red tie or a blue tie with his blue button down shirt. She answered his unasked question for him; he hadn't even realized that she had been watching, but there she was, leaning against the doorway. She had smiled confidently at him, handed him a cup of coffee, told him he would kick ass in his interview, and wandered back into the living room to study.

Derek shook the memory from his head, trying to calm himself down and focus. However, he could hear present day Meredith fussing around in the kitchen, and he smiled at the thought that she had woken up on her day off to make him breakfast and see him off. Even if he knew exactly what breakfast would entail, scrambled eggs and toast because she hadn't been able to master anything more complex, he loved that she cared that much about him to do this small thing for him.

As he rounded the corner to the doorway of the kitchen, the smell of toast filled his nostrils, and he smiled as he took in Meredith. The radio was on, set to some sort of alternative station that Meredith couldn't quite get enough of for some reason. She had just dumped the eggs on to two plates, and placed the pan in the sink. She then proceeded to dance around; or at least what Derek assumed was dancing, it was more of her jumping and bouncing lightly to the beat of the music. She seemed so carefree and light, and Derek couldn't help but feel as if a great weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. In that moment, as he watched Meredith dance around the kitchen with abandon, he forgot all about the day looming before him, and just leaned against the doorframe and enjoyed the view.

All too quickly, Meredith's dancing led her to turn in his direction, and when she caught sight of him grinning at her, she stopped dancing, and her cheeks turned slightly pink.

"I was bored waiting for you to finish showering," she shrugged by way of an explanation. "I was getting worried that you might have drowned in there."

"Just trying to relax," Derek said, sitting down as Meredith placed his breakfast on the table.

"You're okay with me taking this new job, right Mer?" Derek asked, looking up across the table at her, worry filling his eyes. "It was just too good to pass up. The pay is better, there are better benefits, it's closer to home and Columbia, and-"

"Derek," Meredith cut him off, rolling her eyes. "Of course I'm okay with it, I was the one who told you that you should take it, remember? Besides, the only reason why I wouldn't like you taking the job is the fact that I won't see you at work anymore, and I would miss that. Which may be a little true, but it would be very selfish of me to deny you this wonderful opportunity because I'll be lonely while taking various people's blood pressure. The Chief of Surgery at another hospital scouted you out; that's how amazing you are. So, of course I'm fine with it; both my mother and myself would kill you if you didn't take it."

Derek looked at her, amusement in his eyes. "Did you even take a breath?"

"Shut up!" she said as she threw a crinkled up napkin at him, but her eyes sparkled and she smiled at him. "However, I think I do have a right to be a little jealous."

"What?" Derek sputtered. "Why?"

"Please, you think I actually believe you took the job at Mt. Sinai because it was a more convenient commute to work," Meredith began, her tone biting but her eyes still shining. "You took a job at the hospital where Mark did his fellowship and is currently an attending. You just had to be with Mark. I see where I fall on the Derek totem pole," Meredith grinned at this, and Derek let out a sigh of relief; he had honestly thought that she was mad at him for some reason.

"Well, naturally," Derek joked back. "I've only known you what, six years? I've known Mark since I was five. Naturally I would rather work with him than you, so of course I would jump at the chance to work in the same hospital as him again. Plus, it gets me far away from you, which some could say is a benefit." He winked at her, but he realized he may have gone too far; rather than laughing with him, Meredith's eyes narrowed.

"Derek Christopher Shepherd! You better be joking. You better not have gotten that job as an excuse to get away from me!" She started throwing balls of napkins at him again, and Derek had to grab her wrists to get her to stop.

"Mer, of course I'm kidding! I would rather work with you than Mark, you are hot and sexy, and he is not. Clearly he's not on the top of my totem pole," Derek made a disgusted face when he said it. "That sounded dirty. Anyway, he's not higher up than you. But you might be tied," he grinned wickedly at her, and Meredith giggled along with him.

"Mhmm," Meredith quirked her eyebrows. "Just remember who gives you all the sex you want when you reevaluate who's at the top of your pole," she whispered, giving him a seductive smile.

"Oh, you're definitely on top," Derek said, raising his eyebrows.

"So dirty," Meredith commented as she stood, glancing at the time. "Derek, you should probably get going soon."

Derek looked at the time, standing up as well. "Yeah, I should," he agreed, walking over to the sink to kiss her. "I have an early day. They want to ease me in, so I should be home by seven. Want me to pick up anything?"

"No, I can handle it," Meredith smiled, looping her arms around his neck. She kissed him deeply, her tongue sliding into his mouth for a few moments before she slowly pulled away. "I would say good luck," she whispered. "But I know that you'll have a great first day. I love you."

"Thanks, I love you too," Derek kissed her on the cheek, grabbed his briefcase and walked out the door.

**XXXXXX**

Derek had locked himself in his office. He didn't think he liked it here, he didn't think he wanted to be here at all. Chief Chalke had been very nice to him; he had given him a tour of the hospital, introduced him to some colleagues in the neurosurgery department, and showed him his office. Then, the Chief had left to perform a pulmonary bypass graft surgery, leaving Derek alone in his office. So naturally, Derek shut and locked the door so he could hyperventilate in peace.

His fellow neurosurgeons seemed nice enough, and polite, but none of them seemed to be interested in making friends or partaking in small talk, which made Derek feel like this would be a lonely job. He had no idea what he was going to do for the next ten hours; he didn't have any surgeries scheduled for the week; the Chief had wanted him to ease into the routine of the hospital. This left nothing to do, not even paperwork. He thought about heading down to the ER to do some consults, that would pass the time.

He was just about to head out when there was a knock at his door. He opened the door quickly, and looked up at the smirking face of Mark Sloan.

"Mark," Derek breathed, thinking that he had never been happier to see Mark in his life. Mark worked here, not in the same department, but in the building. Derek would have a friend here; someone to joke around and hang out with when neither one of them were in surgery. He could do this.

"Hey man. Word in the lobby is that they hired some superhot neurosurgeon with great hair. His office is supposed to be around here," Mark said as he looked down both ends of the hallway and into Derek's office. "Funny, I don't see a hotshot surgeon, I just see an idiot with a crooked nose."

"Ha ha very funny Mark," Derek said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. In reality, Derek was thrilled to be joking with his oldest friend again.

"Seriously man, I'm a plastic surgeon now, I can fix that ugly nose of yours," Mark said, walking into Derek's office, uninvited, to survey it.

"Meredith likes it," Derek said simply. "She says that it's rugged and sexy, so I think I'll keep the crooked nose."

"Seriously dude, you are so whipped," Mark rolled his eyes as he sat on the sofa along the side of the wall. "So, how's the first day treating you so far?"

"Boring," Derek said. "I haven't been scheduled to do any surgeries for the week, so there is literally nothing to do."

"Well that's nice, at least you'll have plenty of free time. Maybe you can give Mer a grand tour, christen your new office," Mark said with a wink.

"You like the world's most juvenile human being I've ever met in my life," Derek laughed.

"What? You two have a lot of sex. You're like addicts. You know, the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem," Mark continued.

"And how many nurses have you slept with this week?" Derek shot back.

"That's not a problem man, that's an adventure," Mark smiled.

"Yeah, whatever."

"So, since you have nothing to do, you wanna come grab lunch with me and Addison? I've got about an hour before my next surgery, and Addison says she hasn't seen you in about a month."

"Yeah sure," Derek nodded, grabbing his lab coat and pager from his desk. "Addison still works here; I thought she was trying to get a job in private practice or something."

"She wanted to, but changed her mind. Thought it would be better if she spent another year at a hospital before making the shift," Mark answered as they headed down the hallway. "Which you would know if you spent time with your friends."

"I'm sorry, I've been really busy, and Mer's been really busy, so when we're not busy we just like to hang out with each other."

"I get it," Mark nodded, and the conversation ceased until they reached the cafeteria, where Addison was already sitting.

"Hey Derek, long time no see," Addison teased, standing up to give him a hug.

"Hey Addie, it's good to see you," Derek said.

They were able to catch up for about a half an hour, and Derek found himself relaxing a little more as time went on. He did miss seeing Mark and Addison regularly, and Derek was just about to invite them over for dinner later tonight when a shrill beeping cut through the conversation.

"Aren't one of you going to get that?" Derek asked, looking from Mark to Addison.

"Hey, it isn't our pagers," Mark said. "It's yours."

"What?" Derek exclaimed, jumping up and pulling out his pager, which was flashing the message '911'. "It can't be! I'm not supposed to be doing any surgeries today! It's my first day here."

"Relax Derek, they're paging you to the pit, maybe it's just a consult." Addison said, trying not to laugh as Derek clumsily pulled on his lab coat and ran down the hall.

When he reached the ER, Chief Chalke was waiting for him. "Listen, we had a three car pile-up, and there is an eighteen year old boy coming in here with a severe head trauma. You're going to have to do a craniotomy."

"An emergency craniotomy?" Derek choked out the words, in shock. "But, but it's my first day. I thought you wanted me to ease into the hospital."

"I know Derek, but we're in a bind. Perkins is currently working on a tumor resection, Gideon was going to do it until one of his patients started seizing, James was on call last night so he went home, and the other two have the day off. Which means that I have literally no one else but you, so you have to scrub in."

Derek nodded resolutely. "Yes Chief."

Chalke slapped him on the shoulder as he walked away, leaving Derek to crumble. He was about to perform an emergency craniotomy. That meant no time for MRI and scans to figure out what exactly is wrong and no plan on how to fix it. Flying blind, on an eighteen year old kid. If he killed him, he would feel so incredibly guilty, as he always did, but it wasn't just that. Everyone in the hospital would look down on him; he would be the Attending that killed his first patient on his first day of work, even though he had six years of training and a good reputation. He would be a real 007: License to Kill.

He bolted to the nurses' station, knowing what he had to do. "What is the ETA on the kid with the head trauma?" he asked the nurse sitting at her desk.

"Umm," she flipped through some papers before she found the answer. "Eight minutes."

"Perfect," Derek muttered, pulling out his phone as he moved to the side of the ER. It was less crowded and less busy, but he would still be able to see when the ambulance rolled in. Hitting number two on his speed dial, he mentally willed for the phone to connect faster.

"Hello," Meredith answered after the second ring.

"Meredith!" Derek gasped, suddenly finding it hard to breath.

"Derek?" Meredith asked, immediately sensing his fear. "What's wrong?"

"I-I-I'm not supposed to operate today," Derek stuttered. "I was supposed to have a boring day. But there was a crash and now the chief wants me to do an emergency craniotomy on a teenager. I can't do this."

"Yes you can, Derek." Meredith said calmly. "You have a gift, and you can do this."

"I'm not ready," Derek said softly.

"Yes you are," Meredith said resolutely.

"No, no I can't. If he dies, then it's my fault, and everyone will think I'm incompetent. I can't."

"I love you, and you can do this. _You can do this, _I know you can. No one is going to think any less of you; they've all had losses, so they won't judge you. But this patient will not die, I know you can save him, and if you can't, then you did everything in your power to try, and I'll be proud of you."

"Thank you," Derek said as he inhaled deeply. She had calmed him down a little, now he was only nervous, not panicky. The ER doors opened suddenly, and a stretcher carrying a teenager barged through.

"I think he just got here Mer, I have to go."

"Good luck! I love you."

"Love you too," Derek said as he hung up, heading for the scrub room in OR 3.

His hands were shaking as he scrubbed in, watching the nurses prepare the OR and the anesthesiologist put Kevin Green, the boy, under. He dropped the soap into the large sink, and rather than pick it up, he gripped the edge, breathing deeply to calm down.

"Doctor Shepherd, we're ready for you. Are you alright?" Derek looked up at the nurse that just walked in to get him. She was tall, with wavy brown hair and wide, doe like brown eyes. She looked at him curiously.

"Just nervous," Derek admitted. "Don't want to kill someone on my first day."

"You won't kill anyone," The nurse tried to assure him, but it was not nearly as effective as Meredith's words. "Everyone has heard about what a talented doctor you are, they won't think any different just because this one might not make it."

"Hmm," Derek sighed, shaking the moisture off of his hands as he walked into the OR, a nurse placing the gloves on him when he reached Kevin's head.

"Okay," Derek said as he stretched his neck, looking at the people around him. He suddenly felt the need to address them, but was unsure as what to say. "Uh, it's a beautiful day to save lives. Let's have some fun." And with that, a scrub nurse handed him a drill, and he began to open the boy's skull.

The surgery was long and tiring, Derek's added stress making it that much more difficult to concentrate. However, despite flat lining twice, Kevin made it through surgery and was expected to be okay. Derek breathed a huge sigh of relief as he closed and went to scrub out, and his hands were shaking again, this time out of excitement. He just performed his first surgery as an Attending, and it was a success.

He didn't think he had ever been on such a high before. Sure, when he had been a part of procedures and done his first solo surgeries, Derek had felt the rush afterwards, but this, this was something different. He couldn't wait to go home to Meredith and tell her all about it, he knew that she would be excited for him and want to celebrate right along with him.

"Nice work Doctor Shepherd," a woman said. Derek looked up from the sink, and it was the same nurse who had spoken to him before.

"Thanks," Derek said, running his hands through his hair. "And you can call me Derek if you want."

"Derek," the nurse nodded stretching out her hand. "I'm Rose."

"Nice to meet you Rose," Derek smiled, shaking her hand.

_**A/N: Please don't kill me! I promise you, this is a Meredith and Derek story, and they will have a very happy ending. What happens in this story is almost nothing like what happens in the show; I wouldn't do that to my favorite couple, but it could be an interesting plot point. Please keep reading and reviewimg, it lets me know that you still care**_


	28. Chapter 28

_**A/N: Hi, so I forgot to mention this in my last update, but there has been a little bit of a time jump. Last chapter was supposed to take place around July or so, and this one takes place in late August, with the next one taking place in September. So, Meredith and Derek have been married for over a year, just so everyone knows. Anyway, this update is a filler, I just wanted Meredith and Rose to meet and such, it kind of sets some stuff up for the next chapter. Anyway, enjoy!**_

**Chapter 28**

Meredith could feel someone watching her. She also could feel that it was too early for her to be awake, but apparently her body felt as though that she got enough. She rolled over, Derek's hand slowly caressing her hip_. If Derek was still in bed, it must be really early_, she thought.

Slowly opening her eyes and rubbing the sleep away, she found herself looking at Derek. He was propped up on one elbow, shirtless, and smiling down at her as if she was the best thing he had ever seen.

"Good morning," Derek said, kissing her quickly.

"Good morning," Meredith murmured, kissing him back. "You brushed your teeth.

"I did, I didn't want to disgust you so early in the morning."

Meredith laughed, stretching out across the bed. "You came home late last night."

Derek's expression turned apologetic. "I'm sorry. I went out for drinks with Mark and some of the nurses that he's trying to pick up, and he needed a wingman. Apparently Addison doesn't seem interested."

"Oh, okay," Meredith nodded. "What time do you have to go in?"

"Umm," Derek rolled over, looking at the clock. "In about an hour. What about you? Anything planned for the day?"

"I was going to meet Sadie to study for our boards around three, but other than that, nothing. I might clean, do some laundry."

"Really?" Derek waved his eyebrows. "You are going to attempt to clean?"

"Hey," Meredith said, shoving his shoulder. "I know how to clean. Just because I'm not OCD like you doesn't mean that I don't do an adequate job. The apartment always looks acceptable, and you know that you aren't around often enough to clean how you like to."

"True," Derek amended. "But I still sometimes tidy up after you."

"Really, when?"

"Usually when you're asleep. It's nice, I can make all the noise I want and you can't hear anything because of your snoring."

"You know what?" Meredith snapped, rolling out of bed. "I was going to be really nice and give you shower sex and then offer to come visit you for lunch, but if you're going to be an ass you can forget about it."

Derek jumped out of bed after her, taking three long strides to the other end of the room. Giving her a very sincere look, he placed his hands on her arms, looking deeply into her eyes. "I'm very sorry that you think that I was being an ass. I was just kidding; your cleaning skills are quite extensive. And you don't snore loudly at all."

A flickered across Meredith's face for a moment, but it turned serious again. "Thank you."

Since she seemed to be acting stubborn, Derek decided to continue speaking. "Can I make it up to you?"

With that, Meredith raised her eyebrows. "What did you have in mind?"

"I don't know, maybe some shower sex," Derek said, leaning in to place kisses along her neck. "I could do the bendy thing."

"Hmm," Meredith assented. "Will you buy me lunch at the hospital this afternoon?"

"I would love to," Derek responded, his hands moving to the small of her back.

"Alright," Meredith said slowly. "You're forgiven."

"Good," Derek said, almost growling, as he lifted her up, and Meredith wrapped her legs around his waist as he carried her to the bathroom.

**XXXXXX**

Meredith looked up at the hospital, pausing before going in. It was a little bit more intimidating than NYU Medical Center, maybe because the buildings that made up Mt. Sinai were so much more massive than the ones she worked in. She still couldn't believe that Derek worked here, that he was a real surgeon. It was, by far, one of the best hospitals on the east coast, and he had been recruited to work there. Not only that, but he wasn't a resident anymore; he wasn't taking orders from attendings anymore or simply assisting in surgeries, but he was the one giving the orders and running the OR.

Taking a deep breath, Meredith entered the main lobby, immediately overwhelmed by how large it was. It was very bright, and white with what felt like hundreds of people milling around. She didn't even know what direction the surgical wing could possibly be in, so she maneuvered her way to the reception desk as quickly as possible, bumping into several anxious patients and frazzled doctors along the way. Asking the receptionist where the surgical wing was, the woman, who looked to be in about her mid-fifties with a heavyset build, gave her a strange look, but said nothing, simply pointing to the large directory to her right.

"Oh, right. Thanks," Meredith said before turning to the very large blue and white sign which listed the location of various departments and offices.

"Surgical department," Meredith said quietly, reading the sign out loud. "Left and then third right," she replied before heading in that direction.

About ten minutes later, Meredith finally made it to the main nurses' station in the surgical lobby, ad glanced around. Derek was nowhere to be found, so she decided check his office, which was just up a flight of stairs and to the left. Meredith took the stairs two at a time, hoping to surprise him with her early arrival to the hospital for lunch.

'_Doctor Derek C. Shepherd, Neurosurgery' _the bronze plaque on the door read, and Meredith couldn't help but smile. She was so proud of him, and couldn't wait for him to give her a grand tour. However, he didn't appear to be in his office; the lights were off. Meredith tried knocking anyway, just in case he had decided to take a nap, but there was no answer. Stumped, Meredith went back downstairs, deciding to check the OR Board. Derek had said he didn't have a surgery scheduled until two thirty, but he may have been mistaken.

Meredith found her husband's name quickly. 'Emergency Spinal Decompression' the messy scrawl read. _So that explains it_, Meredith thought. The Board said that the surgery started about three hours ago, which means he would be finishing up soon. Maybe she could catch the end of it, if she could ever figure out where OR Two was.

"Can I help you?" A voice said to her right, and Meredith turned her head. A woman a little taller than her, with brown hair and eyes, was staring at her curiously. Meredith didn't blame her, she must look pretty weird standing in front of the OR Board wearing street clothes, studying it. The woman next to Meredith was wearing green scrubs; _nurses' scrubs, _Meredith assessed to herself.

"Um, yeah," Meredith began. "Can you please point me in the direction of OR Two's gallery?"

"Why?" The woman said, continuing to study her.

Meredith had to think quickly. This nurse seemed pretty hardcore, there was no way her would let me in the gallery just because she was Derek Shepherd's wife.

"I'm a med student," Meredith began. "I'm doing a clinical rotation here, and I'm supposed to be observing neurology cases. I uh, was sick last week, so I'm supposed to make it up by watching a surgery. And, and the one in OR Two seems interesting, and I know the surgeon."

"Oh, you know Dr. Shepherd? He's one of the best surgeons we have here, which is impressive for someone so young. He's great to watch, and his OR is always a great thing to be a part of."

Meredith smiled, trying not to roll her eyes at the woman gushing over her husband. "So I've heard."

"The gallery is right down that way," the nurse said, pointing down the hall. "There's a sign on the door, you can't miss it."

"Great. Thank you… uh…"

"Rose," the woman provided, smiling.

"Thanks Rose," Meredith smiled. "I'm Meredith."

"Nice to meet you," Rose said as she turned away from Meredith.

"You too," Meredith said, racing towards the gallery.

Derek was still in there as Meredith snagged a seat in the back corner. It was so weird to see Derek actually doing a surgery completely by himself, and teaching some of the residents in the OR with him. She had seen him fly solo before, but he was wearing dark blue scrubs; something she had never seen him wear before. He was wearing the ferry boat scrub cap he gave him, and she was still a little surprised that he actually wore it.

As if he could feel her eyes on him, Derek glanced up into the gallery, and did a double take when he saw Meredith out of the corner of his eye. He looked back up at her, and she smiled and waved, watching as the skin around his eyes crinkled and he nodded his head in response.

He finished closing within a half an hour, and quickly left the OR when he was done. The few people in the gallery trickled out, and Meredith decided to stay up there and wait for him. He would know to come here if she wasn't waiting for him outside the scrub room.

After five minutes, the door to the gallery opened and Derek walked in, a wide grin on his face. He plopped down on to the chair next to her. He kissed her quickly before settling back into his chair.

"You're early," he stated.

"I am," Meredith nodded. "I wanted to surprise you, but you were in surgery, so I decided to watch."

"Well, it definitely was a surprise," Derek smiled at her. "What did you think?"

"You were amazing. I liked watching you boss people around." Meredith laughed. "Plus, you look really great in dark blue."

"Thank you, but I look great in anything," Derek said without cracking a smile, wrapping his arm around her shoulder.

"You are so conceited," Meredith laughed, but leaned into him anyway. "So, do you want to give me a tour before we get lunch? I'd love to be shown around by a hotshot doctor."

"It would be an honor," Derek got to his feet, reaching for Meredith's hand to help her up. "And I'm glad you are willing to admit what an important surgeon I am."

"Shut up," Meredith giggled, slapping Derek's arm lightly as they walked from the gallery hand in hand.

**XXXXXX**

"Derek," Meredith whined, turning away from her closet to look at him. "Do we have to go?"

"Yes Meredith, we have to go," Derek fake whined as he pulled on a black suit jacket. "It's a benefit for the hospital; all of the employees are required to go. I got to miss the last one because I just started working at Mt. Sinai, so we have to go to this one."

Meredith turned around to fully face him, only wearing matching black lacy bra and panties; she looked at him quizzically for a few seconds before her eyes suddenly lit up as she began to speak.

"Well, that's the explanation as to why you have to go, but why do _I _need to be there?"

"Oh no," Derek interjected. "There is no way you're getting out of this. If I have to suffer, so do you. Besides, I want to show off my incredibly hot wife."

"Why do I have to suffer along with you?"

"Because it's in your wifely duties." Derek said, nodding firmly.

"It's in my wifely duties?" Meredith said disbelievingly. "Really? But what about when I'm suffering, like when I have my period; how do you fulfill your husbandly duties and suffer along with me?"

"Oh, I suffer along with you," Derek said, wincing at past memories. "You snap at me constantly for three days. And then I'm denied sex for a week."

"Denied sex? Seriously? When you get horny when I'm on my period, I'm pretty sure I blow you whenever you want."

"But I still suffer," Derek replied, but his bravado faltered, and Meredith knew he realized he had lost.

"Well," she said, smirking. "Why don't you see what real torture and suffering is in about a week when you don't get sex or blowjobs for the entire week."

Derek groaned as he pulled out a tie; a green one to match the dress Meredith was supposed to be wearing. "Mer, can you please just get dressed? I promise that we can leave early. I'm not working tomorrow so I can fake sick."

"Fine," Meredith huffed, pulling her dress out of the closet and slipping it on. She walked over to Derek and turned around wordlessly, which he took it is his cue to zip her up. As the zipper reached the top of the fabric, right below her shoulder blades, Derek let his hands trail to her waist as he kissed her shoulder.

"Ready to go?" he said against her bare skin, kissing her again.

"I suppose," Meredith said, moving out of his grasp to quickly run a brush through her hair one more time and grab her purse. "Let's get this over with.'

A half an hour later, Meredith was standing off to the side of the ballroom, waiting for Derek to come back with their drinks. She had been on the lookout for Mark and Addison since she got here, hoping that she would have someone to talk to rather than trailing behind Derek all night. She seemed to be out of luck, but thankfully Derek was on his way back towards her. She smiled appreciatively as he handed her a glass of wine, which she took a large sip of.

"Hey, slow down," Derek said, reaching to pull the glass away from her lips. "Just because it's an open bar does not mean you can use it as an excuse to get blackout drunk."

She knew that he was joking, but he was really not helping. "Shut up," she snapped. "Are Mark and Addison coming?"

"Yeah, they should be here soon," Derek said, smiling broadly. "Addison is Mark's date you know."

Meredith looked at him incredulously. "What? Why? You don't need a date to go to this thing. And he didn't need to ask her to be his date because she works here, and has to be here like him. So that was kind of pointless."

"I know," Derek laughed. "Which I think is part of the reason Addison said yes." Placing their empty glasses on a tray that a waiter was carrying, Derek reached for Meredith's hands, pulling her towards the dance floor where several couples were milling around. "Dance with me."

"Derek, you don't dance in public," Meredith answered, raising her eyebrow but following him to the hardwood floor regardless.

"I do sometimes. I danced at our wedding."

"Because there weren't many people there and you were close with them all. Other than that, I'm positive I can count the number of times you've danced in public on one hand."

"I can dance to this, it's just a waltz," Derek laughed, placing his right hand on her lower back and grasping her right hand in his left. Meredith smiled as she moved close to him, and Derek led her around the edge of the dance floor until the song ended. He pulled away from her and kissed her. "See, I can dance in public."

Meredith laughed at this. "Whatever you say."

"Come on, we have to go talk to the Board and the head of the hospital," Derek said, taking her hand and leading her back towards the bar. "I need proof that I was here so I can leave sooner."

"Good thinking," Meredith smirked, shaking the hands of so many different people, all of whom kept repeating how happy they were to finally meet Derek's wife.

They were seated at table for dinner next to Mark, Addison, and a cardio attending, chatting amiably until a voice broke through their conversation.

"Hi Derek," a woman said, and Meredith turned around to study the woman. It was the same nurse from a couple of weeks ago, when she had snuck into Derek's surgery.

"Hi Rose," Derek smiled. "How are you?"

"I'm well, considering how boring the benefit is," Rose laughed, Derek joining with her. Her eyes shifted to Meredith, narrowing slightly in conversation.

"Have we met before?"

"Umm," Meredith stuttered, not sure how much information to give Rose. She didn't want Rose to suddenly remember that this was the girl that lied her way into the OR gallery. "Perhaps," Meredith said off handedly. "I've been to the hospital several times, we must have run into each other."

"Rose," Derek cut in. "This is my wife Meredith. Meredith, this is Rose, she's a circulating scrub nurse."

"Nice to meet you," Meredith smiled, sticking out her hand.

"You too," Rose smiled back. "That would explain why you look so familiar."

"Yeah," Meredith laughed awkwardly.

"Alright, I should get back to my table, I just wanted to stop over and say hi," Rose said. "Are we still on for drinks this week Derek?"

"Yeah," Derek said, nodding and smiling. "The usual crowd will be there."

"You can count me in," Mark piped in from across the table.

Rose smiled. "Well, I'll see you all at work. It was nice to meet you Meredith."

"You too," Meredith called to Rose's retreating back.

"Are you alright?" Derek said, looking at her with concern. "You look kind of pale."

"I'm fine," Meredith answered. "I just got nervous. She was the nurse I had to lie to in order to get into the OR and watch your surgery. I didn't want her to connect the dots and remember and think that I'm a pathetic wife who needs to see her husband all the time or something."

Derek laughed at her rambling. "Don't worry, I don't think she caught on."

"Good," Meredith nodded, leaning in to rest her head on Derek's shoulder.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

Derek checked his watch; Meredith was supposed to meet him fifteen minutes ago. He was at a bar, getting a drink with some of his friends from the hospital while he waited for Meredith to get out of clinical. It had been nearly two years since Meredith had been almost raped by Steve, but Derek still found himself worrying about her from time to time. It may be irrational, but there were other people like Steve out there, ones who would do anything to sleep with a girl, or worse. And a good number of them lived in New York City. He never told Meredith of his fears, he knew she would roll her eyes, kiss him on the cheek, and tell him that he was being paranoid and that she would be fine. Which was true, but he was still allowed to worry. He was her husband.

"What's wrong Derek?" Rose said, sliding into one of the empty seats next to him. He had been with his friends for a little while, but decided to move to the bar to hang out around the time Meredith was supposed to arrive, that way she would find him almost immediately.

"Nothing Rose, I'm fine," Derek tried to sound convincing, flashing her a smile.

"Derek, you're moping over here all by yourself. What's wrong?"

"Meredith was supposed to meet me here almost twenty minutes ago. She's almost never late."

"You're worried and upset because she's not here right when she's supposed to be?" Rose scoffed disbelievingly. "Isn't that a little controlling?"

"It's not that," Derek said, a bite to his tone. "She can do whatever she wants; it's just that if she's going to be late or going out with friends, I would appreciate a head's up."

"Right, because that _isn't_ controlling," Rose said sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

"You don't get it," Derek snapped, and Rose looked at him in shock. He sighed, speaking more calmly. "Sorry, but it's a long story. Something happened a couple of years ago. I can't tell you what because it happened to Meredith, but it was dangerous and bad and it scared the crap out of me. It still does scare me sometimes; that she's just going to disappear, or I'm going to get a phone call and find out that she's been hurt or, or…worse." Derek choked out the last phrase, trying to control his emotions as best he could.

"Oh," Rose said softly, looking guilty. Tentatively, she reached her hand out and placed it gently on Derek's arm, giving it a quick squeeze. "I'm sorry. You obviously have a right to be worried."

Derek opened his mouth to respond, but heard the bell above the bar ring, signaling the arrival of a new patron. Derek whipped his head around and smiled; his wife had arrived.

She looked a little frazzled as she scanned the bar. Her hair was in unruly waves, the way it falls when she gets out of the shower and lets her hair air dry, when it isn't brushed or blow dried. She had on her black coat, but only one button was done, and one of the laces on her converses was untied.

He watched as Meredith's brow furrowed as she looked throughout the crowded bar, her mouth pinching into a slight pout as she looked for him. The actual bar was the last place she looked, but they made eye contact after about three minutes. When their eyes met, she smiled, but didn't immediately head over to them. They just stared at each other for a few moments, communicating silently, giving a look that they reserve only for each other.

Suddenly, some guy bumped into Meredith as he tried to maneuver passed her, causing Meredith to stumble forward and break eye contact for a moment. Derek's fist clenched, and he got up to confront the guy, who was now about twenty feet away from Meredith, but she stopped him with a look. He had glanced over at her, and she rolled her eyes and shook her head slightly, silently telling him that she was fine and that he was overreacting.

The jostling seemed to spur Meredith into motion; she walked to the bar quickly, moving to sit on the empty seat to his left.

"Hi," she said quietly as she leaned up to kiss him.

"Hey yourself," Derek replied as he kissed her again, a little longer and a little more deeply.

When they broke apart again, Meredith looked around Derek to greet Rose. "Hey Rose, how are you?"

"I'm good Meredith, how are you?"

"Tired," Meredith groaned, reaching to grab Derek's glass and take a sip of his scotch, wincing as it slid down her throat.

"Alright," Rose said, standing up. "Now that you no longer look depressed, I'm going to head back to the table. See you tomorrow Derek, bye Meredith."

"Bye," the couple said in unison before Meredith turned around to face Derek. "Why were you looking depressed?"

"You were late," Derek shrugged, trying to play it off. "I was getting worried."

Meredith didn't role her eyes or groan at him like he expected her to, she simply smiled. "I'm sorry, but I got thrown up on with ten minutes left in my shift, so I had to go shower. Figured you wouldn't want a wife that smells like vomit hanging around you all night."

Derek laughed, his arms draping around her waist for a few moments. "Bad day, huh?"

"Ugh, the worst," Meredith moaned. "I'm just started my oncology clinical rotation, and on my first day I got stuck with pediatric oncology. It was so freaking depressing! I almost burst into tears about five times today when working with the kids."

"So oncology isn't in your future?"

"No, absolutely not," Meredith shook her head firmly. Derek pulled her into a gentle hug trying to comfort her and make her feel better about her bad day. It seemed to work; Meredith rested her head against his chest and sighed deeply, seemingly content. Eventually, they broke apart, but Meredith soon captured his lips in a searing kiss, one almost too intimate for a public setting. When Meredith pulled away again, she smiled at him.

"Thank you for making me feel better," she said honestly.

"Anytime," Derek replied.

"Do you want to get out of here?" Meredith said, a smirk on her face.

"I do," Derek responded eagerly, jumping out of his chair and leading her to the door.

**XXXXXX**

Derek had a feeling.

He didn't know why, but he felt like he would be having a bad day. He glanced at the OR Board as he passed by, walking quickly through the hallway. He had a spinal tumor resection in an hour and a half, but that was it. Other than that, he would be doing paper work, hopefully getting off work at a decent hour to cook Meredith a really nice dinner. It was technically their six year anniversary; six years since they had that coffee date when he was just an intern and she was a freshman in college, and they were by far the best seven years of his life. Meredith didn't really do anniversaries. She had refused to celebrate their relationship every month, as much as he wanted to, but she enjoyed celebrating another year together each September. However, when they got married almost a year and a half ago, Meredith firmly told him that she would not lavishly celebrate two anniversaries, and that from now on they would only do something to mark their wedding day. But that didn't mean that Derek didn't try. He always tried to do something nice for her today, and although she rolled her eyes and teased him a little, he knew she secretly loved it. He had left roses on the table for her this morning, meant to be a surprise for her when she woke up. When he got home, he planned to cook her favorite, chicken parmesan, and enjoy a nice bottle of wine, and just spend the night with her. The love of his life.

But for some reason, he could not shake the feeling that was churning in the pit of his stomach. Something was going to happen today, he just knew it. It was only a matter of when and where.

**XXXXXX**

"Dr. Shepherd, v-fib!" One of the scrub nurses shouted as the machines around him started blaring.

"Damn it!" Derek cursed under his breath. He had just nicked one of veins in the spine, and the patient was starting to bleed out. But he couldn't do anything about it because he needed both of his hands to resect the tumor from the patient's neck.

"I had a feeling," Derek muttered, trying to focus on what he should do next, but he had no idea. He was blanking, and he was stuck. Either the patient bled out, or the tumor, which was already partially resected, could slip and do serious nerve damage to the patients neck. _Crap crap crap, _was all Derek could think, standing stone still as he watched the people around him speed around him, trying to save the patient.

"Dr. Shepherd," a familiar voice said after what felt like an eternity, but was maybe only a few seconds. Derek didn't respond, paralyzed. "Derek," the voice said, more quietly, gently. It was then that Derek jerked his head up from the patient, staring into the brown eyes of the scrub nurse that he had befriended over his two months here.

"Is everything alright?" She asked, her eyes wide.

"No," Derek snapped. "He's bleeding out because I cut his vein, but I can't do anything about that because I'm holding on to the tumor, and letting it go can cause a lot of damage."

"Okay," Rose said calmly. "Do you want me to page cardio?"

"Yes, but it won't be fast enough. I need to do something now."

"What do you need?"

Derek thought for a moment. It could work, or it will at least keep the patient alive until someone from cardio comes. "Page someone from cardio, and then get right back here."

It only took Rose twenty seconds, but the machines were still beeping, and it made Derek uneasy. When she was standing by his side, Derek turned to look at her.

"Do you know how to use the surgical instruments?" Derek asked.

"Except for the scalpel, yes."

"Good," Derek nodded, this could work. "I need you to take the clamp and put it right where I tell you to, okay?"

Rose nodded, and Derek watched as she picked up the clamp, her hands shaking.

"Calm down," Derek said gently, trying to make her calm. "I can't have your hands shaking; it won't be good for the patient."

Rose looked at Derek, fear in her eyes. After staring at each other for a moment, the fear decreased, and Derek was able to guide her to the spot to clamp the vein. The beeping almost stopped immediately, and Derek breathed a sigh of relief.

"What do I do now?" Rose asked.

"You hold the clamp while I finish the resection or until someone from cardio comes," Derek said, smiling through his mask. "Good work."

Rose was silent, but he could tell she was smiling back.

**XXXXXX**

Derek and Rose were the last two scrubbing out of surgery two hours later. The surgery had gone smoothly after the bleed, a cardio resident came in after about a half an hour to stitch up the vein, and the patient was expected to make a full recovery.

"You saved his life," Rose noted as they washed their hands.

"I resected the tumor, prevented the patient from becoming paralyzed, but no, you saved his life." Derek smiled, turning to face her. He flinched as he faced her; Rose was a lot closer than he expected her to be.

She smiled at him, and he smiled back, unsure of the reaction. He wasn't sure what happened, but the next thing he knew, Roses lips were on his.

It took Derek a second to react, but once he processed it, he stepped backwards immediately, almost shoving Rose away. His stomach clenched, and he felt sick. He could tell that his expression was one of horror and disgust simply by the way that Rose was reacting to him. Her face was confused with a little bit of guilt, and Derek couldn't believe what had just happened.

"Derek…," Rose began, but Derek shook his head as he felt bile rise in his throat.

"No," Derek said deeply as he turned around, beginning to exit the scrub room.

"Derek!" Rose called after him, but Derek didn't answer. He sprinted to the nearest bathroom and emptied the contents of his stomach, unable to believe he had just shared a kiss with a woman who wasn't Meredith.


	30. Chapter 30

_**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter, I'm glad to know you are at least interested in the new plot line. I'm sorry the updates have been slowing down; this semester is kicking my ass. Plus, I just got this idea for a new story, and I keep trying to plot that out. I'm going to try and work on some more chapters in the coming weeks when I have spring break; I like having banked chapters so I can update on a semi-regular basis and not go too long leaving you hanging. So, I'm working on it, and I appreciate the fact that you're all still hanging with me. Anyway, I'm rambling, so I'll stop now and let you enjoy this chapter.**_

**C****hapter 30**

He paced back in forth in the on call room until he just couldn't take it anymore. He flung the door open and decided to roam the hospital until the long awaited sense of normalcy would hopefully return. But it wasn't working, and Derek felt just as sick as he had two hours ago.

He had fled from Rose and the OR, and after vomiting in a bathroom, made his way directly towards a locker room, where he got in the shower fully clothed. He had spent an hour in there, the steaming water soaking his skin until he had used it all, only to continue to stand under the spray to be pelted by ice.

He had scrubbed himself, with his scrubs on, once. Then he stripped and scrubbed his skin raw. And then did it three more times. He washed out his hair, just because. He washed his face three times, and scrubbed his lips seven, until they started bleeding. He knew that all traces of Rose and her lips on his were gone, but the guilt didn't go away. So, he stepped out of the shower, threw on a new set of scrubs, and headed to the nearest on call room, where he had locked the door and paced until he couldn't take it anymore.

He hadn't kissed Rose back. He knew he hadn't. He would never have done that to Meredith; he loved her. She was his wife, the love of his life, his soul mate, his better half, his Meredith. And he could still feel Rose kiss him.

He was at a loss as to what to do. Seven years ago today he went on a date with a girl who turned out to mean more than anything to him, and on that exact date he had cheated. Maybe he didn't kiss Rose back, and maybe he hadn't seen it coming, or expected Rose to kiss him, but a kiss happened nonetheless, and now he didn't know what to do.

He could tell Meredith. But it would hurt her, really really hurt her. And she wasn't always rational when she was hurt. She may not listen to him or believe him if he said that he didn't kiss Rose back, and that the kiss meant absolutely nothing. Meredith would get angry, rightfully so, but she would take it out on him and their marriage.

But, Derek didn't think he could keep something like this from Meredith. She was his wife, they told each other everything. All of these thoughts swirled through Derek's head as he moved quickly through the hallways, not paying the slightest bit of attention when he walked right into someone.

"Sorry-" Derek muttered as he looked up, his voice catching as he realized that he had collided with the one person he did not want to see. He made a move to get away from her before her arm reached out and grabbed him.

"Derek," Rose began, eyes wide with nervousness.

"No Rose," Derek said bitingly, trying to maneuver around her.

"Derek, we need to talk," Rose started again.

"No, we most certainly do not."

"Yes, we do!" Rose said firmly, but her eyes revealed her true emotions.

Derek sighed, leaning against the wall before sliding to the floor, pulling his knees against his chest. "Fine, I will hear you out."

Rose smiled gratefully, easing into the same position as Derek. However, she left about a foot of space between them, which Derek was pleased about.

"Look, I am so sorry Derek; I should never have done that. I would never have done that. You are happily married, and so in love with Meredith, and I would never want to do anything to hurt you or break up your marriage. I don't even know why I kissed you; it was probably just a surgery high or something. I'm really sorry, and I still want to be friends with you if it's even possible. We don't ever have to talk about it again, or tell anyone. You're one of my closest friends Derek, and I don't want to lose that. That kiss never should have happened, and I feel really terrible." Rose finished speaking, looking at Derek expectantly.

After a minute of silence, Derek nodded slowly. "I accept your apology," he began. "And it makes me feel better that you regret it as well, and that you know it was a mistake. I think you're a really great friend Rose, and you've been very nice to me, but I feel so guilty. Even if I don't tell Meredith about it, which I'm really torn about, it still happened, and I've still hurt her. I want to stay friends with you, but I think it would be best right now if we took some space. I'm in love with my wife, and I cheated on her, and now I need perspective. Please try to understand, I want to be your friend, and I will forgive you eventually, but right now, I need distance from you because we never should have kissed."

Rose nodded, her eyes a combination of sadness and a little relief. "I get it," she said softly. "I totally do. If I had a boyfriend that kissed somebody else, I don't think I would want them spending time with that person either, even if I trusted them completely."

Derek worked his mouth into a small smile, etched in sadness. He really liked Rose, she was his first friend when he started at Mt. Sinai. But Meredith was…Meredith, and she mattered more than anyone, even losing a friend to prevent future issues.

"Thanks for understanding Rose."

"No problem, it's what friends do," Rose said, making her voice light, as if they were having a normal conversation. She stuck out her hand, but Derek was unsure whether he should grasp it.

"I'll see you around Derek," Rose said, thrusting her hand toward him.

Derek stood up and took her hand, shaking it briefly. "See you around."

With that, Rose walked down the hallway. Derek felt as though a small weight had been lifted off of his heaving chest. He still felt incredibly guilty, and he still couldn't believe that he had placed himself in a situation such as that, but at least it would no longer be an issue. Rose didn't want anything from him, and all he wanted was Meredith.

What he hadn't counted on was Mark Sloan. Mark had been on call last night, and had just scrubbed out of a surgery. He was wandering the halls looking for the closest on call room when he had heard Derek tell Rose they did not have to talk. Mark stopped dead in his tracks, and in doing so heard the entire conversation between his best friend and the scrub nurse.

**XXXXXX**

Derek stood outside the door to his apartment for ten minutes before he finally put the key in the lock to twist open the door. Any relief he had felt three hours ago was totally gone, and guilt was back in full force. It started slowly eating its way back into him when Derek realized he had only an hour left of his shift before he had to head home to Meredith. On the way home, he nearly had a panic attack on the subway because of the nerves, which caused him to stand outside his own home for ten minutes before he tried to calm down.

He hadn't decided whether or not to tell Meredith. He felt so guilty, and he knew he would feel better if he told her everything, laid it all out on the table and tell her how he hadn't initiated it, and that he had ended his friendship with Rose for her in order to ensure that it would never happen again. But part of him didn't want to tell her; not for selfish reasons or because she would undoubtedly be angry, but because he wanted to protect her. She had been hurt by everyone, especially guys. Her father walked out on her when she was five, and in high school guys used her for sex. The closest thing Meredith had to a relationship before Derek was a guy who knocked her up, called her a whore in front of her entire high school, and then wanted nothing to with her. She had serious trust issues; Derek had several memories of Meredith's insecurities throughout the first year of their relationship. But all of Meredith's issues and insecurities slowly faded away, an accomplishment Meredith often said belonged to Derek, because in her words "you have never hurt me or given me a reason not to trust you."

_Well, I just gave you a huge freaking reason to never trust me again, _Derek thought bitterly as he entered his apartment, which was surprisingly dark.

The living room and kitchen were in shadow, which worried Derek. "Meredith!" he called as he made his way down the hall quickly, stopping when he reached their bedroom. "Mer," he breathed, his voice a mixture of relief and nerves.

She looked up at him, smiling softly. She was clad in only her bra, her hands moving down her thighs as she pushed down her sweatpants.

"Hey," she said warmly.

"What are you doing?" Derek choked out, his voice wavering.

Meredith gave him a weird look, but shrugged. "Taking a bath. I've been feeling tired lately, and I got sick this morning when I woke up, so I skipped my classes today. I'm hoping a bath will do me some good."

"You feel sick? Are you alrihgt?" Derek said worriedly from the doorframe. He wanted to go to her and make sure she was okay himself, but he felt dirty again, and he would be disgusted with himself if he touched her now.

"I'm fine," Meredith said as she rolled her eyes. "I think I'm getting my period soon. I feel a little bloated and achy, but I bet I'll feel better once I soak in the tub."

"I was going to make chicken parmesan for dinner. Are you still up for it?"

"Oh, absolutely!" Meredith said enthusiastically.

"Good," Derek nodded. "Enjoy your bath."

On any other day, Derek would have asked her if she wanted company, but any other day he wouldn't have been kissed by another woman, so things change.

Derek spent the next forty-five minutes cooking dinner in the kitchen while Meredith took a bath and cleaned up their bedroom. He tried to keep his mind occupied, but he couldn't help but argue with himself over whether or not he should tell Meredith.

When they finally sat down for dinner, they ate silently, which bothered Derek. They always talk at dinner, always. Even if it's about nothing important or something boring like the weather, they chatted. He loved her voice, her laugh, but he wasn't sure if he could talk to her without feeling like a fraud.

"So, what did you do wrong?"

Derek's head shot up from his plate, his heart skipping as he looked at her with wide eyes. _She knows,_ he thought.

"What do you mean," Derek stuttered.

"Roses," Meredith said simply.

"Wh-what?" he sputtered, his heart feeling like it was coming out of his chest. _She definitely knows._

"You left roses for me this morning, and now you're cooking my favorite meal for dinner. What gives?" Meredith said, laughing a little. Derek studied her face; her eyes were shining, and a smirk was playing across her lips. _She's joking,_ Derek repeated to himself over and over again as he tried to slow down his raging heart.

"It's our six year anniversary," Derek tried to say calmly. "Six years ago today the most amazing girl went on a coffee date with me, and my life was never the same." Derek forced himself to give her a small smile as he blinked back tears at the end of his sentence. She was truly the most amazing girl in the world, and he could potentially destroy her forever.

Meredith rolled her eyes at him in response. "Derek, I can't keep track of things like this, you know that. I thought we agreed that we would just celebrate our wedding anniversary from now on?"

"You're right Mer, I'm sorry." _So, so sorry. _He looked down at his plate quickly and kept eating.

The rest of the meal was passed in silence. When they were done eating, Derek gathered up the plates and was beginning to wash them in the sink when he felt his arms snake across his waist, and a head lean against his back. At first he tensed, he felt as though he been burned, the guilt prominent once again.

"I'm sorry Der," Meredith said softly as she kissed his back through his shirt. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. It's just that I don't need a specific day to celebrate the fact that we're together, I do it every day. I love you Derek, and I know that you love me, but if you want to celebrate today along with our wedding anniversary, we can."

Derek turned in her arms to face her, feeling more guilty than he ever thought possible. She thought _he _was mad at her, and she was trying to make him feel better. He didn't deserve her, not even a tiny bit. She was way too good for him.

"Oh Mer," he said, pulling her close and hugging her tightly. "I'm not bad at you at all."

"Promise?" Meredith asked hesitantly.

"I promise," Derek said fiercely, needing her to believe him.

"Okay," Meredith whispered into his chest.

He buried his nose into her hair, breathing her in. "I love you so much Meredith."

"I love you to Derek. I always will."


	31. Chapter 31

_**A/N: Thank you all so much for the awesome reviews! However, one of you predicted my plot 99% correctly, so I'm a little concerned that the story is too predictable, but I guess if you enjoy it that's all that matters lol. Anyway, I hope you somewhat enjoy this update, it was kind of hard to write because there were all these different points that I wanted to make and I switched POVs a view times, so I hope it's alright. Let me know what you think!**_

**Chapter 31**

Meredith was freaking out.

She knew that she probably looked insane, but she just couldn't bring herself to care. Because you see, normal people don't sit on a bench in front of a hospital for an hour simply staring at the huge building. And then they also don't stand up just to pace along the sidewalk for another half an hour, giving the hospital dirty looks while trying to figure out what to do. People were giving her weird looks, probably assuming she was crazy or homeless or a drug addict, perhaps even a combination of all three, but once again, Meredith didn't care. Because this was big, and she was freaking out.

It was Saturday, five days after her and Derek's six year anniversary. Meredith rolled her eyes at the thought. It's not that she was cold hearted or anything, she loved Derek immensely and wanted to celebrate her life with him, but she didn't want to be one of those girls that celebrated the day they met, their first date, first kiss, and any other stupid milestone they accomplished in addition to their marriage. So, she only wanted to celebrate their wedding day, the day her life really began.

Derek had been really weird on Monday. He had been distant and sad, despite the fact that he wanted to celebrate their anniversary. At night, he clung to her as she fell asleep, keeping her in a death grip all night long. He was still a little mopey on Tuesday, but it faded, so Meredith just assured herself that he was just caught off guard and a little hurt that she hadn't wanted to celebrate their first date. He was basically back to normal now, so Meredith convinced herself that it probably wasn't anything big.

Finally, she sighed, straightened up, squared her shoulders, and looked at the front of Mt. Sinai with determination. She could do this, she thought. All she needed to do was find Derek.

She marched into the hospital, pausing only for a moment to smile and say hello to Tracy, one of the nurses and receptionists for the main lobby. All of the receptionists knew Meredith well, and often let her just head over to the surgical floor, no appointment needed. She took the left when she reached the end of the lobby, beginning the long walk down the large hallway that would lead to the surgical wing.

When she reached the surgical wing, she climbed one flight of stairs to Derek's office, hoping to find him there. Unfortunately, the door was locked and the lights were off, meaning that he was either in surgery or doing a consult in the emergency room. Checking the OR Board, she found that her first assumption was correct. However, she couldn't read the scrub nurses messy scrawl, and therefore couldn't figure out what time the surgery started.

Meredith turned around and headed back to the nurses' station, where three floor nurses were milling around. She recognized one of them and smiled in relief.

"Rose," Meredith said with relief as she reached the large desk in the center of the hallway.

The older woman's head shot up, her eyes wide with shock.

"M-m-Meredith," Rose stuttered out. "H-how are you?"

"Good," Meredith said slowly, not understanding why Rose was slowly inching away from her. "Do you know what time Derek went into surgery? Because I can't read the handwriting on the board."

"Um, no, I don't," Rose said, grabbing a chart and stepping away from the desk quickly. "I haven't seen or talked to Derek for a few days. I gotta go, I'll see you around." And with that, Rose was sprinting down the hall.

"Okay," Meredith said, turning back to the group. "Can either one of you help me?"

"Yeah, I can page him and see when he'll be done," Jennifer answered.

"Thank you," Meredith smiled.

A few minutes later, Meredith received a response from Derek, telling her that he would be done within the next half an hour. Meredith told the nurse to page him and let him know that she would wait right at the nurses' station, and pulled out her phone. The nurses dispersed, and Meredith was left alone for most of the time.

"Well hello," a voice suddenly said to her left. Meredith's head shot up, and she met the smirking face of Mark Sloan.

"Hey," Meredith said in response, looking back down to respond to Cristina's text.

"So, what brings you to the surgical wing on this fine Saturday?" Mark asked jokingly.

Meredith looked up at him cautiously, this time not returning his smirk. Mark's smile faltered as he tried to figure out what to do.

"Seriously Grey, what's up?"

Meredith studied him for a moment before sighing, deciding to clue him in, at least a little bit.

"He has plans and stuff. Big future plans with houses and kids, and that scares me to death. These are big things, and he said he would give me time, but I don't know if I'm ready. I don't know if we're ready."

"Why? Just because of the Rose thing?" Mark said casually, not even looking at Meredith, whose brow furrowed in confusion. "Well that shouldn't scare you, it was just one kiss."

Meredith felt her heart stop beating, and then plummet into her stomach. "One kiss?" she looked at Mark with confusion, but he was looking straight ahead, studying the OR Board.

"Yeah, well, I wasn't eavesdropping. It's not like they were keeping it secret or something," Mark scoffed, glancing at Meredith briefly but not really looking at her. "It was just something that happened. Derek loves you and you two are married, they both admitted that it was a mistake and it's not happening anymore."

Meredith couldn't seem to understand what Mark was telling her. Derek kissing Rose. Derek kissing someone. Someone who was not Meredith. Someone else. Rose. "Derek kissed Rose?" Meredith asked, needing clarification, needing to know for certainty that it was true, before she jumped to confusion, before she let her heart break into a million little pieces.

"Yeah, but you knew that," Mark said, finally turning to stare at Meredith. When he saw her expression, her mouth open in shock, the hurt in her eyes mixing with unshed tears, Mark knew he had made a mistake, a terrible, terrible mistake. Derek hadn't told Meredith about Rose, and now Meredith knew. And was clearly hurting. Mark might have just ruined his best friend's marriage.

Meredith simply cocked her head at Mark, tears beginning to stream down her face as she walked away without saying a word.

"That I'm an idiot," Mark muttered to himself as Meredith pushed past him.

She couldn't breathe. Derek had kissed someone else, and hadn't even told her. She had no idea for sure when it happened, but as Meredith fled the hospital, she started to connect the dots and could make a pretty good guess. Rose had just been uneasy around Meredith, which meant it had happened recently. And Derek had been perfectly normal last Sunday, only to be a completely different man on Monday night when he got home from work. Meredith would bet everything she owned they had kissed on Monday; on their six year anniversary. He had kissed someone else on a stupid day he wanted to devote to their relationship, and didn't even have the decency to tell her. She would have been mad at first, but would have gotten over it eventually. It's the fact that he kept it a secret, letting her think he was mad at her for being an insensitive and uncaring wife that hurt the most.

Reaching the front of the hospital, Meredith hailed a taxi. She didn't want the entire subway system to watch her break down, and she was grateful for the soundproof glass dividing her from the driver as she sobbed, mourning all the trust and plans for the future that she had with Derek.

**XXXXXX**

Derek was worried about Meredith. She had shown up at the hospital in the middle of his shift, paging him to meet her as soon as he was finished. He didn't know what she wanted, but figured it was important because she would have waited until he got home to talk to him. So, he rushed through the rest of his surgery, allowing a resident to close so he could get to her fast her. When he reached the nurses' station by the waiting area of the surgical wing, she was nowhere to be found. He called her several times, and each time it went straight to voicemail. He searched the hospital for almost an hour before one of the nurses mentioned that she saw Meredith leave right before his surgery was finished.

This made Derek confused and uneasy. He had tried to get home earlier, but there had been a mugging in Central Park, and the victim had a brain bleed. The surgery only lasted three hours, but by the time Derek got to his building, he was frantic.

He didn't bother to wait for the elevator, he ran up the stairs two at a time to get there faster. Frantically opening the door, he stumbled into the entry way, looking around with wide eyes. He breathed a sigh of relief as his eyes found Meredith, huddled on the couch with a book in her hand.

"Meredith, why did you page me at the hospital and then dis-" Derek stopped speaking when he looked at her. She was hunched over, her knees drawn up to her chest, as if trying to make herself as small as possible in order to protect herself. Her cheeks were tear stained, and it seemed like she was still crying.

"Mer," Derek started again, softly more gently. "What's wrong?" When she didn't answer him or even look up, Derek moved to sit next to her, causing her to curl into herself even more. He reached out to place his arm on her shoulder. At the contact, Meredith immediately flinched, jumping off of the couch. It was then that she turned to look at him. Her eyes were bloodshot and still filled with tears, and Derek could read the hurt and pain in her eyes. And he didn't know what caused it or how to make it better.

Then Meredith said something that completely threw him off, and he could swear he saw his world crashing down around him with that one word.

"Rose."

**XXXXXX**

Meredith watched Derek's face fall at the mention of the nurse's name. A look of guilt flickered in his eyes, and Meredith knew that she was right, that he had kissed her recently.

"What?" Derek asked, trying to remain calm though his voice was dripping with defeat.

"A little birdie at the hospital today told me that you kissed her."

Derek jumped off the couch, reaching for Meredith, but she pulled away, taking a step backwards. She couldn't have him touch her, knowing that he kissed someone else. It hurt enough already, and she was sure his touch would feel like he was burning her, and send her over the edge.

"Meredith, it isn't like that, I'm so sorry!" Derek said desperately, pulling his hand back towards his body, but moving a step closer to her.

"Really Derek?" Meredith snapped, her voice rising. "You kissed her, how is it not like that?" The tears were coming again, and she made a move to wipe them away quickly while Derek glanced at the floor, ashamed.

"I didn't kiss her!" Derek insisted, which only fueled Meredith's pain and anger.

"Oh really? So people are just making it up and spreading it around to hurt me? Because that seems really unlikely." She turned away, unable to look at him.

"Meredith, I promise-"

"Stop lying to me!" Meredith shouted as she whipped around. "You want to add lying to the list of flaws you now possess? I didn't think you would want to after adultery just took the top spot, along with concealment. I know you kissed her, someone heard the two of you talking about it by the OR Board, so don't say that you didn't do anything wrong. And not only did you kiss her, you kissed her on our anniversary, the one you had made such a big deal about!"

"Meredith, listen to me! I did not kiss her, _she _kissed _me_," Meredith looked at him. He seemed upset, but Meredith was certain that whatever pain he might be feeling was nowhere near as intense as the heartbreak she was experiencing.

"Like there's even a difference," Meredith snapped, dismissing his comment.

"There is! She kissed me, and I broke away. When we were talking about it, I told her I couldn't be friends with her anymore because of what happened, because of what you mean to me. Meredith, you are the love of my life, and you have to believe me when I say that the kiss meant absolutely nothing, it only made me sick."

Meredith stared at her husband for a moment, taking in the conviction evident in his eyes. She sees that he fully regrets what happened, and would never want to hurt her. Her heart melted a little for a moment, and she contemplated forgiving him, trying to move on. But suddenly, two thoughts flashed through her mind, one from years ago, and one very recent. And with that, her eyes went cold, and she stared at him.

"It's not enough," she said simply before turning around and heading out of the living room.

"What do you mean that it's not enough?" Derek asked, his voice filled with panic.

"I'm done," Meredith said softly, moving into the hall.

"No!" Derek shouted desperately, and Meredith stopped. He could hear the heartbreak in that word, and it caused her eyes to well with tears even more.

"The post-it says no running. No one walks out, ever," Derek said, pleading with her.

"Yeah, well the post-it didn't say anything about cheating either, and we see where that got us," Meredith said bitterly. She heard Derek gasp, and she knew it was a low blow. She only said it to hurt him, even if it was true.

"Look," Meredith said, slowly turning around. "Remember Steve? I told you about him, didn't I? I didn't have to tell you about him hitting on me, I thought about keeping it to myself. But I did, I did tell you. I knew it might hurt you, but I thought that you deserved the right to know because, if I was ever in your position, and someone had come on to you, I would have wanted you to show me the same courtesy and tell me. I would have wanted to know."

"Mer-" Derek started.

"No, Derek, don't. I believe you when you say that you didn't kiss her. Or at least I'm trying to. But you waited _five _days to tell me about her, and I find out from Mark, because he assumed that you would have told me, because you love me and trust me enough to know that you would never hurt me. But you didn't tell me Derek, you didn't trust me. You kept that from me, you hid it from me, and that makes everything worse."

Meredith moved towards their bedroom door, and Derek tried to follow. Meredith stopped suddenly, and turned to face him.

"I can't Derek. Not tonight, it's late, and I can't fight anymore. And I can't be in the same room with you all night. Please, just sleep in your office." She was exhausted, her life had completely turned upside down twice in the span of twenty-four hours, and she couldn't handle it.

Derek looked at her morosely, his eyes etched with pain. But he didn't fight her on it, he simply nodded. "Alright," he sighed deeply, reaching for her, but then thinking better of it and pulling his hand away. "I love you Mer, that's never changing."

She didn't look at him; she just nodded before moving into their room and shutting the door. When she heard footsteps moving away from the door, Meredith flung herself on the bed and began to cry. Never had she felt so alone, or her life be more uncertain.

**XXXXXX**

Derek had tossed and turned all night. The pull-out couch in his office was uncomfortable, and he missed the warmth of his bed. He could hear Meredith crying in their bedroom because his office shared a wall with their room. His heart broke for her, and he had wanted to go comfort her so badly. In fact, he had tried to so, but when he tried to open the door to his room, he found it locked. Meredith never locked the bedroom door after a fight, no matter how much he claimed she had wanted to be alone; she had never denied him access to their room.

He had really messed up. Derek honestly thought he had been protecting Meredith, that it would be better for both of them if she didn't know what had happened with Rose. After all, he had ended his friendship with her, and tried to push the events from his mind. He felt so guilty that he had even put himself in that position, but he tried to get out of it. He loved Meredith more than anything, and he never wanted to hurt her.

However, he should have thought about what Meredith needed and wanted. She had told him about Steve, the day he first asked her out, and Derek should have done the same with Rose. It wasn't fair what he did to her, and now he had to make sure that Meredith believed that he would never do it again.

He rolled over on the small bed to look at the clock. Six thirty; a little early to be getting up, but more acceptable than four, which was the time when he last checked. He pushed the blanket off of himself and lumbered into the bathroom. He passed outside the bedroom, but the door was still firmly shut. Derek sighed as he showered and shaved, putting his pajamas back on until Meredith woke up so he could get into the room and grab some clothes. Without even glancing at the kitchen, he left the apartment, heading downstairs to get the paper. It wasn't until twenty minutes later, when he sat down at the kitchen table with the paper and a cup of coffee, that he saw it.

It was on light purple stationary, usually the kind they use when they make grocery lists. It was only two lines, but Derek had to read it six times in order to fully understand the meaning.

_I have a lot to deal with, so I need perspective. Please, give me time_

_I need to take some space. _

Derek stared at the paper, unmoving, unthinking. Then, it was as if a light bulb went off in his head. He jumped out of his chair, running towards his bedroom. He wrenched the door open, not surprised to find it unlocked.

The bed was perfectly made. Everything seemed in order, but yet, something was missing. Derek scanned the room frantically before he started to take in the differences. Meredith's clothes, usually strewn all across her side of the bedroom floor, had been picked up and put somewhere. Her purse was missing, as were two pictures on her nightstand, one with his entire family, and one of her, Izzie, and Cristina. Derek felt his chest tighten when he realized that he had taken those, but left the one from their wedding.

He then moved to her dresser, pulling open the top draw to find it empty, void of the usual piles of bras and panties she kept there. He didn't want to look in the closet, afraid of what he might find, or rather not find.

Pushing it open slowly, he was met with mixed feelings. At least half of her clothes were gone, mostly her favorite outfits, but some did remain. The amount of clothing missing upset him; it meant that she expected to be gone for quite a while. However, the fact that she didn't take everything made him begin to believe her words, that she just needed to take some space.

He wandered into the living room, unsure of what to do with himself. He didn't have to be into the hospital until noon, and Meredith was gone. He looked at all of the pictures on the walls, but found himself doing a double take as he crossed the room. One of the pictures was missing. It was the one of them on their engagement night, taken at a party meant to celebrate Meredith's college graduation and Derek's thirtieth birthday. He could remember it clearly_: he had his arm around her small waist, and Meredith was leaning into him, her left hand placed on his chest so the photographer could see the engagement ring, both smiling from ear to ear. _

Derek smiled at the memory, though it was fleeting. He wasn't sure what to do about Meredith. She had asked for space, and had left clothes in the apartment, as well as taken a picture of him with her, all pointing to the fact that she wasn't planning on leaving him forever, at least not yet. She asked him to give her space, and he wanted to be able to give that to her. However, he loved her so much, and he didn't think he could bear the thought of being away from her, especially if he was the cause of the pain she was feeling. He wanted to find her and beg her to come home, to apologize for not telling her about Rose, and to ask her to let him prove to her how much he loved her, and what he was willing to do for her.

He was torn; unsure of whether to give her the space she craved or to tear the city apart looking for her. Finally, he decided on a compromise. He would wait for three days, four days tops. He wouldn't try to look for her, he wouldn't wait for her outside of her classes or NYU Medical Center, where she works. But, if he hasn't heard from her by the end of those four days, he would call her incessantly, as well as try Cristina, and try to catch her going to and from class. He couldn't live without her for long, but he owed her a couple of days to herself. He just hoped it wouldn't take that long.


	32. Chapter 32

**_A/N: Sorry, this update is kind of short, but I wanted to get it up. There are about eight to ten more chapters left, so I hope you stick along for the rest of the story!_**

**Chapter 32**

As Meredith snuck out of the apartment at six in the morning, she realized that she had nowhere to go. In an ideal situation, she could just take a cab to JFK and hop on the next plane to Los Angeles to see Cristina. Or Seattle to see Izzie. Hell, she'd even go to Iowa to see Alex. She would go anywhere if it meant getting far away from Derek so she could think clearly. However, it is September, and she is in her final year of medical school, so Meredith cannot fly across the country just because she wants to. She has to stay in New York so that she can go to class and work. Unfortunately, her best friends don't live in New York, so Meredith isn't sure what to do.

After going through every number in her phone book, Meredith had a plan, but she wasn't too keen on it. She hailed a cab and said a silent prayer as it drove a few blocks, towards the more wealthy area of the Upper East Side. Pulling in front of a large apartment building, butterflies began to build in Meredith's stomach. She sighed deeply, paid the cab driver, and grabbed her bags. Heading to the door, a well-dressed doorman pulled it open for her, and grabbed a few of her bags. He led her inside, but rather than take her to the elevator, he took her to the front desk. Clearly, he knew she didn't live here.

The receptionist, a man in his mid-fifties with salt and pepper hair, studied her up and down before speaking, which made Meredith feel uncomfortable.

"May I help you?" the man said, his tone condescending.

"Um, yes," Meredith began. "I'm here to visit Addison Montgomery."

"Mhmm," the man responded, his voice disbelieving. "And does she know that you're coming?"

"No she doesn't. It's kind of, uh, a last minute visit," Meredith said quietly, lowering her head in embarrassment. When she looked back up, the man was looking at her with disdain, and Meredith figured it was because she didn't look or act the part of a wealthy socialite, so she had no reason being in this building so early.

"Look Miss…" the receptionist trailed off, looking at her expectantly.

"Mrs. Grey," Meredith said pointedly, though she wasn't sure if she wanted to be married anymore.

"Mrs. Grey, I'm afraid that I cannot let you see Miss Montgomery. It is very early in the morning, and I'm sure she doesn't want to be disturbed."

"Trust me, I'm an old friend," Meredith insisted. "She will want to see me. Please call her for me. Tell her that Meredith is here and it's important."

The receptionist rolled his eyes at Meredith, but apparently decided to humor her, picking up the phone at the front desk and dialing Addison's number. Meredith could hear the dial tone from the phone, and it rang four times, the man's smirk getting wider with each passing ring.

Finally, on the fifth ring, Addison's tired voice came through the line. The man became the epitome of excellence, apologizing for being forced to wake Addison so early.

"Hello Ms. Montgomery, I'm so sorry for waking you…You have a visitor here to see you, I tried to tell you that you were probably asleep, but she wouldn't…I believe her name is Meredith…Yes, of course Miss Montgomery, have a nice day." He hung up and looked to Meredith.

"Miss Montgomery will be in her apartment waiting for you. Enjoy your visit Mrs. Grey."

Meredith rolled her eyes at the front desk man before she followed the door man to the elevator. The car travelled up the five floors quickly, and she followed the door man when he took a right out of the elevator and walked to the very end of the hallway, where Addison's apartment was.

Addison was already stepping out into the hallway when she arrived, her face filled with exhaustion and confusion.

"Meredith?" Addison said, stifling a yawn. Her expression became even more confused when she saw the door man was carrying two of Meredith's bags, and Meredith was holding one, and her backpack as well. "What's going on?"

"I'm sorry," Meredith began, tears beginning to fall. "I don't know where else to go, and I know you have an extra bedroom, so can I stay here for a little while?"

Addison's face creased into concern and worry as she watched the young girl fall apart in front of her. "Yes, of course, come on in." She signaled to the doorman, who followed suit.

Addison's apartment was quite large for one person, but her father wanted to ensure that she had the best. The living room and kitchen were large and white; Addison's father hired a maid to clean her apartment every other day. Her apartment also had two large bedrooms, as well as a smaller office. Meredith had only been there a handful of times, but it was very impressive.

"Just put her things in the room at the far end of the hall," Addison said, pulling a twenty dollar bill out of her purse and handing it to him. When the doorman left ten minutes later, Addison looked at Meredith expectantly.

"What's going on, where's Derek?" Addison said, obviously concerned about Meredith.

Meredith let out an involuntary sob. "He kissed a scrub nurse. Or a scrub nurse kissed him. Do you know Rose? Because that's who he kissed. And it hurt so much when I found out. And I'm so freaking tired, but I couldn't sleep because I was sad and Derek was in the next room, so I had to leave."

"What? Derek kissed Rose? And you just left?" Addison was in shock, trying to process everything.

"Yes. Please Addison, I'm exhausted. I really want to sleep, and I promise I'll tell you everything in a few hours, okay?"

Addison opened her mouth to say something, but thought better of it. "Yes, of course. You know where the spare bedroom is."

Meredith gave Addison a small smile. "Thank you," she reached for Addison's hand, squeezing it gently before turning and walking down the hall.

When she reached the bedroom, she immediately stripped out of her clothes and threw on sweatpants and a tee shirt. Then, she crawled into bed, the very large, very empty, king size bed. The enormity of the bed emphasized the fact that Derek wasn't there beside her; that she had packed her bags and left him, needing to get away as fast as possible. The tears started flowing once again as she cried softly, but eventually, she slept.

**XXXXXX**

Meredith didn't know how long she slept for, but when she woke, she felt slightly more rested than she had before. Pulling on a sweatshirt, she stumbled into the living room, where Addison was reading a book, dressed impeccably as usual. She looked up as Meredith came in, offering her a sad smile.

"Hey," she said, giving Meredith a sad smile. "Do you want something to eat?"

"Sure," Meredith shrugged, following Addison into the kitchen. After pouring cereal and sitting down at the table, Meredith looked up to find Addison staring back at her.

"So, what happened?" Addison asked expectantly. "You said he kissed Rose."

Meredith nodded, determined to be resolute, and not cry. "On Monday, but I didn't find out until yesterday. And it wasn't even Derek that told me. It was Mark, he had overheard them talking about it in the hallway."

Addison moved to hug Meredith. "I'm so sorry, that was such an asshole move. What are you going to do?"

"I-I-I don't know. There are other things I need to consider now…" her voice trailed off, unsure as to whether or not she wanted to tell Addison.

"What other things? I mean, you still love him right? You guys should be able to work through this. You should take space, a lot of space and time, but you can figure it out."

"I may not have a whole lot of time," Meredith muttered.

"What? Why not? I mean, you have to apply for internships, but it'll be okay," Addison continued.

"No, it's not that," Meredith started before inhaling deeply. "I'm pregnant."

Addison stared at her for a minute expressionless before her eyes widened. "You're what?"

"Pregnant," Meredith groaned. "But I can't be more than five weeks. That's the only reason I found out about Rose, I had taken a test and needed to go to the hospital and freak out with Derek, but I saw Mark first."

"Wait, were you guys trying to get pregnant? I didn't know that you wanted kids now."

"We didn't, we weren't!" Meredith insisted. "But with how crazy my schedule is with my classes and clinicals and work, I guess I didn't take my birth control at the same time every day. Which is apparently essential to preventing pregnancy, especially when you and your husband decide to have sex whenever you can because you're so busy, which isn't always at the same time every day." Meredith ended her statement with a grown, and looked to Addison for advice.

"Well, what are you going to do? Are you going to keep it?"

Meredith groaned again. "I don't know. When I first saw the test, I was freaking out; I didn't want to get pregnant right now. But then I started thinking about it. I mean, I can't be more than five weeks, so by the time the baby is born it will be May, and I'll be graduating Med School, which means that the baby will be about two months when I start my internship, so it would be old enough to go to daycare. Plus, I thought I would have had Derek, because I know how much he wants to be a Dad, so I was sure that he would have moved some of his shifts around to be there for the baby."

"You said you thought that you would have Derek. Do you not know anymore?"

"I don't know what I want! I love him, but he has basically broken my heart and destroyed my trust in him, which I'm not sure I can come back from. And I am freaking out, but I thought I wanted this baby. With Derek, with Derek I could have this baby. I don't know if I can do it if we aren't together, but I don't know how to handle this."

"So, what are you going to do?" Addison asked.

"I'm just going to wait and see. I could have the baby and not be with Derek, but I have to define our relationship first. I don't want the baby to have all kinds of issues because Mommy and Daddy are together sometimes and then sometimes they hate each other. We need to work on our relationship."

Addison had to repress a smile when she heard Meredith refer to herself as Mommy. "I know you do, but you can't take too long. Thirty five weeks is not as far away as you think it is, trust me I'm an OB."

Meredith let out a small laugh. "Thanks for listening Addison, I really appreciate it. But I think I'm going to call Cristina now, okay?"

Addison nodded, understanding Meredith's desire to talk to her best friend. "Sure, go ahead. And Mer, you are welcome to stay here for as long as you need."

"Thanks Addison," Meredith smiled, flipping open her phone and walking to Addison's spare bedroom.


	33. Chapter 33

_**A/N: I'm so sorry that it's taken me son long to get this posted, I'm pretty sure this is the longest I've gone without updating. Unfortunately, my real life has kept me very busy and unable to figure out how to wrap up this story, so it's been hard to write. Plus, the idea for my new fic would not get out of my head, so I had to write a little of that so I can leave my mind free for the rest of this story. This chapter is setting up for things to come, and will help to bring about the resolution of our characters. I hope you enjoy it, and I'm sorry I made you wait so long!**_

**Chapter 33**

Derek had given Meredith space. Four days of space in fact. And now he was done. For four days, he had gone to work, gone home, and sat around the apartment. He had no idea what to do, he didn't know what he could do to make it right with Meredith while he gave her space, so he waited. But after four days, he was done giving Meredith space. He knew her schedule, and he realized he had two hours between the times that she got out of class until before he went to work. Hopefully he would be able to find her and work things out by then.

Derek waited for Meredith outside of her class that Wednesday, determined to talk to her and work something out. When students started to file out of her lecture hall, Derek kept his eyes peeled for her, sighing in relief as he saw her petite frame exit the class.

Her head was down, flipping through her planner. But as if she could feel his eyes on her, she looked up and made eye contact with him. Her expression was one of surprise before she rolled her eyes at him and walked down the hall.

"Mer," Derek said as he followed her.

"Go away," she hissed, her expression cold.

"I'm not going to go away," he stated.

Meredith stopped and stared at him for a second before speaking. "Please don't tell me that you're going to do the creepy stalker thing again and stand outside my classes and work and stuff like you did freshman year. Because seriously, that's weird and pathetic Derek, and I think I might call the cops on you this time if you try."

Derek stood there in shocked silence, not entirely putting it past his wife to call the cops on him. Meredith smirked a little at his silence before racing down the hall again. Before he realized it, she was halfway down the corridor, and Derek had to run to catch up with her.

"Meredith!" he called after her.

"Leave me alone!" she shouted back.

"Meredith!" Derek yelled again, ignoring her request. He watched as she darted into an empty classroom just as he reached her. He managed to push his way through before the door shut.

Meredith moved to the other side of the room, standing on the opposite side of a desk, clearly meant to divide them, before turning around.

"Just leave me alone," she insisted, facing him.

"I just want to make sure you're all right," Derek said, taking a step towards the desk.

"No! I'm not all right!" Meredith exclaimed with exasperation. "Okay? Are you satisfied? I'm not alright!"

Derek looked down, suddenly feeling guilty, but Meredith kept speaking.

"You and I have been together for six years Derek, _six years_! And we've married for almost a year and a half. And you go and kiss a scrub nurse. Or maybe you didn't kiss a scrub nurse but you allowed her to kiss you. And you know something, I may have been able to look past that, because I love you and I trusted you. You were always honest with me, and you were always perfect and dreamy, so had you told me and apologized and swore you didn't initiate it, I would have believed you. But you hid it, and let me feel like crap on our stupid anniversary because you felt guilty but I thought I had done something wrong. You have completely destroyed all my trust in you, and I have something else going on right now, and I don't know how to deal with it. So no, I'm not alright!"

Derek looked at her; she was angry, really angry, but she also looked like she was about to cry.

"Meredith, I'm so sorry. I know I should have told you, and I know that you don't trust me, and you have every right not to. But I love you so much, and I will do anything to get you back. You don't have to trust me, but I need to know if you still love me."

Meredith looked at him carefully before answering. "I still love you. But I don't know if I can still be with you after something like this."

Derek's heart plummeted to his stomach. _She can't be ending this, she can't be leaving. _"Meredith, please…"

"No Derek," Meredith cut him off. "There are other things to consider here. Other people, factors. I can't just stay married to you because something has happened, and not be able to trust you and be completely miserable. I can't do that to myself, or to someone else. You taught me that I deserved better, so I need to take my time to think about it, and how it will affect everything."

Derek was confused. "What other people? What other things? It's our marriage Meredith, it's only about us. Who cares what anyone else thinks? All I know and care about is that I love you too much to just let you walk away."

Meredith looked at him, eyes wide as she realized what she said, about what she had almost let slip. But she couldn't stop herself from speaking. Derek started walking around the desk towards her, so Meredith moved to the opposite side, so now she was closest to the door. She shouldn't say anything else, not until she decided, but she did anyway. "But it's not just you and me Derek! Everything is changing! A freaking bomb was dropped on me on Saturday, that's why I came to the hospital, I needed your help, but instead I found out about you and Rose! And now everything is different, and I need to figure out if I can do this, if we can do this regardless of our relationship."

"Meredith seriously, what are you talking about?" Derek was really starting to get nervous; his mind kept going through all the things that could be wrong with her. "Please, tell me what's wrong, and we'll figure it out."

Meredith opened her mouth to speak, tears welling in her eyes. Then she closed it, and opened it, trying to figure out what to do. Finally, she opened her mouth again, but not saying what Derek wanted to hear. "I-I-I can't do this now. I have to go." And with that, she ran from the classroom.

Derek chased after her, but couldn't figure out what direction she'd gone. Sighing, he decided to head for work, which he was sure he was going to be late to. He had an overnight shift, and he knew most of it would be spent worrying about Meredith.

**XXXXXX**

It had been another three days, and everything was still the same. He hadn't attempted to go back to Meredith's school; he decided to try and give her space. He had tried her phone a few times, but she always ignored her call. At this point, it had been almost a week since she left him, and now Derek was simply concerned for her well-being.

He wasn't sure where she was staying, and that freaked him out. He knew that Meredith wasn't staying with his mother or any of his sisters. If she was, Derek definitely would have received a phone call from his sisters about what an idiot and a terrible husband he was, as well as a lecture from his mother about how disappointed she was in him in both what had happened and the fact that he had tried to hide it. If they knew, he didn't think he would be able to take the guilt and sadness anymore; he was just holding on as it was. Luckily, he had only received one call from Carolyn, in which he just lied and said that Meredith was working.

But since he knew she wasn't staying with family, but was still in town, made Derek worry. She didn't have much money, so he hoped she wasn't out on the streets or staying in a sketchy hotel.

He heard someone approach, and his head snapped up. Mark was walking towards him slowly, as if trying to judge his mood for the day. He hadn't really seen Mark all week, and that was due to both of their actions. Derek knew that Mark felt guilty because he had been the one that told Meredith about the kiss between Derek and Rose. Derek knew that he shouldn't be mad at him, that it technically wasn't Mark's fault, but a little part of him couldn't help but want to punch Mark. However, that was not the reason Derek was avoiding Mark; he just hadn't wanted to be around people the past week, the only person he wanted was Meredith, and she didn't want him.

"Hey," Mark said, slowly and cautiously.

"Hi," Derek nodded, looking back down at his chart.

"How are you holding up?" Mark asked.

"I'm perfect, I want to jump for joy," Derek snapped sarcastically. Mark took a step back, looking concerned, and Derek felt guilty again. He reminded himself that it wasn't Mark's fault, and that he didn't need to take his problems out on other people. "It's hard Mark. I miss her, and I'm worried about her. I don't know where she is, or where she's staying. She could be sleeping on a park bench for all I know."

"She's not sleeping on a park bench," Mark assured Derek. And then his eyes widened, as if he just realized he gave something away, and Derek realized that Mark knew where Meredith was staying.

"How do you know that?" He pressed.

"I uh, I just do," Mark said, clearly floundering.

"You know where she is," Derek accused.

"No, I don't," Mark countered weakly.

"Please, Mark, just tell me."

"I, uh, was staying with Addison a couple nights ago," Mark began, stuttering a little.

"Wait, why were you staying with Addison?"

"I just was okay," Mark snapped back.

"You had sex with her?"

"Maybe," Mark couldn't help but grin at that.

"It's about time. Anyway, what does Addison have to with this?" Derek asked, though he was glad that Mark finally succeeded in winning the girl over that he had been trying to get with for two years.

"Well, the next morning Addison and I were having breakfast, and I noticed that Meredith's backpack was in the living room," Mark said, his tone of voice making it clear to Derek that he wasn't really sure that he should be telling any of this to Derek.

Derek looked at Mark, a glimmer of hope in his eyes. "So she's staying with Addison?"

"Addison wouldn't confirm or deny it," Mark began. "But I'm almost positive that someone has been staying in her guestroom, I could hear someone shuffling around in it when I was getting ready to leave for work on Thursday morning."

"Wait, you've known since Thursday and you haven't said anything! Why would you keep that form me," Derek said dejectedly.

"Come on man, I don't want to get into the middle of this more than I already have, and I'm not sure I should have even told you that. Besides, you've been avoiding me for a week, how was I even supposed to talk to you if I could?"

"Fine," Derek sighed, looking down at his watch. "Oh thank God, I get out of here in twenty minutes; I can go to Addison's."

"Wait, you're just going to barge in there and demand to see Meredith? From what it sounds like, she wants nothing to do with you."

"Yes I am, and you are not going to call Addison or Meredith to give them a head's up," Derek said, staring pointedly at Mark. "And Meredith is my wife and the love of my life. It's not that I just want to see her, I _need _to see her. Everything is always better when she's around, even if she's mad at me."

Mark's face became sympathetic as he looked at his best friend, and he could only nod in response. "Good luck Derek, I hope it works out."

Derek smiled at Mark as he headed towards the locker room, not wanting to wait another minute to find Meredith.


	34. Chapter 34

_**A/N: Hey, so I know some of you are worried about this story. I can tell you that I am 100% MerDer, and that this story will have a happy ending. This plotline will be wrapping up soon, but there will still be a little more drama before that happens. But they will work through this, and they will be happy, I promise. I'm sorry if you are unhappy with how the story has turned out, but I hope that you will still stick with me through the rest of it. MerDer will talk, and resolve this, but it may take a little time (but not too much because this isn't real life and I want to see them together just as much as you do). Just try to keep in perspective that even though Rose kissed Derek and not vice versa, Meredith feels lied to and betrayed, and when you throw in pregnancy hormones, she may not act rationally. Anyway, this was a really long author's note, but I beg you to stick with me and enjoy this (short again, I'm sorry) update**___

**Chapter 34**

Meredith was curled up on the couch, a mug of hot chocolate cradled in her hands. She wished that it was coffee, or tequila, but she couldn't have it because of the tiny person growing in her uterus. She wasn't even sure if she wanted this baby, but she didn't want to anything to screw it up before it's born. She hadn't done anything fun in days, she just went to class or clinical, went to work, and then came straight back to Addison's apartment. She had blown off Sadie twice this week, and had even ignored phone calls from Cristina and Izzie because they wouldn't know what to say to her, and it would just be awkward. Which led her to spend hours stuck in Addison's huge apartment all by herself because Addison was always at work.

She loved Addison's apartment, it was much bigger than her own, and the location was nice, and the king sized bed in the guest room was probably the softest thing she had ever slept on. But she wanted to be back in her own bed, in her own apartment, and not living out of a suitcase in her friend's house.

Addison wandered out of her bedroom a few minutes later, heading straight for the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. When she emerged, Meredith noticed that she was still in her pajamas, which made Meredith assume that she had the day off. She had been keeping to herself, and hanging out in the guest room a lot, so Meredith wasn't completely aware of what Addison's schedule was like.

Addison flopped onto a chair by the couch, reached for the remote control on the coffee table, and turned on the television. After watching the news, Meredith turned to her new roommate.

"So, I heard Mark here the other night, and then the next morning," Meredith said playfully, watching Addison turn bright red.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Addison said, avoiding Meredith's gaze as she spoke.

"Uh huh, sure," Meredith said sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "I also heard him most of the night too, so don't even pretend that nothing happened."

"Shut up," Addison hissed, but she couldn't help but smile.

"So, what are you going to do now?"

"I don't know. He's a man whore, so I don't even know if it meant anything, or if it was just another conquest."

"I don't think it was another conquest," Meredith said to Addison gently. "He's liked you for years, since you transferred to NYU Med for your residency I think. Why else would he ask you to be his date to the hospital fundraiser last month when he knew you were going to be there anyway?"

"You really think he likes me?" Addison said, raising her eyebrow.

"I do," Meredith said truthfully. "Trust me, he likes you. I'm sure he'll ask you out soon."

The two women sat in silence for a minute before Addison spoke. "How about you? How are you holding up?"

Meredith shrugged. "Not too well I think. I'm really grateful you're letting me stay here Addie, I really am, but I miss my bed and my apartment."

"Do you miss Derek?"

"Honestly, yes?" Meredith sighed. "But at the same time, I don't. I miss him, but then I remember the reason why I'm here with you instead of at home with him, and throw in the fact that I'm pregnant, and I just want to hit him. I'm scared I won't be able to get over this and I'll be alone for the rest of my life rather than with him."

"Who says you have to be alone? You don't think that if you guys get divorced that you'll never find someone else? Because you definitely could Mer."

"No, I don't think I will. I mean, I know I probably could if I tried hard enough, but Derek is…Derek. He's the guy that I was meant to be with. I can just feel it, I know it. He's it for me, and no one can come after him. If someone did, they wouldn't be able to compare to him."

They sat in silence, contemplating Meredith's words when they heard a buzz coming from the hallway.

"One second," Addison said, standing up. "It's the front desk." She bounded into the hallway, coming back a few minutes later. "Someone's coming up."

"Do you know who?" Meredith asked.

Addison shook her head. "No. all they would say is that it's someone I work with."

"Addison, anyone could say that! Someone could be on their way up here to kill you."

"Please, it's the middle of the day," Addison shrugged. "And even if they do, I'll just tell them you're pregnant. No one will kill a pregnant woman."

Meredith opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Be right back," Addison said. Meredith waited in the living room until she heard Addison swear. "Shit!"

"What is it?" Meredith asked, moving into the hallway.

"Derek's at the door," Addison said softly, her eyes wide.

"Wait, what?" Meredith said, dropping her voice down to a whisper. "How does he know I'm here?"

"I don't know, I didn't tell him!" Addison insisted before groaning. "Crap, Mark must have figured it out when he was here."

"Well, what do we do?" Meredith asked, beginning to panic.

"We could not answer the door," Addison suggested.

Meredith rolled her eyes. "He just heard you talking to the doorman on the phone, he knows you're here."

"Oh, right."

As if on cue, Derek pounded on the door again. "Addison, I know you're there. Please let me in, I need to see Meredith."

"Meredith, you have to talk to him."

"No I don't," Meredith shook her head. "Not until I figure out what to do. I'm going to go hide in the bedroom, you get rid of him."

"You know, this is really childish Meredith," Addison said as she moved to the door.

"It's what he gets for marrying someone eight years younger than him," Meredith said as she backed out of the hallway.

Addison sighed as she opened the front door slightly, just enough so that she could slip out before Derek pushed his way through. "Hi Derek," she said, trying to act normally.

"Where's Meredith," he demanded, not bothering to say hello.

"Derek…"Addison began.

"No Addison," Derek said, cutting her off. "I need to speak with her. She is my wife, the love of my life, and I will not lose her. I cannot lose her," Derek said, desperate to make her understand.

"I know Derek," Addison said, looking at him with sympathy. "I know you want to talk to Meredith, and I think that the two of you should, but maybe not right now. She's got some stuff going on, and she needs to digest it all before she can talk to you about it.

"What kind of stuff?" Derek asked desperately, officially worried. Meredith had mentioned something big going on earlier this week, and he wanted to be there for her. If Addison knew, then it must be a big deal; Meredith and Addison were friends, but they definitely did not have the tell-all-your-secrets friendship that Meredith and Cristina, or even Izzie, had.

"Is she okay?" Derek continued. "Because I saw her a couple of days ago, and she said something similar. She's not sick right? I to be there for her if she's sick."

Addison smiled sadly at Derek before speaking. "No Derek, I promise you that she's perfectly healthy."

Derek breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay," he nodded.

"Listen Derek, I will make sure that Meredith calls you by Monday so that you two can talk, but until then, just give her space. I want to help you, Derek, and I'm sure everything will work out."

Derek breathed deeply and gave Addison a very small smile. "Alright," he conceded. "I need to head to work anyway. But please tell her that I love her, and I really need to speak with her."

Addison nodded. "I can do that. I'll see you at the hospital in a few hours."

"Bye Addie," Derek said as he headed back towards the elevator.

Meredith had heard everything Derek said, and an overwhelming sense of guilt began to take over. He was really worried about her, she realized. He was worried that she was really sick, and it was because she hadn't told him about the baby yet. He should have been the first person she told, regardless of their current situation. She owed it to Derek to tell him first, not Addison and Cristina. She had to call him tonight, she decided. They could figure out the baby thing regardless of their current situation. They had to.

"Meredith?" Addison called as Meredith exited her bedroom.

"Yeah?"

"Come on, grab your coat," Addison said, grabbing her purse and her car keys.

"Why?" Meredith asked.

"I have about four hours until my shift starts, and I thought we could go shopping. You know, retail therapy always helps me when I'm in a crappy mood."

Meredith thought about it for a minute; she didn't want to go shopping, but she didn't want to be stuck in Addison's apartment all day. "Yeah, okay," she finally decided.

"Great!" Addison said as she pulled Meredith towards the door.

**XXXXXX**

Derek was lying in the on call room, pulling out his phone for the tenth time in the past hour. He knew it was irrational that Meredith would call, because Addison said she would call by Monday, and knowing Meredith, that would mean 11:59 pm Monday night. But regardless, he was hoping that she would call. He had been at work for two hours, and nothing exciting had happened, which meant that all he had thought about was Meredith.

Just as he put his phone down and rolled over to try and sleep, his pager went off. He groaned as he studied it, standing up and exiting the small room to make his way down to the pit. Apparently, according to his pager, there had been a car accident, and one of the victims had a potential concussion.

He got down to the pit about a minute before he heard sirens indicating the ambulance arrival. He waited for the stretcher just inside the ER, and focused his attention on the paramedic as she rushed by, not looking at the patient.

"Twenty four year old female passenger struck by a taxi who ran a red light. Taxi hit the vehicle on her side. In and out of consciousness for the past twenty minutes, potential concussion and probable splenic rupture," the paramedic rattled off as she pushed the stretcher into a trauma room. Derek followed, finally looking down at the patient. As he did, Derek felt his stomach drop to the floor as he looked at her.

"Meredith," was all he could choke out.


	35. Chapter 35

_**A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews for the last chapter! I really appreciate it guys. This chapter is the very beginning of Meredith and Derek's reconcilliation, so I hope you enjoy it, and let me know what you think!**_

**Chapter 35**

Meredith was conscious, but clearly slipping away. Derek crossed the room quickly and grabbed her hand, squeezing it tightly. "Meredith," he said again, this time with more force. She looked up at him, her eyes widening in fear.

"Derek," she slurred as her eyes fluttered closed. "No…" her voice trailed away as she lost consciousness again.

"Page someone from Neuro, and from general immediately," Derek barked at the paramedic.

"Aren't you the Neuro Attending?" the woman said, raising her eyebrows.

"Yes, but this is my wife, so I need someone else," Derek answered, turning back to Meredith and running his hand over her hair.

The paramedic nodded and quickly left the room, heading towards the nurses' station. Derek leaned down and kissed Meredith's forehead gently, not taking his eyes off of her until he heard the door open again.

"Derek," a voice wavered, but it wasn't from the doctor he had expected. Addison stood before him, a cut along her hairline, but otherwise unharmed. She looked at Meredith for a moment, tears in her eyes before speaking. "I'm so sorry."

"For what?" Derek asked incredulously.

"She was with me," Addison explained, and Derek finally got it. "I wanted to take her shopping to make her feel better, and try to convince her to call you. We were heading back from that mall in Connecticut when we were hit."

"It's not your fault Addison, it's the taxi drivers," Derek said, turning his attention back to Meredith. Addison moved into the room so that she was standing on the other side of Meredith. The two didn't speak until the surgeons arrived.

The paramedic, Dr. Springer from general and Dr. Glover from Neuro entered at the same time, and Addison stepped aside so they could examine her.

"What happened?" Dr. Springer asked. She was a tall, serious looking woman in her forties, with dark hair and eyes. She was very focused on her job as a surgeon, and though Derek had never really interacted with the woman, she was supposed to be an incredible surgeon, and the next in line to be Chief of Surgery once Dr. Chalke retired. She began to feel Meredith's abdomen as she waited for an answer.

"We were hit by a taxi Dr. Springer," Addison told her colleague. "The car hit Meredith's side, and she hit the side of the car pretty hard, so I think there may be some sort of damage to her abdomen as well as her head."

"Hmm," Springer sighed as she continued to test Meredith's stomach. Derek watched the doctor closely to make sure she was doing a thorough job, all the while stroking Meredith's hand and hair.

Dr. Glover slid by Springer and pulled out his pen light. He was younger than Dr. Springer, in his late thirties, he had a full head of blonde hair, and apparently many of the nurses found him attractive. He was a decent guy; he was pleasant and polite to Derek, and even offered to get eat lunch with him when he was still new at the hospital. Glover quickly did an exam, and waited for Dr. Springer to be finished before speaking.

"She may have a very minor concussion, but that shouldn't prevent Dr. Springer from operating if necessary," Glover said, speaking to Derek. "However, I do want to do an MRI just to make sure it's not a hematoma."

Derek nodded, not trusting his voice to come out strong. He prayed it was just a concussion, and nothing more.

"I'm almost positive that there is a splenic rupture," Springer cut in. "However, it doesn't seem to be severe. I'm going to order an x-ray just to be sure. Is there any chance that your wife is pregnant Dr. Shepherd?"

Derek shook his head. "No, I don't think so," he choked out, terrified that Meredith was about to undergo an operation.

"Actually," Addison began in a small voice, and everyone in the room turned to stare at her. Derek's eyes widen and his mouth dropped open as Addison looked at him apologetically before continuing. "She is about six weeks pregnant. So, you may not want to do an x-ray."

Doctors Springer and Glover turned to Derek, both giving him a strange look. He knew they were judging him on the fact that he didn't know his wife was pregnant and his friend did. All he could do was nod. "Right, my mistake," he said, his voice shaking.

"Alright," Glover said, trying to break the awkwardness. "I'm going to rush an MRI for her so that Doctor Springer can begin the procedure ASAP. We obviously can't get an x-ray without putting the fetus at risk, so Dr. Springer won't know the extent of the damage and it might take a while. Is that alright Dr. Shepherd?"

Derek nodded, trying to remain calm.

"Okay, good," Dr. Springer said. "I'm going to page an intern to bring her up for her MRI and prep her for surgery. They'll be here in about five minutes." And with that, the two doctors exited the room, leaving Derek alone with Addison and Meredith, who was still unconscious. He stared at Meredith for another minute before looking at Addison, his eyes blazing.

"She's pregnant?" he asked Addison, though it came out as more of an accusation.

Addison turned red and her eyes filled with sympathy. "Derek I'm sor-"

"She's pregnant and you knew?" Derek couldn't believe that Meredith was pregnant. He was going to have a baby. That is, if Meredith would ever speak to him again. Part of him was elated; he wanted to be a father so badly. But another part of him tried to bog down his excitement; Meredith hadn't told him, and she was six weeks pregnant. Who was to say that she was going to let him be a part of the child's life? Or if she had even planned on keeping the baby? "You knew, and she didn't tell me? Did you know that I had no idea?"

"Y-yes," Addison stuttered, and Derek felt a pain in his chest. "She was going to tell you last week. That's why she went to the hospital. Only she found Mark instead of you, and he told her that you kissed Rose. She wasn't even sure if she was going to keep it at first, and even if she did want it, she didn't know what she was going to do about your relationship. So she decided to wait and think about it."

Derek nodded, at a loss for words. He couldn't blame Meredith, not really. He had hurt her, and he knew that she had probably been really freaking out about the pregnancy, and then finding out about Rose must have thrown her for another loop. She reacted just as he would have predicted, and he couldn't be mad at her for it. Tentatively, he reached his hand out to touch her stomach. It lay flat across her abdomen gently so as to not exacerbate her injuries, but he left it there, picturing his child inside of her, hopefully safe and healthy.

He felt Meredith's hand twitch in his, and immediately looked at her face. She slowly opened her eyes, scanning the room and seemingly taking in her surroundings before her eyes settled on Derek. Her eyes grew wide as she weakly tried to pull her hand from his grasp. He let her hand slip through his, hurt that she didn't seem to want anything to do with him.

"Derek," she said slowly, as if she were half asleep.

Derek tried to smile. "Hey Mer," he began. "You were in a car accident, and you ruptured your spleen, so you're going to be taken into surgery very soon." He watched as Meredith processed his words, and her eyes widened in realization. She dropped her hand to her stomach protectively, and Derek couldn't help but smile at the thought of their child as he continued to speak. "Don't worry Meredith, the surgery will be really simple, and I'll be here when you wake up."

A look of terror passed over Meredith's face, though she looked as if she was about to fall back to sleep. "No," she managed to say. "You can't…" she started to lose consciousness again. "I don't want you…" her voice trailed off as her eyes closed again, but Derek didn't need to know the end of her sentence. _Here; I don't want you here. _Derek let out a sob as an intern and a nurse came to wheel Meredith away. Derek looked up at Addison, who was staring at him in pity, and walked out of the room. He didn't know where to go, all he knew was that even if Meredith was pregnant with his child and about to have surgery, she didn't want him. He had destroyed their marriage. It was all his fault.

"Derek!" Addison called after him as we sped down the hallway.

"Leave me alone Addison," Derek responded with a clipped tone as he kept walking. That didn't seem to deter Addison; she quickly caught up with him and pulled him into the stairwell.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" Addison demanded angrily.

"I don't know," Derek responded without any emotion.

"Exactly. Your wife is about to undergo surgery, and she is carrying your child. Don't you think that you should, I don't know, wait for her to get out of surgery? Pretend to care?"

"Of course I care!" Derek shouted. He immediately felt guilty, and his eyes became sad as she continued. "She doesn't want me."

"Of course she does…" Addison started.

"Addison, did you not just here her? It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that the last word of her sentence was 'here'. She was trying to say 'I don't want you here.' She doesn't want me Addie. I ruined our marriage by not telling her about Rose, and now she doesn't want me around at all."

"Derek, she has a concussion, she has a brain injury," Addison said gently. "She's probably confused, and I'm sure she wants you to be with her."

"Addison, if she was confused, she would want me there, because she wouldn't have remembered how a messed everything up. But she doesn't so she knew what she was saying." Derek sighed, and felt the tears build in his eyes. He didn't know what he would do if Meredith asked for a divorce, she was his whole life.

"She was going to call you tonight." Addison said quietly. Derek looked up at her in disbelief, and Addison nodded and continued. "She was. We were talking, and she said she wanted to talk to you tonight about meeting up some time this week. She wanted to tell you about the baby, and try and figure out what she should do and how to make it work. And I didn't push her to talk to you either. She mentioned it herself, I didn't have to drop any hints. She misses you Derek; she was crying to Cristina the other night because she didn't know if she could be with you anymore, but she still loved you and didn't know how to reconcile the two feelings. So Derek, I'm going to go with my gut and say that if she was really scared or worried about the baby, she would want you here, ruined marriage or no."

Derek sighed, allowing himself to feel a little hopeful. Maybe he could save them and their relationship. Maybe not all of it right away, but there was something still there, and he could try.

"Please Derek, sit in the lobby and wait with me?" Addison asked, reaching her hand out for Derek.

With a small smile, he nodded, taking her hand so she could lead him to the waiting room to wait for updates on his wife.


	36. Chapter 36

_**A/N: Hi everyone, I thought I would post today because I'm not sure how much time I'll have to write over the next week, so I thought I would give you an update. This update may upset some of you, but it puts Meredith and Derek on the road to recovery, so I hope you won't hate me too much!**_

**Chapter 36**

Derek waited with Addison for four hours, getting increasingly more worried as time passed. Dr. Springer promised to update him frequently, and she did, at least in the early stages of the surgery. An intern was sent out when they first opened Meredith up, letting him know that everything looked good so far and she was stable. He was updated again about forty five minutes later when Springer had located the rupture, and the intern once again assured him that Meredith and the fetus were stable. But after that, nothing. And no updates were never a good thing. It either meant that an unexpected complication had occurred, or the patient had died. So Derek was worried.

"Derek, will you please stop pacing," Addison said from her seat. She hadn't even looked at Derek; she was flipping through a magazine while he burned a hole in the ground. "She's fine."

"You don't know that Addie," Derek snapped. "We haven't been updated in almost three hours. That is not a good sign."

"Derek, you need to calm down."

"I'll calm down when I know she's okay."

"Fine," Addison sighed, giving up trying to reason with him and return to her magazine.

After what felt like an eternity, Dr. Springer emerged. She was flanked by two people, the intern who had updated them on Meredith's progress during the beginning of her surgery, and a woman who Derek vaguely recognized. He had to think about it for a minute before he put the pieces together; it was Dr. Scopes, the head of OB/GYN and Neonatal Departments, as well as Addison's mentor. She was the best on the East Coast; she was in her fifties with an athletic build and short greying hair. She always seemed to have headline making stories and surgeries coming into the hospital, and was always being interviewed for medical journals and such. As they approached, Derek nudged Addison, who looked in the direction Derek had indicated with his head, and immediately stood up.

Derek stared desperately at the doctors in front of him before one spoke.

"She's stable," Dr. Springer said, smiling gently at him, but there was pity in her eyes that Derek didn't quite understand. "She's just been moved back to her room for Recovery, and she should be waking up in about ten minutes."

Derek let out a sigh of relief, his heart soaring as he moved to hug the doctors. "Thank you, thank you so much."

Dr. Springer stepped away from Derek. "However, there were complications." With that, Derek felt like he was going to be sick. They told him she was stable, but there were complications? He didn't understand; he began going through all of the potential problems. She may have had a seizure or actually had a brain injury, or she could be paralyzed, or they may have had to remove the spleen entirely, along with additional organs. Derek shook his head, trying to push the worried thoughts from his mind.

Dr. Scopes the stepped forward. "As you know, surgery during a pregnancy is risky, especially early in the first trimester. The fetus started to show some distress during the surgery, and we were able to stabilize it for a while, but the stress of the surgery was too much. I'm sorry.'

"So," Derek said slowly, trying to understand what had happened. Addison put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed reassuringly, but Derek didn't really process it. "Meredith is fine, but the baby didn't survive?"

Dr. Scopes nodded gravely. "I am so sorry for your loss. But, Meredith is fine. The miscarriage did not damage or severely affect her reproductive organs, so she will be just fine."

Derek could only nod, completely numb. He didn't think that he could feel any more pain then he did when Meredith left him, or earlier today when she was wheeled in on the stretcher. But he was wrong, this felt so much worse. The child he had known about for only six hours, the child that Meredith had hidden from him, was dead. And with it, at least in Derek's mind, went his marriage to Meredith. She had no reason to stay with him, to be in his life, now that their baby was dead. If she didn't want him, she could leave, no strings attached. And Derek didn't think he could handle losing his wife and child in the same day.

"She's in room 2348," Dr. Scopes continued, completely unaware of Derek's freak out. "Would you like us to take you to her?"

Addison looked at Derek, and deciding that he wasn't going to answer, turned back to her mentor and smiled. "That's alright Dr. Scopes; we know how to get there."

"Oh right, of course," Dr. Scopes smiled. Her pager went off, and she turned to leave. "I'll see you both later."

Once the three doctors had left, Addison turned to Derek. "Come on, let's go see how she's doing." She grabbed his hand, but Derek shook her off.

"No," Derek shook his head.

"What do you mean no?" Addison snapped. "Your wife is going to wake up from surgery and want you there."

"No she won't," Derek said morosely. "She didn't even tell me about the baby. She's not going to wake up and want me there when the doctor tells her it's dead. And she didn't want me there earlier."

"For the hundredth time, she has a concussion! She's confused and she didn't know what she was saying. Go to her!"

"I can't Addison," Derek said softly, looking defeated. "I just can't."

"So what are you going to do? Go home and pretend you don't know she's hurt?"

"No, I'm going to wait right here, but you are going to go wait for her to wake up."

Addison's eyes narrowed in confusion. "What? Why?"

"Because she doesn't deserve to wake up alone. She deserves to have someone with her when she wakes up, and I'm not sure she's going to want me, so please go in my place," Derek was begging now, actually begging, and Addison felt sympathy.

"Am I allowed to tell her you're here?" Addison asked.

"Yes, of course," Derek nodded. "If she asks, please tell her that I'm in the lobby and that I want to see her, but I won't force myself on her."

Addison fought the urge to roll her eyes at Derek's words and just nodded. "I can do that for you. Expect a text from me in about ten minutes when Meredith is desperate to see her husband."

Derek nodded, but did not seem confident in Addison's words, but she smiled and headed towards the elevators to go and sit with Meredith; hoping that she really would want Derek there.

When she entered, the room was empty save the girl lying on the bed and the nurse. The nurse was checking Meredith's vital signs, and smiled as Addison walked in the room.

"How is she doing?" Addison asked the nurse softly.

"Everything looks great," the woman responded, finishing her notes. "The anesthesia has been wearing off. She's woken up briefly three times, so I'm going to assume it's going to stick very soon. Will you be sitting with her?"

Addison nodded. "Yes, I will be."

"Alright, just page the doctors when she wakes up so they can come talk to her about her surgery," the nurse replied before stepping out of the room. Addison pulled up a chair and sat by Meredith's bed, picking up her magazine to pass the time,

Soon, she saw movement on the bed. Addison looked up expectantly as Meredith's eyes fluttered open. At first, it looked as though they were going to close again, but soon, they lost their glassy gaze and looked straight ahead before turning towards Addison.

"Wh-what?" Meredith choked out, her throat dry from the tube that had been inserted during surgery.

"We were in a car accident Meredith, and you needed surgery," Addison said slowly.

Meredith nodded, concentrating on putting the pieces together. As she did, she remembered the last time she was in the hospital. It was almost two years ago, but there was a major difference: Derek. He wasn't here now, and Meredith wasn't sure that he knew what happened.

"Derek?" Meredith said softly, and Addison's eyes softened more than they already had.

"He's in the waiting room. He didn't want to bother you because he knows you want space, but he'll be here if you need him to be." Addison was silent for a moment, thinking about her words before continuing. "Meredith, I think you should let him see you. He's a wreck, and he is so worried about you with everything…" Addison's voice trailed off, but Meredith didn't miss the way her eyes had flickered to her stomach.

"Is the baby okay?" Meredith asked, afraid to know the answer.

"Meredith, I just paged your doctors, they'll be here soon," Addison said gently, but this only made Meredith feel worse.

The two sat there in silence until Dr. Springer and Dr. Scope arrived, both smiling at Meredith and commenting on how glad they were that she was awake.

"Meredith," Dr. Springer began. "When you came in, you presented with a mild concussion and a potential splenic rupture. However, due to your pregnancy we were unable to do a CT to confirm it, so I had to go in blind. Dr. Scopes accompanied me on the procedure to monitor the fetus. Your spleen had been lacerated and ruptured in the car crash, but I was able to repair it, and you should be fine in two to three weeks."

Meredith nodded, but her thought was only on one thing: her baby. "How was the baby during surgery?"

Dr. Scopes gave her a sad smile, and Meredith knew what was coming. Dr. Scopes wouldn't have to say it, Meredith could feel it, and it was enough to bring tears to her eyes. "The fetus was doing well in the early stages of surgery, but eventually it went into distress. I was able to stabilize it for a while, but it could not handle the stress of the surgery. I'm so sorry Meredith."

At that, she let out a gasp and a loud sob, her hand once again returning to rest on her stomach, where her child was no longer housed. She felt incredible guilt; she hadn't been able to protect her baby and keep it safe. She nodded at her doctors, just wanting to be alone.

"Thank you," she whispered, not trusting her voice to become any louder.

"We'll be back in a few hours to check on you," Dr. Springer said before exiting the room.

As the door shut, Meredith burst into tears, mourning the loss of her child. This was the second time she had lost a baby, and even though the first time was by choice, it didn't make the pain any less. As she cried, Derek's face flashed across her mind, making her gasp. _Does he even know? _She thought. _Oh God, I never told him. _She turned to look at Addison, her eyes wide with desperation.

"Does…Derek…know?" Meredith managed between sobs.

Addison nodded slowly. "He found out just before you were wheeled into surgery."

"Is he mad? Does he hate me?"

"No Meredith, he doesn't."

"But he's not here!" Meredith said, picturing Derek, angry and hurt, waiting to yell at her.

"Do you want me to get him?"

Meredith nodded vigorously. "I need Derek! I need him…"

Addison stood up, reaching for Meredith's hand and giving it a squeeze. "I'll go get him Meredith; he'll be here soon."

Meredith continued to cry and hyperventilate for what seemed like an hour before the door opened again. Derek had rushed in, turning to face her and study her. Meredith looked for any signs of anger or betrayal in his expression, but found none, only worry.

"Mer," he said quietly, stepping towards the bed tentatively.

"You know about the baby?" Meredith asked, working to keep her voice even.

She saw pain cross his eyes before he answered. "Yes," he said. "I found out."

This was all too much for Meredith, and she began to cry loudly again. "Meredith?" Derek asked, taking another step closer to the bed. "What's wrong?"

"I'm so sorry!" she cried. "I should have told you about the baby, but now it's too late and it's dead and you probably hate me for leaving you with the baby and not telling you about it until after it's died!" She buried her face in her hands, failing miserably to control her breathing.

Next thing she knew, she was surrounded by a pair of strong arms, and instinctively sank into Derek's embrace. He kissed the top of her head and held her while she cried. She was so unbelievably sad, but at the same time, she had never felt more safe.

Eventually, her sobs became more manageable. Derek pulled away from her briefly, though her arms remained around her. Meredith looked up in shock, afraid that he was going to let her go and leave her. She saw the pain in his eyes again, and her fear grew.

"Is this okay Meredith?" he asked, giving her a squeeze to let her know he was referring to him holding her.

Meredith immediately nodded, burying her head back into his shoulder as tears began to fall again. He eased them back, so they were lying down, and Meredith instinctively curled into him, relying on Derek to comfort and protect her. And she couldn't help but hope that, despite all of their recent problems, they would be alright.

_**A/N: I know, I know, I pulled a Shonda with the miscarriage, and I'm sorry! My original plan was to have the baby miscarry, but then I tried to alter the story and allowing the baby to live, but it didn't work as well, and didn't allow for Meredith and Derek to have the talk they needed to have. Though, I do promise that Meredith will not have a problem getting pregnant in the future, and there may be McDreamy babies at some point in this story ;) Please stick with me, and let me know what you think!**_


	37. Chapter 37

**_A/N: Thanks for the amazing reviews everyone! I hope you enjoy this chapter, and happy Grey's day!_**

**Chapter 37**

It had been a week since Meredith's car accident and surgery, a week since she had lost the baby, and it was time for her to be released. Derek was supposed to meet Dr. Springer in Meredith's room in about twenty minutes, sign the discharge papers, and take her home. And he was terrified.

When he had come to her room after she woke up from her surgery and found her crying, he had held her for hours. She had cried herself to exhaustion, eventually falling asleep in his arms. And while, for a few minutes, he was extremely happy to be holding her again, he had to let her go, and had moved to sit in a chair next to her bed rather than lie there with her. He still wasn't sure where he stood with Meredith at the moment, and he hadn't wanted to confuse her or push her into something she didn't want.

But though he had taken a step back, he still hovered, just not in an obvious way. He stopped in to check on her a few times a day, usually between surgeries and checking on patients. And though the brief, stilted, awkward conversations made him cringe in comparison to the way they used to talk, he was happy she was getting better. He slept in her room every night; slipping in when she was asleep and leaving each morning before she was awoken by early morning rounds, cherishing the moments he had with her.

He didn't know where he stood with Meredith. He wasn't sure if she wanted to come home with him, or if she still wanted space, so he had given Addison a heads up the day before that he might be paging her to take Meredith home with her. She had scoffed at him and rolled her eyes, saying it wasn't going to happen. This had made him feel a little better, but Derek refused to be excited about having Meredith home in case it didn't happen. He glanced up at the clock in his office, sighed deeply, and moved towards Meredith's room.

When he arrived at her room, he found Dr. Springer already there waiting for him. He greeted the doctor before his gaze shifted to Meredith, who was looking up at him, giving him a slight smile. He returned her smile warmly, his eyes scanning her body appreciatively. It still baffled him how easily she could make sweatpants and a tee shirt look sexy, but then again, he always found her incredibly hot. When he moved back up to look at her face, her smile was gone, and her expression unreadable. His smile fell from his face as he remembered that he didn't know where his marriage stood, so maybe he shouldn't stare. Instead, he turned towards Dr. Springer. "How is she doing?"

"Everything looks good," the woman smiled. "She's almost ready to go home. However, Meredith's stitches don't come out for another week, and I don't want her overexerting or overstretching in case they tear. Is there anyone to stay at home with her for the first week?"

Meredith's head whipped towards Derek, her eyes wide. He knew she didn't want to stay here any longer, and he wanted to help her out.

"We've got it covered," Derek said firmly.

Dr. Springer scribbled something on Meredith's chart. "All right then, I'm going to drop the discharge papers off at the nurses' station for you to sign when you're ready, and you'll be good to go. Good luck with everything Meredith."

Meredith and Derek murmured their thanks, and were left in silence as the doctor left. Neither one knew what to say to the other, but Derek thought it might be best if he got straight to the point.

"Do you want me to page Addison?" Derek said abruptly, wanting to know what was going on in Meredith's head.

Meredith's eyes narrowed in response. "Why would you page Addison?" she snapped hotly.

"Well I wasn't… I didn't know if you were going to stay at home or with her, so I told her I would page her to take you home if needed," Derek said carefully, not wanting to assume things one way or the other.

Meredith's eyes widened, and she looked hurt, "You don't want me to come home?" she asked, tears welling in her eyes.

"No!" Derek said quickly, moving towards the bed where she was perched. "Of course I want you to come home! I've missed you so much, and I want you to come back so badly. But I don't want to force you into something just because you're hurt and need help for a while. I don't want you to come home if it will only make you miserable and unhappy."

Meredith shook her head adamantly. "I want to come home," she said. "You…I just… I want… I need to go home," she stuttered. "You'll be there right?"

Derek's expression melted into a smile. "As long as you want me," he promised.

"I do," Meredith responded quickly before turning red.

Derek nodded slowly, his smile fixed on his face. "Alright, well I'm going to sign your discharge papers, and then I have to go tell the chief that I'm taking a week off. I'll be back in about twenty minutes okay?"

Meredith nodded her consent and Derek left her room, still grinning. After a brief conversation with the chief and signing Meredith's discharge papers, Derek rushed back to her room, finding Meredith already in her wheelchair, looking down at her lap.

"Ready to go?" Derek asked, grabbing a bag he had packed for her that was sitting on the bed and moving behind the chair.

"Yup," Meredith answered, still looking at her lap.

He knew Meredith was embarrassed about being wheeled around the hospital, so he tried to make their journey as fast as possible. As they neared the entrance of the hospital, Meredith turned to look at him.

"So, are we hailing a cab or taking the subway today?" she asked.

"Neither," Derek answered, causing Meredith's brow to wrinkle in confusion. "I drove to work today because you were getting discharged."

"Oh," Meredith said softly. "You didn't have to do that."

"I know I didn't, I chose to," Derek said simply.

"But still, it's such a hassle," Meredith responded. She was right, it was a hassle. They each had a car, but they spent about ninety-five percent of the year sitting in the parking garage next to their building. Both Derek and Meredith found it very inconvenient to try and drive around the city when they could walk or take the subway cheaply enough, or hail a taxi if the trip was long; with all the traffic and the difficulty parking, it just wasn't worth it. The only time they ever drove was to visit Derek's family in Connecticut. However, Derek felt that for Meredith's trip home from the hospital, she deserved the privacy and comfort she couldn't get in the subway, or even a taxi.

"I know, but you're worth it," he joked. Meredith gave him a small smile before turning away once again.

Stopping right before the glass doors signaling the exit; he stepped in front of her and squeezed her shoulder. "I'll be right back," Derek promised as he ran to the garage to get his car.

When he pulled around front, he saw Meredith talking to someone on the phone, and decided to wait in the car until she was finished, not wanting to interrupt. As Meredith hung up, he stepped out, grabbing her hand to help her onto her feet.

"Who was that?" he asked, hoping she wouldn't think he was being nosy.

"You're mother," Meredith answered. "She just wanted to make sure they were letting me leave today. She wants to have lunch with me within the next couple of weeks, and she told me to tell you to find something else to do that day, because apparently it's going to be a girls day," Meredith rolled her eyes at the end of the sentence but laughed, which made Derek smile.

"Well, if you're going to be with my mother, I suppose I can stay away for an afternoon," he replied, helping her into the car.

Their car ride was silent. Meredith stared out the window while Derek concentrated on navigating through the streets. He could tell that Meredith was getting more agitated as they got closer to their apartment, she started ringing her hands more and more, seemingly unable to sit still. After Derek parked, they slowly made their way to the lobby and into the elevator.

"So," Derek said as the elevator doors closed. "I can have Addison bring by your stuff if you want. "I know you have some clothes left here, but I'm sure you took all your favorite stuff when you…" Derek trailed off, not wanting to finish the phrase. It still hurt that she left him, even if it was just temporary, but he also didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable or unwelcome.

"Umm, that would be nice. Thank you," Meredith said softly, turning away from him. Derek cursed himself silently; he shouldn't have brought it up. He knew he had just hurt her, and that was the last thing he wanted.

Derek unlocked their apartment and let Meredith enter first. She walked in slowly, surveying the apartment as she went, as if trying to see if anything had changed. After finishing her tour, she moved towards the hallway where there bedroom was, turning to Derek.

"I was kind of hoping to take a nap for a little while if that's alright?" Meredith asked, looking at him with hesitation.

"Of course you can," Derek said quickly, trying to ignore the fact that his heart was sinking. He had hoped that now that she was back, she would want to talk. He tried to remind himself that she had just had surgery and lost a baby, which was a lot to process, and they could put off talking for a few hours. Derek forced a smile onto his face as he continued. "You can do anything you want."

"Thank you," she said, turning around and moving towards their room. As he watched her, the problem of sleeping arrangements popped into his head, and he decided that if they wouldn't talk about important things right now, they could at least talk about that.

"Mer?" he said cautiously as he followed her, stopping in front of their bedroom door. "Uh, you can have the bed, I can keep sleeping in the office," he said, hoping he sounded smooth.

"No, you don't have to do that," Meredith responded, looking a little scared.

"Well, I'm not going to let you sleep on the pull out couch in your condition," Derek scoffed.

Meredith gave him a small eye roll, but when she spoke, her voice was soft and timid. "No, I was um…I was thinking that , if-if you wanted to, that is, we could sh-share the bed." She quickly looked down, as if afraid of her reaction.

Derek tried to control the grin threatening to break out on his face. "Oh, okay. As long as you're sure?" he asked.

"I'm sure," Meredith nodded.

"Then it's fine by me," Derek smiled, reaching around Meredith to open the door for her. "I'll let you sleep."

"Thanks," she smiled gratefully.

"You're welcome. Have a nice nap."

"Thanks," she breathed before entering the dark room and shutting the door.

About forty-five minutes later, Addison stopped by with Meredith's things.

"How's she doing," Addison asked as Derek led her into the living room.

"She's alright, she's sleeping right now."

"Have you guys talked about anything yet?"

"No, not really," Derek sighed.

"What?" Addison asked incredulously. "How have you not talked to her yet? Are you guys going to pretend that this thing never happened? That you never cheated on her, that she didn't get pregnant, and that she didn't lose that baby?"

When Addison mentioned the baby, his chest tightened. Even if he had only known for a few hours, losing the baby hurt him so much, and he couldn't even imagine what Meredith was going through right now.

"No, we aren't going to pretend like nothing happened," Derek hissed, trying to not wake up Meredith. "But she's physically and emotionally drained, she asked if she could take a nap, and I let her. I know we have to talk about all of this, I know this is a huge mess, and we _will _sort it out. But I don't want to push her right now. She just got home after losing the baby and being gone for weeks, so I want to make her comfortable before we go dragging ourselves through the mud trying to work everything out."

Addison opened her mouth like she wanted to say more, but then closed it, clearly changing her mind. "Fine, sorry I intruded," she nodded, moving towards the door.

"Addie?" Derek said, and Addison turned to face him. "Who else knew about the baby?"

She gave him a sympathetic smile. "I think just Cristina and Izzie."

Derek nodded. "Did she want to keep it?" He wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer to that question, but he knew he _needed _to know, even if he didn't want to. It would change how he approached the situation with Meredith, if he knew whether they were ever going to be a family.

"Derek…" Addison began. "That's something you should ask Meredith."

"I know," he said. "And I will too, but Addison, I need to know now. It's been killing me, and I need to know. I don't want to wake her, but I can't wait much longer to find out."

Addison looked at him with pity. "She never nailed down what she was going to do," Addison said slowly, choosing her words carefully. Derek felt tears well up in his eyes, assuming the worst from what she had said so far. "She was waffling between getting rid of it and keeping it," Addison continued. "But, I'm almost positive she was going to keep it. She took care of herself, cutting out coffee and eating right. She kept saying she wasn't sure what she was going to do, but I could tell she would keep it. She loved the baby, and even if it wasn't planned, that baby was very much wanted by her." Addison gave him a sad smile. "So, don't forget to let her grieve a little to, because I'm sure she's heartbroken."

Derek nodded, tears threatening to roll down his face. "Thanks Addie," he said softly.

She nodded and let herself out, leaving Derek standing in the living room. He collapsed on the couch behind him, leaning his head in his hands. He cried quietly, letting the tears roll down his cheeks. He hadn't wanted to cry before because he hadn't been sure that he would have had the chance to be a father even if the baby hadn't died in surgery. But after what Addison had told him, he knew; he would have been a father. Even if Meredith didn't want him anymore, they would have been parents; he would have had a child.

He let himself cry for about twenty minutes, and when he finally was done, he looked around the room. Noticing Meredith's duffle bag and backpack sitting on a chair in the living room, he decided to bring it to the hallway by their room so he would remember to give it to her when she woke up. As he placed the bags by the door, he heard a sob come from inside. He waited a moment, and then heard another. She had been crying, and he hadn't known for how long. Addison's voice rang through his head _let her grieve. _He wanted to help her in any way he could. He grabbed the doorknob and turned it tentatively, hoping that Meredith hadn't locked him out again. But the door opened easily, and he stared into the dark room. Meredith was lying in the fetal position, her back turned towards him, and she was crying, a lot.

"Mer," he said quietly. "Are you okay?"

He watched her shake her head and let out a muffled "No."

"What are you thinking about?" he asked, stepping closer to the bed.

Meredith didn't answer for a minute. "The baby," she moaned, and gasped as another sob racked her body. "Our baby is dead!"

"Oh Mer," he sighed, sitting on the bed and running his fingers through her hair once; she didn't protest.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.

"No," she responded sadly.

"Do you want to take your mind off it?" he asked, wanting to try anyway to make her feel better.

"No," Meredith said firmly.

Derek's heart sunk a little. He wanted to help her, but he didn't know how. Maybe she didn't want him here, he thought. Maybe he should leave her alone.

"Do you want me to leave you alone?" He asked.

She didn't respond immediately, but after a few moments her body shifted. "No," she whispered.

Derek smiled sadly at his wife's back before lying down next to her. His body curved into Meredith's so that he was spooning her, and he wrapped his arms around her stomach, squeezing her gently so as not to hurt her incision. Almost desperately, she grasped his hands, holding them tightly as they continued to hold her. He kissed the back of her neck and continued to let her cry, knowing that they would talk about everything once they had started to mourn their baby.


	38. Chapter 38

_**A/N: I hate to say it, but we're almost done with this story. I've run out of ideas and there are two stories in my brain that I really want to write, so after this chapter, there will be four more and an epilogue, so 43 chapters total. In this update, Meredith and Derek will finally talk it all out, I hope you enjoy it!**_

**Chapter 38**

Meredith stretched languidly and opened her eyes slowly so as to not be blinded by any light. The orange sunlight drifted through the blinds in the bedroom, and Meredith scanned the room quickly, relief flooding her. She was finally back in her own bed, her nice, soft, comfortable bed in the apartment she shared with Derek. Derek. Where was he? Meredith looked around, not finding any trace of her husband in their room. She looked outside again, and was a little disoriented. She had cried herself to sleep in Derek's arms again for the second time in a week, but she wasn't sure when she fell asleep or how long she was out. She glanced at the simple digital clock on her nightstand, 6:59. But, that could be either am or pm; it was fall, so the sun was rising later and setting early, leaving her completely unaware as to what time of day it was.

She sat up in bed, trying hard to concentrate on what she could remember happening after her breakdown and Derek comforting her. She woke up briefly twice; the first time, Derek wasn't lying next to her, but standing in front of her placing a bottle of water on the nightstand. He had smiled sadly at her, and wordlessly climbed back into bed to hold her. It was definitely daylight that time, she decided. She had woken up again, but she must have moved around while sleeping because her head was buried in Derek's chest, and she hadn't wanted to move to see what time it was. So, she just closed her eyes and slipped back into unconsciousness.

But now, she was wide awake and refreshed, and decided to look for Derek. She knew that they had a lot to talk about, and a lot to work through and explain, and since she was back in their apartment, she figured it would be best to do it sooner rather than later.

As she got out of bed, she realized she was still wearing the same clothes she had worn when being discharged from the hospital. She stripped out of her jeans and sweater, opting for a more comfortable pear of sweatpants and a long sleeve tee shirt. She then brushed her hair, studying herself closely in the mirror before finally deciding to leave her bedroom.

She found Derek busy in the kitchen; apparently it was some sort of meal time. He turned to face her as she stumbled in, giving her a tentative smile.

"Hey," he said as he grabbed plates from one of the cabinets.

"Hi," she replied. "How long was I asleep?"

"Umm," Derek began, glancing at the clock quickly. "About twenty hours." He smiled in amusement when he saw Meredith's shocked expression.

"I've been asleep almost an entire day?" Meredith exclaimed incredulously

"Yup, it's seven thirty in the morning," Derek confirmed with a smile.

"Oh," Meredith said, and the conversation came to a halt, neither one knowing what to say. Meredith figured that she would have to be the one to bring up their status. So as Derek brought over her favorite breakfast food, pancakes, she sat down and looked up at him.

"I think we should maybe talk," Meredith said cautiously.

She saw Derek tense, his lips forming a thin line. "Sure," he said, moving to place the pan in the sink before joining her at the kitchen table.

"So," Derek started. "Do you want to talk about us first, or the baby?"

Meredith's stomach clenched as she thought of the baby, and she inhaled deeply. "Us. Definitely us."

Derek nodded his agreement before opening his mouth. "Mer, I'm really sorry I didn't tell you about what happened with Rose. If I could take it all back I would, but I can't, so I'm just going to apologize. I love you, and I still want to be with you, and I'm not letting you go without a fight, unless you really want to go."

Meredith paused, figuring out how to say what she wanted. "I don't like that you didn't tell me. I get why you didn't, but I still wish you had. It makes me feel like you don't trust me, like you didn't think I trusted you enough to know how you feel about me. And had you told me right away, I would have been mad at first. I'm sure I would have freaked out, but I would have gotten over it relatively quickly. I would have believed you Derek, but you didn't trust me to, and that hurt more than that kiss with the nurse." Tears were welling in her eyes, but she couldn't do anything to stop them. Derek's head dropped down to his hands, where he rubbed his temples before looking back up at her. When he did, his eyes were sad, and he looked like he was about to break.

"So what does this mean?" He asked her, his voice filled with sorrow.

"I-I I'm not sure," Meredith admitted quietly, and Derek's face became sadder than Meredith had ever thought possible. "I know that right now, I don't think I trust you. Secrets aren't okay Derek, and we've never kept secrets about big things from each other." Derek nodded sadly, and she saw him pulling away from her emotionally, so she knew she had to say what she meant, and say it fast. "But, at the same time, I hurt you too Derek. I just up and left you really early in the morning rather than sticking it out. And I'm sorry for that. There was a lot going on with me, as you know, but that's still no excuse. I disappeared on you, and I'm sorry. Can you forgive me?" She stared at him with wide eyes as Derek's face shot up, looking at her with a bewildered expression on his face, like that was the last thing he was expecting.

"Of course I forgive you," Derek said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "There's nothing to forgive. I don't like that you left, but I can't say that you were unjustified in doing so. I'm not angry with you about that."

"Are you angry about other things?" Meredith asked, subtly shifting the conversation to the baby.

"In a way, yes," Derek admitted. "But once again, I gave you a perfectly good reason to leave. In a way I can't really blame you."

"But you can be mad at me Der," Meredith pushed.

"We can talk about that next, I thought we were discussing our relationship first," Derek responded.

"Right," Meredith nodded.

"So, where does this leave us Meredith? Because I'm in this as long as you are. I will fight for you. I love you and I will do anything to make this better," Derek said, his eyes pleading with her.

Meredith pursed her lips before speaking, resolved in her decision. "I can't trust you right now," she began, Derek's face falling. "But I love you Derek. That has never been a question. I'm not good with this cheesy romantic crap, but you are my soul mate, and that's never going to change. And though I'm not sure how well this is going to work with me not trusting you, I'm in this too. The post it said no running, the vows said in good times and in bad, and I'm going to stick to that. I love you so much Derek, and I really want to try." Her voice tapered off as she finished speaking, and the irrational part of her brain was worried that Derek may have changed his mind during her two minute spiel to him. But when she looked into his blue eyes, all she saw was happiness, and extreme love.

"So you still love me?" Derek asked hesitantly.

"Derek, of course," Meredith answered firmly, giving him a smile.

"So we're going to stay together?"

"Well, I want to be with you, and learn to trust you again, so I hope so," Meredith said.

"Good," Derek nodded. They sat at the table quietly for a few minutes, before Derek took her hand and squeezed it. "Should we talk about the baby now?"

Meredith gulped. "Yeah, we're talking about everything else, so we might as well."

Derek nodded in response, and Meredith didn't know what to say. She figured he could ask whatever he wanted if he wanted them to talk, she already knew everything.

"So, you found out you were pregnant two weeks ago?" Derek asked, and Meredith studied him closely. He didn't seem cold or angry. Rather, he appeared a little removed or disconnected, like he was telling a patient's family they had done everything they could, but couldn't save them.

"Yeah," Meredith nodded. "The Saturday after our anniversary thing."

"And what was your first reaction?"

"What?" Meredith said, the question catching her completely off guard. She expected him to ask why she left, or didn't tell him until after the fact, but never about her feelings.

"I wasn't there when you found out, and we were apart the week that you knew you were, so I want to know how you felt Meredith. Were you scared? Excited? Did you want to get rid of it?"

"Oh," Meredith whispered. "When I first found out?" Derek nodded his affirmation, so Meredith continued. "Well, at first I was so scared I cried. I mean, I couldn't believe that this had happened. And my first reaction was to get rid of it, because I'm just a student and I still have my internship and residency." She saw Derek flinch when she mentioned an abortion, but she continued. "But after forty-five minutes of freaking out, I started thinking about what it would be like if we kept it. I did the math, and figured it would be born around mid-May, either before or after I graduate. And I wouldn't start my internship for another two months, so I could spend time with the baby, and…" Meredith worked hard to repress the tears filling her eyes and keeping her voice steady, but thinking about what their future could have been like was proving difficult. She stifled a sniffle and kept going. "And you could have watched the baby during the first part of my internship, or we could have put him or her in daycare or something. And I knew it would be hard, but when I thought it through, I thought we might have had a chance to do this. But I needed to be sure. I had to know that you were in or not before I let myself feel anything other than panic. So I went to the hospital."

"And you found out about Rose," Derek mumbled with distain.

"I did," Meredith nodded.

"And how did you feel about the baby after that?" Derek asked, still without any emotion in his voice.

"I-I was so hurt when I found out, and I didn't want anything to do with you right then, so all the plans in my head about what we would do if we had the baby went out the window. I didn't think I could do it alone, so I needed time to think, and I left. I know what it's like to be raised by a single mother, and I didn't want to do that to my child, I couldn't."

"Meredith, it wouldn't have been like your situation," Derek insisted. "I would have been there."

"I know," she said quietly. "But I for the first couple of days after I left, I wasn't sure if I wanted the baby or not, I just didn't think I could handle it."

"So you were going to get rid of it?" Derek said, and for the first time, there was a hint of emotion in his voice. It was accusatory, and Meredith didn't like it.

"I thought about it at first," Meredith said, going on the defensive. "But as time went on, I just… I couldn't do it. It was ours and-" Meredith let a small sob out as the tears overflowed, and Derek gave her a look of sympathy. "It was ours, and I like to think that it was made out of love, because I love you so much, and even if I could never forgive you, or we couldn't work it out, I loved the baby, and it would have been a reminder of how much we loved each other."

"Oh, Mer," Derek sighed, getting out of his chair and moving to the one next to her, pulling her into a hug. Kissing her forehead, he whispered soothing words to her. "We would have been amazing parents."

Meredith nodded, pulling away from him to wipe her eyes. "I just didn't realize how badly I wanted a baby or to be a mom until I actually got pregnant."

"You want to be a mom?" Derek said, his voice smiling in hope.

Meredith looked away from him, but nodded. She didn't want to tell him that she didn't think she would ever be one, but she knew that if the universe ever decided to stop hating her, she wanted a baby with him.

"Mer, if you want a baby now, we can try for one. I would love for us to be parents." Derek grabbed her hands, but Meredith pulled away.

"No," Meredith said. "It was relatively convenient timing the first time, if we tried now it wouldn't be." Derek looked dismayed, but Meredith continued, getting everything off her chest. "Plus, I'm pretty sure God or karma or the universe or whatever doesn't want me to be a mother. They know it'll end badly and it'll mess the kid up."

Derek looked confused. "You wouldn't be a terrible mother," he insisted. "But why do you think God doesn't want you to have a baby?"

"Because!" Meredith exclaimed. "I already aborted my first one, and my second one died because I got in a car accident. Yes, the first one was my choice and I know it was the right decision for me, but our baby was taken from me, and I think it's a sign."

Meredith squeaked as Derek pulled her to him again, holding her tightly. "It is _not _a sign," he said firmly before kissing her on the lips. "As long as you want a baby, I will make sure we become parents. You will be the most amazing mom, and I'll be a fantastic dad." Meredith smiled slightly at his cocky statement, and he continued. "If you don't want a baby now, I understand. You have your internship and career to think about, and the wounds are too fresh. I understand that, and I love you more for it because it shows how much you wanted our baby, and how much you loved it. But the minute you say the word, as soon as you want to start trying, we will. And I do literally mean the minute you give the okay," he raised his eyebrows at his last statement, accentuating the sexual meaning, eliciting a small giggle from her. He smiled broadly at her laugh as he kissed her cheek. He looked deeply into her eyes, pressing his forehead against hers. "I love you, so much," he said seriously, his gaze so intense that Meredith had to look down for a moment.

"I love you too," Meredith answered. "I don't trust you right now, and you hurt me by not telling me, but I love you too."

"We'll be okay," Derek stated.

"We will be," Meredith confirmed as she pulled him to her, wanting nothing more than for him to hold her.


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter 39**

"How are you feeling Meredith?" Carolyn asked as she sat down. Derek was at the hospital for another few hours, and Carolyn had called Meredith and asked if she could come over for lunch so they could talk. Meredith adored the woman, and even if things were still rocky with Derek, she would never say no.

It had been a few months since the car accident, and though things were definitely better, they were not perfect. Meredith felt like she was still walking on eggshells around him, and had found herself talking about some things while completely avoiding other topics.

"It's going alright. I'm coping I guess," Meredith responded. Derek had called Carolyn when she had been discharged, and had told her about the baby, which led to the conversation as to why Meredith hadn't been living with Derek at the time. She knew his mom was disappointed in him, but proud of the two of them for trying to work it out.

"Are you two talking?" Carolyn pressed.

"We've talked about the baby and stuff. He was really strong in the beginning and when I first came home, he let me cry all I wanted and he just held me, but I don't think he really took any of that time to feel sad himself. Or if he is, he isn't letting me see it, I woke up in the middle of the night last week to him sobbing next to me. I kind of acted like he does when I'm upset, I was there for him and stuff, and he says he's fine now, but I don't think I believe him."

"Mhmm," Carolyn murmured, sipping her tea. "And is this a common thing, you not believing Derek."

Carolyn's tone made Meredith blush. She had known Carolyn for almost six years, and she thought of her as a second mother, but this woman was Derek's real mother. Her tone was somewhat accusatory, and that made Meredith snap back to reality; she was not free to say whatever she wanted to her. Carolyn was Derek's mom, and she would always want to see the best in him, and probably not want to hear his wife criticize him.

"I mean," Meredith stuttered, trying to cover her tracks. "I do believe him, or I try to. But just not about this. Because I'm not okay, and I knew about the baby. And he found out right before surgery, and then it died, so I don't believe that he's fine with that and-"

"Meredith," Carolyn said softly, cutting off.

"Yes?" Meredith gulped.

"It's okay not to trust him right now. I just want to know, did you trust him before your anniversary?"

"Of course I did!" Meredith said immediately. "I trusted him with everything I had. We wouldn't have been together, and I definitely wouldn't have married him if I didn't."

Carolyn smiled at her. "Well, as long as you trusted him before, that's all that matters. I don't condone what he did, and I believe that it was very wrong of him to hide that from you. And it's okay if you don't trust him right now, but I hope that you are at least trying to. Because, though I know Derek made a terrible mistake, I know my son, and he feels terribly. And he will continue to do so until he believes that you've forgiven him and trust him again. He loves you very much, and even if you don't trust anything else he says, trust that he loves you."

Meredith was tearing up, and all she could do was nod in response to Carolyn's speech. Desperately wanting to change the subject from anything Derek and baby related, she thought hard about anything else that could be a conversation topic.

"I'm starting to apply for internships," Meredith blurted suddenly.

Carolyn raised her eyebrows in interest. "Oh, I went through that will all of my children, as you know. How is that going? Are you overwhelmed yet?"

"A little," Meredith admitted. "I'm just not sure where to apply. Of course I'm applying to places in New York so we can stay close by, but I'm thinking about other places as well. A part of me wants to work in Boston like my mother did and where I grew up, but I don't think I can. I mean, Derek is establishing himself here; he just got the job at Mt. Sinai four months ago, and wouldn't be fair to make him pack up and leave. Plus you're all here, and I'm not sure if I want to leave you guys either. And I haven't figured out a way to broach the subject to him yet because I don't want him to get mad, so this entire thing is really stressful."

"Maybe you should talk to Derek about it," Carolyn suggested. "I love having all of my children close by, but if it's something you want Meredith, you should be allowed to consider it. And if this turns out to be something that you really want, Derek will take it to heart."

Meredith nodded, unsure how to respond. Fortunately, Carolyn moved to grab her purse and stand up.

"It's been lovely visiting with you dear, but I'm afraid I must go. Kathleen is working late tonight, so I promised to pick the kids up from school and make them dinner," Carolyn said, enveloping Meredith in a tight hug. "And try talking to him, he may surprise you."

"I will, thanks for stopping bye," Meredith said as she opened the door for her mother in law.

After Carolyn left, Meredith decided to put on a movie in order to pass the time. It would give her time to think about whether it was worth it to bring up the subject of moving to Derek. As much as she loved New York, the thought of going somewhere else for her residency excited her. However, she and Derek still had some things that they had to work on to make their marriage as strong as it was. And moving themselves four hours away from the place that they lived throughout their entire relationship had both pros and cons. Plus, Derek was very protective of his family; he was the man of the house, and probably wouldn't want to move. So, she had to think about whether or not this was even worth it.

About a half an hour into her movie, the phone for their apartment rang.

"That's weird," Meredith said aloud as she got up to answer it. They really only had the phone for show, if anyone needed to reach her or Derek, they would be better trying their cell phones.

As she reached for the phone, she decided to check the caller ID display. She became more confused when she saw that the number came from the Mass Gen. She only knew one person who worked there: her mother. And it didn't seem all that likely that her mom would use her office phone to call Meredith, she would just use her cell.

"Hello," Meredith said tentatively into the phone.

"Hello, this is Massachusetts General Hospital calling, is this Meredith Grey," a feminine voice filled the other line, one Meredith didn't recognize.

"Yes, yes it is," Meredith answered.

"Hi, my name is Doctor Christine Jenson, and I believe you are the emergency contact person for Dr. Ellis Grey?"

"Uh, okay?" Meredith had no idea Ellis had named her a contact person, and she also didn't know why this woman was calling. "Is everything alright with her?"

"Unfortunately, your mother has just been admitted, and I believe that it would be best if you came to the hospital so we can discuss everything."

"Oh my God!" Meredith gasped. "What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot discuss her treatment over the phone. I believe it would be in your best interest to arrive as soon as possible."

"Oh, okay," Meredith said, glancing at the clock. It was three o'clock now; she could probably get to Union Station and board a train to Boston in about an hour if she was lucky, and if there were any available seats. "I'll be there either late tonight or early tomorrow morning," she said to Dr. Jenson.

"Alright, thank you Miss Grey."

"Thank you for calling," Meredith said before she hung up the phone. She stood silently for a minute, paralyzed by a sudden fear. Something was wrong with her mother, and something had to be really wrong with her if she was willing to let a doctor call Meredith about it. As her mind went through worst case scenarios, she moved to her bedroom on autopilot, grabbing clothes at random, unsure as to just how long she was going to be in Boston.

Twenty minutes later, Meredith was heading out the door when she thought of Derek.

"Shit!" She cursed under her breath as she dropped her duffle bag, reaching into her purse to find her phone. She called him, praying that he would pick up so that she wouldn't have to leave a message or go alone.

"Hey Mer, I was just thinking about you," Derek said cheerfully as he answered the phone.

"Uh-huh," Meredith said, momentarily distracted as she made sure she had her credit card. "Are you going to be at work much longer?"

"Couple more hours, why?" Derek responded.

"Because my mom's at Mass Gen," she answered as she did one last sweep of the room to make sure she had everything she needed before shutting the door to her apartment and moving towards the elevator.

"Yes Meredith, I know your mom practically lives at that hospital," Derek joked.

"Shut up!" Meredith snapped as the elevator doors closed around her and descended to the lobby. "I mean she's staying there as a patient, so I need to go to Boston. Can you come meet me at like Union Station in like half an hour?"

"Sorry Mer, I can't just up and leave work," Derek said, and Meredith silently berated herself for even asking. "Why don't you just wait a couple of hours until I'm done and then we'll head up to Boston?"

"No!" Meredith exclaimed. "I have to go now. The doctor wouldn't release any information over the phone, so it must be serious! She could be dying! You know what, never mind, I'll just give you a call when I get to Mass Gen, okay?"

"Meredith, don't…" Derek said softly.

"Derek it's fine, seriously. I'm on Christmas Break and you aren't, so it was stupid of me to ask, don't worry about it. I can't expect you to drop everything, people's lives are in your hands. I'll call you to let you know I got there safe."

"I love you," Derek offered weakly.

"Yup," Meredith said as she hung up the phone and hailed a taxi, hoping that nothing terrible would happen to her mom before she got there.

**XXXXXX**

Alzheimer's. Her mother, the great Ellis Grey, had early onset Alzheimer's.

Meredith was sitting in the same chair she had been in for the past three hours; it was well past eleven o'clock in the evening, and she had called Derek when she arrived only to get his voicemail, so she left a message saying that she would call him when she got to her mother's house. But she hadn't gotten that far yet. She knew she should leave and get some sleep, but she couldn't move. All she could think about was the conversation that occurred hours ago at her mother's bedside.

"_Are you sure that's what it is?" Meredith asked again, looking from Dr. Jenson to her mother._

"_Of course it is Meredith," Ellis snapped. "Do you think I would just assume this diagnosis? I've seen several specialists so stop standing there like an idiot." Ellis' words hurt, but she swallowed her feelings and turned towards Dr. Jenson._

"_So, what is the next step here?" she asked, her voice even._

"_Your mother actually made arrangements several months ago," Dr. Jenson said with sympathy._

_Meredith turned to face her mother. "You knew?" she exclaimed accusingly. "You knew for months and you didn't tell me!"_

_Ellis rolled her eyes. "Stop being overdramatic."_

"_Your mother would like to be placed at Roseridge Assisted Care Facility," Dr. Jenson said, trying to cut the tension. _

"_Okay," Meredith nodded. "Where is that?"_

"_Seattle, Washington."_

"_Seattle! Are you kidding me?" Meredith said, looking at her mother again._

"_I don't want anyone to know," Ellis said simply. "I haven't been in Seattle in almost twenty years, it will be easier."_

"_Alright," Meredith agreed slowly. "Anything else?"_

"_You have to sell either the Boston house or the Seattle house. I'll let you keep one, but you cannot have both."_

"_We have a house in Seattle?" Meredith asked, shocked._

"_Yes, I never sold the one you grew up in but you can sell it if you want."_

_Meredith just nodded, suddenly having a lot to think about_

Meredith remained sitting at her mother's bedside, trying to sort everything out. Ellis wanted to be in Seattle, all the way on the other side of the country. Meredith would respect her mother's wishes, but didn't want her to be all the way out there all alone. Meredith was itching for a change, and there was an empty house out in Seattle waiting for her. She could apply to hospitals out there for her internship, and it would be perfect. Now if only she could convince Derek.

A knock at her mother's hospital door snapped Meredith from her thoughts, and when she turned, she found _him _standing there. He looked absolutely exhausted and worn, but he was there.

"Hey," Derek said softly, looking at her with love and sympathy. His expression made it impossible for her to hold back her emotions, so with tears in her eyes, she walked towards him and wrapped her arms around his waist. He held her tightly, kissing the top of her head as he rocked them.

"You're here," Meredith finally mumbled into his chest. "You came."

"Of course I came," he said incredulously. "Why wouldn't I come?"

"I don't know, I was just surprised."

"I know I said I was working, but that doesn't mean I wasn't going to come up after work. You needed me, so here I am," Derek smiled at her.

"Thank you," she replied, kissing her cheek.

"Anytime. So, what's the verdict?" Derek asked.

"She fell and sprained her ankle while she was lost and wandering around Boston," Meredith said as the tears built up again. "She has early onset Alzheimer's." Meredith gasped, crying into Derek's shoulder.

He soothed her for a few minutes before pulling away from her slightly. "Mer, you look drained, you should probably go to bed. Why don't we go to your mom's house or a hotel, get some sleep, and come back in the morning?"

Meredith shook her head. "I don't want to be too far away from her right now. She's my mom."

Derek nodded, understanding. "How about an on call room then?" she nodded her agreement as Derek led her down the hall, pulling her onto the small bed and holding her tightly as she fell asleep.


	40. Chapter 40

_**A/N: So here's the deal guys: I meant to post my timeline of events in the last update, but completely forgot, so I'm going to do it now. First of all, Meredith and Derek have known each other for six years. They met when she was 18, in September of her freshman year of college. Now, four years later is September of Meredith's first year of Med School (For example, lets say they met in September of 2011; their four year anniversary would be September 2015, however Meredith would have graduated college in May of 2015). They got engaged right after her graduation, and got married in the summer following her first year of Med School (i.e. June 2016), and then in Chapters 25 and 26, I skip forward about a year. Meredith is skipping a year of Med School (for my own story purposes), so she'll only be in med school for 3 years, and we are currently in January of Meredith's third year of Med School, making Meredith 24 (going on 25 because her birthday is in March), and Derek is 32. They have only been together six years, it will be seven years in the upcoming September. I know it's confusing, but just trust me, I hate when authors screw up dates, so I have done the math mutiple times to make sure that I'm right. However, geographically wise, I goofed, and should have put Penn station instead of Union Station, my bad. **__**I'm going to explain more at the end of this chapter, so you'll get more info then. **_

_**On a sadder note, I have officially finished writing this story (45 chapters, FYI), and will post the rest of it as often as I can. However, reviews would make me ost so much faster ;) Enjoy the chapter!**_

**Chapter 40**

Meredith was pacing back and forth outside of her mother's hospital room, figuring out what to do. Her mother was sleeping, and Derek went out to get the two of them lunch. He had said it would give them an opportunity to talk and plan about what to do about Ellis, and gave Meredith time to prepare for the fight she knew was coming.

"Hey, I got your favorite pizza," Derek said as he walked down the hall. "Do you want to eat in the cafeteria or the conference room?"

"Conference room!" Meredith answered quickly. "Definitely the conference room." Derek gave her a weird look but didn't comment as he followed her and shut the door behind them.

After settling down, Derek looked up at her. "So, have you figured out anything for your mom?"

Meredith swallowed and looked at him, eyes wide. "Actually," she began. "My mother already made plans. I guess she's known for a while."

"That's great!" Derek said with enthusiasm. "Well, not great that she didn't tell you right away, but it makes things easier for you right now. You don't need any more stress when applying for internships. What are her plans?"

"She wants to be placed in Roseridge, it's an assisted living facility in Seattle."

"Wow," Derek said. "It seems really far away."

"Yeah, I guess she doesn't want anyone to know she has Alzheimer's," Meredith said before taking a deep breath and continuing. "I was thinking about going out there with her."

Derek nodded, looking back down at his food. "Well, it would be good for you to go out there for a week and get her settled in and such."

_God, he can be an idiot sometimes,_ Meredith thought to herself. _Stupid brain man_. "I wasn't talking about just a week," she snapped. That seemed to get Derek's attention; he gazed at her with a confused look on his face. "I think I might want to do my residency out there."

Derek was silent for a moment before he answered. "What the hell are you talking about?" he exclaimed, a hint of anger in his voice. "You're doing your residency in New York, like you've been planning."

"Well, lately I've been thinking about making a change. We've been here for six years, maybe we should move."

"Oh, so because you want a change, we have to up and move?" Derek shot back.

"No, that's not what I'm saying! I was just thinking about it before, but with my mom's diagnosis and everything, it just kind of seemed like fate."

"But why the hell do you want to go all the way out to Seattle. God, if you want a change, we can move to Connecticut or Rhode Island. Why Seattle?"

"Because my mom's going to be out there and I don't want her to be alone!" This was not going well. She could see the anger in Derek's eyes and the tension boiling under his skin. And the angrier Derek was getting, the more defensive and stubborn Meredith became. She wasn't sure that this would end well for either of them.

"Please Meredith," Derek scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Your mother has never given a crap about you your entire life, and for as long as I've known you, you haven't been very sympathetic to her either. So why do you suddenly care now? When we were first dating you wanted to be as far away from your mother as possible, and now you want to run across the country with her."

"Because she's my mother! She is my family!"

"And what about me?" Derek shouted. "I am your husband; I'm your family too! And my family loves you like a daughter and a sister. And you want to leave them for a woman that barely raised you and was never home."

"Of course you're my family, and I love your mother and sisters. And I know my mother is difficult, but we share the same DNA and the same blood. And she is the only biological family I have. We do not have an easy relationship, but I still love her, in my own way, and I want her to be okay. I don't want my mother to go out there and die alone!"

"So you want me to leave my family, and move across the country with you so that in a few years your mother won't even remember who the heck you are?"

Meredith gasped at his statement. She knew the prognosis of Alzheimer's, but it felt different to hear Derek say that. That one day, her mother wouldn't recognize her, or know her, and despite the fact that she was a perpetual disappointment to her mother, that hurt more than any insult Ellis could throw at her. She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes, and she wiped them away quickly so Derek wouldn't see.

But she saw Derek's face soften, and she knew that he had seen her tears. "Meredith," he said softly, her name like a prayer. "I'm sorry, that was uncalled for. But, this is hard for me to understand. You just threw the idea of a cross country move out there, and I have to think about it. I know it's easy for you, you can technically apply anywhere you want, but it isn't that simple for me. My family, our family, and our friends, live in New York, and I don't really want to leave them. And even if I was on board with this, I just got the attending position at Mt. Sinai less than a year ago. It wouldn't look professional of me to leave such a great hospital so soon. Do you get what I'm saying?" He grasped her hands and squeezed them, trying to make her understand.

Meredith looked down at their intertwined hands, her mind spinning. Meredith thought about it, and knew he was right. He had a family, a career, and a life in New York, and he didn't want to abandon it. But, her mother had no one else, and she couldn't abandon her mother either. Suddenly, an idea formed in her head. It was far from ideal, but maybe they could make it work.

"I get it Derek, I do," she said softly, and she watched as relief flooded his features. "It wouldn't be far of me to ask you to leave New York for me, not when everything you love is here. But I have to be with my mother right now. So, I think I'm going to move out to Seattle, at least temporarily."

Derek ripped his hands from hers and stared at her menacingly. "You're leaving me? You're leaving me over your mother?"

"What?" Meredith said in shock, standing up. "No Derek, I'm not leaving you, not like that. But I'm thinking that I can move to Seattle for a year, do my internship, help out with my mother, and then come back next summer. That way I'll get my change of scenery or whatever, and be able to spend some quality time with my mother while she's still lucid and knows who I am, and you won't have to give up anything in New York."

Derek shook his head. "No, I don't like it. You say it'll just be one year, but one year will turn into two and two will turn in three and then next thing I know you'll be mailing me divorce papers."

"What?" she exclaimed incredulously, rushing to his side. She put her hands on his cheeks and forced him to look at her. "I would never do that to you Der. When I say one year, I mean one year. I could never stay away from you that long, I love you too much for that. Plus, that would seriously throw a wrench into the whole baby making and family thing," she smiled at him, and he gave her a small smile in response. "Seriously Derek, you have ruined me for all other men. You are perfect for me, and I will never want anyone else. But I can't leave my mom alone to die. I don't want her to spend her lucid days alone, I want to be there with her, making it easier for her, comforting her, getting closure with her. Please understand that. It would never be a forever thing, I can't go that long without you."

Derek nodded slowly, tilting his head to one side to kiss the palm of her hand. "You want to be there for your mom, I understand. If I were in your position, I would do the same thing. If this is what you want, I won't stand in your way."

Meredith nodded, leaning in and brushing her lips against his, kissing him softly. "Thank you for understanding," she whispered. "It'll just be for a year, we can do it. Just one year."

Derek's eyes looked pained as he nodded in agreement. "One year," he mumbled, stepping out of her grasp and walking out of the conference room, leaving Meredith feeling completely alone.

**XXXXXX**

Three hours later, Meredith was sitting in her mother's room, reading. Ellis was awake, doing some sort of paperwork, and she hadn't seen Derek in hours. Not that she blamed him, she did just drop a major bomb on him, and he needed to think. The fact that they were going to be apart for a year was scary and weird, Meredith wasn't sure how she would adjust. But she saw no other way; she didn't want to hurt Derek's career, and she wanted to be there for her mom for a little while, so this was best.

"Mom, I thought you weren't working anymore, what paperwork could you possibly be doing?" Meredith asked, looking up at her mother, who was studying her laptop screen.

"Meredith," Ellis said with exasperation. "I am giving the Chief my two weeks' notice on Monday. That means I have to write my letter of resignation, as well as reassign all of my cases and make detailed notes about my patients in order to prevent other surgeons from killing them. Just because I am sick, doesn't mean that I can just drop everything. You need to have some sort of responsibility Meredith."

"Right, of course. Sorry I asked," Meredith groaned, turning back to her book.

It was then that she heard a knock at the door. Ellis glanced up briefly, but didn't acknowledge the visitor, so Meredith rolled her eyes and turned around. Standing there was Derek, a bright smile on his face, grasping an envelope.

"Hey," Meredith said softly.

"Hi," Derek responded just as softly before raising his voice. "Hello Dr. Grey, how is your work coming along?"

"It's going fine. See Meredith, Derek understands that my work is not finished yet, and that it needs to get done soon. I hope you take some pointers from him."

Meredith rolled her eyes as Derek chuckled, clearly amused.

"Dr. Grey, may I borrow Meredith for a few minutes? We have something to discuss."

"Yes, yes," Ellis said, not looking up from her work. "She's distracting me too much."

"Thanks Mom," Meredith muttered sarcastically. She got up and followed Derek down the hall to the conference room, sitting down at the table.

"I got this for you," Derek said, placing the envelope down on the table in front of her.

Meredith opened it, staring at the package of papers, trying to discern their meaning. When it finally clicked, she stared up at Derek in shock.

"Derek, is this an application to the Seattle Grace internship program?" she asked in disbelief, and Derek smiled back.

"It is," he agreed. "You need to apply here."

Meredith thought for a second before shaking her head. "No, I can't."

Derek's face fell. "Why not? You have to."

"Because," she began. "It's the third best medical program in the country, and I promised you I would only be in Seattle a year. And getting into that program, the program where my mother did her residency, would be amazing, but I don't only want to be there for a year. I'll just apply to Mercy West Hospital or something."

"No Meredith, you need to apply to Seattle Grace," Derek said firmly.

"Why?" Meredith demanded.

"Because I'll be working there," Derek blurted out.

Meredith looked at him in shock, not fully understanding what he was saying.

"I don't want us to be apart for a year, or for a month, or at all. And you're right, your mother is your only family, and this is going to be really hard for the both of you. We've lived in New York for over six years, and if you really need a change, then I'll move with you."

"But Derek, you're job at Mt. Sinai," Meredith began before Derek cut her off.

"It's fine Meredith. I called Richard Webber; he was an attending and my mentor at Mt. Sinai when I was an intern. I think you met him once, or at least he remembers me talking about you. Anyway, he's the Chief of Surgery at Seattle Grace, so I called him and told him you wanted to move to Seattle, and asked if he had any neurosurgeon positions for me. He was really glad to hear from me, and offered me a position in the department with the promise of becoming head of Neurosurgery when the current one retires in three years, and a shot at being Chief when Richard retires."

The offer did sound really good to Meredith, but she didn't want him to just throw everything away. "Derek, are you sure?"

"Of course. The pay is better, plus as long as we're together and you're happy, I'm happy." He smiled at her, and Meredith stood up, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Thank you so much Derek," she said, kissing him on the cheek.

"Anything for you," he responded. He lifted her up and spun her around, causing her to laugh fully, suddenly feeling lighter than she had in months.

_**A/N: Derek will not be the head of Neuro at Seattle Grace right away. He is a somewhat new Attending, so it would be a little unrealistic, and plus I wanted to keep some aspects of Shonda's storyline. From what I can piece together from the show, Meredith took a year or two break after college before going to Med School, and went after she found out about Ellis' condition. So, I picture her (in the show) going to med school around the age of 24 or 25, and becoming an intern around 28 or 29 (when George dies and Izzie has cancer in season 5, it's mentioned that both are 29 years old, and are second year residents, so I just kind of assume Mer is about that old). So, is Derek is about 8 years older than Meredith, he doesn't come to Seattle as Department Head until he's about 36 or 37, so I wanted to keep the head of neuro thing accurate. I'm sorry for all of you who aren't overly obsessive about dates and accuracy, but I am one of those people, so I wanted to make it clear, sorry for boring you!**_


	41. Chapter 41

_**A/N: This chapter is pretty short, and it's just a transition chapter, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. Happy Grey's Day!**_

**Chapter 41**

Meredith bolted out of her class, quickly leaving campus and moving towards her apartment. It was April, and she was beginning to hear back from all of the hospitals she applied to her for internship. Over the past couple of months, she had travelled to Seattle four times to check on her mother's house, Roseridge, and to be interviewed by the hospitals in the area. Derek had texted her halfway through class that she had a letter from Seattle Grace at home, and Meredith couldn't wait to open it. Though she had already been accepted to Mercy West, Seattle Grace had a much more superior program, and if she could, she would love to do her internship there.

Meredith made it home in record time, not bothering to wait for the elevator as she sprinted up the stairs. She had a little difficulty putting the key in the lock, but when she finally managed, she threw the door open, whipping her head around, searching for Derek.

He was sitting at their kitchen table, looking at her with an amused expression. "Hi," he said, trying to contain his laughter. "Anxious to come home?"

"Where is it?" Meredith demanded.

"Well, it's nice to see you too," Derek said, not moving.

"Seriously Derek, where is my letter?" Meredith snapped. Derek stood up slowly, walking towards her and planting a deep kiss on her lips. "Here you go," he said huskily, handing her an envelope.

Though momentarily thrown off by the kiss, Meredith quickly regained her bearings and grabbed the envelope, ripping it open. She felt Derek staring at her with intensity as she read the letter carefully, making sure she fully understood it. Finally, she looked up at Derek, who was staring at her expectantly.

"Well," he said, raising his eyebrows.

Meredith stayed quiet for a few seconds, just long enough for Derek to look sympathetic, as if he thought she didn't make it.

"I was accepted!" Meredith screeched, beginning to jump up and down.

"Really?" Derek exclaimed, grabbing her and lifting her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist as he spun her, and she couldn't help but screech again in excitement. When Derek stopped spinning, Meredith placed her hands on his neck, leaning in to kiss him. The kiss was long and sweet, with Derek's tongue sliding easily into her mouth, deepening it. When they finally broke apart for air, they were both smiling.

"Congratulations," he said softly, beaming at her.

"Thank you," she said, kissing him again softly before unwrapping her legs. He let her down easily but continued to hold on to her waist.

"I got accepted," Meredith said in awe.

"You did," Derek affirmed.

"We're going to Seattle."

"We are."

"Are you sure about this, you're okay with the move?" Meredith asked.

"Mer, Seattle Grace is going to be an amazing opportunity for the both of us, we'll love it out there. And our family can come visit. Plus, you'll be closer to Cristina and Izzie, remember."

"That's true," Meredith giggled. "Oh, I have to call your mom. And then Cristina. She's so jealous that I'm graduating a year before her, I don't even know what she'll say when I tell her I got into Seattle Grace!" she kissed him again lightly before running off to call her friends, and Derek smiled at her retreating frame.

Yeah, they would be just fine.

**XXXXXX**

"Ugh, is that the last of them?" Meredith groaned as she dropped a heavy box, Derek coming in after her carrying two more boxes.

"Yep," Derek said, placing them gently down in the hallway. Shutting the front door, he looked around the good sized colonial revival home that Meredith spent her childhood. "We are officially moved in."

"Not officially," Meredith corrected. "We have moved all the boxes in, but we won't be officially moved in until everything is unpacked."

"Which will take months with our schedule," Derek joked, laughing when Meredith sighed deeply.

"That's so true," she said.

"What do you remember about this house?" Derek asked as he looked around.

"Umm, not very much," Meredith answered. "I remember the porch swing, and my dad making me breakfast in the morning. Oh, and that room over there," she pointed to a room off to the right. "That was my mother's office. It was one of the few rules I had as a kid: I was never allowed in that room; she figured I would break something."

"So, how's your mom doing?" Derek asked. Once they arrived at Seattle, Meredith went straight to Roseridge to visit her mother and see how she was settling in, leaving Derek to start unpacking. The visit was relatively short, so Derek didn't know what to make of it.

"Oh she's fine. The nurse said she transitioned well, but can be a little difficult at times, which isn't as all surprising." Derek laughed along with her at that statement before she continued. "I stayed with her for a little while. She was having a pretty good day. She asked about the move, and my internship, and gave me some tips, which was nice. But then she started fading, and I just couldn't…she started disappearing right in front of me, and I had to leave."

Derek watched Meredith try and hold back her tears, so he pulled her into a loving embrace. "I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you," he said, kissing her hair. "I'm so sorry, I wish I could make this better for you."

"You being here helps," Meredith said quietly, holding him tightly.

"Always," Derek promised.

They stood in silence before Derek got an idea. "This is our new home," Derek said casually.

"It is," Meredith confirmed.

"Wanna christen it?" Derek said slyly.

"What?" Meredith said, stepping away.

"Come on," Derek said. "We christened our apartment when we moved in; we might as well christen the house."

Meredith pretended to think about it before stepping backwards into the living room, grabbing the hem of her shirt and pulling it over her head, leaving her standing in a lacy bra and jeans. "Well," she murmured seductively. "Maybe we can do the living room tonight."

Derek was at her side in an instant. He pulled off her bra, kissing a trail down her chest to her breasts. Meredith raked her fingers through his hair, pulling him closer to her as he fondled her. When she felt her knees going weak, Derek scooped her up, placing her on the green couch, the only furniture in the room. Meredith grabbed his tee shirt and quickly pulled it off of him, running her hands over his chest and stomach before moving to his pants. As he fumbled out of his pants and boxers, Meredith stroked him lightly, eliciting a moan from Derek. Derek repeated the action with Meredith, causing her to tremble beneath him.

Derek settled in between her legs and hesitated. "Are you ready?" he asked

"Yes," Meredith gasped. "Really ready."

Derek slipped into her slowly, and both groaned at the sensation. Derek kissed her passionately as he slowly slid in and out of her, soon picking up the pace. As they both got closer to their climax, Derek's thrusts became more frantic, and Meredith raised her hips to meet each of his thrusts.

"God Derek!" Meredith moaned. "I'm really close"

"Me too," Derek grunted, his thrusts becoming quick and more irregular as he felt Meredith tighten around him, crying out in ecstasy. Derek soon followed after her, releasing into her with an audible groan.

They lay silent for a while, coming down from their respective highs and catching their breaths. Derek remained laying on top of Meredith, his arms underneath her as he cradled her body close to him. Meredith's arms were loose around his back, drawing patterns up and down his spine.

Finally, Derek lifted his head from her shoulder, looking at Meredith and smiling at her. He pressed his lips against hers, reveling in the feel and taste of them before he pulled away. "I love you," he whispered intimately, looking deeply into her eyes.

"I love you too," Merdith said, pulling Derek back down to her. They were quiet again, and Meredith ran her fingers through Derek's hair as he lay there, trying not to doze.

"Der?" Meredith finally said hesitantly.

He looked up at her. "Yeah?"

"Maybe in a couple months, once I find a balance between work and my personal life and my mother, would you maybe, want to think about, potentially…" Meredith trailed off.

"I love it when you ramble," Derek laughed, kissing her cheek.

"I'm not rambling! I have a point!" Meredith huffed. "What I am trying to say is, if I can get myself together in the next couple of months, would you want to maybe think about having a baby?"

"You want to try for a baby soon?" Derek said, his voice filled with disbelief.

"Yeah, if you want to. I've just been thinking about it a lot lately, because of the time of year… we could have already had our baby right now, and it made me really want one. But I want to get used to my internship so maybe we can start trying around November or something…" Meredith trailed off as she looked at Derek's face. "Unless you don't want to, or you want to wait longer, then we definitely can, it's not-" Derek silenced her with a kiss, holding her tightly. When he pulled away, he was grinning.

"Absolutely Meredith," he answered eagerly. "Nothing would make me happier."

"Okay, good," Meredith smiled back.

"I love you so much," Derek said.

"I love you too," Meredith answered, a wicked grin gracing her lips. "Round two?" she asked, grinding against Derek's hips.

"Round two," Derek said, kissing her again.


	42. Chapter 42

_**A/N: I'M sorry everyone, but this update is really short. I was going to combine it with the next one, but this one is really special and I didn't want it to seem rushed, so I'm posting this one on its own. I hope you guys enjoy this; I hope it's "the crisis" that Meredith has to deal with on Thursday (for those of you who read spoilers). Anywho, the more reviews I get the more quickly I post, so enjoy and review!**_

**Chapter 42**

Derek checked the intern schedule, relieved to see that Meredith was going to be out at a reasonable hour today. He had always thought his internship had been tough, but not as tough as it seemed to be on Meredith. She seemed to be constantly pulling thirty-six hour shifts and spending time on call, making her very tired. Derek knew that she had asked the Chief to treat her harshly in the beginning of her internship so she could prove herself; she didn't want anyone to think she slid into the program by being the daughter of Ellis Grey and married to one of the neurosurgeons on staff. But that was back in July and August, it was now March, and though all the interns worked the same amount of hours a week, it seemed more intense than Derek's experiences back in New York.

It was Meredith's birthday, and he had a surprise planned. It was a last minute gift, but he hadn't known what to get her until he was out driving one day, and he found it. He had purchased forty acres of land about an hour from the hospital, and he hoped to build her a house on it soon. They enjoyed living in Ellis' house well enough; there was no mortgage, and therefore less of a financial burden. However, he knew that this house didn't hold good memories for Meredith; it was the place she was once happy, but also the place that held the only memories of her father, including the one when he left her. So, Derek wanted to build a house for Meredith, a house filled with only good memories.

"Hey there," a voice said from behind him, and he turned around to smile at his wife.

"Hey yourself," he replied giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"What are you up to?" Meredith asked.

"Well, I have a lovely birthday surprise for you which needs to happen at a normal hour, so I wanted to make sure you were off tonight."

"Oh," Meredith said, smiling. "I'm off at six. And I have a surprise for you too."

Derek's brow furrowed. "Why do you have a surprise for me? It's your birthday, not mine, and that means that only you get presents."

"Oh don't worry," Meredith smirked. "This present is for both of us."

"Okay then," Derek agreed, before smiling mischievously at her. "Do I get a hint?"

"Nope, sorry" Meredith grinned unapologetically.

"Oh come on, one hint? I'll give you one?"

"Uh huh. Gotta go, I need to finish these charts so I can leave," Meredith said, turning on her heel and quickly leaving him.

"We'll talk later?" Derek called after her, before shaking his head and going back to his office.

Three hours later, Derek was sitting next to a blindfolded Meredith, slowly pulling onto his new property, where he had set up a picnic by a cliff to watch the sun set.

"Derek, where are we?" Meredith asked for what Derek assumed was the fiftieth time. "Are we there yet?"

"Yes, actually, we are," Derek chuckled.

"Oh thank God!" Meredith sighed, reaching to pull off her blindfold.

"No!" Derek exclaimed, moving to grab her hands and pull them down. "Two more minutes, please?"

"Why Derek?" Meredith whined, pouting.

"Please Mer, just two more minutes. I promise it will be worth it."

"Better be," Meredith muttered as she placed her hands in her lap.

Derek smiled as he ran to Meredith's door and led her towards the picnic blanket. He started a fire and stepped beside Meredith. "Ready?" he whispered it in her ear.

"Yes!" Meredith nodded eagerly, bouncing up and down.

"Alright," Derek said, untying the blindfold. "Happy twenty-sixth birthday Meredith," he said quietly, kissing her neck.

Meredith stood speechless for a moment, taking in the view and the picnic Derek had set up.

"Oh Derek," she gasped. "It's beautiful! And the food looks great!" she said, plopping down on the blanket.

"I thought you would like it," he said, sitting beside her.

Meredith leaned towards Derek, kissing him slowly. "Thank you, I love it, and I love you."

"Love you too," Derek said, pulling food out of the basket.

An hour later, Meredith was cuddling in Derek's lap, her back pressed against his chest as his arms enveloped her. They watched the sun set across the city, sipping glasses of wine.

"So, how does it feel to be twenty-six? Are you feeling old yet?" Derek said into her neck.

"No, why would I feel old?" Meredith answered.

"Because you're twenty six. You're now officially more than halfway to thirty," Derek joked.

"You know, I'm pretty sure you aren't allowed to make fun of me on my birthday," Meredith snapped, hitting his bicep. "Plus, you're thirty-three, you are past thirty."

"Touché," Derek said, kissing her cheek. "In all seriousness, what do you think of the land?"

"Oh, it's amazing!" Meredith gushed. "The view is beautiful, and the lake down there looks like a great place to just sit and read."

"Would you like to live here?"

"Yeah, sure Derek. Unfortunately, I don't see any homes popping up."

"There could be in about a year," Derek said casually.

"What?" Meredith asked, turning around to look at Derek

"I was driving around the other day, and I saw a huge 'For Sale' sign out here. The land you're sitting on and the forty acres surrounding it are ours if you like it. I was thinking about building a house out here, so we can have a real home for our future family. What do you think?" Derek looked at her expectantly.

"Is this my birthday present? All the land?"

"And a house, if you like it."

"I love it!" Meredith exclaimed, wrapping her arms around Derek. She kissed him deeply, and Derek smiled against her lips.

"I'll call a contractor and see if we can get the house started soon. Maybe it'll be done by next spring."

"Do you think it could be done in about eight months?" Meredith asked, reaching for her purse.

"Why eight months?" Derek asked.

"Here," Meredith said, handing him a white box.

"Why eight months?" Derek asked again as he opened the box. He stared at the contents, not understanding the connection at first. When it finally clicked, he looked up at Meredith, whose eyes were shining with tears.

"Because," she said softly. "We're having a baby."

"You…you're…we…" Derek started, unable to form a complete sentence. Luckily, Meredith understood what he was trying to say and nodded, grabbing his hand and placing it over her lower abdomen.

"We're going to be parents," Meredith affirmed, beaming.

"Oh God, I love you so much," Derek gasped, lunging at Meredith to kiss her. His lips crashed down on hers, and he eased her back onto the blanket, never breaking the kiss.

"I love you too," Meredith murmured against his lips, kissing him just as hungrily.

After what felt like an eternity, they broke apart, catching their breath.

"When did you find out?" Derek asked.

"This morning. I just had a feeling, so I took the test."

"You're amazing," Derek said, looking down at her with adoration.

"So are you, you'll be an amazing dad," Meredith whispered.

"And you'll be a perfect mom," Derek replied.

"So, will you put a rush on the house?" Meredith asked, pulling him back down to her.

"Oh absolutely," Derek laughed as he kissed her again.

_**A/N 2: I feel a little shallow in the fact that I'm doing a self promotion, but I have the first three chapters of my next story called "**_**Still" _written, and I urge you all to check it out when you finish this one and I start posting it. It's about Meredith and Derek and a long distance relationship, and how they overcome it/what happens along the way. I've only started reading Grey's fanfic within the past year or so, and I clearly haven't gotten through all the fics yet, so I can't promise that it hasn't been done before, but I like to think it's original. If not, disregard this, but I hope you will at least consider it. But, for the time being, enjoy these last few updates, and I hope you all get exactly what you want out of this story!_**


	43. Chapter 43

_**A/N: Only one more chapter after this and then the epilogue. I hope you all like this chapter, and hopefully I'll find time to post the next one in a few days!**_

**Chapter 43**

"Where the hell is Derek?" Meredith shouted at the nurse who just stepped into the room.

"I'm sorry Dr. Grey, I paged him ten minutes ago, he said he would be there as soon as his patient was in the clear and he could get a resident to close."

"Well page him again!" Meredith demanded. "Ah crap!" Meredith moaned as another shot of pain shot through her. "Page Cristina Yang!"

"Right away doctor," the nurse said with gritted teeth.

Five minutes later, Cristina waltzed through the doors. "What's up boss? I'm missing a triple bypass for this, it better be good."

It was December, and Cristina had decided to start her internship at Seattle Grace this past July. Meredith loved having her person close by again, but as Meredith's pregnancy progressed, her friend's sarcasm became less and less amusing to Meredith.

"Cristina, shut up! I am in pain, and I don't know where my asshole of a husband is right now, so I need my person."

"Alright fine," Cristina said, plopping down on the chair next to her bed. "Why isn't Derek here again?"

"I went into labor a couple of days early," Meredith explained. "So Derek was working, but he came right to my room when I told him I was in labor. We were just hanging here for a while, and nothing was really happening, the labor wasn't progressing or anything, and Derek got a page about a major car accident. He ignored it originally, but then the Chief came and told him it was really bad, so I told him to go and help. He didn't want to, but I made him, telling him it would probably be a long labor. Little did I know that it would decide to speed up about two hours ago, so he needs to get back here soon."

"Dr. Grey," the nurse said as she walked back into the room. "Dr. Shepherd said that he would be another ten or fifteen minutes, but he will be here as soon as he can."

"You call the OR and tell Dr. Shepherd that if he isn't in this room in ten minutes his child will have my last name and he will lose all custody rights," Meredith snapped as another contraction tore through her abdomen.

"Alright Meredith, how's it going," Addison said as she walked through the room

"Contractions are about every two minutes. I have been in labor for twenty hours. Please tell me that I'm almost ready to push," Meredith said, her voice turning desperate at the end. Cristina snorted, but looked away quickly when Meredith shot her a look.

"Alright, well put your legs up in the stirrups and I'll check your progress," Addison said, sitting by Meredith's feet. After a minute, she stood and peeled her gloves off.

"Well, you're seven centimeters dilated, so hopefully you'll be ready to go in about an hour," Addison said, smiling.

"Good," Meredith sighed. "Good. Oh, and Addison?" Meredith called as Addison was about to step up.

"Yes?"

"If you see my husband, either castrate him or tell him to get the hell to my room so I can do it myself!"

"No need!" Derek gasped as he ran into the room, out of breath.

"Oh thank God," Cristina said, standing up. "Good luck McDreamy," Cristina said, patting Derek on the back as she left the room with Addison, leaving Meredith and Derek alone.

"I'm so sorry I'm late Mer," Derek said, moving towards her and placing a kiss on her forehead. "The guy coded twice, so my surgery got held up. I would have been here sooner, I promise."

"You cannot do this once the baby's born," Meredith said, tears welling in her eyes. "You have to be here for me and the baby. You promised you wouldn't be my mother."

"I know Mer, I'm sorry," Derek said, kissing her again. "I won't be like your mom. I'm taking six weeks off for paternity leave, and then lightening my schedule so you can catch up on the time you'll miss, remember?"

"Yeah," Meredith sniffed. "Sorry, damn hormones, I know that-Oh! I am going to kill you!" Meredith moaned, grabbing Derek's hand and holding it in a death grip.

"Why are you going to kill me?" Derek asked, though he was pretty sure he already knew the answer to that question.

"Because you did this to me," she hissed, making sure no one in the hall heard her. "You and your stupid boy penis."

"Mer, you wanted this, remember? I said we could wait as long as you wanted, and you wanted to start trying back in November…"

"Shut up!" Meredith cut him off. "You do not get to fight with me right now. Your child is trying to push its way out of me right now, so from now until this baby is in my arms, whatever I say is right, got it?"

"Yes," Derek said meekly, trying not to wince as another contraction ripped through Meredith and she squeezed his hand.

"So, how far along are you in this process?" Derek asked as the contraction subsided.

"Uh, I was seven centimeters about a half an hour ago," Meredith said after thinking.

"Oh good, you're almost there, not much longer then," Derek said with relief, which Meredith noticed and shot him a glare.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? And the dilation could slow down, and I could be like this for hours."

"I just don't like seeing you in pain," Derek recovered quickly. "And you can't do anything to speed it up, you know, like exercises?"

"Derek, this isn't like my mouth or my arm, I can't force my cervix to open any faster. Don't you think I would have done that if I could?"

"Sorry I asked," Derek mumbled as he took her hand, noticing another contraction on the monitor.

After another hour and a half, Derek noticed Meredith's facial expression change.

"Mer," he said, leaning into her. "What's wrong?"

"It hurts," Meredith gasped.

"Is it worse than before?" Derek asked, moving to page Addison.

"No, just different," Meredith gasped as Derek moved back towards her.

"What's wrong?" Addison asked as she entered the room, quickly snapping on a pair of gloves.

"She's in pain, and it's different than the contractions," Derek said briskly as Meredith was examined.

"Ten centimeters dilated, one hundred percent effaced," Addison noted as she stood up smiling. "Meredith, that feeling means that you're ready to push."

"Really?" Derek and Meredith said in unison, though Meredith's statement was said more in a gasp of pain.

"Yup," Addison said, hitting the page button. "As soon as the nurses arrive, you can start pushing."

"Derek," Meredith said, looking at Derek with wide eyes. "She's coming."

"She is," Derek grinned as he moved to sit behind Meredith, cradling her as he held both of her hands.

"I'm scared," Meredith whispered, so that only he could hear.

"You'll do great," Derek promised. "You'll fly through this, and you will be a great mom, I promise."

"Okay," Meredith whispered. She tilted her head to kiss him softly, but the tender moment was cut short by a contraction, causing Meredith to groan loudly.

"Alright Mer, let's meet your daughter," Addison said, sitting between Meredith's legs. "Push with the next contraction.

"Okay," Meredith nodded as she felt pain approaching. She groaned as she pushed with all of her might, but it felt like nothing had changed.

"Good job Meredith," Derek whispered into her ear, kissing her neck softly. "You did great, only a couple more."

Meredith whimpered in response, feeling another wave of pain.

"Push again," Addison demanded, and Meredith obeyed, continuing to push for the next twenty minutes.

"I see a head!" Addison exclaimed after twenty five minutes.

"We're so close Mer," Derek murmured into her ear. "One more big push, okay?"

"I can't," Meredith choked out. "I'm tired."

"If you want to take a break for a minute Meredith you can, but it really seems like you have just one more push," Addison said.

"One more push," Meredith said softly.

"One more, and if your baby doesn't come then, you can take a little break."

Meredith nodded, leaning her head back against Derek's shoulder and closing her eyes, trying to gain a few minutes of rest.

Derek kissed her sweaty forehead. "I'm so proud of you," he said. "I love you so much, and you are doing amazing."

Meredith nodded, tilting her head into his neck and inhaling deeply, relishing in the scent of him.

"Okay Meredith, here comes a contraction," Addison's voice interrupted their private bubble, and Meredith picked her head up, pressing it against her chest and pushing with all of her might as she felt the pain come.

She was rewards a minute later with a loud, healthy cry.

"There she is," Derek said, beaming down at Meredith. "You did it."

"I did?" Meredith asked as she felt a release of pressure.

"It's a girl," Addison confirmed. "Would you like to cut the cord Derek?"

Derek nodded, reaching for the scissors and snipping the umbilical cord, allowing the doctors to clean her quickly.

"Here you go," Addison said, easing her onto Meredith's chest. "You can hold her for a few seconds, but we need to take her up for tests."

Meredith immediately burst into tears as she held the small, red baby in her arms. Derek sat down beside Meredith, one arm going around Meredith's shoulders and the other hand softly stroking his daughter.

"Hi baby girl," Meredith said through tears. "We're so happy to meet you."

"Mommy and Daddy are so excited you're finally here," Derek agreed.

They sat there in silence for a little while before Addison approached. "I'll bring her back as soon as I can, but she needs to be checked out and get the APGAR, and Meredith need's to deliver the afterbirth. I'll be back soon."

"Bye sweetie," Derek said as Meredith handed their daughter back to Addison.

"We love you," Meredith joined in, turning to look at Derek.

"We have a daughter," he stated as he kissed her.

"We have a daughter," she confirmed, muttering against his lips.

**XXXXXX**

Two hours later, Derek watched as Addison wheeled his daughter into Meredith's room, a grin spreading across his face.

"How'd she do?" Derek asked, moving towards the bassinet.

"Passed with flying colors, perfectly healthy," Addison said, smiling as Derek reached for his daughter. "She's beautiful, congratulations."

"Thank you," Derek said, not looking up from his daughter.

"I'll check on Meredith later," Addison said, easing out of the room.

Derek nodded, looking up quickly. "Thank you for everything Addison."

"Of course," she said as she turned and walked down the hallway.

Five minutes later, Meredith began to stir. "Derek," she called as her eyes fluttered open.

"Right here," Derek said, slowly moving towards her, their daughter still resting in his arms. "And you have a visitor."

Meredith looked down at the tiny bundle in his arms, immediately reaching for her. He handed her over willingly, sitting next to Meredith as he had done a few hours ago.

"Have you told her her name yet?" Meredith asked, tearing her eyes away from her daughter.

"No, I wanted to wait until you were awake. You thought of her name. Plus, we wanted to wait until we both saw her to make sure the name fit," Derek replied.

"And do you think it does?"

"I do," Derek nodded. He slowly took the little white cap off of his daughters head, revealing a head of very fine, blonde hair. With the sudden chill at her head, the little girl opened her eyes, which were bright blue, just like her fathers.

"She has my hair," Meredith said, smiling.

"And your nose and mouth," Derek added. "But my eyes and chin."

"She's perfect," Meredith whispered, kissing her baby on the forehead.

"She absolutely is," Derek agreed. "So, should we tell her what her name is?"

"I think it fits," Meredith said, shifting the newborn in her arms so that she was being held partially by Derek as well. "Hello Charlotte Elizabeth Shepherd," Meredith cooed at the baby.

"Charlotte Elizabeth Grey-Shepherd," Derek corrected.

"Wait, why?" Meredith said, her head snapping up.

"Because she's part of both of us, and since you want to stay a Grey, than she should have your name too."

"But that's a lot for a kid to learn," Meredith said before looking down at her daughter, going silent. "You know," she said finally. "I could be convinced to become a Shepherd."

Derek's heart soared as he began to smile; the day just kept getting better and better. "You want to be a Shepherd? I mean, you already are a Shepherd, but you want to be one officially?"

"Well, it's about time don't you think? I want to be, and I guess I can live with being associated with you," Meredith joked, elbowing him in the ribs.

"Mean," Derek pouted. "I gave you a baby two hours ago, and you're already being mean."

"You gave me a baby?" Meredith asked incredulously. "You may have impregnated me, which led to the perfect baby we have right here, but I am the one who carried her for nine months and pushed her out of me two hours ago, so if anything, I gave you a child."

"Right, sorry," Derek said sheepishly, kissing her cheek.

"I forgive you," Meredith smiled, looking back down at Charlotte, who was falling back to sleep.

"We did a good job with this one," Derek said quietly.

"She's pretty great," Meredith agreed. "Hopefully we'll do as well with the next one."

Derek smiled at the thought of their future, and having more kids with Meredith. "I know we will."

"I love you," Meredith said, looking up at her husband.

"I love you too," Derek said wholeheartedly, kissing her tenderly, only to be broken apart by a small whimper.

"Oh, and Daddy loves you too Charlotte," Derek said, leaning down to kiss his daughter.

"I think she's hungry," Meredith said.

"Are you going to need help?" Derek asked.

"No offense Derek, but you don't have breasts, so I don't think you can help," Meredith giggled.

"Oh, right," he laughed. "Well, then I'm going to call my mom. She'll be thrilled to hear about how the two of you are doing."

"Okay," Meredith nodded, pulling her hospital gown down.

Derek looked down at his phone to find his mother's number, a wide smile stretched across his face. He had a daughter, and they finally had a family.


	44. Chapter 44

**A/N: I will admit, I'm a little sad that this story is almost over. I hope you all have enjoyed the ride, and you'll enjoy the last official chapter as well. I know I left the end of the chapter kind of open, but all will be revealed in the epilogue. Once again, enjoy, and let me know what you think!**

**Chapter 44**

"Well, don't you look adorable!" Derek said as he entered the playroom.

"Dada!" Charlotte said, looking up from her bear at her father.

"You look very pretty in your dress," Derek said, moving into the room.

"Up," Charlotte demanded, reaching her arms out.

"Alright, Daddy will carry you, but you are going to need to get used to walking," Derek laughed.

"Derek, leave her alone," Meredith scolded, walking into the playroom. "She just turned one, you can't expect her to walk miles."

"I know, but she's a very smart girl, I want to see how much she can do."

"You're an idiot," Meredith said rolling her eyes, but a smile lighting up her features.

"Mama," Charlotte said, continuing to babble as Meredith moved towards her husband and daughter.

"Hi baby girl," Meredith said, kissing her daughter on the cheek. "You look so dressed up for today; everybody is going to be looking at you." Meredith leaned in again, blowing a raspberry on her daughter's cheek and causing her to burst into giggles. Charlotte was wearing a dark green dress with white lace trim, and her blonde hair held a small green bow. The color brought out her eyes, and Meredith was always so thankful that Charlotte inherited Derek's eyes.

"Guess what we're going to do today princess?" Derek asked, bouncing Charlotte on his hip a little so she would turn to look at him. "First, we're going to go to the courthouse to finally change Mommy's name so it matches ours, and then we're going to get your picture taken with Santa, and when we finally come home, we're going to have a big party for you because it's your birthday, and you are a whole year old now!"

"Un!" Charlotte screeched with enthusiasm.

"That's right, you are one," Meredith responded. She looked down at her watch before glancing back up at Derek. "We have to get going now or we'll miss our appointment," Meredith said, reaching for her daughter.

"I can put her in the car seat Mer," Derek offered.

"No it's fine, I've got it," Meredith replied. "Plus, she makes less of a fuss when I do it."

"True," Derek chuckled, looking after his wife in awe as she left the playroom. She had been so amazing this past year. When she first went back to work after her maternity leave, she didn't want to leave Charlotte at all, and had cut back her hours significantly so she could still spend time with Charlotte. However, when she realized how behind she was in her year, she had forced herself to work long hours, but still be there for Charlotte, making frequent trips to the day care center to see her daughter. He was so proud of Meredith, even after working a forty-eight hour shift, she would still be able to muster up enough energy to play with her daughter for a few hours every day. She was excelling in the surgical field as well; she was able to become a third year only a month after her peers, and now finally caught up fully. Despite all of her fears about being a lousy mother, Meredith found the perfect balance between work and family, and he loved her more for it.

"Derek, we're going to be late!" Meredith called from the front door.

"Right, coming!" Derek shouted back, leaving the playroom and following Meredith out of the door of their home on their land, a beautiful four bedroom colonial they had built very quickly after learning that Meredith was pregnant.

"Now Char," Derek said as they pulled into the courthouse an hour later. "You need to be really well behaved for Mommy and Daddy today, alright?"

"Mama," Charlotte babbled as Derek pulled her out of her car seat.

"Yes, Mommy's right here," Meredith said, appearing at Derek's side.

"Now princess, you and Mommy and Daddy are going to go into a courtroom with a judge, and he's going to give Mommy some papers to sign, and then we'll be done. It'll take all of ten minutes, so do you think you can handle being a good little girl for those ten minutes?" Derek asked, looking down at Charlotte, who was staring at him as if she was trying hard to understand him.

"Wa!" Charlotte suddenly demanded, kicking her legs against Derek's stomach.

"Oh, do you want to walk?" Derek asked, smiling.

"Ya," Charlotte responded.

"Okay sweetie, we'll let you walk, but you have to hold Mommy and Daddy's hands okay?" Derek placed his daughter on the ground, and he and Meredith instantly reached for Charlotte's hands. The three moved at a slow pace towards the hospital, Charlotte's little legs moving as fast as they could carry her.

"Derek, maybe we're going to be late," Meredith giggled. "Maybe you should have just carried her."

"We have ten minutes Mer," Derek rolled her eyes. "If we don't get very far in the next five minutes, then I'll carry her. We won't be late."

"I'm holding you to that," Meredith said.

"Did you get everything else changed? Your license and social security cards and such?" Derek asked.

"Yes, and I had to wait two hours at the DMV to do so," Meredith snapped. "Changing the marriage license is the last thing we have to do."

"Good," Derek said, smiling.

"Mama, up!" Charlotte said, causing Meredith and Derek to look down, where Charlotte had stopped walking and was trying to let go of Derek's hand.

"Have you had enough walking for today baby?" Meredith as she bent down to pick up her daughter.

"Yesh," Charlotte said, resting her head on Meredith's shoulder.

"Well, you did a great job," Meredith said, planting a kiss on her daughter's blonde head.

The whole process was very quick. The official examined their marriage certificate and Meredith provided all of the appropriate documentation, and then she just had to sign some forms and was on her way. As they exited the room, Derek, who was now holding Charlotte, pulled Meredith towards him for a long, sensual kiss.

"I love you Mrs. Shepherd," he said softly.

"Dr. Shepherd," Meredith corrected. "But I love you too." Meredith kissed him again softly on the lips.

"Ki," Charlotte said as they pulled apart.

"Yes, Mommy gave Daddy a kiss, and now Mommy will give you one," Meredith said, leaning in to kiss her daughter's cheek.

"Alright, time to go see Santa!" Derek said to Charlotte, his voice filled with excitement. "Are you ready princess?"

"Ya!" Charlotte said, clapping her hands.

"You know she actually has no idea what you're talking about," Meredith laughed as they reached their car. "She's just excited because you seem excited."

"She might," Derek argued. "She's a very smart girl."

"She is," Meredith agreed. "I just hope meeting Santa doesn't traumatize her."

"Why would it traumatize her?" Derek frowned.

"Because babies always get scared when first faced with costumed creatures like the Easter Bunny, so I figure Santa wouldn't be any different. Besides, I have seen that baby picture of you throwing a tantrum when sitting on Santa's lap, so I'm hoping Charlotte doesn't act the same way."

"Hey, don't make fun of me!" Derek said indignantly, and Meredith just laughed as the headed towards the mall.

There was a long line for pictures with Santa at the mall today, probably because it was the middle of December. Surprisingly, Charlotte was very well behaved, fussing very little.

"Mama Dada," Charlotte said, beginning to look a little cranky.

"It's alright baby girl," Meredith said, running her hands through Charlotte's hair as she rested against Derek's chest. "It will be your turn soon. See, we're next." She pointed towards Santa, who was sitting on a large gold chair talking to a toddler.

"Ee?"

"Yes you," Derek laughed. "You're next."

Soon the toddler cleared out, and it was Charlotte's turn.

"Now Char," Derek began as they moved closer to the man in the red beard. "I know he looks scary and you don't know him. Trust me, I was very scared when I first met Santa, but he is really very nice, and he brings you presents, so there isn't any need to be scared of him, okay?"

"Alright, you just have to sit on his lap for one minute sweetie, then Mommy and Daddy will come get you, okay," Meredith said, straightening out Charlottes dress and kissing her quickly.

"Mama?" Charlotte called, looking distressed as Meredith backed away.

"Baby, I'm going to stay right here where you can see me. You're perfectly safe. Now, can you smile for the camera," Meredith said, smiling and hoping that Charlotte would smile back.

"Dada?"

"Daddy's right here," Derek chimed in. "We're right here. Can you say hi to Beary? He wants you to say hello." Derek held up Charlotte's favorite bear, and it had the desired effect. Charlotte instantly lit up, forgetting all about being on a strange man's lap. The photographer snapped a picture quickly, just in time too, because Charlotte began squirming around for her bear.

"Er, Er," she chanted as Meredith moved to pick her up, quickly thanking Santa as Derek grabbed the copies of Charlotte's picture.

"You are a genius," Meredith said as she reached Derek, and Charlotte instantly grabbed the bear out of Derek's hand.

"My parents didn't do that with me, and we saw what happened. So, they tried with Liz, and then Amelia, and it worked like a charm. My sisters have tried it with their kids to and it's very effective."

"The Shepherd Method," Meredith laughed.

"Well, the Shepherd Method for taking pictures. I fully plan on actually creating a Shepherd Method," Derek said with confidence.

"Oh, okay," Meredith said, rolling her eyes.

"I will, you wait and see," Derek retorted.

"Well, there may be a Shepherd Method one day, but I can't guarantee it will have been invented by you," Meredith replied.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Derek asked, confused.

"Well, I'm a Shepherd too now, so I could be the genius who invents this future Shepherd Method," Meredith smirked.

"Uh huh," Derek said looking down at his wife and daughter. "What do you think Char? Do you think Mommy or Daddy will invent the Shepherd Method first?"

"Ee!" Charlotte said in response.

"This is true, it could definitely be you baby girl," Meredith laughed as she bounced her daughter, eliciting a giggle from her child.

"So, what's the plan? Can we head home now?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah, Mom and the girls should be setting everything up for the party. What time did you tell your friends to come?" Derek answered.

"Cristina and Izzie said they would be here around three, but Alex doesn't get out of work until five, so he'll show up after that. I tried to invite Bailey, but I don't think she's going to come,"

"I'm sure she'll be there," Derek said as they exited the mall.

"I still can't believe your entire family came out," Meredith commented.

"Of course they would," Derek said. "It's her first birthday; they wanted to be here for it."

"Yeah, but taking fourteen kids on a transcontinental flight must be a handful."

"Well, when we fly out to New York for holidays you're going to experience that."

"Derek, I am not having fourteen kids!" Meredith exclaimed as she buckled Charlotte into her seat.

"I'm not saying that," Derek laughed. "But travelling with just two young kids is going to feel like six."

"Yeah, which is why we won't have two young kids at the same time," Meredith shot back.

"How long do you want to wait?" Derek asked curiously, the conversation suddenly turning serious.

"I don't know," Meredith said dismissively, though she did begin thinking about it.

"Come on Mer, you must have some idea," Derek pressed.

"Derek, can we not talk about this right now? Today is about Charlotte, not about mapping out the rest of our lives. We can have a serious conversation tomorrow, or later tonight if you want, but for now, let's just focus on the daughter we actually have, okay?"

"Okay," Derek said, smiling as he looked in the rearview mirror so he could see Charlotte playing with her bear. "Hey Charlotte, are you excited for your party today?"

"Ya!" Charlotte exclaimed, waving her bear around.

"Are you excited to get all knew toys?" Meredith asked, turning to face her daughter

"Toy!" Charlotte repeated eagerly, earning a smile from Meredith.

The conversation about their future children was put on hold for several hours, and Meredith didn't even think about the car ride until the ending of the party, when it was time for cake. Meredith sang "Happy Birthday" with all of her friends and family, grinning as Charlotte reveled in the attention of hearing everyone sing her name. However, as she watched her baby blow out her candle and eat a piece of cake all by herself, Meredith couldn't help but feel sad. Her baby, her beautiful, intelligent, perfect little girl that she finally received after several heartbreaks, from a miscarriage to an abortion, was growing up. And she was doing it much too quickly for Meredith's liking, and as she watched Charlotte, she couldn't help but want a baby in her house all the time, no matter how hectic it made her life.

"Do you think she enjoyed herself?" Derek asked, laughing a little as he shut the door to Charlotte's room, who had fallen asleep in Derek's arms before they even reached her room.

"Of course, she was so excited she exhausted herself," Meredith laughed.

"So, chances are she's down for the night. How do you suppose we spend our free time?" Derek said suggestively, winking at her.

"As much as I would love to do what you're thinking about right now, do you think we can talk a little first?" Meredith asked, her gaze searching.

"Of course," Derek smiled. "But do I get sex after?"

"Such a one track mind," Meredith laughed as they walked towards their room. "But yes, the night will involve sex at one point."

"Good," Derek said as he sat on the bed, propped up against the headboard. He pulled Meredith down to him, keeping an arm around her as she sat close to him. "So what's up?"

"We never settled on a definitive number of kids, right?" Meredith said, placing her head against Derek's chest.

Derek rested his chin on top of her head, running his hand through her long blonde locks. "No," he said, after thinking a moment. "I don't believe we did, we only decided on at least two."

"I don't want more than four," Meredith said quickly.

"Okay," Derek said, brushing his lips against the top of her head. "Between two and four, I can deal with that. Anything else?"

"I I just… maybe, ugh," Meredith groaned. "I just don't like the fact that we're having this conversation now, I feel like we should have done it years ago, even before we got married."

"Meredith, it's fine," Derek said, squeezing her for a moment. "Not everyone has a life planned out, or knows what they want. We promised each other forever, no matter what that contained, and that's all that matters. I'm not all that worried about the destination, the journey's the most important part."

"Why do you always have to say such romantic things when I'm trying to make a point?" Meredith snapped, but snuggled closer to Derek and kissed his chest, leaving her head in that position.

"It just comes naturally with you," Derek chuckled, the rapid rising and falling of his chest as he laughed causing Meredith to smile. "So, what else do you want to talk about?"

"Well, earlier you were wondering how long we were going to wait before we had another," Meredith began.

"Mhmm," Derek mumbled, rubbing Meredith's arm.

"I don't think we should try like right this second," Meredith said quickly. "I just don't think I could handle a baby and a toddler right now. But maybe we can think about trying in a couple of months. If we have another baby, I want them to be close enough in age so that Charlotte can play with him or her when she gets older, but I don't want them so close in age that I feel like I have two babies or toddlers still."

"That's reasonable," Derek said. "And you probably don't want to wait too long either, because it will be hard to apply for fellowships when you're pregnant."

"That is very true," Meredith agreed. "Maybe we can start trying in like three or four months."

"I'll have to check my schedule, but I think I'll be free to do some baby making," Derek joked.

"You're an ass," Meredith said, rolling on top of him and straddling him.

"Maybe," Derek said, pressing his lips against hers. "But I'm your ass."

"True," Meredith said seductively, slowly grinding her hips against his. "And I love you."

"I love you too," Derek mumbled, rolling her over and capturing her lips in a passionate kiss, effectively ending all conversation for the night.


	45. Epilogue

_**A/N: Sadly, this is the end of this story. Thank you all for reading and reviewing, I appreciated them all. I'm not sure that I'll be doing a third part, it depends if I can think of a good plot. I'll be posting my next fic **_**Still****_within the next couple of days. I hope you enjoy this last part, even if it is another time jump. I know you guys didn't really like those, but I wanted to wrap the story up, and the only way I could think to do so was to do the time jumps. Anyway, thank you for all your support, and enjoy this last chapter!_**

**Epilogue: 2 Years, 3 Months Later**

Meredith was exhausted. In her opinion, being Chief Resident was not all it was cracked up to be. Yes, she knew that it looked great on her résumé and when she applied for fellowships, but it was stressful to organize schedules. It had taken a few months, but just like when she was a second year resident and Charlotte was an infant, she managed to find a system that allowed her to be a surgeon, a boss, and a wife and mother all at once. She had already applied and been accepted to Seattle Grace's neurosurgery fellowship, which made Derek ecstatic because now that they built their dream house, he never wanted to move. And Meredith understood why perfectly; right now, after her ten hour day today, all she wanted to do was sit on the patio overlooking the cliff with her family and a glass of wine, ending the night with birthday sex from Derek.

Well, that may not have been her first choice of activities for the evening, but it was just as rewarding. She had wanted to spend a little time with her friends tonight, after all, she turned thirty today, but they were all working or busy, so she would get to spend more time with her family.

However, when Meredith pulled up to her house, instead of light coming through the various windows, the house was in total darkness.

"That's weird," Meredith muttered to herself, trying to recall the day's events. She had seen Derek a couple of times, and he told her that he would stop by the daycare after his shift, so Meredith was going to come straight home. He should have been home at least two hours ago, but maybe he got pulled into an emergency surgery. She checked her phone, no texts or missed calls. She would check the house phone, and if she didn't see a message, she would give Derek a call.

She unlocked her door, flipping on the hall light before heading into the living room, still filled with darkness. She felt along the wall of the living room until she found the switch, flipping it on.

"Surprise!" voices shouted at Meredith as Meredith's eyes adjusted to the light, but as she took in the scene, a smile crept across her face. There were balloons and streamers decking the walls, a banner proclaiming "Happy Birthday" strung over the fireplace. She glanced around at the guests, her friends, a few colleagues, her mother-in-law, Amelia and Liz, her half-sister Lexie, and finally, Derek. He was standing right in the middle of the room, laughing and clapping along with the rest of the guests. He winked at her, moving closer to the entrance to the living room, where she felt like she was rooted to the floor.

"Happy birthday," he said loudly when he reached her, getting the attention of the entire room in the process. "Were you surprised?"

"You did all this?" Meredith said with surprise. "And your mother and sisters came out?"

"Well, only Liz and Amelia, Nancy and Kathleen couldn't make it," Derek said. "But of course I did all this, and they would come out. Turning thirty is a big deal; I seem to remember you throwing me a party for my birthday."

"Mhm, yeah," Meredith said, smiling at the memory. "We got engaged that night."

"We did," Derek replied, returning her smile.

"Where are the kids?" Meredith asked, scanning the room.

"They should be out in a second; they had some last minute pictures they wanted to color for Mommy." As if on cue, Meredith heard the running of tiny feet over the chatter of the guests, the first to reach her was Charlotte, and Meredith immediately crouched down to embrace her as she ran into Meredith's arms.

"Happy Birthday Mommy. I made you a picture," Charlotte said, holding up a paper filled with colored scribbles.

"Oh thank you Charlotte, it's so pretty," Meredith said, giving her three year old a hug. Her hair was still golden blonde, the color of Meredith's, but it was curly and unruly like her husband's, and her eyes were distinctly Derek's. Charlotte resembled Meredith more than Derek in terms of facial features, which soon became Derek's excuse for spoiling Charlotte, stating that when their daughter pouted or looked sad, she looked so much like Meredith that he could never say no. she always rolled her eyes when he said it, but she knew it was true; Derek hated seeing her upset.

"I love you baby girl," Meredith said, pressing a kiss on her daughter's forehead as she took the picture.

"Love you too Mommy," Charlotte said, wrapping her small arms around Meredith's neck before stepping back. "Can I go play?"

"You can, but you need to stay in the playroom, or I won't call you for cake," Meredith said seriously.

"Okay," Charlotte agreed, turning around and running towards the back of the house.

"And no running!" Meredith called after her, but was soon distracted when she saw two small figures walking somewhat unsteadily towards her, Derek walking closely behind them in case they fell.

Caroline Marie Shepherd and Christopher Derek Shepherd were eleven months old. It had taken Meredith and Derek a little longer than expected to get pregnant again, but had discovered that they were a couple of months before Charlotte's second birthday, and Derek was pleased when they found out that the approximate date of conception was in September, on their ten year anniversary (of being together, not marriage). The twins were supposed to be due in June of the following year, but due to complications they were delivered at seven months in April. Though both Meredith and Derek had been terrified of all of the potential complications, their babies turned out to be completely healthy, even a little advanced.

Caroline, moving a little faster than her brother, reached Meredith first. "Mama!" she exclaimed, waving a piece of paper in front of her.

"Hi Caroline!" Meredith said back, scooping her daughter into her arms and taking the picture. "Did you make this for me?"

"Mama," Caroline repeated, pointing at the paper again.

"Thank you sweetie, it's beautiful," Meredith said, running her hands through her daughter's hair. Like Charlotte, Caroline favored Meredith, but only in her facial features. Her bone structure was very similar to Meredith's and she looked just like Meredith and Charlotte did when they were her age, which, like with Charlotte, made Derek putty in Caroline's hands. And like Charlotte, Caroline had Derek's eyes, but also had dark, black hair that was already trying to curl as it grew.

"Someone else has a present for you," Derek said as Christopher finally reached his mother, lifting him up so Meredith could take him, and shifting Caroline into Derek's arms.

Christopher was the clone of Derek, pure and simple. If they hadn't already decided to use Derek's middle name for their son's first name and make Derek the middle name, Meredith might have contemplated calling him Derek. He looked exactly like Derek, right down to the smile. Derek had been so excited when they found out that one of the twins was a boy, and even more thrilled when he looked saw how much his son resembled him. Meredith loved how much Christopher looked like Derek, and just as Charlotte and Caroline's pouting effected Derek, Meredith was equally swayed by a McDreamy smile from Chris.

"Hey Buddy," Meredith cooed, bouncing her son on her hip. Christopher immediately wrapped his arms around Meredith's neck and pressed his face against her cheek, trying to imitate the kisses he so often received from his parents.

"How was your day bud? Did you do anything fun today?" Meredith directed the question to Chris, rubbing his back.

"Mama," Christopher sighed looking around the room at all of the people.

"He had a lot of fun helping with the decorations," Derek provided the response. "I think he's a little tired because he wore himself out playing with the streamers and balloons."

"Did you help Daddy set up Mommy's surprise?" Meredith asked Christopher.

"Ya Mama," Chris answered, bobbing his head once in what Meredith assumed was a nod.

"Well thank you Chris, you are the best little boy ever," Meredith said, tickling Chris' tummy and getting a laugh in response.

"Mama," Caroline said, pouting and upset that she wasn't getting enough attention.

"I know sweetie we're being totally unfair to you," Derek laughed, spinning his daughter around briefly so she would smile.

"Wanna put them in the playpen so we can socialize for a while?" Derek asked, gesturing to the pen in the corner of the room.

"Yeah," Meredith agreed, giving Christopher a quick kiss. "Okay Chris, we're going to put you down for a little while to play with your sister, but Mommy and Daddy will come get you soon." Meredith placed Christopher down, leaning over to give Caroline a kiss after Derek put her in the playpen.

"We'll be back guys," Derek agreed, but the two were already distracted by all of the toys in the pen.

"I can't believe they're going to be one next month," Meredith sighed.

"I know, but you should be happy, you weren't sure we would survive having two infants in the house at the same time," Derek said, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

"Yeah, well Charlotte was right in the middle of the terrible twos and throwing tantrums every other day. It was rough," Meredith replied.

"I know, but we did a good job," Derek said, kissing the top of her head.

"I like to think so," Meredith smiled.

A few hours later, Meredith was talking to Cristina and Alex when she heard a ruckus from the kitchen. Suddenly, the lights were dimmed, and she could hear her children's voices quickly as the guests went quiet.

"Cake!" Charlotte exclaimed, walking into the living room ahead of Derek, who was holding a large sheet cake with what Meredith assumed were exactly thirty candles.

"Ake! Ake ake!" Caroline and Christopher chanted repeatedly, toddling behind Derek.

"Happy Birthday to you," Derek sang as he moved to the table in the center of the room, the other guests joining in on the song. Derek moved to stand on the same side of the table as Meredith, the twins following as Charlotte pulled a chair up to the table, in between her parents, and stood on it to get a better view. As the guests continued singing, Meredith bent down to pick up Caroline, Derek doing the same with Christopher.

"Happy Birthday to you!" their friends finished, clapping and cheering.

"Hey baby," Meredith cooed, and Caroline tore her eyes away from the candles to look up at her mother with wide eyes. "Wanna help Mommy blow out her candles?"

"Bow?" Caroline repeated.

"Yes, like this," Meredith said, showing her daughter how to blow out the candles, which she promptly imitated.

"Me too Mommy?" Charlotte cut in.

"Of course baby girl," Meredith smiled, reaching down to stroke her daughter's blonde hair. "And Chris can help too."

"What about me?" Derek asked, fake pouting.

"I don't know…" Meredith trailed off.

"Yes Mommy, Daddy has to help too!" Charlotte insisted.

"Fine," Meredith sighed, winking at Derek.

"Come on, hurry it up before the wax gets all over the cake!" Cristina shouted, and Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Ready guys? When Mommy counts to three, we're all going to blow out the candles really hard," Derek said, smiling at his family. At the count of three, all five Shepherds blew out the candles on the cake, getting every last one, and cheers erupted among the crowd.

"Wait!" Izzie exclaimed as Meredith moved to grab a knife and cut the cake. "You guys look really cute; we need to take a picture!"

Meredith heard Alex and Cristina groan, but she laughed. "Sure Iz, we would love to. We don't have enough of the five of us; either Derek or I are always snapping the picture."

"Great!" Izzie exclaimed, grabbing the camera

"Alright, is this the pose we want," Meredith said, waving her hand to signify the location of the kids.

Derek thought for a second. "Let's switch. You give me Caroline and take Christopher. That way the male to female ratio of the picture will be evenly balanced."

"Ever the artistic one," Meredith laughed as she took Christopher from Derek, who once again wrapped his arms around Meredith's neck. "You're an idiot."

"Your idiot though," Derek shot back.

"True," Meredith agreed beaming.

"Alright everyone, say cheese!" Izzie said as she came back with the camera.

"Smile buddy," Meredith said, tickling Christopher to elicit a giggle as she faced the camera.

Two weeks later, when Meredith had the picture framed and hung on the mantle of the fire place, she stared at it for a long moment. They all looked so blissfully happy in the picture, and Meredith loved it. Her family was perfect; her children were happy and healthy, and she had a husband who loved her more than anything.

She felt a pair of arms snake around her waist, and she leaned back into Derek's familiar warmth. "We look pretty good," he said softly.

"Yeah, we do," Meredith agreed, her hands gripping the arms around her waist.

"I can't believe we've been married almost seven years," Derek mused, kissing her neck softly.

"I can't believe we met over eleven years ago," Meredith countered.

"Feels like yesterday."

"It does," Meredith said, twisting in his arms so she was facing him. She looped her arms around her neck, pulling him as close to her as she could. "And I wouldn't change a single second of it."

Derek smiled. "I think I would change a few things," he admitted, but noticing Meredith's shocked expression, he became quick to explain. "Nothing about you, never. Just some of my decisions."

"No," Meredith shook her head firmly. "If we did that, we may not be where we are now. I love where we are now, and everything is perfect. We have three beautiful, healthy, happy children, and we have a fantastic relationship, so even if we have regrets, we can't change them, and honestly, I'm not sure I would want to."

He kissed her then, capturing his lips with hers and easing his tongue into her mouth. After several long moments, he finally pulled away, needing to breath. "God, I love you so much," Derek said, his hands squeezing her hips.

"I love you too," Meredith said simply, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Forever."

"Forever." Derek confirmed


End file.
